


The Bank II

by Caitiy



Series: The Bank [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Friendship/Love, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-23 08:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 142,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23842213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caitiy/pseuds/Caitiy
Summary: “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” -- Jean de La Fontaine.  Sequel to The Bank.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Series: The Bank [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718002
Comments: 376
Kudos: 228





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta’d – this was my 2018 NaNoWriMo project and has been sitting (mostly complete) on my hard drive for about a year. With all that is going on in the world, I thought maybe someone might appreciate the distraction even if it was unbeta’d and might turn out to be terrible.
> 
> This is a direct sequel to my one-shot, The Bank, if you have not read it, please go back and give it a read before continuing. I will attempt to post every other week, weekly if my work schedule permits.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~*~

# Chapter I

Kakashi stood in front of the Memorial. The highly polished stone no longer seemed to provide the sense of calm that he had come to expect from the well cared for monument. His brain kept returning to the conversation he had had with his former student, now good friend. He knew all his current issues led back to her. Or, rather, that he would continue to blame the woman who had become too good of a friend over the years for his own failings. It was far easier for him to blame her than to accept responsibility for his own part in his current predicament. 

~~~~~~

“Come _on_ , Kakashi!” the young woman cried as she pulled on her reluctant teammate’s arm, trying to urge him to follow her faster. “At this rate, we’ll _never_ get there before she closes for the evening!”

With a sigh, the wary young man picked up his pace and continued to follow his teammate. Kakashi found the whole thing to be ridiculous and a waste of time. He should be training. They _all_ should be training. Why Rin should think that this would be good for them as a team he couldn’t even begin to guess. 

Still, he couldn’t help but shoot her a sideways glance from out of the corner of his eye, what could it hurt? Refusing to do such a small thing, a thing ostensibly for the sake of his team, seemed incredibly silly - even more so than the fool’s errand they were currently running. A quick evaluation told him that it was more trouble than it was worth not to go along with it. So, here he was following his teammate to participate in something that was certainly going to be a waste of time.

A few minutes more of hurried travel brought them to a brightly colored tent set up at the very edge of the village. Obito was already there, waiting for them.

“What took you so long?” he grumbled as the pair of shinobi slowed to a halt in front of him.

“This one here didn’t really want to come.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes.”

Obito eyed Kakashi for a moment. He’d never really thought that his sullen teammate would actually acquiesce to such a silly flight of fancy. “You _agreed?_ ” he couldn’t keep the tone of disbelief from his voice.

Kakashi, feeling more than a little defensive, shrugged. “Yeah, _so?_ ”

Obito narrowed his eyes in suspicion for a moment before shrugging. It didn’t matter how their third teammate had convinced the loner to join them. What mattered was that she _had_ convinced him.

“Right,” Kakashi started, just wanting to get the whole thing over and done with, “how is this supposed to work?”

Obito shrugged. “Dunno - Rin?”

The kunoichi grinned. “No idea. Let’s just go in and find out!”

Before either of her two male teammates could respond, she grabbed one of each of their arms and pulled them along with her as she barged into the brightly colored tent.

It only took a moment for their eyes to compensate for the dim light inside. Once their sight adjusted they found a large burly man with long curly dark hair standing in front of a curtained-off area, just inside of the tent. 

“You wish to see Madam Verushka?” he asked placidly, without preamble. 

Unable to contain her excitement, Rin stepped forward with her hands clasped in front of her. “Yes! We came as a team to discover what the future holds for the three of us.”

The man nodded slowly. “I see. Madam Verushka does not do group readings. Too many… possibilities. Makes visions... muddy.”

“But, but- we came as a team! We need to know the fate of our team!” Rin cried with more than a little distress. None of the other teams who had gone to see the famous fortune-teller had had this problem. As far as she could tell going as a team was a time-honored tradition. Though, as she reviewed her memories of other shinobi telling her about experiences, she realized that they never said anything about getting a reading as a team, just that they went to get readings _as_ a team. With more than a little dismay, she realized it was an unfortunate oversight on her part. She _really_ wanted her team to work.

“Balko, what is all this racket?” An older woman stepped through from behind the curtain. She paused upon seeing the three young shinobi in front of her. “What is this?”

“They came to-” Balko started only to be interrupted.

“We came to have our fortune told!” Rin cried excitedly, sensing that she may only get one chance to make her appeal. “Only, he just said that you couldn’t do a group reading.” She deflated noticeably.

The old woman eyed the three for a few long minutes. “I do not _usually_ do group readings, no…”

Rin straightened at the woman’s tone of voice. “But?” she asked hopefully.

Madam Verushka chuckled. “Yes, little one, there is a ‘but.’ In this case… I will make the exception.”

Rin cheered and clapped her hands excitedly. “Hear that Kakashi, Obito? She’ll make an exception for us!”

Madam Verushka frowned awesomely, quieting the exuberant girl. “However, you must _also_ have readings alone. The group reading will be useless if done without individual readings.” She eyed the three young ninja before her, wondering why it was so important that they have their fortunes told and if it was just her imagination or if the new teams were getting younger every year. “You understand?” she prompted, wishing not to dwell on her potential customers’ ages.

Eagerly, Rin nodded.

With a suppressed sigh, a part of her had hoped they’d refuse the additional expense, Madam Verushka nodded. “Settle with Balko. Then all come through.” She gestured to her curtain. “We do the group first, then each, alone.”

Happily, Rin turned to face the intimidating Balko, paying the amounts he quoted - elbowing Obito and Kakashi to pay their shares.

Kakashi kept his grumbles to himself, allowing Obito to complain for the both of them. Not that it did them any good. Oh, no. Rin was hearing none of it. They were there as a team-building exercise and they were going to complete it, come hell or high water.

Their accounts settled, the three shinobi cautiously made their way back into Madam Verushka’s reading area.

The cordoned-off portion of the tent was even dimmer than the entrance area and they took a moment for their eyes to once again adjust.

“So, you wish to know your future?” Madam Verushka asked from her seat behind a table, upon which a large clear crystal ball resided. 

Eagerly, Rin moved forward, again pulling her two reluctant teammates along with her. “Yes! We’ve just been assigned to a team together and we want to know how we will do.”

The old woman nodded. She’d gathered as much. Most new teams found themselves drawn to her one way or another. However, this was the first time that she’d had shinobi this young. They were barely out of childhood. For some reason, this made her feel ill at ease with the situation - and she felt a small amount of regret for agreeing to do this in the first place.

Shaking herself out of her thoughts, she turned her attention to the shinobi in front of her. “You may ask no more than three questions.”

“No more than three?” Rin asked with some hesitation.

Madam Verushka frowned slightly. “Sometimes questions have… big answers. You have less questions if they need big answers.”

Rin reluctantly nodded her understanding.

“Good. Place your favored hand on the crystal.”

With only a little hesitation, the three young teammates complied.

Madam Verushka nodded and quickly, under the cover of the table in front of her, started a quick chain of hand seals before closing her eyes and placing both of her hands on the crystal ball. Deep within the crystal a light suddenly flared to life, causing all three shinobi to flinch - though none of them pulled their hands away. 

Madam Verushka sat stock still for several moments while the crystal ball continued to glow, pulsing softly as she worked.

Finally, after what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes, the light dimmed. Another moment later Madam Verushka opened her eyes.

Eagerly, Rin leaned forward, hoping to hear the good news.

“So…” the old woman started slowly, uncertain for the first time in a long time. She had nothing positive to tell these three kids. They had nothing happy in their futures, none of them. There was very little good for any of them. And, one and a half of them had very little future left. “What do you wish to know?” she asked carefully.

Excited, Rin couldn’t help but bounce up and down on her toes a little. “Will we make a good team?”

Too cautious to let out a sigh of relief quite yet, Madam Verushka nodded slightly and chose her words carefully. “Not… not at first. But... you _will_ get there. You will be a strong team.” There was no reason to tell them that they would become a team for only one brief shining moment before everything went to hell in a handbasket and destroyed everything the kunoichi had been trying to build.

Too happy to consider Madam Verushka’s cagey response, Rin exclaimed happily and did a little dance before playfully shoving both of her teammates. “See you two dummies! You _will_ learn to work as a team! So, you might as well just start getting along _now_ and save us all some time and trouble!”

Kakashi and Obito exchanged glances, neither one of them very happy with the fortune teller’s pronouncement or Rin’s interpretation of it. Madam Verushka’s endorsement of their future teamwork still did not change their personalities nor the fact that they were like oil and water - never mixing well or for very long. 

Madam Verushka cleared her throat, hesitating to poke the bear so to speak but knowing she would have to in order to move the appointment along and actually earn her fee. “You have no more questions… as the group?”

Kakashi briefly narrowed his eyes. He hadn’t missed the careful phrasing. “We will become a successful team?”

“All teams have successes and failures. Such is the way of life.”

Kakashi cocked his head to the side, it was a fair response. “So, we will be a good team, _eventually_.”

She nodded slowly. “ _Eventually_.”

Obito grinned suddenly as it occurred to him that if they were to become a good team, they would certainly be together for a long time - he couldn’t imagine them suddenly becoming a team overnight, no, it would take quite some time in his estimation. “We will be together for a long time, then.” 

Without waiting for a response, he pulled the girl next to him into a bit of a side hug. He wanted nothing more than to be able to stay with Rin. That he had to share her with Kakashi was unfortunate but if having to deal with Kakashi meant that he’d get to be with Rin then he could put up with it. Besides, Kakashi had never shown any interest in _anything_ that wasn’t training or rules. So he had nothing to worry about coming from that quarter.

Madam Verushka refrained from making a response. Because no one asked, no matter how much she may wish, she could not answer. She had ignored the warnings too many times and now the penalties were more than she was able to pay.

Kakashi’s eyes narrowed momentarily as he caught the fortune teller’s non-response and he carefully filed it away. All was not as Rin and Obito thought it was. However, as it hadn’t been his idea in the first place he didn’t see any reason for pointing it out. _He_ didn’t particularly care how long they were together as a team. From what knew, depending on the village’s current need, teams could be dissolved and reformed at any time. Few shinobi spent their entire careers with their genin teams. As such, there was simply no telling how much of their careers they’d actually spend together. Though Madam Verushka’s words appeared to indicate that the three of them would be together for years as Obito chose to believe, it was entirely possible that it might only be for a few months. There was just no way of knowing for sure.

Instead of bringing any of those possibilities up and therefore extending the time they spent there, Kakashi decided just to make sure he got clear answers from Madam Verushka in his own individual reading.

“So,” Madam Verushka started, ready once again to try and hurry the three shinobi along, technically they’d only asked two questions but she was hoping that two would be enough, “are we ready for the individual readings then?”

Happily, Rin nodded, forgetting entirely the possibility of a third question. “Yes, please!”

“As you wish. Ladies first.” Madam Verushka gestured for Kakashi and Obito to exit the private portion of the tent.

Obediently the two male shinobi returned to the reception area with the bulky Balko, who they found reading a small slim orange volume with a red slashed circle on the cover. Disinterestedly he glanced up only briefly from his book to take in the two shinobi before returning his attention to his novel. 

Unwilling to socialize with each other, Kakashi and Obito each took up silent positions on either side of the waiting area. After maybe ten minutes, Rin exited Madam Verushka’s reading area and gestured for Obito to take his turn.

Kakashi regarded Rin silently, watching for any signs of how her reading had gone. He had no doubt that Madam Verushka was the real deal. He’d heard that most if not all teams eventually made their way to the fortune teller’s tent to have their compatibility fortunes told. And, he had not missed the hand seals she had performed under the cover of the table and crystal ball. Future-gazing jutsu was highly specialized, very difficult to perform - so much so that most who bothered never managed to master any other techniques - and imposed steep penalties for those who did not follow the rules. Consequently, very few were willing and able to learn future-gazing jutsu, never mind perform it commercially.

From what Kakashi could see, Rin appeared to be very happy with her reading. With no small amount of disgust, he realized that she probably had asked about her love life. After a moment of further consideration, he suppressed a shudder. She had not been very subtle in expressing her interest in him. And, while she was attractive enough, he supposed, he simply wasn’t interested. He was a tool of the village and nothing more. It was simple. He had been raised to be an implement of the village and would, as all _honorable_ Hatake did, die in service of Konoha. His future had no room for a partner or a family and he had no intention of trying to fit either into his planned life path now. 

Maybe ten minutes over Rin’s ten minutes later, Obito exited Madam Verushka’s reading area with a slightly troubled expression on his usually happy face. Upon realizing that he was not hiding his feelings very well he shook his head and pasted a slightly forced grin on his face. 

“You’re up Hatake.”

With a stifled sigh Kakashi nodded. He didn’t particularly want to do a reading but felt obligated since not only had he paid for one but both of his teammates had already done theirs. With some trepidation, he returned to Madam Verushka’s reading room. 

“Ah, so you have decided to come after all,” she stated without preamble.

Knowing that there wasn’t really a good response he shrugged.

She gestured to the crystal ball and he obliged, once again placing his right hand on it. Curious this time around he tried to examine the depths of the crystal as the light pulsed faintly within. With a mental shrug, he realized he couldn’t see anything this time around either and allowed his mind to wander instead.

Several moments later he realized that it was taking far longer than it had earlier when she was doing the team reading. Kakashi couldn’t help but frown, why was it taking so long for him when it hadn’t taken very long for the team… His stomach sank sharply as he realized what that likely indicated and his stomach sank even further when he realized how long Rin had been in for her private reading in comparison to how long Obito had been in for his. Feeling slightly sick he turned his focus once again to the crystal ball, wishing he could see what Madam Verushka could see.

Another few minutes later the glow dimmed and Madam Verushka leaned back from the crystal ball, her eyes still closed. After a few deep breaths, she opened her eyes to regard the shinobi in front of her. 

“No more than three questions.”

Kakashi thought for a moment. He didn’t think he really wanted to know anything but knew he would have to ask _something_. 

“What will be the cause of my demise?”

Madam Verushka blinked and sat back, surprised. “ _That_ is what you would like to know?”

Kakashi nodded.

“You do not wish to ask about your life?”

He shrugged. “I am an implement of the village – _that_ is how my life will be lived. There can be no question of that.” He sighed. “If I must ask _something_ , I will ask about my death. If not about my actual demise, then what is my biggest concern, the biggest threat to my desired end?”

Again she sat back, surprised. Madam Verushka took a moment to gather her wits before carefully composing an answer. “The greatest threat to your desired demise… as you choose to see it… is two-part, women and children…” she paused for a moment before adding with a shrug, “or, perhaps, children and women.” She waved a hand impatiently. “Does not matter, they _could_ cause your undoing.”

“I... see.” He thought for a moment, assuming that she meant that he would find himself caught in an unhappy relationship that included children - he’d certainly seen enough of those and could easily see how being trapped in such a situation could cause a lack of focus which would likely lead to his death – possibly not the honorable one in service to the village that he desired. “Anything to be done?”

She started to shake her head but paused. “You, you are unlike the others.” She couldn’t help her lips from flattening out in a faint grimace for a moment before continuing, “ _You_ have a crossroads.” She stopped to think for a moment before proceeding very carefully. “Focus only on your career - let _no one_ into your life. Avoid _both_ women and children - that path leads not where you wish to go.” She nodded slightly to herself, satisfied with her words. “If you stay on your desired path, then nothing will stop your true demise as a shinobi of the Village Hidden in the Leaves.”

~~~~~~

Never once had Kakashi ever guessed that Sakura had been pining for him. _Him_ , of all people! And, yet, when he had actually, finally, sat down to go over the distasteful packet of papers, he had found the unbelievable. Her name, Sakura Haruno, was right there, at the top of the page. Right there, the top of _his_ list! _Her name was on his list!_

~~~~~~

Slowly, Kakashi made his way back to the outskirts of the village, it was late but he knew his destination would still be open. The brightly colored tent was pitched in the same clearing and more or less appeared to be exactly as he’d remembered it. With only a little trepidation he made his way into the tent.

Though several years had passed since he had first visited the fortune teller, he wasn’t particularly surprised to see the bulky Balko still standing watch over the back portion of the tent.

“You wish to see the Madam Verushka?”

Kakashi silently nodded. 

“Let me check. Is late but, perhaps not _too_ late.” Balko disappeared into the dark recesses of the tent.

While he waited, Kakashi turned his attention inward. He had been at a loss as to what to do with himself until he’d heard that the fortune teller had once again turned up at the outskirts of the village. His teammates would give him no end of trouble if they’d heard that he’d returned. It was acceptable, even expected, for the young new shinobi teams to pay Madam Verushka a visit. But, it was quite another thing for newly minted ANBU to visit the aged fortune teller. Fortune tellers were for the elderly, the superstitious, and the giggly girls. They were not for the battle-hardened shinobi such as himself. However…

Balko returned. “Madam Verushka will see you.” He held out his hand silently.

Kakashi remembered the fee. He paid without comment and made his way back into the darkened portion of the tent.

Upon entering he found a woman who appeared to be the same Madam Verushka seated behind the same crystal ball. Everything appeared exactly as he’d remembered. For a moment he had wondered if it would be the same ‘Madam Verushka’ or if Madam Verushka was, as he suspected, the title of the job rather than the name of the actual person. Since everyone for as long as the village seemed to remember visited ‘Madam Verushka’ and he had caught on to how she was able to tell accurate fortunes on his last visit, he had wondered if the whole thing was perpetrated through jutsu. If it was just a long string of ‘Madam Verushkas’ who traveled the same routes and visited the same villages on some sort of circuit, each Madam Verushka taking on an apprentice who would eventually take their place when their mentor either retired or died.

“So… you have returned.” She began, without preamble. “I did not think I had seen the last of you. But, then, you… you are one with a crossroads.” She paused before musing aloud, I” wonder, have you stayed true to your desired path?”

Unsure how else to respond he simply nodded, doing his best to ignore the guilt he felt at the fact that in doing so he had inflicted pain on those he had come to care about.

“I see…” She took a moment to look him up and down. 

Kakashi was glad that he’d stuck to his usual clothes rather than going to see her in his new ANBU uniform.

“Yes, I see in your posture. You have moved up in the world.” She was unable to keep a brief frown from her lips before continuing. “You have indeed stayed true to your path despite the grief it has caused you.”

Unsure how she could know but figuring that she was just guessing he nodded again.

“I see that this time you have come alone.”

“Yes,” he hesitated and then continued, of course, she already knew what had happened, “the team I was with before is dead.”

She nodded. She had seen it the first time the three young shinobi had come to her. Neither one of his teammates was long for the world - in two different ways. One would be back, changed beyond recognition, the other lost forever. Both causing the remaining third no end of pain and grief.

He nodded and then narrowed his eye as something he had known for some time but had never chosen to acknowledge surfaced in his mind. “You _knew_ they were going to die.”

Madam Verushka closed her eyes and sighed before opening them to respond. “Yes.”

“Did you tell them?”

“No.”

“No? You _didn’t_ tell them?”

Madam Verushka narrowed her eyes. “The rules of the gift are _very_ strict! Answer _only_ what is asked - no more, no less,” she spat, unable to prevent the potent venom in her tone. The older woman shuddered before collecting herself to continue. “The consequences are _terrible_ for disobeying the rules.”

Taken aback by the cold almost vicious tone in her voice, Kakashi had to physically prevent himself from stepping away. 

“They _did not_ ask. I _could not_ answer.” She shook her head slightly, her lips pursing in regret. “Do _not_ think this does not bother me.” She paused and narrowed her eyes once again as she hissed, “Do _not_ think those are the _only_ ones who haunt me - many come, many go, _most die young_.”

“But, you _knew!_ ”

Her gaze hardened as she looked straight into his eye and responded evenly, “That and _so much more_.”

Kakashi stared at her for a few moments, too full of anger and regret to form words. Finally, long years of training took over, corralling his emotions for later, he shook his head and gathered himself enough for one final accusation.

“You _knew_ it would be my fault.”

She frowned, not expecting him to go in that direction. “That is not-”

Kakashi interrupted. “It _was_ my fault.”

Madam Verushka studied him intensely for a moment before nodding slightly. “If you choose to see it that way, then I cannot say otherwise.” Her mind wandered for a moment. She had never met someone so dead certain about things. Especially not one who could be so dead wrong.

Managing to finally get his emotions entirely under control he carefully exhaled, knowing that it would do him and his reading no good. After his consultation, he could spend a few hours at the memorial to get things back under control. “I did not come here to argue.”

“No, no you did not.” She sighed, letting her intense emotions go as well, and gestured to the crystal ball in front of her. “Let us see what can be seen.”

Knowing what needed to be done, Kakashi reached out and placed his right hand on the crystal ball. He tilted his head slightly to better allow his partially uncovered Sharingan unrestricted access to the process. This time he hoped to see more than what he was told.

Madam Verushka quickly completed her chain of hand seals before laying her hands on the crystal ball opposite of his. 

Kakashi’s Sharingan copied the movements even though he knew before she had even begun that he would never be able to duplicate the procedure. Like some of the other techniques he had copied since acquiring the memento mori, this one required more of him than he had to give. Similar to any number of medical jutsu he had also copied, the amount of focus and control necessary to perform them simply went beyond his own. 

The old woman closed her eyes as the glowing crystal gently pulsed, reading and interpreting what she saw. After a few moments, she sat back, keeping her hands on the crystal ball and the jutsu going. She wasn’t certain about what she had seen and thought to take a moment to gather herself to try again. With a frown, she leaned forward once again and continued her reading.

Kakashi watched the glow in the depths of the crystal pulse, grow and fade in an irregular rhythm. He was faintly disappointed to find that he could not actually see anything more than he had the first time he had paid Madam Verushka a visit. With a silent sigh, he resigned himself to wait for the fortune teller’s verdict. The fact that she was frowning was not encouraging.

A few moments later she finally sat back once again, removing her hands from the crystal ball in front of her, keeping her eyes closed. 

Kakashi waited, knowing that she was likely processing what she had seen.

A minute later she finally opened her eyes. “So, what is it that you want to know?”

Kakashi opened his mouth and then closed it. He had thought to ask about how he would do in ABNU - he was confident that he would do well, he was an excellent shinobi, he followed orders and did the tasks assigned to him. Of _course_ he would do well in ANBU. No, instead, he would repeat his original question. 

“I would like to know more about my possible downfall.”

She nodded, having expected as much. Because the young masked man all those years ago had asked about his death when both of his teammates, who were themselves slated to die young, had asked about their futures and love lives, she had never been able to forget him.

“I see you have,” she paused, looking for the correct words, “successfully managed to… hmm... _delay_ your crossroads.”

“So, after avoiding my crossroads?”

Startled out of her musings she shook her head slightly as if to shake the errant thoughts from her mind. “You will, _eventually_ , find yourself at your crossroads.”

“What?”

“You are the rare case - your crossroads, it will follow you. It has been _delayed_ , not avoided. Unusual. Few make the correct choices to be granted a crossroads, never mind one that can be delayed.”

“I see.” He thought for a few moments. “So, my possible downfall?”

“Of course. That has not… not exactly changed.”

“How so?”

“The cause of your possible undoing is still children and… hmm... a woman.”

“So, if I continue to avoid letting anyone in, I should be fine?”

Unhappily she nodded. “If that is how you wish to live your life, your demise will eventually be as you wish.”

“As I wish?”

“In service of your village. That is how you expect to die, is it not?”

Kakashi blinked. “Yes, of course. There is no other way.”

Madam Verushka sighed. “If that is what you wish, avoid women and children. They cannot - _will not_ \- bring you what you desire.”

~~~~~~

Sakura, the woman Kakashi had spent the past few years fantasizing about. The woman who was the reason why he was on intimate terms with all pink-haired women within a day’s travel of the village. (Though, just the pink hair, Kakashi couldn’t bear intimacy with women who shared Sakura’s green eyes.) The woman who was directly responsible for his inability to settle into his chosen life’s path. The woman who he had spent many agonizing hours helping through messy breakups. The woman who had occupied his dreams for longer than he cared to even contemplate. 

And, she was on his list. Sakura cared for him and by her own admission, she cared for him too much.

~~~~~~

“You did not avoid the children, did you?” Madam Verushka asked, faintly chiding.

“How could I have?” Kakashi snorted with disgust. “It was a direct order.”

“Yes, and you always follow orders, do you not?”

He paused. He could no longer say that that was true. Kakashi could no longer say that he was the perfect tool for the village. He was broken. He had already failed.

Madam Verushka chuckled, having already guessed the truth.

“Place your hand on the crystal ball. Let us see what can be seen.”

Without any hesitation, he placed his hand on the crystal ball.

Madam Verushka once again set her jutsu in motion. She was unsurprised to see the changes in the man’s future this time. After several moments’ study, she pulled back her focus and shut the jutsu down. Giving herself a moment to gather her thoughts.

“So, what is it that you wish to know?”

“The possible threat to my preferred end.”

She nodded, she had expected as much. “It is still children.”

Startled, he looked her in the eye. “No longer women?”

She shook her head slightly. “That path has been… hmm…” she paused to think for a few moments before continuing. “Women are still a threat to your desired demise, yes. But… perhaps not as strong now as before. At least… not, not at the moment.”

He narrowed his eye. “How so?”

“You have already encountered the… woman who could be the potential cause of your downfall.”

His eye widened.

“You have made it out of that meeting… more or less... intact. For now. That crossroads has not yet been traveled … there is still danger there. But, for now… be on your guard against children.”

“I see…” Kakashi trailed off thoughtfully. He’d been spending all his time focusing entirely on the village and how he could be of service. But, lately, the little orange books (and others like them) he had picked up to curb certain desires were no longer serving their purpose nearly as well as they once had. If women were no longer the big danger to his desired path that they once were… so long as he was careful, he should be able to safely satisfy those urges more often.

Guessing where his thoughts were going, Madam Verushka reached out and cuffed his shoulder. “Do not be going off and leading any poor young woman on now that you do not need to worry as much.”

“What?”

“If you are to start doing what I think you are, then make sure you do not start anything you cannot - _or will not_ \- finish!”

For a moment he stared at her, puzzled, before the realization dawned. His tried and true method of flings and one night stands seemed to be what she wanted him to do, or rather continue to do - no messy relationships or anything that might resemble one. No, he understood, any sort of relationship would be unfair to the woman. One night stands it would be… just more often than he’d dared to indulge in in the past.

“ _And_ ,” she continued, snapping him out of his thoughts. “If you want to avoid that possible downfall, you _still_ need to be careful of both women and children. Though women are not the threat they were, they can still lead to an unwanted demise.”

~~~~~~

Sakura, the woman who he had just spent a productive morning trying not to think about while he wrapped up his business at the bank. 

The fact that the contents of his account would be going to her did not help things in that respect. Eventually, Kakashi had had to give up and allow his mind to wander - if only to ensure he completed the deposits necessary to fulfill all the requirements. Because of the nature of his agreement and of the account, he had been given high quotas to fulfill. And, if he were to be honest with himself, he had set his sights on even higher goals. He wanted absolutely everything to be there, perfectly laid out for her. Kakashi wanted to leave nothing up to chance. 

The way things were going, Kakashi was fairly certain that he wouldn’t be allowed a second chance. He’d already squandered the one he had been given. No, instead, he’d make sure every ‘t’ was crossed and every ‘i’ dotted. So, when the inevitable came to pass, everything would be there and ready for Sakura. 

He shouldn’t have been surprised that when his paperwork had finally been complete, he had been summoned to the Hokage’s office. Tsunade had his next mission ready for him. She had given him the afternoon and evening to prepare himself. He would leave unseen in the dead of the night. Kakashi would not, as the Hokage had not-so-subtly suggested, stop by to see a certain medic before he left.

Unbidden his hands clenched in his pockets, where he had casually stuffed them, as always, while he pondered the Memorial. He was one of the most elite shinobi the village had on their roster and yet he was still a coward. He had done things the mere thoughts of which would make the vast majority of the village’s current active shinobi quail. He had no excuse. And, yet, there it was. When all was said and done, he was a coward, plain and simple. 

A braver man, a better man, a man Sakura deserved, would deal with the situation at hand. Kakashi was not a brave man, he was a coward. He would slink away into the night, likely never to return. It would be better that way. Sakura would remember him as the carefully aloof man she had somehow, bafflingly, pinned her hopes on instead of the coward that he truly was. Far better for her to remember him in a positive - if false - light than to remember him as the poor excuse for a man that he truly turned out to be.

~*~*~*~

Sakura sighed, unaware that it was the third sigh since her mentor had stealthily turned up outside her office, and shuffled the papers in front of her once again. Her concentration had sadly been lacking all morning and she couldn’t quite put a finger on why.

“If you keep sighing like that, you will let all your happiness escape.” Tsunade chided as she finally entered Sakura’s eyesight, carrying a thick file with her. 

“Oh!” Sakura felt her cheeks heat a little. She hadn’t realized that she had been allowing her restlessness to show so plainly. She’d been having a tough time focusing since her late-night conversation with Kakashi two weeks prior and for some reason it was far worse than it had been that day.

Tsunade stepped into the small cramped office, closing the door behind her, and crossed over to stand directly in front of Sakura’s paper-covered desk.

Sakura raised an eyebrow at Tsunade’s motion to ensure their privacy but chose not to comment on it.

“Kakashi filed his paperwork yesterday.” Tsunade started, without preamble.

“Oh?” Sakura asked noncommittally, attempting to focus her attention back on the papers in front of her. A tricky case, one that she should have found both fascinating and absorbing. Yet, she had found that she simply hadn’t been able to properly keep her attention on it.

“‘Oh?’ Is that _all_ you have to say? ‘Oh?’” Tsunade eyed Sakura as she clearly tried to focus on something that did not appear to hold her attention in the least. Tsunade couldn’t quite keep her amusement to herself.

Sakura shook her head a little and shuffled the papers again, avoiding eye contact. “I’m not sure what you were expecting from me?”

“You don’t seem surprised.”

Sakura paused and thought for a moment. “No, I suppose not.”

“He was dead set against it.”

Sakura hesitated for another moment and then nodded. “Yes, he was.”

“Did you talk to him about it?” Tsunade asked with a sly sideways glance at the woman in front of her.

“What?!” Startled, she glanced up to look at the Hokage and inwardly cringed at the smug expression on her face.

“Did you perhaps, convince him to cooperate?”

Sakura shook her head, absently shuffling her papers a little. “Not really. I explained why he should cooperate but I didn’t really press him too much about it. Trying to push Kakashi into something he doesn’t want to do is a certain path to failure.” She shrugged. “I think it was really only a matter of time before he saw the light and cooperated anyway. Not like he actually had an alternative option at that point.” Sakura paused as a thought occurred to her. “Actually, now that I think of it, I’m more surprised that it took him so long.”

Tsunade tilted her head a little, considering. “What do you mean?”

“Since the bounty was recalled the day after you’d given him that ultimatum… Well, I’d assumed that he’d squared it all away then. I hadn’t realized that he’d dragged his feet quite so much.” She shrugged again. “Leave it to Kakashi to draw something so simple out for so long. That man _does_ like to take his time and only do things when he is good and ready to do them.”

“Well, he opened an account the next day. Just took him a little longer to file his paperwork.” She gestured to the fatter than expected file in her hand. 

Sakura found her eyes suddenly fixated on the file. She hadn’t realized that the folder Tsunade had with her was Kakashi’s file. She’d assumed that it was a new patient file that the Hokage was planning on dumping on her as something she herself didn’t want to handle.

The older woman chuckled, realizing that she finally had Sakura’s undivided attention. “You want to see?” she asked, doing her best to keep all smugness from the tone of her voice.

Sakura found herself staring at the folder. It was fatter than she had expected. _Her_ file wasn’t nearly as thick and the paperwork she had had to fill out was nearly comparable with the paperwork he had had to fill out. So, how _his_ could have grown to nearly two or three times the thickness of her own, she could not guess.

With an ill-concealed smug smile, Tsunade waved the folder closer to Sakura. “You _do_ want to see it, don’t you?”

Sakura couldn't take her eyes off the folder. For a moment, she just stared. Her desire to see the contents of the folder almost palpable. After what seemed like an eternity she finally pulled her eyes from the file. Shaking her head she attempted to refocus her attention on the pile of papers in front of her.

“No.”

“No?” Tsunade asked with no small amount of surprise.

“No,” Sakura responded firmly with another slight shake of her head. “If Kakashi wants me to know, he will tell me.”

Tsunade opened her mouth and closed it before opening it again to pose a question. “Sakura, have you seen Kakashi lately?”

Surprised at the slight change in subject, Sakura refocused her attention back on the Hokage. “No, I don’t think so. I haven’t seen him since the day you gave him the ultimatum.”

“What?”

Sakura shrugged. “He comes and goes - sometimes I can go weeks without seeing him and others I see him all day every day.” She paused for a moment. “He’s rather like a cat in that way.”

Tsunade shook her head to refocus on the matter at hand. “So you didn’t see him yesterday?”

She tilted her head. “Um, no, should I have?”

Unable to prevent it, the older woman frowned and shook her head, her brows drawing together in concern.

With a brief small smile, Sakura sighed, “Let me guess, you sent him back out again?”

“Yes.”

She waved a hand negligently. “Well, then I’m sure I’ll see him when he comes back. If he wants me to know, he’ll tell me then.”

“Sakura... I’m sorry.”

“Why? I’ll just see him when he comes back, that’s all.”

Tsunade tried again. “Sakura, there was a _reason_ why I had to issue that ultimatum.”

“What?”

“He had a mission waiting for him.” She explained gently, knowing that Sakura’s mind was actively trying not to understand what was right in front of her.

“H-he’ll just tell me when he comes back.”

“Sakura, listen to me, he had a mission waiting - one that required him to have all his loose ends taken care of _before_ he went.”

Sakura swallowed, her throat suddenly very dry. Slowly, she nodded. Given Kakashi’s mission record and general willingness to take risky missions, she shouldn’t have been surprised. But, somehow, she was. Due to their conversation in her kitchen and how he had left… Sakura hadn’t been able to prevent herself from hoping that things may have changed between them for the better if only just a little. That he had taken the sort of mission from which he was not expected to return and hadn’t stopped by to see her… that hurt far more than she’d thought it could.

Realizing that Sakura had finally correctly read between the lines, Tsunade frowned in sympathy. Moving to Sakura’s desk, she took a seat on the edge and gently lay a hand on Sakura’s shoulder and once again offered her the file. “Here, why don’t you take a look?”

Startled out of her semi-reverie, Sakura shook her head slightly before fixing her gaze on the folder once again. 

The thick file seemed to call to her. That Tsunade wanted her to see it had to mean something, but what? _Should she look?_

Stiffening her resolve Sakura shook her head again. She truly wanted Kakashi to be the one to tell her. She had honestly expected him to do so. Just looking herself seemed plain wrong. “No, thank you.”

“Sakura, I think-”

“If he didn’t tell me himself, then he didn’t want me to know.”

“I don’t-”

“Regardless, it doesn’t sound like I’ll have long to wait anyway.”

Tsunade opened her mouth to respond only to find that Sakura was right. Since Kakashi wasn’t expected to return, Sakura wouldn’t have long to wait at all.

“Are you sure?”

Sakura took one last long look at the folder before closing her eyes and slowly shaking her head. “I can wait.”

Unsure what else she could do to try and soothe the distressed woman, Tsunade tried a true statement. “He’s made it back from missions with worse return odds in the past.”

With a forced tight little smile, Sakura nodded. “Yes, he has. Despite his affinity for dogs, he really is far more like a cat.”

“Yes, he _does_ seem to have more lives than one would expect.”

“But, those lives will eventually run out.”

“Yes, inevitably, they will. No one lives forever.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, neither of them wanting to break it.

Finally, with a nod and a suppressed sigh, Tsunade pushed herself up from Sakura’s desk. Before turning to take her leave, she paused to take a good look at Sakura. Seeing the slight signs of strain and deep distress broke her heart.

“Sakura, you’ve been working yourself too hard lately.”

“What?”

“Take the afternoon off.”

“What would I-?”

“Kakashi has spent a lot of time at the Memorial. Apparently, something about the atmosphere makes it very soothing.” With her final admonition administered, Tsunade exited the office, closing the door behind her and sliding the panel under her nameplate from ‘In’ to ‘Out.’ Silently she made a note to stop by again in an hour to make sure Sakura really had taken the afternoon off. 

Regardless, Tsunade knew that there was just no way Sakura would be able to get anything done with the cloud of Kakashi’s most recent mission assignment hanging over her. She’d make sure to stop by again the next day to see how Sakura was holding up.

~*~*~*~


	2. Chapter II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every other week, sooner if my work schedule permits.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter II

Sakura sighed, she had started out on an evening walk after work and somehow had ended up at the Memorial. A stray thought hit her as she regarded the large highly polished stone, Kakashi’s most often used excuse was that he had ‘gotten lost on the path of life.’

After spending years hearing that particular excuse she had finally managed to translate it, unlike her former teammates, she had actually started to see the logic behind their former team leader's excuses. It had been something of a revelation when it finally occurred to her that his excuses might actually have a grain of truth in them. And now, after all these years, she’d finally managed to unravel his most often used excuse and it broke her heart… just a little. 

When Kakashi said that he had ‘gotten lost on the path of life,’ that meant that he’d started out going to meet them but had somehow found himself at the Memorial instead. And, any visit to the Memorial for Kakashi was sure to last an hour at the very least. He had an awful lot of names to ponder, some of whom caused him more than a few moment’s pause. Like all shinobi, Kakashi certainly had his fair share of loss embodied on that monument. She could easily imagine that he spent his time pondering the names of his former teammates listed on the stone – and, knowing him, wondering what he could have done to prevent them from having been added in the first place. 

Rumor had it that more of his former teammates were now listed on the stone than could be found alive and well. A daunting thought that even if it wasn’t entirely accurate, still caused her heart to ache for him. It was no wonder why Kakashi never settled down, never considered kids. His life had already been filled with the loss of all the ones he had really cared for – he had every reason to be hesitant to add any new people to that list – to the Memorial. Deep down, Sakura knew that she would never have had the relationship with him that she had now if she was still in the mission pool as active. Kakashi would never have allowed himself to become such good friends with her if she was. No, Sakura knew her work at the hospital, the work that kept her more or less safely confined to the village, was the only reason he had allowed her to get so close to him.

Sakura knew he was broken, all shinobi were to some extent. The source of Kakashi’s breakage seemed to be entirely focused on the Memorial and the names it contained. And, consequently, the overwhelming desire not to have any more friends added to it… While, at the same time, ensuring that his name was eventually added. She knew that he had never contemplated any other future for himself – and that he never would.

Absently Sakura reached out to trace the most recently added names, noting that the blank space at the bottom of the Memorial was shrinking faster than she’d like to consider. The cuts on the new names were still fresh and so was her pain – they had been added within the past week or so. Of the six newest names, she’d had a hand in healing four of them when they had returned from earlier missions. The irrational part of her wanted to take the blame. If she had only done a better job of healing them. Or, perhaps, had been more careful about ensuring their bodies were sound enough to be placed back into mission rotation. Then maybe, just maybe, they might still be alive – if not for her.

It was all nonsense, Sakura knew. She had done her very best and when she had signed off on their return to duty, they had, in fact, been fit to go back out on missions. Sakura knew she had done everything possible, her decisions to declare them mission-ready had been justified. Their deaths were not her responsibility – their blood was not on her hands. Hell, she even knew that two of them had been crushed in an avalanche – not something she could possibly claim any sort of responsibility for – and yet, she still felt their deaths weigh heavily on her.

A small part of her brain had to wonder if these were the sorts of thoughts Kakashi had while he was contemplating the Memorial. Did he review regrets while he stood solitary watch over the carved stone? 

With a start, Sakura suddenly realized that Kakashi’s name would likely be included in the next batch to be added. Unbidden her hand reached out again, this time to run over the smooth unblemished portion of the monument. The area that would contain the names of the fallen soon enough. 

Hastily she pulled her hand away from the smooth surface of the stone. There was no guarantee that Kakashi wouldn’t make it back from his latest mission. Tsunade had said that he’d made it back from worse. There was still a chance…. Sakura’s eyes flicked up the surface of the Memorial to the three scattered small smooth well-worn patches of stone. Places where names had been added too hastily, only to be carefully cut out and replaced with blank inserts. The inserts should be smooth and flat but, over the years, the fingers of hundreds of shinobi had created slight dips. 

Unofficial tradition dictated that when a shinobi was assigned to a mission from which they were not expected to return, they would stop to pay their respects at the Memorial before leaving the village. While at the stone, the superstitious and the not-so-superstitious alike would rub the three spots where the shinobi had returned after all, for luck – in the hopes that whatever had been watching over those three shinobi might be moved to do the same for them. 

Sakura couldn’t help but wonder if Kakashi was one such shinobi. Did he follow the tradition? Were his fingertips part of the reason for those dips? Suddenly she had to quell the desire to reach out and run her fingertips across lucky spots on his behalf. She couldn’t imagine Kakashi doing such a thing. He’d long ago resigned himself to what he had decided would be his fate. He would die, on behalf of his village, with only one really big regret. Wishing for enough luck to return to the village, to remedy his regret, just wouldn’t even occur to him. 

Her heart once again aching, far more than she thought it should, she resolutely turned away from the Memorial. Standing there and pondering the past would do her no good. She wasn’t like Kakashi. Sakura had a future to look toward – especially if Kakashi really and truly did not make it back from his mission. She would need to prepare, one way or another, she would be setting plans in motion to have a child – either Kakashi’s or one obtained from another bank. 

~*~*~*~

A short sharp knock startled Sakura from her study of a recent medical journal. Reflexively she checked the clock on her wall and was surprised to find that several hours had passed since she had last checked it. The paper had turned out to be far more fascinating than expected – a blessing as she was still having trouble focusing on work. There had been no word one way or the other from Kakashi or from the client. She was still stuck in a sort of limbo, waiting to hear if he had been successful and, more importantly (to her), if he had made it back to the village.

Shaking her head to clear the thoughts of her friend from her mind she refocused on her office as the short sharp knock repeated itself.

“Yes?”

“Ms. Haruno? May I come in?”

She frowned briefly, not wanting to deal with the man on the other side of the door but knowing that she had brushed him off too many times of late. She would need to actually speak to him this time otherwise be unpardonably rude.

“Yes, come in,” she called out to the closed door.

A man carefully opened the door and entered the office, gently closing the door behind him. Average would be a pretty good descriptor for him as he was of average height, average weight, with medium brown hair of a medium-length cut and styled in the most popular style. The only thing about his appearance that wasn’t exactly _average_ was the fact that he wore a pair of brown glasses over his medium brown eyes. If he wasn’t a medic, he’d make a damn good casual spy – his generic appearance was such that he naturally tended to blend into the background wherever he went.

“Good afternoon, Ms. Haruno,” he greeted her with a slight smile, an ever-present wad of nicotine gum shifting from one side of his mouth to the other.

“‘Afternoon Itsuki,” she returned his greeting, wondering what had brought him to her office, they weren’t well enough acquainted for him to just stop by for no reason – she’d made sure of that. Though, she _had_ tried to get him to address her less formally. Yes, she was technically his superior at the hospital but, that didn’t mean had to address her so stiffly. Sakura found the affection ludicrous in the face of the fact that he was obviously trying to get to know her better.

“We’re having some lovely weather right now, aren’t we?”

Sakura stifled a sigh and mentally adjusted herself. Itsuki wanted something from her but, clearly, he felt the need to work his way up to actually asking for it. 

“Yes, it has been very nice. Makes for a pleasant walk home in the evening. The stars are particularly bright at this time of year.” Silently she cursed, afraid he’d pick up on that and offer to walk her home that evening. A ridiculous notion as she was more than capable of taking care of herself. Even so, he was one of the few civilian medics – he’d gone to medical school and then, while there, had been enrolled in a trial non-shinobi medic program – if somehow she should run into trouble she couldn’t handle on her own, _he_ certainly wouldn’t be of any help to her. 

Itsuki nodded agreeably as he unwrapped a piece of gum and popped it into his mouth, making sure to pocket the wrapper. “I’ve been enjoying the sunsets myself. I suppose I must just be lucky to get out earlier than you.” He added with a bit of a self-conscious smile. 

Sakura shrugged. “It is what it is, I suppose.” She gestured around her as she continued. “It’s never-ending, always files to review, new medical papers and journals to read and difficult patients to see.” 

Somehow, over the past few years, Sakura had managed to earn the reputation of the go-to medic when a difficult patient turned up. While Sakura was highly skilled in and of her own right, she had additionally managed to earn the reputation of an entirely no-nonsense manner of dealing with patients. Since she was also a skilled kunoichi, the former apprentice of the Hokage, and in the possession of a legendary temper, few of the troublesome patients gave _her_ any problems. Her reputation had gotten to the point where invoking her name was often all it took to get a difficult patient to cooperate.

Itsuki nodded. He was well aware of Sakura’s unofficial position of trouble breaker and he prided himself in never needing to appeal to her for help. That was not to say that he had not, on more than one occasion, invoked her name in order to get a troublesome patient to cooperate. He’d just never needed to do more than threaten a patient with the wrath of Sakura.

“It’s too bad that you haven’t had the time to stop and enjoy the sunset.”

Suddenly wary, she could sense a dinner invite coming her way, Sakura waved a hand dismissively. “It’s not always this bad. And, I probably could go home a bit earlier if I really wanted to, I just find that it’s nice to have a lot to do right now.”

Itsuki frowned before catching himself and smoothing the expression from his face. “I agree, it is nice to lose oneself in one’s work on occasion.”

Sakura nodded, just barely stopping her eyes from returning to the papers on her desk, impatient to get back to work. 

Sensing that he was losing his audience, Itsuki hurriedly asked, “Have you had lunch yet?” finally getting straight to the point.

“Lunch?” Sakura asked, glancing at the clock, realizing that it was nearly 1:30 pm, her preferred time to take a break for lunch.

He chuckled. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’ then.”

Sakura shook her head, still surprised that she had managed to lose herself in her work for the entire morning, the first time she'd managed such a feat since Tsunade had told her that Kakashi would probably not be returning from his latest mission. 

“I heard that they are having a fall theme today in the cafeteria – oden, pacific saury, sweet potatoes, various mushroom dishes, some sort of hot pot...” he trailed off hoping to catch her interest with a partial list, saving the best in case she needed more persuasion.  
  


Sakura’s eyes widened, she’d heard that the cafeteria was going to try doing theme days and even theme weeks in the hopes of getting the staff more interested in buying their meals rather than bringing them or going to one of the many small restaurants in the hospital neighborhood.

Itsuki stifled a grin, he was fairly certain she was about to agree. “Why don’t you come down with me and check it out?”

Shaking her head a little, Sakura returned her gaze to the pile of papers in front of her before glancing back up at Itsuki. “I appreciate the invite but, I think I have too much that I want to get done today.”

Allowing the corners of his lips to turn down just a little, he pondered for a moment, wondering if he should play his ace in the hole. “You have to eat, Ms. Haruno. You’ll do no one any good if you pass out from hunger at your desk.” He managed to inject sincere concern into the tone of his voice, hoping it would do the trick and get her to agree to have lunch with him.

She chuckled. “Yes, I know, I’m just not very hungry right now. I’ll go down later, once I feel like eating.” She eyed his expression, looking for a sign that he would give up and leave her alone. Upon seeing none, she decided to add, “I promise I’ll go get food when I’m ready.” 

Grasping at straws, he decided to make one last try and use his ace in the hole – well aware that he was close to an unfortunate emotional outburst and doing his best to not give into it. A recurring personal issue he’d been having when dealing with Sakura – something about her just flipped a switch that often led him to put words to thoughts better left unsaid. Not a good look if he wanted to convince the lovely lady in question to go out with him.

“How about coffee then? I’ve heard that they’re doing something special with chestnuts.” He paused and then continued on when it looked like she was still going to refuse and he could sense himself getting closer to saying something he shouldn’t. “I’ve also heard that they have some special chestnut cakes and pastries. You know they will run out of those fairly quickly. So if you want to have any hope of getting one, you'll probably have to go now…”

Sakura paused to ponder his offer for a moment, coffee or tea (even the terrible coffee and tea served in the hospital cafeteria) were always difficult for her to turn down… _and_ , she _did_ want to try the chestnut pastries. Last fall she’d missed them and had to hear about how delicious they had been all winter. With a sigh, she realized that she should probably go. If not for the sure to be delicious pastries then to put Itsuki off for a while. It would take him a while to gather his courage to try and ask her out again if she had coffee with him. If she didn’t, he would likely keep coming around until she agreed to do something with him. Better coffee now than something less desirable later.

“Okay, okay. Let me just mark my place.”

He grinned, realizing that he’d won – _Ms. Haruno would have coffee with him!_

“But,” she cautioned, “I really don’t have time to linger very long. Just coffee and a pastry and then I have to get back to work.”

He nodded happily. He didn’t care that they would likely sit together for no more than ten or fifteen minutes, it was a start.

~*~*~*~

With an inward sigh of relief, Sakura placed her ceramic mug, plate, and her fork in the dish return by the exit of the cafeteria. She’d managed to spend a full fifteen minutes with Itsuki and, as of yet, did not quite want to strangle him. A vast improvement from the last time she’d taken pity on him and gotten coffee with him. Though, it was still not something she wanted to do regularly.

“Thanks, Itsuki, the coffee and chestnut cakes were delicious.” She stopped just short of saying that she was glad he insisted they go – though it was true, she didn’t want to give him any unwarranted hopes. 

Itsuki grinned, unable to suppress his happiness. “I’m glad I thought to stop by, otherwise, you’d have missed it again this year for sure.”

She chuckled. “You’re right. I’m sure I would have. Thank you.” She eyed him, gauging if she was safe to hurry off to her office before he could think to tag along.

“I’m glad I could be of help. Anytime!” He glanced at her earnestly. “I’m always happy to come and get you to make sure you eat, you know. You just have to ask.”

Sakura slowly started edging her way toward the bank of elevators. She would rather take the stairs but knew it would be easier to shake Itsuki if she took the elevator – his floor was one below hers and she’d be rid of him faster going by elevator. As expected, Itsuki tagged along, following her toward the elevators.

Just as they were passing the hallway leading to the emergency room, the shouts of a group of people reached their ears, presumably as they wheeled an urgent case in and toward the immediate operating rooms.

A very loud familiar voice rose above the others causing Sakura to pause and then slowly drift in the direction of the emergency. The voice suddenly raised even more in volume causing Sakura to increase her speed, leaving Itsuki behind as she suddenly broke into a run.

Somehow, Sakura just _knew_. She just knew in her bones that it was Kakashi, that he had returned, and judging by the shouts from the emergency room, he was in _very_ rough shape.

She skidded a little as she rounded a corner and confirmed her suspicions. A large group of medics and doctors alike thronged around a wheeled stretcher, Tsunade clearly in charge and expertly directing the chaos.

Sakura slowed as she approached, suddenly uncertain, feeling as though time also seemed to be slowing down. She’d been waiting for any news of Kakashi and now that he was back… she didn’t know what to do. She felt her stomach clench as she caught little glimpses of Kakashi through the group of medical professionals. He was clearly in very bad shape, barely lucid as people moved in and back out to do different essential tasks. Even with all the medics and doctors alike, there was no guarantee that he would make it. Depending on his injuries… he might only last a little while before dying. Hell, Kakashi may not even regain full lucidity at all.

Tsunade caught sight of Sakura lingering around the fringes of the organized chaos surrounding her grievously injured patient and decided to do something about it. She knew Sakura had been worried about Kakashi, best to let her see him for herself, even if she was clearly in no condition to help.

Before Tsunade could act, Kakashi himself somehow managed to catch a glimpse of Sakura. Weakly, he managed to raise an arm, unsteadily extending a hand toward her. 

Seeing the injured man’s actions, the medics and doctors turned to see Sakura hesitating just on the outskirts of the frenzied activity.

Sensing that this may be his last action, they automatically cleared a path for Sakura, briefly pausing any non-essential activities. 

As if in a dream, Sakura watched the medics and doctors move aside and clear a path to Kakashi for her. Without a second thought, she hurried to his side, not caring what her peers would think of her clear display of anxious fear.

“Kakashi-” she started upon reaching his side. She took his hand in both of hers, sensing that he wanted her to and uncertain as to how else to proceed.

He managed to keep his gaze locked on her as she made her way to him and gently, carefully, took his hand in hers. “Sa-ku-ra,” he managed brokenly as he forced her name out around the pain.

A small, bitter, smile flashed across Kakashi’s lips before another wave of agony hit him, twisting those lips into a grimace of pain and nearly causing him to lose what little lucidity he had left.

Quickly, before he could pass out Kakashi weakly pulled on Sakura’s hands, trying to urge her closer. What he had to say was for her ears alone.

Sakura, unexpectedly feeling tears start to form in her eyes, complied with Kakashi’s silent request, and leaned forward. 

“Sa-kura…” he paused to inhale and try and get the important words out before the agony took him, “-sor-ry.”

Startled at his apology, she leaned back to get a better look at him. “Kakashi I-”

He once again pulled on her hands to get her to move in closer and closer until her ear was nearly at his lips. Only then did the gentle pressure stop. His hand going slack, releasing hers and falling back to his side, his energy running out.

She stood waiting, knowing that he was attempting to say something important.

Gathering himself, he made one final push to get his apology out. “‘M sor-ry I came back-”

The broken words had barely left Kakashi’s lips when Sakura recoiled, her eyes wide and her mouth falling open to form a surprised ‘O’. After a few seconds, her brows quickly drew together as her eyes narrowed and her lower lip partially closed. Stricken, Sakura took a step back, unable to handle what Kakashi had just said. Too hurt and surprised to do anything else she took another step back – her eyes still locked on Kakashi’s. 

All too quickly, before he could even completely comprehend more than the fact that he would need to do some damage control, Kakashi felt another intense wave of agony hit him as one of the medics did something to him. Instead of a plea for Sakura to come back to his side, he groaned, briefly breaking eye-contact with her and was suddenly unable to prevent himself from losing consciousness. The stricken look of shock and horror on her face the last thing he saw.

Sakura watched, unable to gather her wits, as Kakashi suddenly seized taunt in clear agony and then blacked out. Several sensors squealed and additional alarms started going off as he crashed. The medical staff around her swarmed once again around Kakashi as Sakura continued to back slowly away in horror. 

Once Sakura was clear of the chaos around her friend she was able to gather her thoughts enough in order to flee to her office. She would stay there, pretending to work, until someone came for her. One way or another, she knew someone would be sent. Either for her to say her goodbyes to his corpse or to inform her which room he would be occupying during his stay. Since he was a regular troublemaker she knew she would most likely be assigned to him... if he survived. 

~*~*~*~


	3. Chapter III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every other week, sooner if my work schedule permits.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter III

Tsunade wearily made her way to her former apprentice’s office, certain that Sakura would still be in the hospital. There was no possible way she would leave without hearing how Kakashi had fared – if he had made or if he would make it. She had not missed the brief interaction between the two stubborn shinobi. And, while Tsunade couldn’t be certain of what Kakashi had said, she knew for sure that it had been something monumentally stupid. At least, it would have to be if Sakura's expression was anything to go by.

Tsunade stopped at the office door, it was closed with the occupant status panel announcing that Sakura was ‘Out’ and there was no trace of light emanating from the crack at the bottom. But, she knew all the same that Sakura was still in. There could be no possible way that she would have left before learning if Kakashi had survived. 

Tsunade knocked, meaning to make it firm but finding that her exhaustion made it sound weak and hesitant. 

Sakura suddenly sat up straight in her chair, her heart pounding. She’d been sitting in the near dark – under the light of only her desk lamp – absently contemplating the medical journal in front of her. Fear suddenly flared up within her once again. By pretending to read the medical journal she’d managed to keep it to a low-level background emotion but now… now it would be time to face the music, whatever it was. Her possible future suddenly loomed large in front of her.

“C-come,” she cleared her throat and tried again, “come in.”

With a grimace of sympathy, Tsunade opened the door and entered the small cramped office. She could only imagine how Sakura was feeling. The poor woman clearly had very deep feelings for Kakashi, it was only too bad that the idiot had never seen fit to return those feelings. Tsunade knew very well that he could certainly have done so if only he set his mind to it – changed the way he thought about some things – but without some sort of drastic outside influence, it was unfortunately not to be. Kakashi had worked hard his entire life to be the perfect tool for the village. And, with a few small setbacks, he had achieved that goal. His only remaining open item on his to-do list was to earn his place on the Memorial.

The whole Hatake creed – serve the village honorably… until death places your name on the Memorial. Those are the two most important things in life, honor in life, and an honorable death preferably in service to the village. The only goals worth striving for. _Fools_. 

Tsunade paused only to turn and close the door behind her before continuing to stand in front of Sakura. They were both exhausted, Tsunade from working on Kakashi and Sakura from worrying about him.

Anxiously, Sakura craned her neck, trying to read something into her boss’s actions. Aside from the fact that she was obviously exhausted, Sakura could read nothing into the news Tsunade brought.

Wearily, Tsunade lowered herself into one of the chairs across from Sakura’s desk. Too tired to speak she just took a moment to sit and enjoy the sensation of not being on her feet. She observed Sakura’s clearly anxious and exhausted visage. Sakura was pale and the light of the desk lamp only served to accentuate the dark circles under her eyes, circles that had turned up not too long after Kakashi had left. Further inspection showed her that her former apprentice was also thinner. Tsunade hadn’t realized that Sakura hadn’t been eating. Or, rather, that she hadn’t been eating _well_ by the looks of it. She stifled a silent sigh. She’d have to do something about that. Sakura would probably need to be kept under watch for a little while if she didn’t manage to pull herself out of it.

Sakura fidgeted, unable to do anything else aside from wait. Experience had taught her that it never paid to try and hurry Tsunade in anything, no matter how anxious she may be to hear the news. Tsunade would tell you when she was good and ready and not a minute sooner. Though the longer Tsunade took to impart her news, the more certain Sakura was that Kakashi had, in fact, died on the table and that her mentor was simply trying to find the right words to tell her. 

After a moment’s rest, Tsunade finally raised her gaze to meet that of her former apprentice. She couldn’t help but sigh at how tightly wound Sakura appeared to be, her face also drawn with barely suppressed anxiety – clearly preparing for the worst. 

“Kakashi is stable,” she raised a hand to forestall any reaction, “for now.”

Sakura’s mouth fell open.

Tsunade chuckled. Clearly, Sakura had not had enough faith in either her Hokage’s abilities or Kakashi’s will to live. Granted, with Kakashi’s actions as of late, Sakura could be forgiven for expecting him not to make it. Though, now that Tsunade thought of it, Kakashi _hadn’t_ made it back to the village on his own. 

A border patrol had found him, abandoned their route, and brought him in. It was just possible that Kakashi was trying to get far enough away from his kill so as not to be connected to it before he gave up and allowed death to claim him. It could have been just bad luck on his part that the border patrol had found him. And worse luck that they knew how valuable of an asset he was for the village – valuable enough for them to leave their patrol in order to try and save him. Absently Tsunade tucked that thought away for later perusal – she might want to speak to the shinobi in question before they went back out. See if Kakashi had resisted their help. That in and of itself would be very telling. 

“I believe you once compared him to a cat. Seems as though he’s still clinging to that last life.”

Too surprised to say anything, especially after what Kakashi had said to her, Sakura only nodded. Her eyes were still wide and her mouth still partially open. 

Tsunade snorted a little in disbelief at Sakura’s reaction. Clearly, the woman was not quite as resigned to Kakashi’s fate as she’d thought – that Kakashi would be given another chance never seemed to have occurred to her.

“He’s not out of the woods yet. But, barring any major unforeseen catastrophes, he should pull through.” She paused for a moment before adding thoughtfully, “so long as he keeps fighting, he’ll pull through.”

“I-I see. Thank you.”

With a grunt, Tsunade pushed herself up from the chair, realizing that if she sat in it much longer she would likely fall asleep in it. “He’s in room 404. Will be for the foreseeable future.”

Still too surprised to respond properly Sakura nodded. “Thank you.”

“I’m assigning you to the maternity ward for the next couple of months so he’s _not_ going to be your patient.” She eyed Sakura before continuing. “You will need to make time to visit him.”

“What?”

“You don’t have a lot of experience in the maternity ward. Now’s as good a time as any to learn.”

Sakura narrowed her eyes slightly and cocked her head to the side before repeating her question. “What?”

Tsunade sighed. “It was worth a shot. You need a respite from all the death you’ve been dealing with lately. Take a break and deal with some life instead.”

Still somewhat taken aback Sakura just shook her head, despite her lack of practical experience she was more than qualified to work in maternity, and they’d surely welcome her. Belatedly, she felt her cheeks heat a little as she realized that Tsunade was likely just taking pity on her and offering the temporary reassignment so she wouldn’t have to see Kakashi until she was ready to do so.

As Tsunade made her way to the door, she turned around as though something had just occurred to her. “Oh, and Sakura?”

“Y-yes?”

“Don’t let any stupid thing he may have said to you stop you from going to see him. He was in an incredible amount of pain – it was a wonder he was conscious, never mind semi-lucid.”

“You... saw?” Sakura felt her cheeks burn even brighter.

Tsunade shrugged. “I don’t think anyone else caught it. He was in _terrible_ shape. Most people there probably assumed that you were reacting to his condition, not anything he may have said.”

Sakura nodded again. “Thanks.”

“He’s an idiot. But, I think…” she trailed off, realizing that the rest of the sentence wouldn’t be welcomed. Sakura was in no condition to realize that Kakashi was now almost certainly _her_ idiot. Instead, she waved a negligent hand. “Never mind. He’s an idiot. Don’t forget that.”

Puzzled, Sakura nodded in agreement once again before wishing the drained woman a good night.

With an exhausted sigh, Tsunade closed Sakura's door behind her and slowly made her way back to her apartment. It was a rare occasion, she wouldn’t even need sake to help her sleep that night.

Sakura remained sitting in her darkened office for a long while, trying to figure out what her next course of action should be.

~*~*~*~*

Slowly Kakashi felt pulled from the sure to be drug-induced sleep. Everything hurt. A brief crack of his eyes proved his suspicions. Unsurprisingly he was in the hospital, back in the village and _everything hurt_. He couldn’t suppress a sigh. He hadn’t intended on coming back. 

Another quick crack of his eyes showed him that he was alone, in one of the private rooms, no one was standing vigil. He let his foggy mind drift a bit. If no one was sitting with him he was probably expected to make it. No such luck in adding himself to the Memorial this time around.

With a slight grunt, he tried to shift himself into a better, more comfortable position. Unfortunately, he found that his discomfort appeared to be rooted in the fact that everything hurt. Another crack of his eyes and a quick glance to his left showed him that he was indeed hooked up to an IV and while there were several bags hanging from the IV stand, he had no idea if any of them were for the pain. Squeezing his eyes tightly closed he resigned himself to the pain for the time being, not like it was the first time he had ever been in that much pain before. Eventually, someone would be along to check on him and probably re-up his pain meds.

It hit him with a jolt that only caused his physical agony to increase as his body twitched in response. The person who came by would most likely be Sakura. Because of their close relationship, and his usual aversion to hospitals as a patient (he clearly had no issues spending time with Sakura in her office when he was uninjured,) he was nearly always assigned to her whenever he found himself in the hospital. For a puzzled moment, he found the thought that Sakura would be the one to come treat him disconcerting, though he just couldn’t quite put a finger on why.

Suddenly, her face, the stricken expression on her face as she recoiled from him, the last thing he had seen before passing out, appeared before him. He closed his eyes again in the hopes of dismissing the deeply troubling image. Unfortunately, the image would not be so easily shaken from his mind. All he could see, on a continuous loop, was her anxious face drawing near to him, concern and fear writ large on her expression, focused mostly in her eyes. She wanted to hear what she had feared might be his last words. And then, suddenly reeling back away from him with her expression full of such extraordinary pain and something else he couldn’t quite identify. A moment’s unhappy thought brought it into sharper focus, _betrayal_. 

Obviously, he had said the wrong thing. Though why it should be the wrong thing he couldn’t guess. Didn’t she want to have his children? Didn’t she want his name on the Memorial so she could? He had thought that he was giving her everything she wanted. Everything she needed. Once he died Sakura would have everything she had ever wanted. So… _why?_

He lay pondering the confusing situation, his brain still foggy with the sedatives and Sakura’s expression continuing to turn up to haunt him at regular intervals. The door opened and a short red-headed nurse walked in, his attention entirely focused on the clipboard in his hand. Kakashi had only a moment to decide if he wanted to feign continued sleep or if he wanted to present himself as awake. A flare of pain decided him. 

The nurse finally lifted his eyes from the notes on the file and realized that Kakashi was awake, far sooner than expected.

“Ah! Mr. Hatake, you’re awake. My name is Atsushi, I’ve been assigned to you while you’re here on the fourth floor.” He smiled happily at Kakashi. “So, how are you feeling?” he asked, already clicking his pen and starting to add notes to the clipboard.

“Not great,” Kakashi grunted as he shifted a little, once again trying to find a more comfortable position in the hospital bed. “What do you have me on?” he nodded shallowly at the IV.

Atsushi checked the clipboard in his hands. “Ah, it would appear that we don’t currently have you on anything to help with the pain.” He frowned and flipped a few of the pages, looking for the reasoning. “I don’t see why. I’ll check with the supervisor for the reason – according to your file you haven’t demonstrated any signs of addiction to pain meds. With injuries as extensive as yours, I can’t imagine why they’d leave you off painkillers.” With another quick flip through the pages on the clipboard, he turned his attention back to Kakashi. “Aside from the pain, is there anything else?”

Kakashi bit back a snappy retort about the agony being more than enough, knowing that it wasn’t the nurse’s fault that someone had likely forgotten to put him on some sort of pain management drip in addition to whatever else they had him on. “Not sure. The pain is pretty much all I am noticing right now.”

“Oh!” Atsushi exclaimed as he realized that his patient would be better off if he went to find the supervisor to square away Kakashi’s pain before trying to sort anything else out. Just because he was an elite and likely had experienced that sort of pain before did not mean that he would welcome it when immediate relief was available. “Right. I’ll go find that supervisor now. I’ll be right back.” 

Kakashi exhaled a long slow breath and closed his eyes. No painkillers… that was unheard of for someone in his position. He had to wonder if maybe Tsunade had had something to do with it. As upset as Sakura was with him, Kakashi was unable to imagine her specifying no pain medication for him. Tsunade on the other hand, if she had seen Sakura’s expression – he felt his chest tighten, nothing to do with all of his other aches and pains – then it could be possible that _she_ might be feeling a little vindictive…

A few moments later his door opened again and the woman in question walked in with what was presumably his clipboard in hand.

“Kakashi, you’re awake.” Tsunade glanced at the papers and then back up to him. “You should have slept for another day at the very least.” She tapped her chin with the end of her pen in irritated thought. “Looks like you may be building up a tolerance for the sedatives.” She glanced at him pointedly, “not many shinobi manage to do that without trying, you know.” Tsunade raised an eyebrow in annoyance.

He shrugged, realizing that she didn’t particularly want an actual answer from him and flinched at the flare of pain the simple motion caused him.

She shook her head and sighed. “I’ve ordered another bag of sedative for you, we need you staying quiet and I don’t trust you to comply. I’ve also ordered a bag of painkillers for you – not sure why it wasn’t replaced when your initial one ran out.”

Kakashi wanted to protest being sedated again but knew it wouldn’t do him any good. Instead, he simply nodded. So far Sakura hadn’t turned up and since Tsunade had, he had to wonder if Sakura _would_. Had she requested not to be assigned to him? Or, had they pulled her from him, citing some sort of conflict of interest now that he’d filled out his bank paperwork with Sakura as the obvious beneficiary?

Sensing that Kakashi was keeping his questions regarding Sakura to himself, Tsunade decided to partially answer his unasked inquiry. “Sakura has temporarily been assigned to the maternity ward. We’ve been short-staffed for some time now.” She shrugged. “So much so that _I’m_ pitching in and taking on regular patients.” She eyed Kakashi for a moment before adding almost under her breath, “Besides, I had to give her a reminder as to _why_ she puts up with you.”

Kakashi suppressed a flinch as he nodded again, knowing that there was no correct response, but satisfied with what Tsunade had told him. Though, now that he knew Sakura wasn’t likely to walk through his door to treat him, he still couldn’t be certain if she would come by at all. At least if she had been assigned to him then she would have been forced to come by on her rounds. Now, with her having been placed elsewhere, there was no way of telling if Sakura would stop by to visit. He’d unwittingly hurt her, deeply. _How?_ Kakashi still wasn’t sure. But, it was clearly something that he had done, and since he didn’t know what, he couldn’t guess if she would actively avoid him because of it.

While he pondered the likelihood of Sakura coming by – and what on earth he would say to her if she did – Tsunade took her leave, satisfied with the seeds of thought she had managed to plant in Kakashi’s mind. 

~*~*~*~

Kakashi found himself slowly regaining consciousness once again. He’d completely lost track of time and had no idea how long he’d been in the hospital, never mind what time it was. As he was slowly drifting back, he inhaled deeply, hoping to catch the telltale sign that Sakura had visited him. 

His lips twitched into a faint smile. It was there, the faint traces of the scent of the hand lotion he knew she used mixed with the scent of her shampoo, and that of her laundry detergent. It was a unique mix of scents that he had always managed to associate with her. Though, when his eyes finally focused enough to make out the chair next to his bed he was unsurprised to find it, as always, empty. Sakura had come by while he was sedated and stayed with him for some time, otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to make out the traces of her scent. 

Kakashi still didn’t know what he had done wrong. But, the fact that Sakura had kept as far away from him as possible while he was conscious told him that whatever he had done, he would need to fix. He missed her. Kakashi would never have believed it but he really and truly missed her. In the past, whenever he had been unlucky enough to land himself in the hospital, she had _always_ made time to stop by and chat with him at least once or twice a day depending on her schedule. Not having that constant in his life was more than a little disconcerting. 

With a sigh, he closed his eyes, knowing that the sedatives would once again take hold before long. As he drifted off back to sleep, Sakura's face appeared again, haunting him and likely haunting his dreams. He really needed to figure out what he had said, he didn't think he could handle that expression for much longer. Her intense pain was just killing him – he just could no longer cope with it. Maybe the next time Tsunade came by he’d swallow his pride and ask about Sakura. And maybe, just maybe, the Hokage would take pity on him and give him a clue.

~*~*~*~

Slowly, with her feet nearly dragging on the floor as she walked, Sakura made her way to the hospital room. She’d been stopping by every evening after her late shift ended and long after he was expected to be asleep. Without really noticing the action, she stifled a yawn. Her shift had gone even later than she’d expected. The staff shortage would need to be dealt with soon, otherwise, they would be short even more medical staff as those who were left were slowly overworked.

Upon reaching room 404, she paused, and as always, reached out for his chart. Though he wasn’t her patient at the moment, professional curiosity and the fact that he would once again be her patient in the future, demanded that she take a look. And, if she were to be honest with herself, he had been too good of a friend for her not to want to make sure he was doing well and being treated as she would treat him herself. 

Kakashi’s most recent stint had added multiple pages to his permanent file. He would likely need some serious rehabilitation before he would be mission ready again. Sakura sighed, he would probably chafe at the delay and start stalking her and any other medical professional he thought could hurry the process along as soon as he was able.

Unbidden, Kakashi’s gasped confession replayed in her mind. _““Sa-kura… sor-ry. ‘M sor-ry I came back-”_ She squeezed her eyes closed for a moment, trying to clear the simple phrase that had been haunting her from her mind. Never in all her years of dealing with her stoic friend, had she expected to hear something so terrible pass through his lips. It had taken her breath away. It was _still_ taking her breath away. 

If ever she needed proof of his dedication to the village, that simple confession would be it. Though why he had felt it necessary to tell her, she could only imagine. She saw no reason for him to feel that way. Or, for him to apologize to her about it. It simply made no sense. 

Shaking her head to clear the unwanted thoughts, the same thoughts that she’d been having for the past several weeks, she flipped to the newest notes on the chart, looking for his medications. Checking the notation she verified what she expected to see, he had been fed dinner and then been given both painkillers and sedatives to help him sleep. The pain must still be incredible if they were still giving him those. Still, that suited her purposes. If he was indeed sedated, then he should be sleeping.

Cautiously, she opened his door as silently as she could and peered in, covering an inopportunely timed yawn. Everything was as expected, he was there in his bed, fast asleep. Sakura watched for a moment to verify this – leave it to Kakashi to feign sleep in order to get her inside. 

Once she was satisfied that he was indeed asleep, she stepped in and carefully closed the door behind her. Silently she made her way to his bedside. Sakura knew that if she attempted a scan or any other jutsu that he would be alerted to her presence and wide awake within seconds. Regardless of what the staff may think about Kakashi, he was still an elite and his survival skills were so deeply ingrained that any flash of jutsu would alert him instantly – no matter what his condition. Though, if she were to stop and think about it a bit more, there was always the possibility that _her_ jutsu might not trigger his sense of self-preservation. But, that still wasn’t a risk that she would be willing to take. 

Her chair was right where she’d left it. Quietly, Sakura lifted and placed it a little closer to the bed. With a silent sigh of relief, she settled herself into the chair. Once comfortable, she realized just how tired she was and how good it felt to be off her feet. As Sakura enjoyed the luxury of sitting down she took a moment to absently regard the man in front of her. Kakashi didn’t look much better than he did the day before, but then again, she didn’t expect that he would. Not for another few weeks at the very least. 

Truly it was a miracle that he’d managed to come back alive. She had asked Tsunade about the circumstances surrounding his return but had been put off – a clear indication that she didn’t want Sakura to know. Sakura took a deep breath and let it out slowly, doing her best to ignore the slight hitch as she did so. It was clear to her, even with Tsunade’s refusal to confirm it, Kakashi had not intended to return. 

Without her conscious direction, one of her hands started to reach out to hold one of Kakashi’s. Sternly she stifled the action. Touching him would also cause him to wake – something she didn’t want. Sakura wasn’t certain if she could deal with him just then. She was still doing her best to process his return – she’d absolutely not expected him to – and to cope with his apology. No, she didn’t want to deal with a conscious Kakashi until she’d managed to accept and come to terms with his actions. 

Sakura had thought that she had long ago made peace with Kakashi’s inevitable demise. As Tsunade had rightly pointed out, he _had_ returned from far worse missions with less of a chance for survival and it had never hit her this hard before. What had changed? Her mind skittered away from the question – she knew the answer. Kakashi’s late-night visit had happened. Though Sakura didn’t like to admit it, that visit had irrevocably changed their relationship. 

He now knew that she cared far more for him than as a simple friend – and come to find out, far more than _she’d_ suspected when they’d had that relationship altering late-night conversation. She also now knew the baffling nature of his biggest regret. It was no wonder that Kakashi’s most recent brush with death was hitting her harder than expected – the stakes had been irreversibly raised. When he died...

With another yawn, her eyes feeling heavier than she’d realized, Sakura settled herself a little more comfortably in the chair. She’d stay another ten minutes or so and then make her way home and to her own bed. 

~*~*~*~


	4. Chapter IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every other week, sooner if my work schedule permits.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter IV

Kakashi felt himself slowly regaining consciousness. He was still tired and didn’t particularly want to wake up – he didn’t have anything to do while awake anyway. A part of him just wanted to remain as he was, Kakashi knew from experience that if he made no effort to return to wakefulness, then he would likely fall back asleep. 

After a moment of unsuccessfully trying to return to the Land of Nod, he noticed something out of place. Something was subtly wrong though he couldn’t quite put a finger on it. After another moment’s foggy thought he realized what it was. In an instant, he opened his eyes to confirm his conclusion and smiled faintly to find that he was indeed correct.

Sakura sat half curled, half slumped in a chair next to his hospital bed, obviously deep asleep with her head cradled in one of her arms against the side of the chair. He was particularly amused to note, now that he had a better view of the chair, that Sakura had managed to find a far more comfortable seat than would normally be stationed in his room. Kakashi had to wonder if she had taken it from a nurses’ lounge or some other more comfortable portion of the hospital. There was no way she would have fallen asleep in any of the usual standard-issue hospital chairs, regardless of how tired she may have been.

Feeling strangely at peace, he continued to watch Sakura as she slept. Kakashi could see that she hadn’t been sleeping very well – even while at rest he could easily make out the dark circles under her eyes. He could also see that she’d lost some weight, she hadn’t been eating well either. He suppressed a sigh. He wasn’t certain he could wave those two things away as possibly not his fault. 

When she worried she buried herself in her work, often forgetting to eat and occasionally forgetting to sleep. Or, expending so much time pondering her concerns that she was unable to sleep or stomach the thought of eating. Clearly, she had been worrying – was likely _still_ worrying as she had fallen asleep in his room, watching over him as he slept. He felt a pain not associated with any of his injuries and did his best to push it aside.

A few moments later, he started to feel the sedatives in his system again. It was, as he’d thought, too soon for him to be expected to be awake. He found himself on the fence, uncertain if he wanted to fight the sedatives or to allow them to take him. Strangely, he found that simply knowing that Sakura was there watching over him was oddly comforting. And, clearly, she didn’t want to face him just yet. He knew she would come to him when she was ready. And, because she obviously hadn’t meant to fall asleep, he could only assume that she wasn’t ready.

Decision reluctantly made, he resolved to close his eyes and allow himself to fall back asleep… in another five minutes. A very small part of him feared that if he did close his eyes, he would somehow lose her, never see her again – that she might continue to avoid him permanently. Irritated with himself, Kakashi shook his head slightly to try and clear the unhappy thought.

Kakashi’s small movement caused his pillow to rustle slightly, which, in turn, woke the woman who had been sleeping so peacefully.

Instantly, Sakura found herself on alert, opening her eyes to assess the situation. The uncomfortable stiffness and soreness she felt in her body informed her that she had not fallen asleep in her own bed as she had intended. 

Sakura was surprised at not only finding herself in Kakashi’s room but that he was also awake, regarding her curiously and with what she was certain was faint amusement. 

“ _Sleeping Beauty_ awakes,” he managed to rasp, his voice rusty with disuse. It had been some time since someone had stopped to chat with him socially and most of that had been spent in awkward silence.

Feeling all the color drain from her face, she sat up straight, her hands going to her hair in a vain attempt to pat it into some sort of semblance of order. 

Kakashi chuckled, it came out in a sort of wheezy gasp and quickly morphed into a cough. Weakly, he reached out toward one of his bedside tables, where the nurse had left a covered cup of water with a convenient straw, his other hand automatically lowering his mask in preparation for the water.

Medic training taking over, Sakura rose to her feet, retrieved the water, and held it for Kakashi until she was certain that he could hold it for himself. 

With more than a little relief, he sipped the water. Once his thirst was slaked and his cough ceased he reached out to try and replace the water. 

Still at attention, Sakura gently took the water from him and returned it to his bedside table. Once that was accomplished, she stood awkwardly next to his bedside for a moment. At a loss. She still didn’t feel as though she’d gotten herself together enough to face him. As the moment stretched on she found herself needing to make an exit. Without looking at him, unable to bear his sure to be pained expression, she turned to leave, without a word to him.

“Sakura,” Kakashi called out faintly as she turned to leave. Weakly he managed to grab hold of one of her hands, though his grasp was not strong enough to keep her should she decide to continue on and make her exit. 

Surprised, Sakura paused for a moment with her back still to him. She glanced down, trying to gather herself, inhaled and exhaled before slowly turning to look at her old friend. Instead of saying anything, she glanced down at his hand, still on hers before slowly raising her gaze to look at him.

Kakashi had to focus all of his attention on keeping his hand on hers and to prevent himself from flinching away from her expression. For a moment her expression was exactly as he’d remembered it as he passed out in the emergency room. 

Sakura closed her eyes and focused on calming her emotions, smoothing out the expression on her face to a pleasant mask of disinterest. Long disused kunoichi skills coming to the fore, at last, concealing her true emotions. “Yes?”

He tried again. “Sakura… I…” he stumbled and stopped. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what he’d done wrong. 

She sighed, guessing that he was, as Tsunade had assured her, an idiot. He had no idea why she was so upset with him. And, he would never guess on his own. She would have to tell him if she ever wanted to have any hopes of moving past it.

Unable to prevent it, her voice dropped low, red hot anger rising quickly to mask the anguish – far easier to lash out at him than give in to the tears that threatened at the memory of his terrible apology. “ _Never_ say something _so stupid_ again.”

“What-?”

Anger sustaining her, she elaborated. “Kakashi, I don’t know what, _if anything,_ is going on in that brain of yours, but I _want_ you to come back from your missions. I _want_ you to come home _alive_ – _no matter what._ _Nothing, not a damn thing,_ will change that. Nothing will _ever_ change that.”

Sakura eyed him, watching closely to see his reaction, hoping he’d say something, anything to make it better. The ferocity was no longer as easy to maintain as it had been when she was younger – she needed this confrontation to be over, for the whole awful incident to be resolved.

Baffled he lay still in his hospital bed. Kakashi didn’t understand before and what she had said had served only to make things even less clear. 

After an awkwardly long silence inspiration finally hit him. “Sakura... haven’t you seen my file?”

“What?” she asked, her fury subsiding somewhat as she hoped he would offer some sort of reason or explanation for his dreadful words.

“My file? Have you... seen it?”

She tilted her head to the side in askance, the last of her rage draining out of her at his seeming non sequitur. “Of course I have, I check it each day when I stop by to see how you’re doing. You’re incredibly lucky to be alive. _Especially_ considering your past medical history.”

He continued to gaze at her in puzzlement for a moment, wondering why his medical history would have anything to do with it, before realizing that they were speaking at cross-purposes. “No… not that… file.”

“What other file is there...” she trailed off, suddenly suspecting she knew.

“My _other_ file.” He swallowed before continuing, his hand tightening on hers briefly. “My _bank_ file.”

Unable to verbally respond she shook her head, her anger now replaced with a mixture of anticipation and dread

“What?”

Sakura shook her head again. “I thought that if you wanted me to know, you’d tell me.” She raised an eyebrow and her expression morphed into one of expectation – now he could finally tell her.

“You _didn’t_ look?” he asked, incredulous. He was positive that Tsunade would have given Sakura the file once he completed his paperwork.

“No. Tsunade offered but… it seemed like an invasion of privacy. I thought that if you hadn’t told me yourself, then you didn’t want me to know.”

“Sakura, you already have full reign over my life – you’re my medical contact, have power of attorney and control of pretty much the rest of my life whenever necessary…”

She averted her eyes and shook her head.

“Sakura, I _want_ you to know.”

She returned her gaze to his, her gaze shifting slightly to one of pleading without her notice. “Then _tell_ me.”

He shook his head. His strength fading, his hand starting to slip from hers, the effort of holding his arm out and up starting to exhaust him.

“Kakashi, if you want me to know, you’re going to have to tell me,” she prompted, her voice shaking slightly.

“I want you to _see_ for yourself.”

She shook her head a little. “I can’t.”

“But, I _want_ you to.”

Sakura shook her head again. 

“You have my blessing. I want you to see the contents of that file.”

“Kakashi, I _can’t_.”

He narrowed his eyes in suspicion as he realized her word choice might indicate something other than what he had originally thought. “ _Can’t_ or _won’t_?”

“ _Can’t_.”

“What do you mean, ‘can’t’?”

“I don’t have access to your file.”

“What? I thought you had access to _all_ my files – you _are_ my medic, after all.”

“There is no reason for me to have access to bank paperwork. So, I don’t.” She shrugged. 

Kakashi had to exert a little extra effort to maintain his grasp on her hand. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s why Tsunade wanted to offer me the chance to see before it was officially filed away – beyond my reach.”

“But, can’t you just ask someone to get it for you?”

“No.”

“No?”

“They wouldn’t let me. Aside from not having the right clearances to see bank paperwork in the first place, I wouldn’t be allowed to see _yours_.”

“Why not?”

“Conflict of interest.”

“Conflict of…” he trailed off as he realized why they might not let Sakura see his paperwork. “Seriously?”

Sakura shrugged again, though only using the shoulder not associated with the hand he was desperately trying to cling to. “It’s for your own protection.” 

She paused in thought for a moment, wondering how much of it she would need to explain to him. “I suppose mine too if things were to go my way. That way no one could say that I twiddled with the paperwork behind your back to make it come out in my favor. After all, you wouldn’t be here to contradict anything that may come out when your file was opened. I could conceivably do any number of things to your paperwork without you ever knowing.”

He knit his brows in confusion. “Would anyone actually make that claim?” he asked with clear incredulity.

She shot him a speculative glance. “Possibly, there are more than a few women who have pinned all their hopes on you, you know.”

“What?!” His mouth fell open in surprise.

“You’re from one of the old clans, very highly respected, incredibly good at your job, and the village would likely offer incentives for multiple births in order to ensure the revival of the Hatake line. You’re the perfect mark for any number of women who just want to be mothers on the village’s dime – without the inconvenience of having a man about. And, they would also have the added bonus of the status being that being the mother of _your_ children would grant them. Your avoidance of relationships and children is nearly as legendary as your self-control. No woman having your children after your death would be looked down upon for her choices. Everyone pretty much knows that’s the only way the Hatake line will continue on.” She snorted. “Some of them are probably counting on that to add to their own sense of self-importance – they’ll enjoy all the sympathy and attention it brings them, I’m sure.”

He shook his head in disbelief, wishing he could blame what Sakura had said on the drugs in his system but knowing that she spoke the truth. It had never even occurred to him that there might be women who set out to become mothers via the bank and whatever options the program might offer them – not out of some sense of duty or because they cared for the man in question but because they just wanted to be mothers without having to deal with a father. 

Sakura wasn’t wrong that he came from an old family and whoever had his children after he died probably would end up with a certain amount of cachet even if he didn’t grant them the right to become an official part of the clan. Their children would, however, which would reflect just as much on the mother even if she was not entered as a part of the official clan. Hell, his kids could change that once they were old enough if they were so inclined.

She chuckled a little mirthlessly. “Not to worry, Kakashi, not everyone on your list has that goal in mind. But there are enough on there who do, that it would be best for me not to see your paperwork unsupervised – regardless of what it may contain.”

He stared at her, his mouth still hanging open in surprise.

Just as he was gathering himself to respond, they were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door before it opened, without waiting for a response from within.

“Good morning Mr.-” Atsushi stopped in his tracks. “Oh! Ms. Haruno, I didn’t know you were still here!” His gaze lingered on Kakashi’s outstretched hand, clinging to Sakura’s.

Gently, Sakura gave Kakashi’s hand a brief squeeze before shaking her hand slightly to get Kakashi to let go. “That’s alright Atsushi, I’m just on my way out.”

Before Kakashi could respond, she waved at him, nodded at Atsushi, and took her leave.

~*~*~*~

Sakura found herself focusing intently on the file in front of her. She’d had a tricky run in the maternity ward and was only just now resuming some of her usual duties while still trying to help out in maternity. The paperwork had just piled up while she concentrated on her temporary maternity ward duties.

With all the weird cases and responsibilities Tsunade had had her filling in on, and shadowing in areas where she lacked extensive experience, Sakura had to wonder, not for the first time, if Tsunade was subtly training her to follow in her footsteps and eventually take over the hospital. From what Sakura had seen, Shizune seemed uninterested in taking over when Tsunade decided to retire. Her devotion to the current Hokage was too great to allow her to ever leave Tsunade’s side.

With a sigh of resignation, she placed the file in her, ‘to check while doing rounds’ pile, feeling as though that pile was growing far faster than the ‘routine’ procedures pile. If things kept on at this rate, she would be there all night. 

A knock on her door interrupted her hand’s path to the next folder in the pile. Before she could call out in response to the knock, the door opened and Kakashi wobbled in rather unsteadily. 

“Kakashi!” she cried, automatically rising to her feet and hurrying to help him to his usual seat. One of the few surfaces in the office aside from her own chair that did not contain a stack of files, a sheaf of papers, or a pile of scrolls. Kakashi’s chair was pulled out, away from Sakura’s desk so that when occupied, he could have a clear view of both Sakura and her door without obstructing Sakura’s view of said door. Even while he was out of the village – not expected to return – she had been unable to put anything in his chair. And, as a matter of course, she had frowned at anyone foolish enough to try and sit there until they moved on their own accord. It was, for all intents and purposes, Kakashi’s chair.

Gratefully, he accepted her help. Sakura’s office was further from his hospital room than he had realized and if he hadn’t arrived when he had, he would have been in some serious trouble. With a bit of irritation, Kakashi realized that he probably should have taken that wheelchair they had left in his room to make things easier for when he needed to be moved or taken outside for some fresh air. Granted, they hadn’t expected him to get up and go wandering on his own. He wasn’t cleared for any sort of unsupervised movement quite yet. But, that sort of thing had never stopped him in the past and definitely wasn’t going to now.

“Kakashi!” she cried again to get his attention. “What are you doing here?” Sakura eyed him again, he was still wearing his standard-issue johnny with a shuriken print robe over it and a pair of orange fluffy slippers she was certain belonged to one of the male nurses. Clearly, someone had seen fit to give him something warmer to wear in the notoriously chilly hospital. A thought hit her as she placed a finger on what seemed wrong or out of place. She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Shouldn’t you have an IV?” 

He chuckled and dug around in the robe pocket for a moment, looking for one of his little orange companions. “They took it out earlier this morning.” He snorted softly. “Don’t think they realized that I wouldn’t stay put without it.”

Sakura opened her mouth to issue a sharp retort but found that she simply couldn’t. Anyone with a brain would know where Kakashi had gone. Someone would possibly be along once it was noticed that he was missing. Though, honestly, she was fairly certain that they would be glad to have him out of their hair if even for only a little while. So it would be unlikely for anyone to come looking for Kakashi unless they actually needed him for something. 

Kakashi froze, realizing that she might not actually welcome his presence as she had in the past. He had found himself making a break for it and heading directly to her office out of sheer force of habit. Painfully, it occurred to him that just because Sakura had started to occasionally stop by in the evenings as he was falling asleep, it did not mean that she was okay with his presence in her office. Undoubtedly, things were still strained between them and he was uncertain how to go about fixing them. Unable to prevent it, he could _not_ spend another minute alone in that hospital room, his expression turned to one of pleading. 

Sakura caught the slight shift in Kakashi’s expression and sighed, she had already said her piece. He would have to work it out on his own in order for things to go back to how they were. Or, as close to how they were as possible given the circumstances. Until then, she couldn’t quite bring herself to send him back to his room. Never mind the fact that in the state Kakashi was currently in, he wouldn’t be up for the return trip any time in the near future anyway.

“Fine. You can stay for the next hour or so – until I have to do my rounds – _unless_ someone comes looking for you.”

He nodded and exhaled a long breath he had not been aware that he was holding.

“Good. I’ll help you back to your room when I start my rounds.”

Kakashi stifled a sigh of his own, he was tired of his room and had hoped to find sanctuary in Sakura’s office for longer than an hour. But, given the circumstances, he was well aware that he should count himself lucky to get even just the hour.

She eyed him for a moment, making sure that he would cooperate before returning her attention to the files in front of her.

Not too much later another knock on Sakura’s door disturbed the silence that had previously only been disturbed by the sounds of paper occasionally rustling as they each continued with their own reading material. 

Surprised, Sakura glanced up from her papers. Despite what she said to Kakashi, she didn’t really expect anyone to come looking for him. If he was noticed to be missing, people would know where he was and leave him alone. As long as she was with him, he was in no actual danger of doing himself any harm so there was no reason for anyone to be concerned that he had left his room for her office.

“Come in,” Sakura called, genuinely curious as to who it could be.

Unable to contain his own curiosity, Kakashi shifted his position and his book enough to allow him a clear view of Sakura’s door without appearing to do so. 

The door opened and an average man with brown hair, eyes, and glasses walked in, starting to speak before he was even through the door. “Ms. Haruno, I didn’t see you in the caf for your regular coffee break, so I thought I’d-” he stopped mid-sentence upon noticing that Kakashi was in the office with Sakura.

“Mr. Hatake?! What are _you_ doing here? You should be in your room, resting!” Itsuki made an aborted start toward Kakashi, words forming on his lips that were better left unsaid. He stopped abruptly, however, upon noticing the awesome frown beneath the man in question's mask. Absently he shifted a wad of gum from one cheek to the other as he stifled any further unfortunate outbursts.

Irritated and uncertain why Kakashi settled on staring silently at the intruding man, frown in place under his mask. The man was one of the many that Kakashi had observed circling Sakura like vultures, looking for opportunities to insert themselves into her love life. In the past, he’d never particularly cared – it was none of his business. 

Since filing his paperwork, however, Kakashi had found that his attitude toward Sakura had irrationally shifted. Kakashi knew it wasn’t warranted, but since the business of processing his bank paperwork, he’d started thinking of Sakura as _his_. A dangerous habit he had made no attempt to break considering the fact that he didn’t think he would be returning from his last mission. And, as he had had no intention of surviving, he had thought that allowing himself that little concession, enabling himself to have a small shred of a dream that he’d never dared to have before, would be acceptable – a brief tiny piece of happiness before gaining his place on the Memorial. Now that he had, in fact, returned, he knew that he would have to make the effort to break the admittedly troubling habit.

Sensing that the two men were about to have a stupid male interaction, Sakura hurriedly stepped into the conversation. 

“It’s fine, I’m keeping an eye on him while he’s here. I’m sure if anyone needs him they’ll know where to find him.”

Uncertain if he should accept Sakura’s assurances, Itsuki shifted himself awkwardly on his feet, nervously chewing his gum as he tried to think. His flimsy excuse for seeing Sakura suddenly shredded he realized he had no real reason to be there in Sakura’s office. And, any other reason he may come up with, would not go over well with her old friend in the room.

“Well then… I guess I can see why you might have missed your break.” Itsuki raised his hand to the back of his neck. “I’ll… I’ll just come by after you have returned,” he gestured at Kakashi, “ _him_ to his proper place.” 

Sakura nodded absently, already returning her attention to the file in front of her. The last thing she wanted to do was to encourage Itsuki. Never mind in front of Kakashi – it somehow felt even more awkward with him in the room. For some reason, Sakura didn’t want Kakashi to see that she had other options. Granted, she wasn’t interested in any of those options, but for some reason, she felt that it was still some sort of bad etiquette. Sakura didn’t want to give Kakashi the impression that once he was gone, she would take up with some other man to raise either his or someone else’s child. That wasn’t even a consideration. Hopefully, Itsuki would take the hint and just leave before things were made even more awkward.

“Sure, sure. I’ll see you later then,” Sakura responded, absently.

Surprised that she’d agreed to have him stop by later Itsuki smiled, unable to keep the expression from turning into a smirk when he glanced at Kakashi, especially when he realized that she’d left it open for him to ask her to dinner.

“Until later, Ms. Haruno.” Itsuki backed up a bit before turning to exit the office, ignoring the suddenly malevolently glaring shinobi, a few gum wrappers fluttering to the ground behind him.

Sakura glanced back up in time to follow the wrappers with her eyes as the fluttered to the floor and sighed, ignoring the fact that Kakashi had also clearly taken notice of Itsuki’s inadvertent littering. 

“He’s been trying to quit smoking,” she explained unnecessarily.

“So he chews gum?”

“Yes, a lot of it. Sometimes nicotine, sometimes just regular chewing gum. Usually, he has a better handle on the wrappers though.”

“He’s a medic though?”

“Yes.”

“But, he’s a smoker?”

She shrugged. Not all medics led healthy lives. “He _is_ trying to quit.” 

Kakashi eyed her from the corner of his eye. “I wonder why?”

Sakura felt her cheeks heat. She’d been very vocal over the years about smoking being a deal-breaker for her. Kakashi would know better than most considering that she’d had more than one relationship fall apart because of it.  
  


“I hope he’s doing it for himself. There isn’t any other reason for him to try to quit.”

“So,” Kakashi couldn’t help but comment, changing the subject a little, “hot date tonight then?”

Startled, Sakura glanced up at him, having already lost herself in the file - even before Itsuki had left. “What?”

“Mr. You Missed Your Usual Coffee Break.”

“Itsuki?”

“That his name?”

She nodded. “Itsuki Watanabe. What about him?”

“He thinks he’s going to take you out to dinner tonight.”

She wrinkled her brow in confusion. “What?”

“You left it wide open for him to take you to dinner when he returns.”

“Oh,” Sakura paused and re-ran the conversation through her mind, she’d been too preoccupied to consider her words as carefully as she should have. “Shit.”

Surprised, Kakashi chuckled. “Not your intention?”

Sakura sighed. “No, not at all. I’ve been trying not to encourage him for…” she trailed off realizing who she was speaking to and her similar situation with him. Feeling her cheeks heat faintly she shook her head to try and shake it off. “Anyway, that was _not_ my intention.”

Thinking quickly, Kakashi offered up a slight solution. “You can always tell him you have previous plans.”

Sakura raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Such as?”

“You promised your favorite long-term patient you’d get him food from his preferred non-hospital associated restaurant?”

She stared at him for a long moment before laughing. 

He shrugged. “It’s a valid excuse, you know.”

Still chuckling she nodded. “I’m sure it is.” Sakura eyed him speculatively for a minute, if she didn’t know any better he was sort of asking her out – if only to foil Itsuki. Still, it was incredibly like him to do something in such a way that still left her with the tab. “So, what do you want in your ramen?”

“Ramen?!” he asked with some dismay.

“Yes, _ramen_ , your ‘favorite’ place only serves ramen.” She stifled a laugh at the expression on his face. “Ayame will be disappointed not to see you this time in person since tonight’s dinner will be Ichiraku’s finest takeout!”

~*~*~*~


	5. Chapter V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every week.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter V

Sakura glanced up from her stack of paperwork. Kakashi was still there, where he had settled himself upon not-so-stealthily sneaking into her office. So far she had pretended not to notice though she knew he knew she knew that he was there. Suppressing a sigh Sakura turned the page, absently making a note in the margin as she continued on with the file. Kakashi shouldn’t be in her office but he’d been sneaking in almost daily now. Whenever he could liberate himself from his hospital room, he made his way to her office. It was almost as things had been before he’d filed his paperwork, _almost_.

Kakashi kept a partial eye on Sakura as she worked. Things seemed to have more or less gone back to how they had been before he had accidentally screwed everything up. At least, as far as he could tell anyway.

Kakashi’s musings were disturbed by a rap on Sakura’s door. As had become his custom, he shifted himself slightly in order to have a better view of the visitor.

Feeling slightly exasperated, she had not had more than ten undisturbed minutes all day, Sakura shifted her gaze to her door before responding. “Come in.”

The door opened and a tall thin woman with impossibly long brown hair worn loose walked briskly in. “Ms. Haruno, what have you done with all the…” the brunette paused upon noticing Kakashi situated contentedly in his chair with his book.

Feeling uncomfortable with the way she was looking at him, he raised a hand in his customary greeting. “Yo.” 

“Mr. Hatake!?” She shifted her gaze to Sakura. “Ms. Haruno, it is really not okay to have a patient stationed in your office!” She shot Kakashi another quick glance. “He’s not even _your_ patient!”

With a start, Kakashi realized that he recognized that voice. It was the voice of the woman who had led the kunoichi charge after Tsunade her issued her ultimatum. And, the woman who had accused Sakura of not being fair when he made a beeline to his former student’s office. A part of him flinched uncomfortably, remembering what Sakura had said about some of the kunoichi who had set their hopes on him. Silently he hoped this woman was not one of them.

“I’m _so_ sorry, Mr. Hatake. I’ll go get a wheelchair and an orderly to help you back to your room, _where you belong!_ ” She turned to glare at Sakura before turning to leave.

“Kaka- Mr. Hatake is here of his own free will, Kumiko. It’s fine, I can handle anything that may come up while he’s here. So he can stay as long as he likes. It’s not as though anyone needs him right now or that he has anything pressing to attend to in his hospital room.”

Uncertain, Kumiko shot Kakashi another concerned gaze before returning her still irritated glare back to Sakura. “That may be but, he really has no business being here in your office. He needs to be in bed in his room, _resting_ as the doctor ordered.” Turning to focus her attention on the apparently only partially interested man sitting in one of Sakura’s visitor’s chairs. “Mr. Hatake, you stay right there. I’ll call for an orderly and a wheelchair. We’ll soon have you situated comfortably back in your room.”

Amusement quickly deserting him, Kakashi craned his neck a bit to look around Kumiko to Sakura, an eyebrow raised. So far no one had really had a serious problem with him camping out in Sakura’s office, so who was this woman to object to it so strongly?

“Kumiko, he’s fine right where he is.”

“I don’t think so. Just because you like to have him around doesn’t mean that you can have him in your office all day! You don’t _always_ know what is best for the patients, you know. Just because you’re Lady Hokage’s little pet medic, doesn’t mean that you always know best! Mr. Hatake has suffered some very serious injuries – he shouldn’t even be alive! He needs to be kept quiet so he can rest, heal, and regain his strength. And, he can do none of that when you keep dragging him to your office!”

Irritation shading to anger, Sakura paused to collect herself and let out a long slow breath before responding – knowing that otherwise, she would say something she shouldn’t. “It really _is_ okay Kumiko. He’s just fine where he is. If he wants to return to his room he is more than welcome to do so and entirely capable of returning on his own. His nurse and doctor both know where he is should he be needed and neither one of them is concerned that he spends some of his time outside of his room.” She shook her head. “It’s encouraged as he’ll never regain his strength if he doesn’t push himself a little each day.”

Sensing that Sakura was rapidly losing her patience with the woman’s misplaced but well-meaning attempts to send him back to his room, Kakashi finally decided to stick his oar in.

“I appreciate your concern, Ms.?” he paused for her to fill in her family name as he realized that he did not know it. 

“Nagata,” she responded with a bit of color rising on her cheeks.

“Nagata then. Ms. Nagata. However, I am just fine where I am.”

“But, really, Mr. Hatake, you belong in your hospital room, resting! You’re recovering from some incredibly serious injuries!” She tried again stubbornly.

He shook his head. “No, I belong where I want to be and right now, I’m _exactly_ where I want to be.”

Unable to respond as she would like, but clearly wishing she had something else to say to try and sway Kakashi, she nodded. “If you’re sure?” Kumiko tried one last time, desperately looking for a reason to return the wayward patient to his room – away from Sakura.

Suppressing a sigh he nodded his affirmative once again. “I’m sure. This is where I want to be.”

“Okay then… if you’re sure then... “

“ _Yes_ , this is _exactly_ where I want to be.”

“Now that _that_ is settled, what did you need from me Kumiko?” Sakura asked briskly, doing her best to suppress another wave of anger, trying to tone it down to mere irritation. 

Having nothing else to say, Kumiko reluctantly refocused her attention on Sakura. “Oh… um…” she trailed off realizing that she didn’t really have a good reason for bothering the medic. Kumiko had been much more concerned about the rumors that Sakura had one of the patients camped out in her office. The concerned receptionist had left to go confront Sakura without an actual valid reason in the first place.

“Yes?”

“Oh, uh, I was wondering... What did you do with all the extra folders? I was asked to make some new files but couldn’t find the boxes of new ones.”

Keeping her annoyance to herself, Sakura did her best to remain calm and answer the question. “I’m not sure – I haven’t made a new file for anything for a couple of weeks at least and there were several cases of new folders in the supply room at that time. If they’re all gone, then maybe someone else needed to make a whole new set of files for something? I’m sure more can be ordered if we’re out.”

Kumiko shook her head. “Okay then. I thought someone had mentioned that they’d seen you with the new folders last. Must have been mistaken.” 

“If that’s all?” Sakura asked, shuffling the papers on her desk, drawing attention to the fact that she was busy and Kumiko had interrupted her for no real reason.

“Right, fine, of course. My search continues, I suppose.” Kumiko took a step to the door, doing her best not to eye Kakashi as she did so. “Oh, and Mr. Hatake, if you should need anything, _anything at all,_ please don’t hesitate to give me a call – I’m just down in reception so I’m easy to find.” She gave him, what he suspected most men found to be, an absolutely stunning smile.

With her final appeal made, Kumiko turned and exited, closing the door behind her.

Kakashi waited for a few moments before asking the obvious. “What’s her problem?”

“What do you mean?”

“That Kumiko, clearly she doesn’t like you very much… Why?”

Sakura avoided his glance, trying to come up with a good answer. After a few moment’s thought, she sighed and gave up looking for a tactful way of putting it. “No, she doesn’t.”

“Why?”

Sakura shrugged. “I’m not entirely certain. It’s not as though she’s ever come up to me and flat out told me that she didn’t like me and then continued on to list the reasons for her decision.”

Startled, Kakashi chuckled. “No, I suppose she wouldn’t do something like that.”

They sat in companionable silence for a few moments longer before Kakashi felt it necessary to break it again. “So, why do you _think_ she dislikes you?” He laughed as an improbable reason hit him and he couldn’t help but toss it out to her as absurd. “You steal her boyfriend or something?” He knew Sakura would never even contemplate interfering with someone else’s relationship but figured that by tossing the ridiculous possibility out, he might just get Sakura to tell him the truth.

Sakura felt her cheeks heat at Kakashi’s comment and couldn’t meet his eyes.

His eyes widened in surprise. “You _didn’t_!” Kakashi paused to think about her last few serious relationships and couldn’t remember there being any drama relating to another woman. “ _Did_ you?”

Angry that he would think that she had she raised her eyes to meet his. “No, of _course_ , I didn’t!” She paused before adding, “Well, not in the way you think anyway.”

He thought for a moment, looking for another reason for Sakura to be embarrassed about why Kumiko might hate her. “She want Itsuki then?”

“What?”

“Itsuki, he clearly wants you. So, does she want him?”

Still surprised, Sakura could only shake her head.

Puzzled, he thought for a moment. “Then what?”

Sakura turned her gaze, realizing that she would have to tell him but not quite able to face him.

“Sakura?” he asked with concern.

Sakura sighed. “She wants, _you_ , Kakashi.”

His jaw dropped. “ _WHAT?!_ ”

“She wants _you_ , Kakashi.” Sakura managed to raise her eyes to meet his. “Remember when I told you that there were some women out there who had their hopes pinned on you?”

Still flummoxed, he hadn’t seriously considered the startling revelation that Sakura had given him not too long ago, it hadn’t seemed possible. The women who were supposedly after him didn’t seem real. Absently, he nodded, his brain still trying to make sense of it.

Sakura shrugged. “Kumiko’s one of them – probably the most vocal about it too.”

“I-I don’t understand.”

“She wants you Kakashi. Or, rather, she wants to have your kids. She sees it as a ticket to an easy life.” Sakura snorted and shook her head. “Stupid really, since being a single mother is _not_ easy. Kumiko probably just sees it as romantic and a quick way to gain attention and status within the village.”

Kakashi shook his head in disbelief, pushing the fact that the woman who had just come in was one of the ones who were legitimately after him. “But… never mind the whole bit about her being after me. I can’t cope with that right now.” He waved a hand to dismiss the troubling concept. “This doesn’t explain why she doesn’t like _you_.” He knew his file was confidential, even Sakura didn’t know since he believed her when she said that she hadn’t looked.

Sakura felt her cheeks heat again and found that she had to look away from his gaze. “She knows I’m also on your list. She shouldn’t, that’s supposed to be private and the only person I’ve told aside from Tsunade is you. But I think she’s single-minded enough to do whatever it takes to attain her goal.”

“So, just because you’re on my list, she doesn’t like you?” he tried as he continued to attempt to wrap his brain about the foreign concept.

“I guess? She probably doesn’t like how much time you spend here – likely thinks it hurts her chances of being selected.”

“Selected?” Kakashi asked, suddenly alert. He had left no room for chance in his paperwork – then again, Sakura wouldn’t know that, and neither would Kumiko.

“She’s been making nice with the Council and the Bank Oversight Committee for ages. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that she’s made a play to bribe them or at least sway them in her favor if there is any chance that it might work.”

“What?”

“She’s determined to be in the program and has selected you as her most recent target. If you leave anything up to chance in your file, she will likely be selected. If not, then it should be as you set out in your paperwork. They do their best to follow a shinobi’s last wishes but on some occasions,” she frowned faintly, “it’s just not possible.”

“Wait, what? Hang on. Most recent target?”

Sakura grimaced. “I’ve heard rumors – since I’m not associated with the bank any further than being on your list and having my own account I don’t know how much truth there is to them. But, I’ve heard it going around that she was on another shinobi’s list before she added herself to yours.”

“So, she’s on more than one list?”

Sakura tilted her head to the side in thought. “It’s possible. Some women just want the children out of it so sign up for multiple lists to increase their chances. Each case is evaluated separately before you can sign up for a second or, rarely, third list.” Her mind wandered away for a moment, wondering if she should look into adding herself to a second list. That Kakashi clearly wanted her to know what he had done with his paperwork but was hesitant to tell her himself clearly signaled to her that he had not selected her and that she should look into other options.

“So, I’m probably not her only target?” he asked, wondering what, if anything, it all meant.

“Oh,” Sakura’s eyes refocused back on Kakashi,” no, I don’t think she’s on more than one list right now.”

“Then what did you mean?”

Sakura sighed. “I don’t like to spread rumors.”

“Sakura…”

“But, in this case, it might be warranted.” She hurried on, knowing that she should tell him what she had heard even if she couldn’t verify it as the truth. “I heard that the shinobi she had her hopes set on before you, suddenly settled down and got married. He removed his bank paperwork – leaving the account for only his wife, should she ever need it.”

“I see?” he responded, not really seeing how it related at all.

“Kumiko didn’t take it very well from what I heard.” She frowned and shook her head. “Threats may have been made.”

“What?”

Sakura shrugged. “That’s what I heard. I couldn’t say how much, if any, of it is true. I don’t think they’d have let her sign up for another list if she had made threats against the wife of the shinobi whose list she had previously been on, so I think wires have been crossed somewhere along the way.” She hesitated for a few moments. “But, for there to be rumors at all about it, I’m guessing that _something_ must have happened.”

They sat in contemplative silence for a little while before Kakashi realized that he’d interrupted Sakura’s earlier explanation. “So, going back to before, what did you mean when you said that they _try_ to follow the directions in the file? Aren’t the directions in the file final?”

She shrugged, shuffling the papers on her desk. “Sometimes the woman in question turns out to be unwilling.”

He tilted his head to the side. “I don’t understand. How does that work? She signed up for it, right?” A small jolt of panic hit him as he realized that there was now a possibility that things wouldn’t go as he’d laid out in his file.

“Well, the woman in question might be an ex who agreed to it while they were together and neither of them remembered to update the paperwork after they broke up. Or, it could even be someone who didn’t sign up or wasn’t properly asked to be on the list in the first place.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “How does _that_ even happen?”

Sakura thought for a moment, looking for the correct words before deciding that it would be easier to just give him an example. “Well, there was an instance a couple of months back where the shinobi in question put the woman he’d been dreaming of his whole life down as who he wanted to have his child – figuring that he would have time to eventually win her over. The problem was that he never got around to it and never asked her, he just submitted his paperwork and counted on the bank not following up right away on hers. So when the time came, she was understandably unwilling. Apparently, she couldn’t stand him in life and his trick with his paperwork made her hate him in death – especially since she had only just gotten married about a month before he died in action.”

“So, how was that handled, then?”

“The shinobi in question had a really good male friend who was willing to raise a child. So, they found a surrogate, used donated eggs and voila, problem solved. The friend will take and raise the child when it’s born and the surrogate will go on her way, possibly to have another child for someone else in similar circumstances.”

“The village also has surrogates on hand?” he asked, unsure why he was so surprised.

Sakura smiled. “Of course they do, works both ways, doesn’t it? Some will even donate their own eggs if necessary, others are strictly willing to bear the child to term only. Like me, they fill out the paperwork, just for the other part of the process, that’s all.” She paused in thought for a moment. “They can also be occasionally called upon if a kunoichi who wants to have children is injured in the line of duty and consequently unable to have her own. It’s rare, but happens.”

They sat in silence for a little while before Kakashi felt it necessary to break it. 

“Aren’t you concerned?”

“About what?”

“About what’s in my file?”

Sakura glanced away. “I’ve made my peace with not knowing.”

“But, I want you to know.”

“Then just tell me!” Sakura exclaimed, unable to keep her frustration from manifesting in her tone of voice. Her eyes searching his for the answer he clearly couldn’t give her.

Kakashi couldn’t hold her gaze, found himself glancing down at his book, the tone of her voice tugging at him in an unexpected way. After a long moment of silence, he responded. “Who exactly has access to my file?”

Surprised by his apparent non-sequitur she thought for a moment. “Well, those who work at the bank, Tsunade would have access if she really wanted, as would anyone she designated as needing that information. Oh, and you do, of course. In case you want to make changes or just to verify that things are to your liking and that sort of thing. 

He nodded. “So, there is no way Kumiko could have access then?”

“No, not directly anyway. Why? Are you afraid she might muddle with your file?” She paused and added with a sinking feeling in her stomach, “or with the other people on your list? As determined as she is, I don’t think she’d stoop that low – or even think to try.”

He shrugged noncommittally before returning his attention to his book, obviously dismissing the conversation as ended. “Was just wondering.”

With an odd, inquiring, look she reluctantly let the conversation drop and refocused her attention back on the papers in front of her. 

The unusual exchange she had just had with Kakashi popping up at odd times leading her to wonder just what he had been angling at and if she really wanted to know. Absently, a small part of her acknowledged that it might be time to look into getting herself added to a second list. The list of available lists was updated every other Wednesday, she could check it the next time it was updated.

~*~*~*~

With a leisurely stride, Kakashi made his way down to the hallway, destination firmly in mind. He had finally been discharged from the hospital, not a moment too soon in his opinion. He’d been slowly going stir crazy. Never in his life had he been confined to such a small space for such an extended period of time. If not for being able to escape to Sakura’s office, he surely would have gone insane. A small part of his brain had to wonder how anyone else did it. Surely, he was the exception to the no wandering the halls rule for patients, and almost certainly because Sakura herself made sure the rule was bent for him. So, how others who didn’t have Sakura managed... 

He hastily turned his thoughts from the lovely woman as he realized that once again his mind had been hijacked by her, as had been happening more and more often of late. With a determined shake of his head, he continued on, almost at his destination.

Upon arriving he stepped up to the counter, ready to show his ID. He knew that even though the thin woman behind the desk most certainly knew who he was, he had been stopping by regularly before his last mission, she would still have to ask for his ID – too many ways for shinobi to impersonate or be impersonated. Best to prove his identity and if he were to be honest, he was well aware that it was for his own protection and was thankful for it.

“Good morning Mr. Hatake. It’s nice to see you again.” The friendly woman with short dark hair greeted him before he even managed to take the last few steps to the counter.

“Good morning Miyako.” He returned her greeting, she really was a sweet girl. “It’s nice to be seen.”

She smiled, genuinely happy to see him, she had heard that he’d come back from his last mission in very bad shape and had been afraid that she had probably seen the last of him. An occupational hazard in her job and one she wasn’t certain she would ever get used to.

He pulled out his ID and handed it to her so she could check it before they continued their conversation.

Miyako took the ID and performed several verification jutsu on it with a smile. In her mind it was just routine, she knew the man in front of her was who he said he was, no one would be foolish enough to try and impersonate him – at least not _there_ at any rate.

“So, what can I do for you today?” She asked as she returned his ID. “I believe you’re up-to-date on everything and you’re not scheduled to come in for another month or two at the very earliest.” She rambled on awkwardly. “Um, I think we had to make sure everything was all squared away before your last mission...” she trailed off, not happy with the memories that particular appointment brought up. 

Usually, Miyako didn’t let any of the sad aspects of her job get to her but, for some strange reason, this man had gotten to her – badly. Once Kakashi had left for what she had been afraid would be his last mission, she’d realized how much she felt for him. If she had to guess, Miyako figured that what had gotten to her was probably his whole demeanor and approach to the thing. He had been unlike anyone else she had ever encountered. Silently determined, that was how she would have described him, intent on doing his very best. There was also the fact that she had accidentally caught glimpses of his file while adding to and retrieving paperwork. Something about the whole thing just tugged at her heart. 

Kakashi returned her smile, wondering if it would help him in his current mission. “I’d like to see my file.”

Miyako blinked in surprise. She wasn’t certain what she had expected him to say, but this wasn’t it. “I’m sorry, what?”

“My file. I’d like to see it please.”

“I see… any particular reason?” she asked, stalling for time. It was not against the rules, shinobi occasionally did check on their files for various reasons. She had just never expected this one to do so. Kakashi had spent an inordinate amount of time making sure things were exactly to his liking, so much so that she had never expected him to want to fiddle with it again. 

Wondering why she was so surprised, he shrugged, continuing to feign nonchalance. “Not exactly, I’d just like to check on a few things, that’s all.”

“Oh, okay. Um, since you weren’t expected to come by for a routine appointment for at least another two months it has been filed in the sealed long-term storage.”

He nodded.

“It will take a few minutes to retrieve.” She stepped away from her counter. “Excuse me, I will just go get it.”

Once she was out of his sight, she couldn’t help but hurry her steps. For some reason, she found it somewhat disconcerting. He had made sure of everything only a short few months prior. Surely, he couldn’t have changed his mind on any of it in that short of an amount of time?

Kakashi found himself pulling out one of his ever-present orange novels to pass the time. The way Miyako had reacted seemed odd. After a moment’s further thought, he dismissed it as the result of her actually seeing him again. He had, after all, not been expected to return from his last mission. She had likely known, his paperwork had taken on the all-important ‘urgent rush’ status, probably causing her no end of trouble as his file took priority over everything else she may have had to do at the time. 

Several minutes later, Miyako returned, folder in hand.

Absently, Kakashi noticed that it seemed to be fatter than he’d remembered. The cold hand of anxiety briefly clutched his stomach before he rationalized that it was likely due to all his deposit information that hadn’t been there when he’d last looked at the file. 

“Here you are, Mr. Hatake.” She handed the folder over to him with a nervous smile. “We have a few private rooms just down that,” she gestured to his left, “hall for those who need to fill out paperwork or review their files. If you’d like, you can just head down the hall. Any of the doors on the right should be open for you to use.”

“Thanks, Miyako.” He nodded to the woman in front of him before taking the file and turning to head back the way he came.

“Wait! Mr. Hatake! Where are you going?” she called out, realizing that he wasn’t cooperating.

Kakashi didn’t turn but stuck a hand up in a jaunty wave. “I’ll bring it back, not to worry. I’m not even leaving the medical complex.”

“But!” she started before realizing that he was already gone. 

For a long moment, she stared at the hallway Kakashi had just used to make his exit, wondering where he had gone. Suddenly, she was very glad that she had bothered to take the time to verify that the shinobi who had just retrieved his folder really was who he said he was. Technically it was okay for him to abscond with his own paperwork. But, at the same time, it was definitely not something that was routinely done. A small part of her absently wondered if he was headed off to make changes, or, if he needed to verify that it was all there as he had originally laid it out. Puzzled, she shook her head, knowing that she would never be able to figure out what he was thinking and did her best to return her mind to her regular tasks… and hope he returned with his file soon.

~*~*~*~

Sakura found herself absently toying with the papers in front of her, her focus just not where it should be. The stack of papers that had been piling up in her inbox was an excellent indicator that she had lost her focus some time ago. Though, she also suspected that more and more paperwork was being shunted her way, which wasn’t helping things. Sakura wouldn’t put it past Tsunade to see how distracted she had been of late and try to slip extra work her way. Certainly wouldn’t be the first time Tsunade had tried such tactics, to say the least.

With a sigh, Sakura shuffled the papers again and glanced at her clock – five hours to go if she decided to leave at the end of her scheduled shift, a rarity but something she figured she would do considering how distracted she had been. Sakura was restless and couldn’t quite put her finger on why. Though, if she were to be honest with herself about it, and actually trace the restlessness back to when it had started, she knew she would realize that it had started when Kakashi had been discharged from the hospital.

The infuriating man had not shown up at her office door since. She hated to admit it, but she missed him, missed his mostly silent presence in one of the visitor’s chairs in her office. He had gone from turning up every single day for long stretches of time to just disappearing back into the village upon his release. Sternly, she took hold of herself. Kakashi’s whereabouts were none of her business. Just because he had chosen to stop by often before, did not mean he would intend to continue to do so – it just wasn't in his nature from all that she knew of him. 

The cat disappeared every time he was expected to be somewhere – turning up instead, when and where he was least expected.

Frustrated, she shifted everything in front of her to the side, deciding that she could use a hot cup of tea and the ten minutes it would take to walk to one of the kitchenettes to make it. As she was rifling through the many different varieties of tea she kept on hand, looking for something relaxing but not sleep-inducing, she was interrupted by a knock on her door.

Startled, she glanced up to see the subject of her current frustration standing in her doorway. Sakura blinked, it was unusual for him to knock, never mind just linger in her doorway waiting to be invited in. Usually, he would slip in unnoticed and silently take up residence in his usual chair. Something about his posture put her immediately on edge.

“H-hello Kakashi. Um, why don’t you come in?”

He nodded, closing the door behind him. Then thinking better of it, he turned and locked the door as well.

Sakura raised an eyebrow at his unusual actions and waited to see what he wanted. Kakashi was not taking up his usual position in his chair. Something was clearly up. Instead, Kakashi moved to stand directly in front of her desk, a thick file in his hands. 

“What can I do for you, Kakashi?”

“Do you have a few minutes?”

Though she suddenly felt incredibly nervous, a few pieces clicked in her mind and she was not sure if she wanted to go through with the conversation he intended to have with her, she managed a weak smile. “For you, any time. What do you need?”

He nodded, slightly strained himself, and simply held out the file folder to her.

She eyed the file for a moment, unsure if she should really take it, before returning her gaze to his. “Is that what I think it is?”

He nodded and extended the folder a little further, closer to her, insisting that she take it.

“Kakashi… I don’t know if I should…”

“I want you to.”

“But, is it really a good idea for me to know?”

He sighed, pulling the folder back for a moment’s thought. “I need you to see.” He once again extended the folder to her, imploring her to take it.

She shifted her gaze to the folder before returning her attention to him. She could see in his eyes and in the way his hand trembled ever so slightly, probably not something he could attribute to the weight of the thick file pulling awkwardly at his hand, and closed her eyes for a moment to gather her thoughts. Sakura took a deep breath in and let it out slowly before opening her eyes. The file was still there, outstretched toward her, Kakashi silently willing her to take it.

Hesitantly she reached out, her hand visibly shaking, and took the folder.

Kakashi heaved a silent sigh of relief and took a step back from Sakura’s desk. He was too keyed up to sit but would be more comfortable if he gave her a little more space.

Sakura found herself watching him withdraw from the desk before turning her attention to the folder he had just handed her. It was thicker than she remembered it being when Tsunade had offered it to her. Absently, she chalked it up to all the additional official banking paperwork that would have been added to it once Tsunade had returned it to be placed in the sealed long term file storage. 

She glanced up again, wanting to make absolutely certain that he really wanted her to open the folder and read the contents.

He nodded and motioned with his hand for her to open the file, unable to look away from her, needing to see her response.

Hand trembling only a little, Sakura opened the file. The first page was banking information, Sakura flipped past a series of similar documents – records of Kakashi’s banking activity. As the number of those pages added up she knitted her brows together, Kakashi had certainly been very busy. There was enough material in the bank to easily try for multiple children. Had he done that on purpose? She glanced up at him inquiringly.

Uncertain what should merit her questioning glance, Kakashi stepped closer and glanced at the open folder. Sakura flipped a few pages, displaying the extent of his banking activities. He did his best to prevent a light tint of color from rising to the tops of his cheeks and shook his head slightly. Instead of answering verbally he just motioned for her to continue.

Sakura frowned slightly but complied with his silent appeal. Behind all Kakashi’s bank transactions she found the standard-issue account form. It started with the boilerplate agreement, outlining the program and how things would work, referencing the attached articles with the actual particulars outlined therein. Sakura started to flip through quickly but noticed that the standard pages had been altered. Things were neatly crossed out and annotated in the margins in legalese. Tilting her head to the side she continued, pausing to check the annotations though not entirely certain what they meant. 

Once Sakura got to the end of the standard agreement, she paused, knowing what would be on the next page. Article A would be the list. Far more nervous than expected, she refocused her gaze up and on Kakashi and found that his expression had taken on an entirely blank quality. She could gain no clue of what the next page would hold from his face. Again, he simply gestured for her to continue.

Taking a deep breath, Sakura complied and turned the page. 

Her jaw dropped upon taking in the words on the page. The top of the page was the usual language in regard to the list, as expected. What was not expected was the fact that her name was at the very top of the list, nor was she expecting to find that hers was the only name on the list that was not entirely crossed out. 

Startled she glanced up again. “Kakashi, I…” Sakura trailed off, she didn’t know what to say.

His expression did not change, instead, Kakashi gestured for her to return her attention to the page. 

Sakura complied, the second viewing showed her that there as a clause carefully added to the bottom of the list. After reading it a few times, she realized that the clause was stipulating that she was the only one this file applied to, no substitutions would be accepted and the bank account should be destroyed if Sakura was not willing or available to take possession of it.

Eyes wide she glanced back up at him again. In all her hopes and dreams she had never even dared to imagine that he might specifically stipulate that she should be the one to have his children once he was gone.

“Kakashi…”

Her reaction was more than he could stoically handle, he stifled a chuckle – he'd never imagined that something he had done could make her so happy. “Keep going.”

Too surprised not to comply, Sakura flipped the page again to view Article B – rights granted to the person or persons outlined in Article A. Her jaw dropped again. He was leaving her _everything_. He granted her absolutely every right possible, as many kids as she wanted, access to everything he had to give and she wanted to take, the kids could have his name... and so could she. If she wanted, according to a clause that had been neatly added, she could even take his place as clan head and participate in village politics as the head of the Hatake clan.

She sat for a moment trying to take it all in. Not only had Kakashi designated her as his only choice in his paperwork but he had granted her absolutely everything possible to make things easier for her once he was gone. She hadn’t expected this. If anything, she’d begun to suspect that he’d _excluded_ her from his list. It was almost too much.

“Sakura?”

Kakashi’s slightly concerned voice startled her out of her reverie. Still feeling dazed she glanced up to find that Kakashi was standing over her, his expression concerned, one of his hands holding hers. 

She shook her head slightly to try and remove some of the shock. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Promise me you’ll take full advantage of everything in this folder.” His gaze became sharper, more highly focused on her reaction.

“Kakashi-”

“Promise me.”

“O-of course, I will.” She hesitated and then added, “I’d be a fool not to.”

He nodded and released her hand. “Good.” He stepped back from the desk and gestured for her to continue.

Absently she realized that there were still more papers in his file. Curious she turned the page, more standard legalese associated with the banking agreement. Quickly she flipped through to find the next document. Sakura inhaled sharply. Last Will And Testament. It was Kakashi’s will. She swallowed, unable to glance up to see his reaction. Instead, she flipped through cautiously, her eyes skimming the dense document until they came to rest on her name. Surprised she backtracked a bit and re-read that last section. He was leaving her _everything_. 

Startled she glanced up once again and he only gestured for her to continue. “Remember your promise.” 

With a shaking hand, she continued onward, her heart constricting a bit when she got to the end of the document and found that it had been dated several years previous and had only been updated to add in specific instructions in regard to his bank account – for the avoidance of doubt. 

Sakura had to pause for a moment to collect herself. It was too much. Kakashi was giving her _everything…_ once his name was added to the Memorial. She didn’t know how to respond.

“Keep going, you’re almost at the end,” he encouraged her, gently, in a tone of voice she had never heard from him before.

Almost afraid of what she would see she glanced up again and found that his gaze had softened and gained an almost bittersweet quality to it. Uncertain what that could signal, she turned the page again and inhaled sharply. Wide eyes looked up at him once again, seeking answers.

He chuckled softly at her surprise. “It’s all legal. You just have to sign and date – whatever date you like so long as it’s after the date I used.”

“But-”

“You promised.”

“But... _this?_ ”

“I brought the whole thing to a lawyer and made sure it’s all legal. None of it can be changed, there are no loopholes. Everything is one hundred percent above board and above all legal.”

“You want… _this?_ ” she gestured to the very legal document in the file.

He nodded and answered simply, “yes.”

She sat for a moment in thought. Her fingers absently flipping through the remaining pages of that startling document. When she got to the end she found that there were two additional items in the folder. Curiously she turned the whole troubling document over to get a better look at what lay behind it.

Suddenly Kakashi’s hand was on hers again, preventing her from examining the two last items. Startled she looked up into his once again unreadable expression. 

“Not those,” he shook his head slightly. “Those are for when I am well and truly gone.”

Feeling shaken, Sakura let go of the two envelopes but not before noticing that one was addressed to her and the other to their child/children. Swallowing hard she returned her attention to the last legal document in the folder.

“Kakashi, are you sure?”

He nodded, dead serious. “Yes. If this is what you well and truly want, then _I_ want you to have every advantage I can possibly give to you. If we’re married then the village can deny you nothing that you’re rightfully owed. There would be no way for them not to grant you widow’s benefits on some technicality or other.” He paused in thought for a moment before adding, almost as an afterthought, “The lawyers also have a copy of everything on file at their office – should anything happen to call any of my decisions into question. Or, if the file should contain something other than what you’ve seen today.”

Eyes still wide she returned her attention to the document. It was a marriage license. Everything had been filled out and Kakashi had signed it. All it needed was her signature and date. The stack of pages behind it seemed to be legalese verifying the validity of the marriage license and a signed affidavit from Kakashi swearing that his intention was to marry Sakura and his death had gotten in the way of that intention – justifying the legality of the marriage license after his death. 

“You promised,” he prompted.

Sakura nodded. “I did.”

“Good.” Gently, he retrieved the paperwork from her hands. “I need to return this. Miyako wasn’t too thrilled when I walked off with it.”

Snapping back to the present, momentarily setting aside the multiple bombs that Kakashi had dropped, she found it in her to laugh weakly. Of course, he would just wander off with his file without telling them where he was going or what he was doing. 

Glad that she seemed to be returning back to normal, if only a little, he smiled. A part of him wanted to reach out to her, reassure her that everything would be okay, that this was how things had to be but knowing that it was a slippery slope and he was already treading the edge. He couldn’t afford a slip now.

~*~*~*~


	6. Chapter VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every week.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter VI

Sakura suppressed a sigh as she entered the coffee shop. Itsuki was there, just placing his order at the counter. Upon seeing her he waved and added her usual to his order along with pastries. Silently she cursed. If he ordered pastries then that meant that he intended on staying – she’d only intended on picking up something to go, mostly to avoid him if he happened to be there. 

Resignedly she made her way over to the counter.

“Hi Itsuki, I didn’t expect to see you here today.”

He beamed as he finished up the transaction and accepted the pastries from the cashier. “Nice to see you, Ms. Haruno. Why don’t you take these,” he gestured with the mouth-watering pastries, “to a table? I’ll pick up our coffees and join you in a moment.”

Sakura forced a smile and accepted the plates. “Thanks, I’ll be right over,” she turned to scan the crowded coffee house for a free table. She paused upon spying a familiar shock of silver hair tucked away in a corner booth, what was Kakashi doing here? 

“Oh, looks like there’s a free one over there!” Itsuki interrupted her momentary distraction.

Shaking her head to clear the conflicting emotions seeing Kakashi brought to the surface, she followed Itsuki’s gesture and spied the free table. “Right, I’ll be just over there.” She nodded before briskly setting off toward the table.

Sakura didn’t have long to ponder Kakashi’s presence in the coffee shop as Itsuki joined her fairly quickly thereafter.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi found himself at loose ends. Because of his last mission, and his condition upon his return, he was still not going to be assigned to much of anything for some time. It would be another month at least before he was deemed sound enough to be assigned to anything more dangerous than a B rank. Not particularly in the mood to train, Sakura would kill him if he re-injured himself so soon after recovering from his last round of injuries, he had decided to find somewhere in the village to kill a few hours with one of his orange companions before heading to the pub for the evening. 

After discovering that his favorite rarely used training grounds were already occupied, some of which were _definitely not_ in use for shinobi training, he had decided to branch out in finding new loitering locations. As much as he wanted to set up camp in Sakura’s office, as he usually would in this situation, he felt that things were still a little too awkward between them for that to be a viable option. So, instead, he had found himself drifting toward the coffee shop he knew Sakura usually hit in the afternoon on her way home from the hospital when she had worked an early shift.

Feeling somewhat self-conscious in the unfamiliar environment, he ordered himself a coffee and with some additional thought, a croissant (the least fancy thing they had to eat in the pastry case) before making his way to one of the corner booths where he had set up camp for the afternoon. 

Sometime later the coffee shop becoming busier as the afternoon wore on, the occupants of the booth next to his changed, the students were now replaced with two young women – housewives if didn't miss his guess. Both short and with long dark hair, similar facial features, and dressed remarkably alike, if one were to discount the colors of their shirts, one was wearing red and the other blue. They were probably related, sisters or cousins he mused.

The two women spent a few moments settling themselves, clearly getting ready for a long gossip session. With a sigh of resignation, he made an effort to tune them out.

A little while later, and several conversation topics for the two women in the booth next to him, Kakashi glanced up to scan the busy coffee shop, as was his norm. He was only a little surprised to see Itsuki standing at the counter, he frowned. A quick glance at the clock by the register confirmed his suspicions, Sakura was due to stop by any moment…

Right on time, Sakura walked in, pausing in the doorway. If Kakashi hadn’t been looking for it, he would have missed the momentary flash of resignation that crossed her face. As he watched, she approached the counter slowly and engaged Itsuki in conversation. He could only guess that the clearly well-planned ploy had worked and she would likely sit and have coffee with the determined man. 

Hastily Kakashi returned his attention to his book as he observed Sakura start to scan the room, obviously looking for a table. Kakashi knew she would see him but he didn’t need her knowing that he had seen _her_. So far, since showing her his paperwork, he had been very careful about not pushing their interactions too much. He suspected that she was still coping with it all and didn’t want to blow their relationship by pushing her too fast too soon. As much as he wanted everything to go back to normal as soon as possible, he was well aware that Sakura would need some time to process it all before he could hope to resume their comfortable friendship.

Too distracted by his thoughts about his current relationship issues with Sakura to really take in the words on the page, he let his mind wander instead. The words of the two women in the booth next to him suddenly coming to him.

“So, Ayumi, have you seen Akimi lately?” The woman in blue asked.

"No, not since the memorial anyway…" she trailed off as the realization hit. “I really am a terrible friend, aren't I?" The woman in red responded, clearly chagrined with her own behavior.

“Well…”

“No, Noriko, I _am_. I should have made more of an effort to stay in touch.” Ayumi sighed.

“You’re not alone, there.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I ran into her the other day.”

“Oh, did you?”

“Yeah, she and her daughter were at the park and I stopped to catch up a little.”

“So, how are they faring?”

“Not well from the looks of it.” Noriko sighed this time, frowning as well.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I think she’s holding up pretty well, as is Reika, all things considered.”

“So, what’s going on then?” Ayumi shook her head in confusion.

Noriko lowered her voice significantly. “Well, between you and me, it sounds like Sousuke didn’t pay much attention to his paperwork.”

“What do you- Oh! _No!_ ”

“ _Yes!_ He should have left them pretty comfortably off, widow’s benefits and all, but apparently, he never checked in on his status.”

“Oh… that’s not good…”

“Yeah, even though he was thirty he never bothered to do the paperwork to advance within the ranks. So, the benefits that Akimi can collect are pretty minimal. The equivalent of maybe a 20-year-old with only a few years of service to the village.”

“That’s _terrible!_ ”

“The worst part is that apparently even though he never bothered to do his homework to make sure things were squared away for his wife and daughter, he was only one mission away from automatically being bumped up…” Noriko trailed off, clearly thinking that it could be any of them.

“Can’t they make an exception, do something retroactively to his last mission to enhance the ranking or something?” Ayumi asked with concern.

“Nope, he died in a freak accident on the way to the store. Their hands are tied.” Noriko shook her head with disgust.

“So, what’s she going to do?”

“She’s considering using his bank account to have a second child.”

“I don’t understand, won’t that make things worse? A second mouth and all that?”

“No, apparently the benefits she can get by using the bank are far better than what she’s currently getting now. So, if she has a second child she’ll get both and even though Reika wasn’t born in the program she’ll be able to enjoy whatever benefits she can from the second child.”

“Oh, I see, that’s smart!” Ayumi exclaimed, pleased that there was a solution for Akimi.

“Yeah, they were planning on trying to have another after he finished his most recent set of training anyway so...”

“Though, really, the village should just make things right with Akimi. Making her have a second child just for the benefits… Widowed mothers from outside the program should be granted the same benefits as those within the program.”

“It’s messed up.”

“Makes you think.”

“Yeah. Have you checked in with your hubby lately on the status of his paperwork?”

“Nope, but I can guarantee you that will be the first thing I ask when he comes back from his current mission. You?”

“Will be the first thing I ask mine about when I get home tonight.”

Kakashi’s eavesdropping session came to an abrupt end when coffee in a to-go cup suddenly appeared in front of him.

Surprised, he hadn’t even sensed anyone approaching, he looked up and smiled when he realized why. 

“I asked for caramel today – seemed like a good seasonal addition.”

He chuckled, she was the only one who knew that he secretly liked his coffee with a shot of something sweet on occasion. “Thanks, Sakura.”

She eyed him for a moment before returning his smile. “Self-preservation. If I didn’t have it added to _yours_ , you’d most likely end up drinking _mine_.”

He laughed as he pocketed his book and pushed himself up from the booth, draining the last of his now stone-cold coffee before picking up the to-go coffee Sakura had gotten for him. She was right, he always ordered his coffee black – he had a reputation to uphold – but had gotten into the habit of drinking it with some sort of sweetener added. Too many years of stealing Sakura’s coffee had given him an embarrassing taste for it. 

Conscientiously he grabbed his dishes and brought them to the return station, tossing his trash in the bin along the way. Without another word the two shinobi exited the coffee shop together, each sipping their coffee and enjoying the crisp late fall evening. 

Sakura didn’t particularly have a destination in mind, rather she allowed her feet to wander on their own, Kakashi clearly content to follow along with her, wherever she may be going. To the surprise of both of them, they ended up at a park not too far away. The trees still had their leaves, and the colors had not yet started to fade. Probably within the next day or so the leaves would start dropping and then it would quite suddenly be winter.

Absently they made their way to one of the many benches to better enjoy the fall colors with the benefit of the hot coffee to keep them warm.

As they sat in companionable silence, both too pleased that things didn’t seem as strained as they feared to try and break it, a group of kids suddenly appeared on the wide expanse of grass in front of them.

Sakura chuckled as the children started arguing amongst themselves almost immediately.

Kakashi turned his gaze to her and raised an eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”

“I see them here often, and they always have the same argument.”

“About what?”

“Teams.”

“And, that’s funny?”

She laughed again. “Not from the outside I suppose. The funny part is that it’s always the same argument and they always end up spending at least five, often ten, minutes on it.”

“So?”

“The resolution is always the same. The three dark-haired children, the tall blonde and the short red-headed on one team and all the rest on the other. They could save themselves a lot of time if they just skipped the argument and got on with it.”

He stared at her for a moment before chuckling. “Really?”

She shrugged and responded with the only explanation she felt qualified to give. “Kids.”

After a few more moments of watching the children finish arguing, they finally resolved themselves into two teams – exactly as Sakura had predicted. One of them produced a black and white ball while two others set up goals. In no time they began to play.

Tearing his attention from the children, Kakashi turned to face his companion. “Sakura, I-”

She shook her head slightly, remaining focused on the soccer match. “It’s okay Kakashi.”

“But-” he tried again, feeling that it would only be right for them to discuss the elephant in the room.

“Really, it’s okay.” She took a sip of her coffee. “It was just a surprise, far more than I could ever have hoped for or expected.” Sakura paused to think for a moment before adding, “Still is, to be honest. I-I haven’t quite finished processing it all – so much to take in... But, it’s fine... It’ll _be_ fine.”

“Sakura, look at me.”

She shook her head, unable to take what she was certain would be a concerned expression on his face. She wasn’t ready to handle his concern. “No regrets, remember?”

He sighed, realizing that she wasn’t ready, and turned his attention back to the kids playing soccer. “No regrets.”

~*~*~*~  
  


Briefly, Kakashi knocked before entering the Hokage’s office.

Tsunade glanced up from her paper-strewn desk, surprised to see Kakashi so soon. She figured he’d turn up once he was well and truly tired of doing lower ranked missions and would eventually appear demanding something more challenging. 

“What brings you here today, Kakashi?” she asked, careful to keep any hints of her suspicions from her tone of voice.

Instead of speaking, he approached her desk and placed a porcelain mask on top of her papers.

She eyed him and then the mask and then him again. “What’s this?”

“I want back in.”

“What are you talking about?”

He gestured to the mask. “I want back in.”

“You _are_ in, you never left.” She shook her head. “No one ever actually leaves. You know that.”

He shook his head. “No, I want back in, full time.”

She stared at him in surprise, _no one_ ever wanted back into ANBU. Tsunade couldn’t even begin to imagine why he might make such a request. Suddenly it hit her and she pushed the mask away. “No. I’m _not_ helping you commit suicide by mission.”

“What?”

“You’ve tied up all your loose ends now,” she eyed him for a moment before continuing, “You’ve even managed to get Sakura to look at your file so she will be prepared.” Tsunade snorted. “I’m _not_ going to help you remove that last little thing on your to-do list.”

He sighed. “That’s not it.”

“You’re bored, I get it. You probably _are_ fit enough to start taking on some of the more challenging missions. I’ll have your status fully reinstated so you can start accepting some of the more difficult missions as they come in. That should keep you happily occupied.”

He shook his head. “I need back in.”

“Why? Even if I did reinstate your full-time ANBU status, I would _not_ be assigning you to any suicide missions any time in the near future.” 

Stifling a sigh he pulled a sheaf of papers from a back pocket and dropped them on Tsunade’s desk, next to his ANBU mask.

“What’s this?” she asked with an eyebrow arched in curiosity.

He gestured for her to look.

Curiously, she picked up the packet of papers to examine them. It only took a moment for her to identify what they were. She raised an inquiring eyebrow. “Retirement packages? You? _Retire?_ ” 

Without waiting for a response, Tsunade returned her attention to the papers. The packet had been folded open at the worksheet that could be used to calculate one’s expected retirement benefits. Someone, likely Kakashi, had filled the entire thing in carefully, including some equations that spilled down into the blank portion under the lined scratch work area. At the very bottom of the page were several groupings of numbers and letters, one of which, the shortest string of the bunch, was circled.

“I thought you squared all this away when you wrapped up all your bank paperwork? All of your plans were updated and settled. No loose ends and all that. What could you possibly want to change?”

He frowned and shook his head, gesturing for her to flip to the marked section deeper into the packet of papers. 

Curiously she flipped to the marked page, after a moment’s study she stifled a gasp. The equations continued onto this page as well, along with a repetition of the groupings of letters and numbers along the bottom with the same, short string circled heavily as was the section header and a particular option. The math suddenly made sense as did the strings of letters and numbers. The math didn’t work for the selected option without one of those strings of letters and numbers – the circled one the obviously preferred choice. Tsunade put the packet of papers down for a moment to stare off into space, contemplating this new development.

Kakashi found himself suddenly feeling nervous, shifting his weight from one foot to the other while Tsunade clearly carefully considered his request. He had hoped for a simple ‘yes’ without the request for his reasons. That he had to give them left him feeling uncomfortably vulnerable. He may have tipped his hand a little too far this time. Then again, it was absolutely necessary that he rejoin ANBU, so he may not have really had much of a choice in the matter anyway.

Just when Kakashi was about to pull out one of his orange companions to try and distract himself from the important request he had just made, Tsunade refocused her gaze on him.

“Fine.”

He opened his mouth to argue before the fact that she had agreed hit him and he closed it again without making a sound. He was speechless.

“I’ll let you back in _only_ until you can finish this up. I’m not going to bother adding you to a team, you can do solos or be assigned to groups on an as-needed basis.” She narrowed her eyes at him before continuing. “I’m also not going to send you on any suicide missions.” Tsunade paused for a moment. “Aside from the village not wanting to lose you after your most recent close call, Sakura would probably kill me.”

Silently, he nodded, it was going better than he’d expected.

“You can start tomorrow. Report for a mission briefing at nine.” She rummaged around her desk for a moment before retrieving a small tightly wound scroll. “I even already have a mission for you.” She tilted her head to the side. “It’s been tricky to try and assign so I suppose it will be good to have you back in full time.”

Kakashi nodded again and reached out for his ANBU mask and the retirement package papers. “Thanks.”

“This is just until you’ve fulfilled the requirements, you hear? I’m pulling you back out as soon as that’s done.”

He nodded his acknowledgment. “Wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“Good.” She started to turn her attention back to her papers before something hit her. “Oh, and Kakashi?”

“Yes?”

“Try not to be _too_ late tomorrow. The client will be there and will likely require some convincing as it is – you haven’t been full ANBU for years now – your habitual tardiness may turn out to be a deal-breaker.”

“Right, right,” he sighed. He rarely intended on being late. At least, not to meetings with the Hokage. 

She studied him for a moment before sighing, it was as good as she was going to get. “That’s all. I’m sure you know where to find whatever you may need to replace on your uniform to fit back in with the regulars. I’ll be putting you back in as a ‘senior’ this time around so I’m sure, regardless, you’ll need some new uniform pieces.”

Surprised, his eyes widened. This was unexpected.

Catching his expression Tsunade chuckled before pulling out a fresh scroll to issue the necessary orders to have Kakashi reinstated and promoted, before returning her attention back to the paperwork in front of her.

Silently, Kakashi made his way out of the office, his feet already heading in the direction of the armory. His mind already working on just what he would need for his uniform if he was to present himself at the mission briefing the next day as a senior ANBU.

~*~*~*~

Sakura did her best to stifle a yawn as she headed down the hall. She had not slept well the night before, no particular reason as far as she could tell, just a bad night’s sleep. And now the fact that she had a morning meeting with Tsunade was not helping anything. Though, just what the meeting was in regard to she could not say as Tsunade herself had neglected to mention it. A part of her hoped it was to finish re-assigning her back to her usual duties. All the shifts in the maternity ward in addition to beginning to handle some of her usual duties was beginning to wear on her. Besides, she and Kakashi had more or less patched things up since his return from that suicide mission. There was no further reason for Tsunade to remind her exactly why she put up with Kakashi’s occasionally infuriating antics. Never mind the fact that she now knew the contents of his file – something she was positive that Tsunade also knew. Why else would she have insisted so strongly when Kakashi had first filed them?

As Sakura turned down the hall that led to the Hokage’s office, Tsunade’s office door opened in the distance and out walked a few clerks, surrounding what was clearly a very wealthy man. A few moments later, Sakura now almost upon the office, the door opened again and a fully rigged out ANBU exited. Sakura recognized him immediately, if not from the familiar shock of silver hair behind the red and black painted white porcelain mask, then by his height and gait. She’d recognize Kakashi anywhere, even in an ANBU uniform – even in a _senior_ ANBU uniform. 

Unable to prevent it, she inhaled sharply – her mouth dropping open in surprise and her eyebrows drawing together and down, clearly expressing her obvious sense of betrayal. Sakura knew that he occasionally moonlighted as ANBU whenever needed, after all, no one truly left ANBU – they called him back whenever necessary. But, usually, whenever that happened, it was done in the dark and shadows – an ill-kept secret that he hadn’t really left, even when she was assigned to his genin team, he had occasionally been called away from the village for unexplained reasons. ANBU, of course – some of those ridiculous excuses for being late could likely even be attributed to his being called back for something or other. But, whenever that had been, it had never happened in the light of day, never out in public. And, from what she could see of his uniform, he was not only publically back in ANBU but he had also been promoted. 

Quickly, so he couldn’t try and stop her, Sakura hurried past him and into Tsunade’s office closing the door behind her. She knew that he would likely want to try and explain himself after catching the expression on her face and she didn’t want to hear it. She could only wonder if he had even planned on telling her before going off on another suicide mission. 

Better she not know, she decided, doing her best to get her expression under control – otherwise, Tsunade would notice and make no bones about asking. But, seeing Kakashi rigged out in full ANBU gear struck her harder than she could have expected. As had the realization that he was likely going off again, not expecting to return. Sakura had to admit to herself, bitterly, that he had no reason to return now. All his loose ends had been tied up, she’d seen for herself. Kakashi had accounted for _everything_. Now, all he really had to do was one small thing, and he would be more than happy to do it from what she could tell. Never mind that she had told him before when he’d returned from that last suicide mission, that she wanted him to return from his missions – that _nothing_ would _ever_ change that. 

Kakashi didn’t understand. Lived in a world where the concept of dying of old age in one’s own home just didn’t happen. Sakura had thought that she had made her peace with this particular personality quirk of Kakashi’s but once again found herself struggling to accept it. She couldn’t understand what sort of environment he had been raised in if he had believed from childhood that his future was already written in stone and that one day his name would be written on the Memorial with the rest of his family. 

With a start, she realized that she could change that. She would have the responsibility of raising the next generation of the Hatake clan. And, while she had every intention of being as respectful of Kakashi’s family as she could be, she could make one small change – one that would likely allow the clan to flourish rather than dwindle down to single child generations.

Tsunade glanced up from her papers, surprised to be bothered so soon after her meeting ended. Her expression softened upon seeing Sakura. She’d forgotten that she had scheduled a meeting with her former apprentice. 

“Ah, Sakura,” she glanced up at the clock, “just on time. Good.”

~*~*~*~


	7. Chapter VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every week.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter VII

Sakura found herself checking the clock again. The hands had barely moved since her last look. Deciding that obsessive clock-watching meant that she was due a break, she pushed her chair back and stretched her arms out over her head while she extended her legs out in front of her – curling her toes as she did so. As she stretched, she silently debated if she wanted to go make a cup of hot cocoa in one of the kitchenettes or grab a cookie from the cafeteria – either one would provide her with a needed sugar boost to hopefully get her through the rest of the afternoon. 

Having decided that she would get the cookie if she could find the money for it in the loose change she kept in her desk, the hot cocoa if she couldn't, Sakura was interrupted by an authoritative knock on her door while in the process of rummaging around in her desk, looking for some loose change.

Hastily pulling her chair back to its usual position and slipping her feet into her shoes, she called out to the door, wondering who could possibly be stopping by. “Come in.”

Tsunade walked through the door, closing it behind her before sauntering over to Sakura’s desk. Her eyes flicking briefly to what any regular visitor to her office knew as Kakashi’s chair.

“Where’s your office buddy?” Tsunade asked upon noticing that Kakashi’s chair was unoccupied and seemed to be putting off a disused air. A small part of her wanted to examine the chair more closely as something seemed off, mentally she shook her head, telling herself that it was just the fact that Kakashi wasn’t in the chair that was bothering her, nothing else.

Sakura shrugged with a frown. “I don’t know. He’s like a cat… he comes and he goes as he pleases.” She paused and frowned before continuing as it occurred to her that it had been long enough since she’d last seen him for Kakashi to have been sent off on any number of missions. “I haven’t seen him for some time. I didn’t really think he was even in the village right now, to be honest.”

Tsunade gave Sakura a hard look, it was an awfully flip response. “Oh, really?’”

Sakura shook her head. “I haven’t seen him in _weeks_. I guess I assumed he’d been sent out, which would be why I haven’t seen him.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Since he’s back in ANBU full-time, I figure he’s like to be out more often than in.” She leaned forward before realizing what she was doing and returned to her usual sitting position. “So, since you’re looking for him, I take it that he’s in the village?”

“Oh, eh, ah, yes....” Tsunade trailed off, having hoped that Sakura hadn’t heard about Kakashi’s return to ANBU. A part of her wishing to believe he’d be in and out too quickly for Sakura to catch on. Clearly, she had hoped in vain. “Right, of course.”

“So, what can I do for you?” Sakura asked, breaking the suddenly awkward silence – beginning to suspect that possibly Tsunade hadn’t really had a reason to come to her office for her after all.

“Eh,” Tsunade vocalized, startled out of reverie. She decided to answer honestly. “Oh, I was looking for Kakashi, actually.”

Sakura eyed her former mentor suspiciously. Tsunade was the Hokage – if she needed to find someone, especially someone ANBU, she had the means at her fingertips to order they be found. So, why she would be wandering around looking for Kakashi on her own, Sakura couldn’t quite guess. A part of her wondered if maybe Tsunade wanted to try and meddle.

“Well, he’s not here. Hasn’t been by since,” Sakura paused as if in thought, though she knew damn well when she had last seen Kakashi – the day she’d seen him rigged out in full ANBU uniform exiting Tsunade’s office. “Oh, I don’t know when, a couple of weeks at least,” she finished as though exasperated.

“I see…” Tsunade trailed off, wondering at the sudden rift in the two friends. Kakashi had been spending more and more time in Sakura’s office since filing his paperwork. That he was in the village, unassigned, and not to be found in Sakura’s office was more than a little surprising.

“Is there anything I can do for you instead?” Sakura asked, knowing that the answer would likely be ‘no.’

“Oh, no, no. It’s fine. I’ll just go have someone find him when I return to my office. I, er, uh, was already in the building and thought I’d stop by to see if he was here, that’s all.”

“I see. Another mission for him then?”

Tsunade focused her gaze sharply on Sakura, her behavior was more cynical than Tsunade would have expected. “Why would you ask?”

“Seeing as how he’s full ANBU again, it’s an easy assumption. The most likely reason for you to be looking for him at any rate, anyway. Am I wrong?”

Tsunade shook her head. “Not precisely, no.”

Sakura shrugged. “If he’s in the village then I’m sure he’s probably lounging in one of the trees in the Arboretum, the non-fruit bearing kind – they don’t mind him loitering in the trees there so long as he sticks to the trees that don’t produce fruit. It’s too cold for him to take up a position in any of his usual outdoor _Icha Icha_ locations and today is a bad day for the pub – I believe they recently introduced karaoke to liven up the afternoon hours before the after-work rush.” She shuddered. “I think once was more than enough – Guy _really_ likes to sing once he’s had a few.”

Tsunade raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Oh, really?”

Sakura shrugged. “His patterns are pretty easy to predict if he’s in the village.” 

Tsunade kept the retort to herself that he’d usually be found in Sakura’s office at that time. Clearly, something was amiss between the two. “I’ll keep that in mind then when I send someone to find him.” Idly, she picked a speck of non-existent dust from her shoulder. “You two have a fight or something?”

Surprised, Sakura pulled her attention from the files in front of her to look up. “ _What?_ No!”

Tsunade chuckled at Sakura’s hasty denial. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ then.”

Sakura shook her head. “I couldn’t have had an argument with him if I haven’t seen him, you know.”

Tsunade raised a skeptical eyebrow. There was any number of things Sakura could do to show Kakashi that he was unwelcome in her life without actually seeing or speaking to him. “Sure, sure.” Instead of arguing the point any further, she turned to leave. As she reached for the door she turned to glance over her shoulder, an idea suddenly hitting her. “Did you know that Kakashi has nearly reached the highest rank possible for him within the general shinobi population?”

Startled, Sakura glanced up with wide eyes. “What?”

“Kakashi’s really only a few high-ranked missions away from achieving the highest rank possible for him.” She chuckled. “There won’t be many jobs for him to aspire to once he achieves _that_ goal. But, then again, there’s always _my_ job.” She laughed and pushed Sakura’s door open, not waiting for a response from her former apprentice. 

Slightly dumbfounded by Tsunade’s offhand comment, Sakura sat in silence, her mind suddenly wondering about Kakashi’s possible motives for his fulltime return to ANBU. After a good ten minutes of thought and silent internal debate, she could come to only one conclusion. Suddenly, she felt truly terrible for her poor treatment of her friend.

With a sigh, she pushed her chair away from her desk and rose to her feet. Absently, she grabbed her wallet – having given up her pretense to find money in her desk to pay for her afternoon snack – and, on her way out of her office, she paused by Kakashi’s chair. With one deft motion, she snatched up the hidden seal that she had placed under the seat and shredded it. 

Sakura was unsurprised when she returned to her office, with two big cookies and two cups of coffee, to find Kakashi sitting in his chair as though nothing had happened. Because, Sakura had to reflect, nothing really had. 

~*~*~*~  
  


Sakura laughed lightly at her companion’s clumsy joke. He was trying, which, she hated to admit, was more than what she was doing. 

“But, really, they should mark those folders more carefully!” Itsuki continued with his story, absently pulling a piece of gum from his pocket, unwrapping it and popping it in his mouth, pocketing the wrapper.

Sakura chuckled at his story as she silently marked her mental bingo card. It had been less than twenty minutes since they finished dinner and he was already popping gum. Though she silently had to grant, he _was_ getting better. In the past, he would have had a piece of gum in his mouth before the server had even cleared their dessert dishes.

They walked on in silence for a few moments. 

“So, I had a good time tonight,” he tried, cautiously. Getting her to agree to dinner had been a monumental endeavor, he knew well enough not to push it.

Hastily pulling her mind back to the present, she could have sworn that she sensed a familiar presence not too far off, Sakura forced herself to smile. “It was a nice evening.”

Elated, Itsuki smiled hugely. “We’ll have to do it again sometime then.”

Hesitant to burst the poor man’s bubble, Sakura responded cautiously. “Maybe.”

Itsuki stopped in his tracks. “Maybe?”

Sakura shook her head. “Itsuki, we’ve been over this-”

“ _Maybe isn’t a ‘no’!_ ” he hastily cut her off jubilantly.

Surprised Sakura took a moment to respond, only able to blink at the unexpected response. “Itsuki, you _do_ know that tonight wasn’t a date, don’t you?”

“Yes, yes,” he waved his hand negligently, in too good of a mood to let an unfortunate comment slip. “I get it, I do.”

Sakura narrowed her eyes and held out a hand to stop him before he continued on. “Do you _really?_ ”

He sighed before making eye contact. “Yes, really.”

“You know I don’t feel the same way as you do, right?”

“Yes.”

“You also know that that’s not going to change?”

“Yes.”

“Then…” she trailed off, unable to ask the question.

“Then why do I keep asking you out?” he finished her question.

Sakura nodded, feeling bad about the whole situation all over again.

Unconcerned he shrugged. “Hope springs eternal.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Maybe one day your feelings will change.”

“Itsuki-”

“I know.” he cut her off softly. “But, I can still believe that maybe one day.”

“I hope you don’t think I’m leading you on?”

“No, I understand.”

“Good.” She paused for a moment before continuing. “I’m heading home,” she raised a hand to forestall his movement, “alone. Good night, Itsuki.”

Unhappily he nodded, realizing that he had once again gotten ahead of himself, but understanding all the same. “Good night, Ms. Haruno.” 

Sakura continued on down the street, unsurprised when Kakashi fell into step next to her a few short blocks away. 

“Despite what he said, you’re still leading him on.”

Less than thrilled at his criticism but knowing that he wasn’t wrong, she shrugged. “I don’t know what else I can do at this point.”

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “Stop having dinner with him for one.”

“Why?”

“‘Why?’ You ask?”

“He knows I’m not interested. I’ve told him over and over again – point-blank – that I am not now nor will I ever be interested.” She paused wondering if she should just come out and say it, or let it go unsaid, before deciding to split the difference. “My… affections are engaged… elsewhere.” Sakura felt color rise to her cheeks and hastily tried to will it away before continuing. “And, yet, he still returns to ask me to dinner or coffee over and over again.” She shrugged self-consciously. “Eventually I feel like I have to say yes, if for no other reason than just to be polite.”

He snorted, ignoring her indirect comment about him. “He’s trying to wear you down, you know.”

Sakura opened her mouth to retort but realized that he was right.

“How many times has he guilted you into saying ‘yes’?”

Sakura sighed, already knowing that Kakashi was right. “Too many.”

Kakashi nodded. “If he’s spending money on you, eventually you’re going to feel even more guilty – obligated, even, you know.”

“I don’t let him pay!” she exclaimed indignantly, color once again rising to her cheeks.

Kakashi raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

Sakura suddenly averted her gaze. “Well, mostly.”

“Mostly?”

“Sometimes he’s sneaky about it. So I end up accidentally letting him pay… I always yell at him afterward though – I don’t want to feel as though I owe him anything.”

“See, you’re sending him mixed signals – even only occasionally allowing him to pay is still giving him hope. Despite what you’re telling him, he still thinks he has a chance.” He eyed her from the corner of his eye again. “Does he?”

“What?”

“Does he have a chance?”

“N-no! Of course not. I-” she hastily closed her mouth and swallowed what she was going to say, just shaking her head in a negative instead. He should know better than to ask that. “It’s never going to happen.”

They walked on in silence for a little while, apparently aimlessly until she realized that they were heading to one of the many shinobi pubs in Sakura’s neighborhood rather than her apartment. As they approached the pub, Kakashi chivalrously opened and then held the door for her.

Sakura chuckled at his display. “Thank you. Think this sudden burst of chivalry will extend to buying me a drink?”

He placed a finger on his chin as though in thought, doing his best to suppress a laugh. “Hmm, that depends.”

Suddenly suspicious, she eyed him carefully. “On what?”

“On, how nicely you ask.” He laughed and pushed her gently toward one of the booths before heading to the bar to buy drinks. 

~*~*~*~

Sakura rounded the corner and groaned. Her favorite coffee shop inexplicably seemed to have suddenly grown an enormous line. Hastily she racked her brain, trying to figure out what could possibly cause such a commotion at the usually fairly low-key coffee dispensary. Some sort of limited edition brew more likely than not – though she couldn’t remember seeing any advertisements for some such thing. 

More slowly than she had previously been traveling she continued on, closer to the monster line extending out the door and down the block. As she moved, her brain completed a quick cost-benefit analysis as to if it would be worth her while to stay and wait for her afternoon caffeinated treat or keep going and just head home to make something there for herself instead. 

As Sakura slowed to a halt at the end of the line, unaware that her feet seemed to have made the decision for her, she noticed a few co-workers further up the line, chatting happily amongst themselves. Feeling obligated she reached up and waved when they noticed her, not willing to risk the wrath of the line by going to actually greet them in person.

Sakura was surprised when she lowered her hand and realized she was now holding a to-go cup of something hot.

“What?” she exclaimed, turning to see who had so stealthily snuck a cup of coffee in her hand, though already having a good idea of who may have done such a thing. “Kakashi?!” Pulling herself together she hastily added, “thank you!” 

For some unknown reason, Kakashi’s actions seemed to have caused a stir in the line. People were suddenly whispering and pointing, the wave of reactions traveling in both directions down the line. Afraid that he may somehow incur the wrath of the line, Sakura stepped out of line and several feet away to put some distance between her and the possibly angry other people waiting in line.

Once out of what she considered to be the potential danger zone, Sakura cautiously sniffed at the beverage – the rich aroma of coffee seemed to have been tempered with something she couldn’t quite put a name to, or a finger on.

He chuckled at her curiosity over the coffee. “Apparently, it’s a very unique new blend – they made it especially for this new romance novel that was released last month.”

Curious, Sakura took another quick look around and noticed what she’d missed before, eighty percent of the line was made up of women between the ages of sixteen and sixty, most of them holding copies of a book with a purple jacket. Many of the women in question were still whispering and sending glances their way. Realization dawned, it was likely because she had lucked out in having Kakashi appear out of nowhere with the magical coffee in hand. Nodding to herself, he was obviously right, she took a sip. Her eyes widened in surprise. “It’s _good!_ ”

He snorted. “Better than the book from what I’ve seen.”

Quickly Sakura glanced around to see if anyone had heard Kakashi’s comment. From the looks of the crowd, she guessed they wouldn’t take too kindly to someone slandering ‘their’ book. “ _Kakashi!_ ”

“What? It’s true.”

“Do you think it _wise_ to make a comment like that around here?”

“Hmm?” He raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“Kakashi, didn’t you just tell me that they’re here for some special limited edition,” she gestured with her cup of coffee, “coffee just because of its association with a book?”

He shook his head. “Nah, it’s fine.”

“How is it fine?” Sakura asked, still eyeing the large group of women around them – looking for signs of hostility and finding none, though quite a few of the women were just openly staring now.

He raised a hand to the back of his neck. “Well, I didn’t have time to change from my security shift.”

Uncomprehendingly she stared at Kakashi. “Don’t know what you’re trying to say here.”

He laughed, leave it to Sakura to take the wind out of his sails. “Take another look,” he gestured with his coffee at the crowd of women waiting in the line, “at them.”

Sakura looked again, this time really studying the women. To her surprise, many of them kept stealing furtive glances at Kakashi. She frowned and returned her attention to him, he was dressed in his ANBU uniform which was a step above his normal daily wear, porcelain mask pushed up and to the side. He looked younger than he customarily did but she chalked that up to being able to see more of his face with all of his hair out of the way. He lost even more years when he wasn’t wearing his mask. But, aside from seeing more of his face than usual, she couldn't really see why so many women might keep sneaking glances.

She shook her head. “I don’t see it. What am I missing?”

He laughed again and started walking. “I’m sure you’ll get an earful from your friends who were ahead of you in that line when you next see them.”

“Kakashi! Don’t change the subject!” she cried as she hurried to catch up with him, leaving the coffee shop and its massive line behind them.

He glanced at her sideways. “Who says I’m changing the subject?”

“Kakashi,” she growled.

Sensing she was nearly at the end of her patience, he decided to enlighten her. “The main love interest in the story is ANBU. Apparently, it’s about the regulars at a coffee shop and the woman working there as a barista. She’s working there in order to put herself through medical school.”

“What?”

“She manages to ensnare a highly trained and very skilled ANBU with her special blend of coffee – keeps him coming back again and again for more. Eventually, the coffee leads to other things,” he paused as though in thought, “well, of course, it would. Otherwise, it would be a pretty boring book.”

Sakura paused, stopping her forward momentum, her brain rejecting the premise Kakashi was spinning for her. “Wait, she does _what_ now?”

He shrugged. “Stranger things have happened.”

She resumed walking, thinking of some of their friends, and had to grudgingly nod. “Okay, you have a point there.” 

He chuckled, he could tell how hard it was for Sakura to admit that. But, they lived in Konoha, stranger things _had_ happened.

“So, let me guess, you got away with that because you were dressed as the main love interest?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Could be that I was dressed as the main love interest. Could be because we just reenacted a well-loved sequence from the book. Or, it could just be because most women love to see the ANBU uniform.”

“What?”

He shrugged. “Could be a combination of all three.”

“Wait, what do you mean by reenacting a well-loved scene from the book?”

“Eh, there’s a sequence where the main character discovers that there is a huge line for something she wanted but was also of limited quantity. The main love interest, having anticipated where she was going, got there ahead of her and procured the item for her. Delivering it in a charming manner just as she was despairing of ever getting the thing she wanted.”

Eyes wide she turned to him, unable to respond. “Kakashi…”

Feeling it necessary to try and distract Sakura, he continued on a slightly different track. “Most of those women have probably never even seen ANBU in person you know.”

“What?”

“Because you’re a shinobi, you see ANBU around all the time, but most of those women – civilians, the lot of them – have probably only ever read romanticized versions of ANBU and have likely never seen any up close before.” He shrugged. “The mystery and allure of the uniform.” Deciding it would be safe to tease her a bit he added with a sideways glance, “I guess the power of the uniform no longer works on you?”

Feeling her cheeks heat, she smacked his tattooed shoulder. Kakashi had hit too close to home, she’d seen him all rigged out in his ANBU gear far too many times to be able to admit that she still experienced that little thrill of excitement. Or, rather, she’d seen him and any number of other ANBU rigged out properly come through the hospital. However, that did not take away from the fact that Kakashi _did_ wear the uniform particularly well. _Nor_ did it negate the fact that Sakura _did_ enjoy getting to see him wearing it. She just knew she could never actually admit it to _him._

They continued on in companionable silence, drinking their coffee. 

“So, what happens?” Sakura couldn’t help herself from asking.

“What do you mean what happens?”

“With the barista and the ANBU?”

Kakashi shrugged. “Haven’t gotten that far.”

Sakura laughed, realizing that she should have guessed sooner. “You’re reading it?”

“With no new _Icha Icha_ for years now, I’ve had to try and branch out every now and again. As much as I may love the classics, I’m always on the lookout for new novels to read.”

“So when you said the coffee was better than the book, you were speaking from personal experience then?”

“Yup.”

“So, are you going to finish it?”

“My coffee?” he asked, knowing she meant the book.

“Kakashi!” Sakura swatted him without any real force.

“Well, I was planning on it but if you really like it that much I’ll be happy to let you have the rest of it.”

She swatted at him again playfully. “You know I meant the book!”

“Ah-ha, so you did.”

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Are you going to finish the book?”

“Why, you want to borrow it?”

Sakura felt her cheeks heat. “Maybe…”

It was his turn to laugh. “I’ll be sure to leave it for you at your office when I’m done with it.” He examined her momentarily from the corner of his eye. “Would do you no end of good reading something that wasn’t a medical journal or medical report, you know.”

She sighed. “Yeah, I know. But, there’s just so much I don’t know. I don’t want to lose a patient because there was a scroll or journal that I hadn’t read.”

He nodded, her concern was more than understandable and not something he could easily talk her out of, nor, he was well aware, should he. 

They continued on for another few minutes, Sakura’s apartment building looming ahead of them, still a few blocks away. Though, even from that distance, they could both recognize the man leaning casually against one of the trees in the park across the street from the apartment building.

Sakura sighed.

“You really should stop leading him on you know.”

“Yeah, I know. I just…”

“Feel bad?”

She sighed again, focusing her attention on the coffee cup in her hand. “Yes.”

He shook his head. He didn’t like it, Itsuki was clearly playing Sakura like a fiddle and there was nothing he could really do about it. “You know it could all be calculated manipulation on his part.”

“Why would you say that?”

“He seems to be doing a good job of getting exactly what he wants just by guilting you into giving it to him.” He paused for a moment before asking idly, “I wonder how far he’ll be able to get before you finally put a stop to it?”

Sakura stopped, her temper irrationally flaring as she already knew deep down that he was right, her hand clenching around her coffee cup and her eyes narrowing. 

Kakashi halted, surprised at the extent of Sakura’s reaction. He’d expected her to emphatically deny his observation, instead, she seemed actually angry. Figuring he should get out in front of it before she got even angrier he hastily tried to interject. “Sakura, I-”

“Are you accusing me of something?”

“What? _No._ ”

“Then why does this bother you so much?” She snorted. “I don’t see why you should even care.”

He shrugged, uncertain as to how he could possibly respond. In the mood she was in, there were no correct answers. And, if he were to be honest with himself, he wasn’t sure why he’d even said it – she was right, it _was_ no business of his.

“Are you…” she trailed off, not even believing her accusation herself but still feeling the need to finish it, “ _jealous?_ ” Sakura couldn’t help but ask with more than a little disbelief.

“ _What?!_ ”

“You _really_ don’t like it when I spend any time with Itsuki – no matter what the circumstances. You tell me so every time he comes up.”

Kakashi sighed with exasperation unable to understand how she couldn’t see what she was doing. “That’s because you’re leading him on. You’re giving him false hopes by spending so much time with him – even though you’ve been clear from the beginning that you’re not interested, you’re still sending him mixed signals. And, he’s obviously choosing to believe that you’re just playing hard to get.”

She caught his gaze and held it. “That’s rich coming from _you_.”

Suddenly feeling his own well-worn sense of guilt rear its ugly head Kakashi found he couldn’t hold her gaze. She had a point – one he didn’t want to think about too closely.

“I thought so.” She nodded, more to herself than to him. “See you later Kakashi, thank you for the coffee, it was delicious.” 

Sakura started walking toward her apartment, knowing that he would not follow. Just as she was about to exit his hearing range she stopped and turned to leave him with one last comment. 

“I’m absolutely, one hundred percent, all yours – once your name is added to the Memorial. Until then, I’m free to do as I please. If you don’t like it, ask me out yourself – we both know I won’t say ‘ _no_.’” She held his gaze until he glanced away.

Parting comment made, she continued on to her apartment building and Itsuki who was waiting for her.

~*~*~*~


	8. Chapter VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every week.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter VIII

Sakura inhaled and then exhaled slowly before opening her office door. A part of her expecting to see Kakashi sitting, as usual, in his seat. Even though she’d blown up at him the last time they’d been together, she knew he would take it in stride and keep turning up unless she sealed his chair. She knew as well as he did that they were both at least partially to blame for her explosion. He wasn’t happy with the way she was treating Itsuki – however, Kakashi himself was treating her nearly the same way. He had no leg to stand on in calling her out on her behavior without leaving himself open to the same criticism.

The only difference was that Sakura was well aware of Kakashi’s limitations and had long ago accepted them. The desire for Kakashi to be different was harder to move past but was an achievement Sakura had also managed, with no small amount of difficulty, to accomplish. Wishing for Kakashi to change was like wishing for the sun to come up in the west. It was, in a lot of ways, against nature – _his_ nature.

Just as the sun was incapable of coming up in the west, Kakashi was incapable of romantic relationships – or, rather, Kakashi had been raised to believe himself incapable of such relationships. Sakura already knew that it would be folly to try and force him to change. Any change he managed as a result of her pushing him for said change would absolutely end in resentment and hard feelings. So if anything was to change at all, it would have to be Kakashi to initiate it in himself and as he believed himself incapable of such change… he never would.

Sakura was an intelligent woman. Fighting these facts would be a waste of both her time and energy. Instead, as hard as it had been to accomplish, she had accepted Kakashi as he was – broken bits and all.

Upon opening her office door, Sakura was surprised to see that he was not, in fact, there as expected. There was, however, a cup of coffee and a purple jacketed book sitting on his seat instead, a scrap of paper with her name scrawled messily on it placed haphazardly on top of the cup of coffee. Puzzled, she walked over to the chair and picked up the coffee. The aroma hit her at once, it was the special limited edition coffee that she really liked – she’d tried to get it a few times since the day she’d discovered it but had yet to have the time to brave the line in order to successfully procure it herself. Gratefully she wrapped her fingers around the cup and smiled, it was still warm, before taking a long sip. Sweetened with chocolate and a bit of cream, exactly how she liked it. Possibly an apology. Or, possibly, he’d been waiting for her and either gotten tired of waiting or had been called away.

Coffee taken care of, she turned her attention to the novel. Examining it more closely she noted that it was, as she’d expected, the novel associated with the coffee. Smiling again for no particular reason, she returned to her desk, novel and coffee in hand and ready to tackle the rest of the day. 

~*~*~*~

Tsunade glanced up from her paperwork upon hearing a knock before her office door opened, she didn’t think she was expecting anyone for another hour at least.

“Ah, Sakura, you’re just the person I wanted to see!”

Surprised, Sakura paused on her way to Tsunade’s inbox which was next to her desk, a pile of papers and scrolls in her arms wobbling precariously when she stopped moving. “I am?”

“Yes,” she eyed the pile of paperwork in Sakura’s hands and her smile widened. “Is that everything I gave you last week?”

Sensing that she was about to be on the receiving end of a new stack of paperwork, Sakura sighed and continued her interrupted trip to Tsunade’s inbox. “Yup. All done.”

“Good, good. I have a new assignment for you but will have to go through,” she nodded at Sakura’s stack, “ _that_ before I can assign it to you.”

Sakura nodded as she dropped the paperwork in the bin that looked suspiciously like a trash can, next to Tsunade’s desk. “So, I can go back to my usual responsibilities for the time being then?”

“Yes.” She nodded absently as something came to the fore of her memory. “Ah, and Kakashi is back in the village.”

“Oh, is he?” Sakura asked, uncertain why Tsunade had felt it necessary to tell her. Granted, since she hadn’t seen him for a few weeks she had guessed that he’d been sent out. Because he hadn’t stayed to give her the special coffee and the novel himself, she’d figured he’d probably been called away while waiting for her. Consequently, she hadn’t been particularly concerned that she hadn’t seen him in a while.

“Yes, he’s in the hospital.”

Sakura’s eyes widened as panic momentarily hit her – she still hadn’t forgotten the _last_ time he’d ended up in the hospital.

Sensing where Sakura’s mind had gone, she waved her hand negligently. “Nothing serious, just deep-set exhaustion that he probably could have avoided if he hadn’t rushed his return.”

“Oh…”

“You should stop by – apparently, from what I’ve heard, some of the nurses have been giving him some trouble. At least that’s what Shizune has been telling me. He might need your help or intervention, or... _something._ ” Tsunade did a poor job, especially considering that she was a kunoichi, hiding a smirk.

“What?!” Sakura exclaimed with some surprise. Of all her regular troublemaker patients, she’d never have thought that Kakashi would be the one getting into trouble with the nurses. His brand of trouble tended to manifest in general uncooperativeness and disappearing before being discharged. Hassling the nurses was definitely _not_ his sort of thing.

Tsunade chuckled. “He brought it on himself.”

“What did he do?” Sakura asked, more than a little puzzled.

“I heard that he may have reenacted a certain sequence from a wildly popular romance novel outside of a coffee shop recently.”

Sakura felt her cheeks heat. She’d started reading the book almost as soon as Kakashi had dropped it off with the coffee. He had not exaggerated the fact that he had oh-so-smoothly played nearly that whole sequence out, with some notable substitutions.

Tsunade laughed at Sakura’s reaction. “I take it you were his scene partner for that particular display?”

Sakura kept her mouth shut. 

Tsunade laughed even harder at Sakura’s silent confirmation, slapping her desk and sending several scrolls flying. “Of course it was you. Who else could it have been?”

While Sakura waited for her superior to get her amusement under control, she stooped to collect the scrolls that had been launched from the Hokage’s desk, before posing her next question. “So, what does Kakashi’s decision to have a little bit of fun at my expense have to do with the nurses giving him a hard time?”

Finally getting herself under control she nodded her thanks to Sakura for picking up her scrolls. “Apparently, some of them were there to witness the event and have been trying to get him to act some of the others out.”

“What?”

Tsunade shrugged. “I haven’t read the book but apparently there are some hospital sequences toward the end – I guess one of the characters is a medical student.”

Sakura shook her head. She had only made it about halfway through the novel. While it was enjoyable, she found that she could only read a little of it at a time. Kakashi was right. The coffee was better than the actual book – and, yet, she was still reading, so clearly it had _something_ going for it. 

Sensing that she wouldn’t get anything further from Sakura, Tsunade waved a hand, dismissing the topic. “Regardless, you should probably go see him. If for no other reason than to make sure he doesn’t get desperate and do something foolish.”

“Such as making an early exit?”

“Exactly.”

Sakura sighed and nodded. Kakashi would likely be very pleased to see her if she could get the nurses to leave him alone. Sakura sighed and nodded. Kakashi would likely be very pleased to see her if she could get the nurses to leave him alone. Though she _did_ probably owe him for not only one but two of the delicious special coffees, the amount of time he must have spent in line alone practically demanded that she do something to repay him. 

~*~*~*~

Slowly Kakashi felt himself being pulled from the world of sleep, knowing where he was and how much trouble he’d been having of late he kept his eyes squeezed shut and feigned continued sleep. He had no desire to deal with any of the silly nurses if they happened to be about. A deep even breath confirmed that at least one of them was likely in the room as he smelled the enticing scent of coffee, good coffee, tempered just a bit by something sweet.

Surprised, he opened his eyes. Though the coffee had indicated one of the nurses, the fact that it wasn’t black informed him that Sakura likely had something to do with it. 

Sakura chuckled. “Thought you were awake.”

He sighed.

“You want the coffee now or later?” she asked, already rising to her feet to raise his bed a bit so he could drink more comfortably.

“Now, please. It smells much better than anything else those nurses have been bringing me.”

She laughed as she raised the back of his bed. “I went to the coffee shop across the street from the hospital. It’s their competing blend to the one that goes with the book.”

He nodded and reached out for the coffee as Sakura extended it toward him. Kakashi took a moment to inhale the aroma before lowering his mask and taking a sip – not bothering to raise it again with just Sakura in the room. 

“It’s not as good but the best I could do on short notice.”

He raised an eyebrow at her word choice.

“Tsunade only just mentioned to me this afternoon that you were here.” She grinned. “And, apparently, have been having issues with the nurses?”

Kakashi closed his eyes and let his head fall back, actively ensuring that he was very careful so as not to spill his coffee. “Ugh.”

Unable to help it, Sakura laughed. “I’m guessing that you didn’t realize that the people I was waving to that day were the nurses from this floor?”

His eyes opened and sought hers out. “Was that who you were greeting?”

“Yup. Tsunade was right, you brought this on yourself.”

He closed his eyes again and groaned theatrically – ruining the act by partially opening an eye again in order to take another sip of his coffee.

Sakura chuckled. “I’ve had a little chat with the ladies and I think they’ll more or less leave you alone… well, mostly, anyway.”

He exhaled in relief. “Thanks.”

She snorted. “You’re just lucky that Kumiko didn’t hear about it. Honestly, I’m surprised that she hasn’t.” It hit her then that Kumiko probably hadn’t earned many favors from the women on this floor with her hostile treatment of Sakura. After they witnessed him playing out that scene from _The Coffee Shop_ with her, it was unlikely, they’d lend Kumiko any help whatsoever.

He eyed her with surprise. “Kumiko?”

“She’d be more difficult to deal with than the ladies on this floor.”

“What happened to the male nurse I had last time, Atsushi?”

Sakura smothered a chuckle. “I take it you’d prefer a male nurse after this?”

“I thought he was pretty good. Something happen to him?”

“Oh, no, no. He’s still here, just on a different floor. Before you were in Serious Care, now you’re just in one of the regular wards.”

“I see.”

Sakura raised an eyebrow. “Would you like me to pull some strings?”

Hastily, Kakashi shook his head. “No, no, it’s fine.”

“You sure?”

“It’s fine.”

“The ladies will leave you alone, regardless.” She thought for a moment. “Well, mostly.” 

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, enjoying the coffee.

“For a knockoff, it’s pretty good,” Kakashi observed. 

“Yeah, I think they’re missing that special something that makes the original extra tasty but otherwise it’s still really good.”

He nodded. “What’d you have them put in it?”

“Sugar and just a bit of cream. Figured it would be better to use traditional sweetening methods for the first time. I think I’ll ask for a pump of chocolate next time though.”

He thought for a moment. “It wouldn’t make a bad mocha,” he agreed after considering the flavors himself.

“Hmm, yeah. Not a bad stand-in – not as good as the original but still acceptable. And, conveniently located too.”

Kakashi nodded agreeably, glad that things had gone back to normal between them. “Have you started the novel yet?”

Sakura smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I have only made it about halfway so far.”

He nodded. “It’s a slow read.”

“Mmm, I see what you mean. I’m enjoying it…”

“But in small doses?”

She nodded. “The coffee _is_ better than the book.”

“And yet you keep reading it?”

She laughed. “Exactly. I don’t get it.”

He shrugged. “Some of the books are like that.”

“Hmm…” she mused aloud, it had never occurred to her that Kakashi might ever be able to provide her with book recommendations for titles not related to his beloved _Icha Icha_ series. “Once I finish it, do you have any suggestions for other books?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“On how receptive you are to the idea of considering the wonderful world of _Icha Icha_.”

She felt her cheeks heat but refrained from swatting him, he _was_ in the hospital, after all. “Kakashi!”

“What, it’s not straight up porn if that’s what you’re thinking.”

She blinked. “It’s not?”

“No, why would you think that?”

She averted her gaze. “Well… from what Naruto babbled about it when we were growing up…”

Kakashi laughed. “Naruto likely only read the love scenes with the accompanying illustrations and skipped all the ‘boring’ plot and character development...” he trailed off in thought before adding, “and likely any of the love scenes not called out by an illustration or two.”

Sakura sat surprised for a moment before recovering enough to ask, “So, it’s not straight up porn then?”

“Well, there are some sequences that could be and have been, straight up adapted as porn. But, the books themselves are deceptively well written and have more interesting plots than you’d expect in the sort of novels they are.”

“And what sort of novels are they?”

“Vehicles for porn.”

“Kakashi!”

“You asked. That’s pretty much what they are though – just like that coffee shop book.”

“So, there’s not many differences then?”

“Not really. _Icha Icha_ is better written and has more interesting plot devices – you can read it as long as you like, not just in small doses. No need to stop every once in a while to take a break from the stupid.”

“Huh, that’s good to know I guess. Surprising.”

They lapsed into silence again for a few moments.

“While on assignment, I heard that there will be a sequel.”

Her eyes widened.

“I take it that means you’re going to want to read it then?”

“Probably. Depends on how the first one ends… then again, I’m pretty sure you’ll let me know how the second one goes regardless.”

He smiled as he took another sip of his coffee, enjoying the fairly mundane conversation with Sakura – he didn’t like to admit it, but he’d missed their conversations while he was out of the village.

~*~*~*~

Sakura found herself startled out of her makeup applying reverie. She paused for a moment, wondering what had caught her attention before realizing that it was someone knocking on her door. Her balcony door. Puzzled but not yet frowning she made her way out of her bathroom to see who was visiting her on a Friday night.

“Kakashi!” she exclaimed with more than a little surprise as she opened her balcony door to let him in.

“Evening Sakura,” he took in her appearance, she was wearing a light robe and had clearly been in the middle of applying makeup – unusual for her. “Did I come at a bad time?”

Still feeling a bit unbalanced, Kakashi had not stopped by her apartment since that evening, almost a year ago when he had discovered that she was on his list, Sakura answered absently. 

“It’s not the best time, no, but I have a few minutes,” she responded, realizing that she didn’t really have time to have a discussion with him _and_ finish getting ready. Multi-tasking was her only option, so as Sakura spoke she made her way back to her bathroom to resume applying her makeup. 

Frowning to himself, Kakashi followed. If he didn’t know better… “Going out tonight?” he asked, instead of asking the question he wanted to ask.

Sakura put her eyeliner away and picked up her mascara and contemplated the tube for a moment before responding. “Yes.”

“Hot date?”

She sighed and opened the tube of mascara. “A date, at any rate. Don’t particularly think it’s a ‘hot’ one though.”

Kakashi eyed her for a moment, not enjoying the sudden surge of an unnamed emotion he was experiencing.

Sakura studied him in the mirror, she had no idea what was going on in his mind. Kakashi’s poker face had always been excellent. With a mental shrug, she started applying the mascara.

Kakashi watched Sakura apply the reddish-brown stuff to her eyelashes, her mouth falling open slightly as she did so. Mentally he shook himself, realizing that he was becoming mesmerized by the methodical application of her eye makeup.

“Itsuki?” he asked.

She frowned briefly, Kakashi didn’t need to specify any further.

“I take it that’s a yes?”

Sakura sighed and recapped her mascara, pulling the last tissue out of the box to clean up a few places where the mascara had flaked off – she’d really need to buy a new one. 

“Are you sure this is wise?”

“It’s fine Kakashi.” She dodged, taking a moment to rummage around in her makeup kit to select some lip liner and lipstick.

“Is it? This is even worse than just letting him guilt you into the odd cup of coffee or dinner after work, you know.”

“Yes, I know.”

“He’s going to think you’re dating, you know that, right?”

Sakura nodded, finally selecting the lip pencil that she wanted. “That’s fine.”

Kakashi raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Really?”

She shrugged and inspected the tip of her lip pencil. “We _are_ dating so it’s okay that he thinks that we are.”

“What?” he exclaimed with considerable surprise.

Sakura ignored his exclamation and started carefully applying the lip liner, leaning forward to get a better view in the mirror, focusing entirely on the task at hand.

“What happened? I thought you didn’t care for the man?”

She paused, part of the way through the process. “I don’t.”

“What?”

“I don’t really care for him,” she paused to think for a moment before continuing, “not like that anyway.”

“I don’t understand.”

Sakura sighed. “I kept turning him down, and turning him down, and turning him down.”

“And? How did that turn into suddenly dating?”

Sakura shook her head. “He has been very persistent, started pushing really hard while you were out on your last mission.” She caught his eyes in the mirror, she had not missed the fact that Itsuki had gotten more aggressive as soon as Kakashi was out of the village on what was expected to be a few week-long mission. 

Kakashi’s eyes narrowed in speculation – he didn’t need to wonder at the timing.

Realizing that he wasn’t going to comment, Sakura continued, “He finally let on just _why_ he wouldn’t take ‘no’ as my answer.”

Kakashi raised his eyebrows in surprise. “And, why was that?” He couldn’t imagine that Itsuki would actually tell her that he was just trying to wear her down until she agreed and then continue to manipulate her until he’d managed to get what he wanted from her. Though Kakashi honestly couldn’t tell what Itsuki’s endgame might actually be – having a real relationship with Sakura or just getting into her bed, it could go either way from what he’d seen.

Sakura continued wielding her lip liner, laying down a thicker base coat then she might usually apply – to buy herself another few moments before responding. “He said that I was being unfair to him.”

“Well, we both knew _that_ already.”

“Not like _that_.”

He knitted his brows in confusion. “ _How_ , then?”

“He said that I had never even given him a chance in the first place. That I had just always rejected him out of hand without any sort of reason given.” Her cheeks tinted a little, thankfully mostly covered by her makeup. She most certainly had given him a reason, the same one over and over: that she had feelings for someone else. But, for whatever reason, Itsuki just wouldn’t or perhaps couldn’t accept that.

Kakashi caught her slight fib and easily guessed what she was likely not saying. Choosing to ignore it, he nodded, silently asking her to go on.

“Well, he said that if I at least gave him a chance, an honest one, that he would then accept ‘no’ as my answer. As then I would have at least given him the opportunity to convince me before dismissing him out of hand.”

Kakashi nodded. “I see.”

Sakura replaced the lip pencil and uncapped her selected tube of lipstick, frowning when she noticed how low the color was, she hadn’t realized. Mentally she added taking inventory of her makeup and then a trip to the new makeup shop a few blocks away to her to-do list for the weekend. Clearly, she was running low on more things than she thought. Most likely because she’d not gone out much in recent months and just wasn’t paying enough attention.

“So, you’re actually dating him now?”

Sakura paused, the tube of lipstick hovering above her lips for a moment before answering. “Sort of, I guess.”

“Sort of?”

“I told Itsuki I’d give him a few dates to make his case, so to speak.”

“How many is ‘a few’?”

She shrugged. “No less than three and probably no more than six.”

“Are you exclusive?”

She paused, once again pulling the lipstick away from her lips. “Hmm, I don’t know. I didn’t think to specify. I certainly don’t intend to date anyone else – not that I have any prospects anyway, but if I did, I’d stick to dating one man at a time. More than that is just asking for trouble. Though…” she trailed off thoughtfully, “I don’t particularly want to be dating at all right now. At least, not really.”

“Ah, and he’s unlikely to date around either – that would blow holes in his chance.”

She nodded and resumed carefully applying the lipstick.

“So, where are you two going tonight then?”

Sakura recapped the lipstick and put it away, absently reaching for a tissue to blot her lips. “I’m not exactly certain. Dinner, for sure, but somewhere nice afterward.”

“Somewhere nice?”

She shrugged. “He told me I’d need to dress up a little for wherever we were going.”

“He did, did he?” Kakashi asked as he watched Sakura’s hands go to the sash of her robe, loosening and pulling it open to show that she was wearing a revealing little black dress.

She smiled at his reaction, faintly surprised that she could get one out of him, and used his moment of distraction to her advantage. Sakura turned, stood on her tiptoes, reached up and, pulled his mask-covered cheek down to her so she could kiss him – and blot her lipstick.

Smile still on her lips, she padded out of her bathroom, heading into her bedroom.

Kakashi followed, still somewhat surprised at both her actions and her appearance. He had, stupidly, forgotten that she could become even more beautiful than she was every day if she should choose to do so and put a little bit of effort into her appearance. In that little black dress, she was simply stunning. His mind quailed to think at what she could accomplish if she actually _tried_.

Sakura dropped her robe on a chair and went to her dresser – she’d neglected to choose jewelry before donning the robe to do her makeup – and turned on the small lamp rather than the overhead light, she didn’t need the room to be brightly lit. She opened her jewelry box and carefully considered the contents. Sakura didn’t have a lot of jewelry since she didn’t have much call to wear it. And most of what she did have was of the kunoichi variety: rings, bracelets, and pendants with hidden compartments and blades, hairpins sharpened to points and or containing hidden reservoirs for poison or drugs, a standard-issue wedding band for undercover missions, et cetera, the usual selection of kunoichi tools. This left her with few choices. 

Selecting a necklace and matching earrings she closed the jewelry box, put the earrings in, and turned to find Kakashi standing somewhat bewildered behind her. Keeping a chuckle to herself, she silently extended the necklace to him. If he was there, he could make himself useful.

Kakashi watched as she rummaged around in her jewelry box, suddenly wondering what he was doing there. Before he could come to any conclusions she turned and extended a necklace to him, silently asking him to put it on her. Feeling incredibly awkward, he had never in his life been asked to do something like this, Kakashi stared at the outstretched necklace as though it was something dangerous and ready to strike. After a moment he shook his head to clear the unwanted thoughts that her simple gesture had conjured and reached out to take the necklace.

Carefully, Kakashi figured out the clasp and returned his attention to Sakura, who had turned around and was standing, with her hair held up and away from her neck, waiting for him to secure the necklace for her. His assassin’s instincts kicked in, screaming to him at how vulnerable she had just made herself to him, she was even presenting her bare neck to him with her back turned. The thought made him fumble with the necklace a little before he could recover. Taking a deep breath Kakashi stepped a little closer, lifting the necklace he paused, wondering about the logistics before deciding on an approach. Lifting the necklace up and over her head felt a little too much like an assassination.

Still feeling incredibly awkward, Kakashi stretched his arms out and around her, necklace in his right hand. Losing his grip a little while trying to exchange one of the ends of the necklace to his left hand, he leaned forward to look around her neck to see what he was doing and sort it out. With the ends finally sorted out, Kakashi leaned back and managed to fasten the necklace with minimal fuss. Unable to prevent giving the necklace clasp one last gentle pat to make sure it was fastened securely. He hastily stepped away, suddenly realizing how close he had gotten to her.

Sakura smiled to herself, reaching up to readjust the pendant before turning her attention once again to her dresser and the small collection of bottles living to the left of her jewelry box. She had not missed the panicked expression that had flickered across his face as he fumbled with the necklace, the room wasn’t very brightly lit but she had been able to make his expression out in the dresser mirror.

“So, what brings you here tonight anyway, Kakashi?” she asked as she leaned over the dresser once again and sorted through the small bottles, looking for just the right one.

Kakashi cleared his throat and found that he had to turn away for a moment after catching sight of her in the mirror. In doing so his eyes caught sight of a black wrap carefully laid out over the chair Sakura had tossed her robe onto. Realizing that Sakura would be looking for it shortly, he backed up a few steps to pick it up before returning his attention to her.

No longer able to see him in the mirror, Sakura turned to see what was taking Kakashi so long, a bottle in each hand and found him standing a few steps away with her wrap in his hands. 

He shrugged. “I spent some time tidying up after my most recent mission and have some books I thought you may like.”

Her eyes widened at the prospect of more books recommended by Kakashi. It turned out that he had shockingly similar taste in recreational literature as she did. The excitement of new books caused her to momentarily forget that she was getting ready to go out. “Oh! That’s great! I’d love to see them!”

“I can leave them here if you like. You can look through them tomorrow or when you have a chance, and see if there are any you would like to read.”

“Oh, yes, right,” she responded, some of the excitement going out of her voice as she remembered her date with Itsuki. “Definitely.” Recalling her task at hand, literally, she held the two bottles up to him. “Which one?”

He wrinkled his brow. “Which one, what?”

Sakura chuckled, realizing that he likely didn’t know the difference from the appearance of the bottles. Instead of verbally elaborating, she stepped closer, noting that he stiffened just a bit at her approach, and held one up to him. “Smell.”

Obligingly he did, realizing she was asking his opinion on her perfume selection. Once Kakashi had sniffed the first one, Sakura waited a moment, letting the scent clear from his sinuses before holding up the second. Knowing what she wanted him to do, he sniffed again.

She paused a moment before repeating her question. “So, which one?”

Kakashi didn’t even need to think about it, the choice was crystal clear to him. “The second one.”

Sakura smiled, it was her favorite. “Thanks.” She returned to her dresser, applying the perfume sparingly to her pulse points as she went.

Perfume applied and the top of her dresser straightened up she returned her attention to Kakashi and waited expectantly.

Realizing that she was likely wanting her wrap he hastily held it out to her.

Gently, she shook her head and gestured for him to hold it open.

Feeling awkward once again, he opened the wrap for her and waited while she backed into it. Automatically, his hands wrapped it around her shoulders, allowing her to take and arrange it to her liking before quickly backing away.

Sakura turned to face him again with a slight smile. “Thanks.” Carefully, she stepped around him and headed to her living room, likely where she’d left her purse.

Kakashi awkwardly followed along behind her like a lost child. 

Before either could say something, a knock at Sakura’s door saved both of them from possibly saying something best left unsaid.

“Oh,” Sakura’s cheeks flushed a little, “that’s probably Itsuki.”

Kakashi nodded, finally pulling himself together. “I’ll leave the books in your kitchen. Take a look at them when you have a chance and let me know what you think.”

Sakura nodded. “Thanks.”

He turned for a moment, his expression unhappy. “Sakura, I-” he stopped and shook his head. He had no right to say anything.

Sakura caught his moment of indecision. As Kakashi stepped into the kitchen, she called out to him in a gently scolding tone. “Seriously, Kakashi. I’m not trying to force your hand or make you do something you don’t want to – this is just to get Itsuki off my back.” She sighed before continuing, ”But, if you still don’t like it just ask me out yourself.” She exhaled slowly, not quite another sigh but close. “Regardless, I’m absolutely all yours once your name is added to the Memorial – so you have nothing to worry about.”

Kakashi continued on to the kitchen, he’d left some bags of books on her balcony. He’d leave them in her kitchen as he’d said and then spend some quality time at the Memorial – he had some thinking to do.

As he stepped into the kitchen, he heard Sakura greet Itsuki, he couldn’t hear the words but he could hear the pleased tone Sakura’s voice took in response to something Itsuki had said.

With a silent sigh, he returned to the balcony for his bags of books, ferrying them into the kitchen – intending on leaving them on Sakura’s kitchen table before taking his leave.

As he was placing the bags on her table, Sakura returned to the kitchen with a bouquet of flowers, her attention focused toward the living room. “Oh, no, no, don’t worry about it. Let me just get a vase and water for these and then we can go. Please wait right there. I’ll be right back.”

Sakura turned and started upon seeing Kakashi still there. Embarrassed she avoided his eyes and grabbed a vase, filled it with water, and hurried back to the other room, her cheeks burning.

With mixed feelings, Kakashi took his leave. Leaving the bags of books on the table for Sakura, already knowing he would be spending some long hours at the Memorial.

~*~*~*~


	9. Chapter IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every week.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter IX

Kakashi paused mid-stride as something bright and colorful caught his attention. Not quite able to believe it, it had been years since he’d last seen it, he changed direction. Though he was out of the village on a mission, his objective was not time-sensitive so he could easily spare some time for this.

A moment’s travel brought him to the entrance of the familiar tent. Without a second thought, Kakashi entered. 

“ _You!_ ” Madam Verushka exclaimed with more than a little surprise when Kakashi slipped into her reading room.

Kakashi felt himself automatically ducking his head a little as a hand went to rub the back of his neck. He hadn’t ever expected to return and she likely had assumed the same.

Before Kakashi could respond, the curtain behind him shifted as the bulky doorman poked his head in to make sure all was well.

“ _Zaika_?”

Madam Verushka waved a negligent hand. “Is fine Balko. I was just surprised to see _this_ ,” she gestured to Kakashi, “one.” She shook her head in mild disbelief.

Balko maintained eye contact with Madam Verushka for another moment – confirming that all was as it should be. “You say this one will return, yes?”

She froze for a moment before nodding slowly. “Ah, yes. So I did.” She frowned faintly, it was too soon for him to return and the location was off… unless he had made a choice that negated her prior visions. Regardless, he was there and she would do his reading. “Is okay. I did not expect to see him _here_ , is all.”

Balko nodded agreeably, they were not in Konoha, so he supposed that made sense – at least, enough to verify that his beloved was in no danger. Silently, he retreated back away from the curtain to allow the reading to progress.

Madam Verushka shook her head slightly, returning her focus to the task at hand, as she watched Balko take his leave.

“Right. Yes, let us proceed, shall we?”

Keeping his questions to himself Kakashi stepped forward, ready to continue with the reading – he already knew that he would receive no answers even if he asked. However, that did not stop him from filing the interesting piece of information away, that he was expected to return to the fortune teller at least one more time. Though, he did have to mentally add the small caveat that it was entirely possible that she may have been fibbing or that his choices may have rendered that particular future moot.

“Place your dominant hand on the crystal ball and we begin.”

Without any hesitation Kakashi complied, allowing his mind to wander a little as Madam Verushka did her thing. 

He would ask, as he always did, about his demise. Though some things had changed in his life, his desire to die in service to the village still remained. Could Madam Verushka see the future of his progeny? Could she tell him anything of Sakura’s fate? Sakura would be in the bank program and would have the very best of everything – he was making sure of that. She would have all the security and opportunities that the bank program would offer in addition to his pension and all the benefits granted to widows. Those widow benefits would also be fully maxed out once he was promoted… She would be fine. As would his children.

So… why did he feel as though he wasn’t doing enough? Could Madam Verushka answer _that_ question? Because _he_ sure as hell couldn’t.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi slowly felt pulled from the world of sleep. Uncertain as to his surroundings, he didn’t remember going to sleep in the first place, he silently stayed still, trying to ascertain where he might be and under what circumstances. Almost immediately a location clicked into place, he could hear the steady beeps of life support machines. Clearly, he was in the hospital. But, _why_ , he couldn’t quite remember.

Cautiously, remembering his last stint at the hospital and the overly friendly nurses, he opened an eye to scope things out. He was, as he had expected, lying in a hospital bed. Slowly, as he pummeled his memory, the events came back to him. He sighed. _Foolish_.

At a loss as to what to do, with no one there, and none of his things within sight, he decided to close his eyes and try to return to the world of sleep. He was fairly certain he would be doing a lot of sleeping and figured that the more sleep he got while he could do nothing else, the less he would have to do later when he had other options.

Just as sleep was starting to claim him once again, the door flew open with a sharp crack. Surprised, Kakashi opened his eyes to see who would make such a dramatic entrance. 

Itsuki stood in the doorway, trying to somehow take back the loud noise he’d inadvertently made by opening the door too quickly. After a moment of awkward door and wall patting – he was afraid he may have actually damaged one or the other – he turned his focus on the patient.

Kakashi watched him impassively, carefully keeping his face blank, Itsuki was the _last_ person he wanted to see. Immediately after his last visit to Sakura’s apartment, while she was getting ready for a date with Itsuki, Kakashi had been sent out on a month-long mission. He had no idea what their status was now – if they were still dating or if Sakura had finally been able to turn Itsuki down for good. Sakura had assured him that she was not interested in Itsuki or even interested in dating in general. But, things happened, feelings changed… what she had, in all honesty, told him a month prior could now possibly no longer be accurate.

Itsuki marched over to Kakashi’s bed, an awesome frown on his face – the effect somewhat marred by the fact that he was chewing gum and kept switching it from one side of his mouth to the other. When he reached his destination, he took a moment to examine Kakashi. The elite shinobi had managed to land in the hospital with injuries that were of the sort that only reckless inexperienced shinobi came in with, nothing _he_ should have gotten no matter _what_ the circumstances. 

“Mr. Hatake, I’m glad to see that you are awake,” Itsuki stated in a coldly clipped tone, clearing doing his best to suppress his anger.

Kakashi smothered a snort – how he could have stayed asleep given Itsuki’s unintentionally dramatic entrance, he couldn’t quite guess. Instead of giving in to the urge to make a snarky retort, he chose to lift an eyebrow questioningly.

“I don’t have a lot of time so I’d just like to get down to the point,” Itsuki continued.

Kakashi raised his eyebrow a little higher. _He_ had all the time in the world but figured he’d rather just get whatever Itsuki had to say over and done with so he could go back to sleep. Frankly, there wasn't much that Itsuki could have to say that Kakashi would be interested in hearing. The sooner the irritating man left, the better. 

Itsuki inhaled a deep steadying breath before making his demand. “I want you to stay away from Sakura.”

Kakashi blinked, whatever he had expected Itsuki to say, this was definitely not even on his radar as a possibility. A misplaced lecture on Kakashi’s appearance in the hospital, perhaps. Or, possibly a request for Kakashi’s intervention with Sakura on his behalf. A mandate for him to stay away from Sakura? Ridiculous. 

“Excuse me?” Kakashi asked, keeping his incredulity to himself. A small part of him began to panic as the thought that Sakura actually may have changed her mind about Itsuki while he was away, crept to the forefront of his mind. If they were now genuinely dating…

Itsuki continued as if he hadn’t heard Kakashi. “I know you can’t stay entirely away from her. She _is_ a medic, you’re often her patient, and there are many events that you both attend as shinobi. So it would be impossible for you to say _completely_ away from her.” He shifted his wad of gum to the other side of his mouth. “But, still, I’d like you to _try_.”

Maintaining a disinterested demeanor in spite of his inner turmoil, Kakashi had to ask the obvious, “Why?”

“What do you mean, _why_?” Itsuki sputtered, almost losing his gum entirely.

Kakashi shrugged, ignoring the flash of pain the motion caused him and keeping his outward demeanor that of mild disinterest as the part of him panicking suddenly grew. “Why, any number of things?”

Itsuki just stared at him.

“Why do you want me to stay away from Sakura? Why is it any of your business? Why does it matter to you?”

“Because Sakura’s far better off without you.”

“Why?”

“ _Why?_ ”

“Yes, _why?_ What is your reasoning for this? And, why do you feel it necessary to ask this of me behind Sakura’s back?” Kakashi continued calmly – suddenly feeling much better as it was starting to become clear to him from Itsuki's actions that Sakura probably hadn't changed her mind about Itsuki. And, she would be furious if she ever found out he had come to talk to Kakashi about her.

Itsuki blushed and couldn’t prevent himself from chewing his wad of gum quickly in a subconscious sign of anxiety, Sakura would likely kill him if she knew what he was doing.

Kakashi allowed a frown to form under his mask, knowing that Itsuki was close enough to see it. “If you can’t answer any of those questions, then I won’t even consider your request.” With one last look at the now visibly angry medic, Kakashi closed his eyes to try and go back to sleep – dismissing Itsuki and heaving a silent sigh of relief, if they were dating Itsuki would have used that as an answer to Kakashi’s questions.

Too angry to really consider his words, Itsuki just blurted out the root of his ire, nearly spitting his gum out in the process. “ _I can give her so much more than you can!_ ”

Kakashi’s eyes opened slowly. “What?”

“I can give Sakura a much better life than you could ever even dream to! _I_ want to settle down and have children. _I_ want to stay home to raise those children so Sakura can pursue her career and achieve her dream of running the hospital one day. _I_ will not go out on a mission and just not return one day.” Righteous anger at a peak, he continued, “ _I_ can give her an _actual_ relationship with all the bells and whistles – none of this turning up where and when I please and never providing any sort of stability or even any kind of emotional support!”

Ire vented, Itsuki stood, fists clenched and shaking slightly at his sides, staring angrily at Kakashi, beyond the point of caring what Kakashi or anyone else may think of his outburst. The effect was somewhat ruined by the movement of his jaw working on his ever-present wad of gum.

Keeping his face impassive, Kakashi directed a level gaze at the irate man and delivered his answer, his tone indicating that it was final. “No.”

Flabbergasted, Itsuki involuntarily took a step back. “What did you say?”

Kakashi shook his head slightly before repeating himself. “No.”

“ _No?_ ”

“Sakura is a grown woman. She can make her own decisions.”

“B-but, with you around she’ll never even _think_ to look at me!” Itsuki wailed, very nearly like a small child denied a treat.

Kakashi realized that Sakura must have finally managed to issue a definitive 'no' to Itsuki while he was out of the village and this was Itsuki's last hope to change Sakura's mind. He shook his head slightly. 

"That is _not_ my problem."

“ _If you only stepped aside,_ ” Itsuki paused, shifting his gum to the other side of his mouth so he could continue as earnestly as possible, “I could give her _everything!_ ”

“But not, apparently, what she actually wants.”

Itsuki opened and closed his mouth a few times, clearly intending on making a response but finding nothing he could possibly say to rebut Kakashi’s statement. A few tense moments passed as he continued with his internal battle. Finally, he abruptly deflated, his fury having run its course. As always the effort of maintaining the level of anger necessary to take him out of himself having finally become too great for him to sustain. 

Itsuki sighed, trying to collect himself, chewing his gum anxiously and then meditatively. Deep down he knew that no matter how much he may not wish it, Kakashi was right. As long as the older man was around, Sakura would _never_ look beyond him. His continued attempts to make her do so were only making things worse. And, yet…

Sensing that Itsuki might need a push to get him out the door, Kakashi sighed. “Go home. Find another woman who is more receptive to all you have to offer.” 

Itsuki shook his head stubbornly. “I don’t _want_ another woman. I _want_ Sakura.”

Kakashi shrugged, ignoring the flare of pain the motion caused him. “That’s too bad. It doesn’t appear as though _she_ wants _you_.”

Itsuki shot him a glare. “No, she wants _you_. And, _you_ don’t even _want_ her!” He waved his hands around as his anger suddenly returned. “Regardless of that, even if you _did_ want her, _you still_ can’t give her what she deserves!”

Kakashi ignored the comment, knowing Itsuki was both wrong and right – more right than wrong however, as Kakashi wanted Sakura. He wanted her _very_ much but he was also well aware that he couldn’t give her what _she_ wanted – what she _deserved_.

“You give her false hope.” Itsuki hissed – one last attempt to make Kakashi see how bad he was for Sakura.

Kakashi continued to stare impassively at Itsuki. He had no response. As far as he could tell, Sakura knew exactly what she had gotten herself into with him and for some baffling reason seemed content with what little he had to offer her. As much as he knew he should attempt to distance himself from her, he just couldn’t. She meant too much to him.

Failing to get a reaction from Kakashi, Itsuki sighed again, the truth of his situation finally coming home to him. “None of this will change, will it?” He shook his head in disappointment as he studied Kakashi.

“Sakura will make up her own mind about things. It is neither of our places to try and do that for her.”

Defeated, Itsuki turned and silently made his way out of the room. His hand dipping into a pocket for a fresh piece of gum as he went, scattering wrappers on the floor behind him.

Kakashi stayed awake for a long while after Itsuki departed. Nothing Itsuki had said to him hadn’t already occurred to Kakashi – none of it was new information. Yet, he couldn’t stop himself from once again turning the situation over in his mind. Sakura _did_ deserve more – _better_ – than what he could offer and yet… he couldn’t bring himself to step aside and allow someone else to try and give it to her either.

As he’d always known, he was a coward… and apparently, a selfish one at that.

~*~*~*~

Once again Kakashi felt himself return to consciousness, not a moment too soon in his opinion as he’d been having one hell of a nightmare – Sakura had married Itsuki while he was out of the village on a mission and consequently was deeply unhappy with her life choices, unhappy enough for him to _almost_ do something incredibly foolish. After a few moments of silent reassurances to himself that Sakura would never do such an irresponsible thing, he felt his heartbeat slow down enough for him to try and return to the world of slumber. 

As Kakashi lay in his hospital bed trying to entice sleep to come back and claim him until something better came along, he heard his door open slowly, hesitantly, and in stages. Debating silently with himself he wondered if he should check to see who it could be. Any of his assigned medical staff would have walked in purposefully and gotten on with their business. And, he would know if it was Sakura, regardless of how she entered. This left the interesting possibility that it was someone he didn’t know and who possibly didn’t have an official reason to visit.

Too curious (bored) to let it lie, Kakashi cracked open an eye to see. Upon ascertaining the identity of his mystery visitor, both of his eyes opened in surprise. 

“M-Mr. Hatake?” the young woman tentatively greeted him, nervously twisting her hands in front of her.

He sighed, his surprise fading fast as he realized he could guess why she was there, and fished about in his memory for a name. “It’s nice to see that you made it back safe and sound, Minako.”

“Yes, after… after, Genji and Kenji helped me get you back to the village.” Her large green eyes were full of unvoiced concern.

Kakashi nodded. Flashes of what had happened after he had been injured, were starting to come back to him now. “And, you’re alright then?”

Her cheeks flushed as she nodded.

“Good.”

“Mr. Hatake?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For saving me. It wasn’t even your mission. There was no reason for you to intervene as you did... it could have even compromised _your_ mission.”

Kakashi shook his head, unwilling to admit that he had most definitely had a reason, Minako’s green eyes – so much like Sakura’s – notwithstanding. Instead, he simply said, “It was the right thing to do.”

She pressed her lips together worriedly. “But, but you ended up with serious injuries! You could have _died!_ ”

“But, I’m sure you had a hand in making sure I didn’t.”

“Well, yes! Of course!” She exclaimed with some surprise. “How could I possibly let you die after you saved my life…” she trailed off as she realized what he had done. “Oh…”

Kakashi chuckled. “That’s what a _real_ team is like.”

She nodded, truly understanding for the first time and feeling foolish that it had taken her so long. “Trust.”

“Exactly.” Kakashi examined her out of the corner of his eye. “How long have you been with Genji and Kenji?”

Minako sighed. “Seven years, maybe eight.”

“Your original team?”

She nodded. “Yes. I took a couple months off,” she blushed, “for maternity leave. But, we’ve been together more or less our entire careers.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “They always like that?”

Minako glanced away, unable to respond.

Kakashi sighed, it was enough of an answer. “If you haven’t already, I strongly suggest you put in for a team transfer.”

Minako lowered her eyes. “I know I should, but…”

“Minako, they abandoned both you and the client to go pursue some stupid macho pissing contest. If you want to be around for your child, you need a team you can trust. Clearly, they do not fit the bill.” 

She sighed. “You’re right.”

“I’ll put in a good word for your transfer if that helps decide you.” He offered, surprising himself until he realized that she was gazing at him with her big green eyes… too much like Sakura’s.

Surprised she jumped a little in place. “You’d do that? After all the trouble I’ve caused you?”

He simply nodded. 

She examined him for a moment and found nothing but truthfulness in his demeanor. Feeling reassured, both that Kakashi was really okay and that she was making the right decision in requesting a team transfer, she smiled.

“Thank you, Mr. Hatake.” She took in his tired state and realized that he needed to sleep. “I’ll let you rest now.” 

Kakashi, making sure not to let on how much the gesture pained him, raised a hand in his signature wave as she left his room.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi glanced up from his inward study, wondering if his room had suddenly been transformed into the village’s gathering place as he had been having more visitors than expected.

Tsunade made her way to his bedside, a frown gracing her ever-youthful face. “You’re awake, good.”

He blinked, realizing that this wasn't going to be just an ordinary visit from his medic. “What can I do for you?”

She eyed him skeptically for a moment before just telling him what was on her mind – neither of them had time for her to beat around the bush. “You’re here with injuries that are beneath a shinobi of your skills.”

He shrugged, not bothering to try and hide the wince of pain the motion caused him. She was right. But he didn’t feel like elaborating.

“You have anything to say?”

“Not really, no.”

“You’re not going to explain yourself?”

“I completed my last mission. That’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

She stared at him for a moment before sighing and pulling up a chair – what Kakashi recognized as Sakura’s chair with a start, he hadn’t realized that she’d been by yet. 

“Kakashi, those two meat-heads are saying that you barged into their mission, throwing it into absolute chaos before monopolizing the use of their medic.”

Not particularly surprised he raised an eyebrow. “Are they?”

“Yes, they are. Internal Affairs is making noises as if they are going to investigate.”

“What does the medic say?”

Tsunade snorted. “Says those two idiot teammates of hers abandoned her and the client in order to pursue a personal grudge.”

Kakashi nodded. “Who do you believe?”

“I’d rather have your side of the story before making any judgment calls.”

Kakashi sighed, clearly he wasn’t done protecting Minako, her green eyes flashed to the front of his mind and he shook his head slightly to try and clear the image. 

“Minako is right. I went out with them – we were traveling to the same area for supposedly different missions. Her teammates are two hyper-competitive morons. I was an unofficial fourth – but still had my own separate mission.”

She nodded. “I’d read as much in the files.”

He chuckled. “So, you already know how this went then?”

“I have my suspicions.”

“The team was already under suspicion for inappropriate behaviors when I went out with them. _My_ mission was really to observe them do _theirs_.”

“So, those two really are a danger to their team as their former team leader claimed?”

Kakashi nodded. “More than once they abandoned Minako and the client as soon as an opportunity presented itself for them to compete against each other on something – _anything_ – assuming that Minako would pick up the slack, as always.”

“But, it was more than she could handle?”

“Yes, the third time it happened, the client injured himself and demanded that the medic he had hired heal him. Minako obliged. She had no other option and they were in what should have been a safe enough location.”

“But?”

“Her idiot teammates’ competition drew the wrong sort of attention.”

“So, they caught Minako unawares while she was trying to heal the client.”

“Yes.”

“And, you intervened?”

“Yes.”

She nodded. “I see.” She eyed him for a moment. “Not really within the purview of your mission.”

He shrugged. “It didn’t seem to interfere with my mission.”

Tsunade tilted her head to the side for a moment in thought. "That's fair. Your recommendations?"

“No one has given me any of my belongings as of yet, but I’ll write the report as soon as someone does.”

She chuckled. “They probably think that if they give you your stuff back, they’ll be giving you a free ticket to leave the hospital whenever you please.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “We both know Sakura would kill me if I did that.”

Startled that Kakashi could actually admit that fact aloud, Tsunade laughed. “You’re not wrong there.”

After a moment of contemplative silence, Tsunade felt obliged to break it. “So, what’s the short version then? Might be able to head Internal Affairs off at the pass.”

He thought for a moment. “Minako needs a new team, she has a child to think of now, and her two teammates need to be disciplined, busted down to chunin, and separated for good at the very least. Their competitiveness goes far beyond healthy..." he trailed off in thought. "Psychological evaluations might not be amiss either."

Tsunade nodded, she had suspected as much. There had been too many complaints. With a sigh, she pushed herself up from the chair. “Right, thank you for your input.”

"I told Minako I'd recommend her for a transfer if she needed it." He gestured wearily with a hand, not needing to elaborate how foolish he thought Minako's hesitation to request said team transfer for herself. "Consider my two cents added."

“Minako will absolutely be getting a transfer whether she asks for one or not.”

Kakashi nodded, feeling relieved. No one deserved having to deal with those two morons in any sort of life and death situation. They were too immature and self-absorbed to even notice the effects of the consequences of their own actions upon others, never mind how their behavior and actions affected the successes or failures of their missions. This made them very dangerous – _too_ dangerous – to any potential teammates.

Satisfied, Tsunade moved to take her leave. As she reached out to open the door, it opened and Sakura walked in.

“Oh! Tsunade! I didn’t expect to see _you_ here!”

Not bothering to stifle a chuckle, Tsunade grinned at the younger woman. With some amusement, she raised a hand to pat Sakura's shoulder. “Just had some things to discuss with Kakashi – no one has seen fit to return his belongings. Consequently, I haven’t gotten his report yet.”

Sakura’s eyes widened. “Oh! I made a note for…” she trailed off realizing that clearly it hadn’t been done and it wouldn’t accomplish anything to name the lax medic. “I’ll make sure everything is returned as soon as possible.”

“Thanks, I still need that written report.” Tsunade eyed Sakura for a moment before deciding to intervene on Kakashi’s behalf. “Go easy on him.”

Sakura’s eyes widened. “What?”

“He has his reasons, and they’re good ones. So, go easy on him this time around.” Request delivered Tsunade slipped past Sakura and out into the hall.

~*~*~*~


	10. Chapter X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every week.
> 
> Enjoy.  
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter X

Sakura made her way down the hall slowly, her feelings mixed in regard to the patient she was on her way to visit. She’d thought that he understood that suicide by mission was unacceptable. But, from what she’d heard and briefly seen, he had come back injured again and what’s worse, with injuries that were beneath him. He simply didn’t make the kind of mistakes that led to those sorts of injuries.

Deep in thought, Sakura suddenly found herself at his door. Taking a deep breath, she reached for the chart on the door. Quickly she flipped through, looking for updates on the most recently added notes. She had already found that overall, his injuries were not as bad as she’d first heard but still worse than he should ever have gotten on his own. At least according to the updates, she hadn’t stopped by for a few hours, he was responding well to treatment. 

Not bothering to suppress a sigh, she opened the door and started upon finding Tsunade there, clearly on her way out. Tsunade made a parting appeal that Sakura should go easy on Kakashi – though, _why_ , she had, of course, neglected to say. As she slipped past Sakura on her way out of the room, an ill-concealed smirk materialized on her face just as she moved out of Kakashi’s line of sight. Sakura’s eyes widened slightly and she had to take a moment, pausing in the doorway to turn and watch Tsunade saunter down the hall, in order to fight the light color she felt creeping up into her cheeks.

Once she felt better collected, Sakura quickly scanned the hallway, looking for an orderly or someone she could send for Kakashi’s things. Upon seeing no one, no one at all aside from Tsunade’s vanishing back, she fully entered Kakashi’s room and closed the door. 

Lost in thought, Sakura shook her head slightly as she pressed the orderly call button by the door – there should have been someone on duty in the hall, were they really that short-staffed, or more likely, were they so afraid Kakashi would do something foolish that they'd cleared the hall of unnecessary foot-traffic? 

Kakashi watched as Sakura paused in the doorway before continuing into the room. Clearly she was engrossed in her own thoughts and, as he was fairly certain those particular thoughts had to do with if she was going to follow Tsunade’s appeal or not, he figured it was in his best interest to stay silent until she snapped out of it. No use trying to hurry her along – that could have the exact opposite effect than what he wanted. Instead, he’d just wait and see what happened.

Letting Tsunade's strange words truly sink in, Sakura continued her interrupted stroll to Kakashi's bed, absently picking up a gum wrapper on her way. Once at his bedside, she paused, thinking of what she could do to make his stay less unpleasant – aside from getting him his belongings of course. Since Tsunade had made time to stop by herself to get his preliminary findings, Kakashi would absolutely need to get that report written as soon as possible. The fact she had stopped by to get a preliminary report at all made Sakura more inclined to believe Tsunade's insistence that Kakashi had good reason for his foolish injuries. Whatever mission he'd been on, had been urgent enough for Tsunade to need the contents of his report as soon as possible – sooner than he could even write it. If that was the case… he deserved for her to listen to Tsunade's appeal on his behalf. That he was an old friend who had often turned up with delicious coffee when she most needed it, meant that she should probably also do whatever she could to make his stay in the hospital at least a little less boring. Naturally, a trip to the bookstore and to the coffee shop across the village would be in order. The line would be long but he'd already braved it for her multiple times now. Perhaps she'd try the coffee shop across the street too – their competing coffee blend was quite good…

An orderly promptly responded, interrupting Sakura’s inner musings. Upon entering he was only slightly surprised to find Sakura there with Kakashi. 

“You, ah, called, Ms. Haruno?” he asked with some relief. The whole floor had been warned not to help the patient in this room unless medically necessary, lest he decide to make a break for it. Consequently, he was dreading having to answer a call from this particular patient's room.

Ignoring the orderly’s clear trepidation, Sakura responded somewhat absently, still mostly lost in her own thoughts. “Yes, please retrieve Mr. Hatake’s belongings and bring them here.”

The orderly’s eyes widened. “But-”

Sakura held up a hand, not wanting to hear his protests. _She_ was one of the few people who would make Kakashi behave… most of the time at any rate. 

“It’s fine – he has a mission report to write for the Hokage and needs his things to get that done.” She shot a sideways glance at Kakashi, who had so far stayed uncharacteristically quiet. “ _And,_ he won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.”

Kakashi chuckled, he knew as well as she did that once he had his pants and was physically able to do so, he’d be spending at least _some_ time wandering the hospital.

Sakura shot him a look that told him he had better behave and rolled her eyes before amending her statement. “He will not be leaving the _hospital_ any time soon.”

Realizing that Sakura, rightly, had the final word regarding the troublesome elite shinobi, the orderly nodded and made a quick exit. He wasn’t exactly certain where Kakashi’s things had been stored but, he knew for certain, that they had been put somewhere out of the way. No one wanted to be responsible for Kakashi leaving the hospital early and if they could prevent him from doing so, even if only for a little while, then they would absolutely resort to hiding his belongings.

Sakura turned her attention back to Kakashi.

“So, now that _that’s_ taken care of…” she trailed off, unsure what she could say. Tsunade had told her to go easy on Kakashi, he had good reasons for what he had done and she believed her. “I came here to rip you a new one, you know.”

He nodded, offering no defense. He had none. At least not one he was going to give her.

“You’re not going to tell me what happened?”

He sighed, having hoped that she wouldn’t ask. “I did what was necessary.”

She eyed him suspiciously. “I see.”

“It’s classified.”

“ _What?_ ”

“The mission is classified. I can’t discuss it at this point in time.”

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. “ _Really?_ ”

He held her gaze evenly. “Really.”

Shaking her head slightly Sakura plopped herself down in her chair, her fingers crinkling the gum wrapper she had picked up. 

“Itsuki stop by?”

Knowing that there was no way he could possibly deny it, Kakashi simply shrugged, ignoring the flare of pain the movement caused him.

“What did he want?” Sakura asked her brows knitting together in confusion. “And, why didn’t he bring you your stuff?”

Kakashi stayed silent. Sakura was an intelligent woman, she should easily be able to guess what her recent ex may have wanted.

She sighed, suspecting that she knew very well what Itsuki wanted. “He asked you to talk to me about giving him a second chance, didn’t he?”

Surprised but doing his best to hide it, Kakashi refocused his attention on Sakura, staying silent as he knew if he opened his mouth he’d likely say something unfortunate. His patience with Itsuki was long gone, as he hoped was Sakura’s.

Sakura held his gaze, waiting for a response. After an increasingly awkward moment, she broke eye contact. Clearly he wasn’t going to answer. “Fine. I bet you talked about manly men things – far too testosterone-laden for a mere female such as myself to _ever_ understand.” She rolled her eyes.

Unable to help himself, Kakashi snorted and then laughed. She was closer to the truth than she’d ever know.

Giving up the topic of Itsuki – the less said about him the better anyway – Sakura decided to try one more time to get to the bottom of Kakashi’s injuries. “So you’re really not going to tell me about your injuries?”

Kakashi frowned slightly but otherwise remained silent.

Sakura eyed him one last time, looking for some sort of tell and once again found that she was very glad that she never played cards with Kakashi. With an irritated sigh, she gave up. Sometimes there was just no telling why he did the things he did – though, apparently, according to Tsunade, he had his reasons and they were good ones. She would just have to accept it and move on.

“So, have you been reading anything good lately?” she asked, settling down more comfortably in her chair to have a nice chat rather than the lecture she’d planned on giving him. “I finished some of the books you left and am not sure what to try next.”

~*~*~*~

Kakashi sighed and closed his book for a moment, the current novel was not going very well and he needed to stifle the desire to strangle the main character before he could continue reading. Unfortunately, since he was still in the hospital, he had few options for alternate novels so he would have to finish this one before allowing himself to select a new one. Sakura had been more than generous in going to several different bookstores for him. Unfortunately, he had read quite a few of the novels commonly kept in stock at most bookstores. Most of the time when he wanted a new novel, he either had to buy something that had just been released or special order something off the back catalog of one of his favorite authors.

This particular novel was one he'd avoided buying for years – he hadn't particularly enjoyed other novels by the author – but it was one that he hadn't previously read. After reading the first few chapters he found that it was definitely not going to be one he would recommend to Sakura, she had far less patience (and time) for stupid main characters than he did. Kakashi had to pause a little longer just to remind himself that his lower tolerance for main character nonsense had nothing to do with the fact that Sakura was in an all-day meeting and wouldn't be along to help him cope with his boredom. Nothing at all.

While Kakashi was contemplating his options for the rest of the day – limited since Sakura wasn’t around – someone knocked on his door.

Without waiting for a response, the door opened, and a familiar thin long-haired woman carrying a clipboard entered. Kakashi frowned to himself for a moment before managing to place her. He felt his expression tighten just a little. The fact that she was turning up on the one day where Sakura was guaranteed not to be there did not escape him.

“Mr. Hatake!” she greeted him with a sweet smile. “I’m so glad to see that you’re awake! When I heard you were back staying with us again I was afraid that it would be under similar circumstances to your last few stays.” She stopped just short of batting her eyelashes at him. “I’m Kumiko Nagata,” she giggled. “You might recognize my name from your bank list.”

She winked and smiled, bouncing a little on her toes and allowing the bounce to translate itself elsewhere on her anatomy. Classic kunoichi tactics – why she thought they’d work on _him_ , he couldn’t even begin to guess.

“Nice to see you again Ms. Nagata,” He greeted her, wary of why she was visiting and choosing to ignore her comment about his bank list. 

Kakashi was torn between wanting to tell her that he'd made a choice and she wasn't it and ignoring her hints, just leaving well enough alone. Aside from it not being any of Kumiko's business, he was uncertain how much, if any, trouble Kumiko could make for Sakura if he flat out told her to find herself another list.

The status of his list aside, Kakashi couldn’t even begin to guess why Kumiko was there. He certainly hadn’t called for her and couldn’t think of any other valid reason she might have to stop by.

“Oh!” she raised a hand to her chest and her cheeks colored slightly. “You _do_ remember me!” She bounced again, just a little.

He kept his sigh to himself and silently waited to see why she was there – eventually she would have to get the hint and elaborate.

Realizing that he wasn’t going to comment, she decided to continue on. “I’m _so_ glad to see that your file won’t need to be opened any time soon.” She made a show of looking him over. “Looks like you’re doing _much_ better now,” she nearly purred.

Losing patience quickly and doing his best not to roll his eyes, Kakashi continued to keep his expression of polite inquiry, waiting for her to state the reason for her visit.

Sensing that she had perhaps gone a little too far, she cleared her throat and changed the subject. “ _Anyway_ , I’m helping the records department with some updates this week. So I have some paperwork for you.” She held out the clipboard she was carrying.

He raised an eyebrow in inquiry, suspicious of any paperwork the determined woman may have for him. “What sort of paperwork?”

“You need to update your list.” Her smile widened and she extended the clipboard again.

“Excuse me?” he asked, stunned that she had come into his room while he was staying in the hospital to demand that he make changes to his list. Starting to become angry, Kumiko definitely crossed a line, he did his best to keep his emotions from showing. Anyone in the village with a brain and the knowledge that Sakura was on Kakashi’s list would know that _she_ would be his choice, and he’d be damned if he let some other woman try to change his mind.

Kumiko’s eyes widened in mock surprise. “Oh! Not _that_ list, silly!” She managed a giggle, thinking that things might not be going too badly for her after all if he immediately thought of his _bank_ list with her in the room. “You can do _whatever_ you like with _that_ list! I’m _sure_ you’re making the right choice!” She winked again as she stepped closer and held the clipboard directly in his line of sight. “ _This_ list!”

Still fuming but also uncertain what she was referring to, he finally reached out for the clipboard. Automatically his eyes were drawn to the top and started to skim the document, his ire fading as he read.

“That’s your Approved Visitors List,” Kumiko added unnecessarily as she waited while Kakashi glanced through the document.

“I… see…” he flipped the pages, wondering what it was all about, he’d never had one before. “I don’t have anyone to ban so I don’t need an Approved Visitors List.” He shrugged and tried to return the clipboard to Kumiko.

Surprised, she shook her head. “Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t being clear.” Gently, she pushed the clipboard back to him. “The hospital has put into action a new visitor check-in process. We now need Approved Visitors Lists for _all_ of our patients. That’s my task for this week – get updated lists for all patients currently staying in the hospital.”

“But, I don’t have anyone to ban.” He frowned. “I’ve never needed a list before.”

She shook her head. “That doesn’t matter, there’s an option at the bottom if you’d rather reverse the list and allow everyone and bar only those on the list. If you have no one to ban, you can just leave it blank.”

Suppressing a sigh, knowing there was no use fighting new hospital policy, he pulled the clipboard back to himself and started reading.

Awkwardly, Kumiko stood and waited, it hadn’t occurred to her that Kakashi might actually _read_ the papers before filling them out. Several minutes later he finished up, signed and dated the document, and then handed the clipboard back to her.

Quickly Kumiko scanned the papers, it would be easier to catch and correct any mistakes immediately, rather than finding them later. She nodded as she found that he’d filled out the pages as she’d suggested. Suddenly she stopped.

“Oh, Mr. Hatake, I think you may have misunderstood this one here,” she pointed at the clipboard.

He leaned forward to check, he’d read it all carefully and was fairly certain that he had made no mistakes.

“This one isn’t for your regular or most often seen medic, it’s for your medical contact – the person who makes medical decisions for you in the event that you are rendered unable to do so yourself.”

Kakashi glanced again at the form and shook his head, starting to lose patience with the overly friendly woman. “Yes, I’m aware. There’s no mistake.”

“But it says Sakura Haruno? She’s your medic, not your medical contact.”

Tired of dealing with the woman and irritated all over again he shook his head and decided to try and subtly spike Kumiko’s wheel. Sakura was well-loved by everyone in the hospital, any malicious trouble Kumiko could try to cause would likely fall flat. And, if it didn’t, Sakura was entirely capable of handling anything Kumiko could throw at her.

“Yes, I understand the difference. However, while Sakura _is_ my medic, she is _also_ my medical contact. She has power of attorney too if a situation comes up where decisions need to be made and I’m unable to do so.” He shrugged. “I trust her to take care of anything that needs to be handled if or when I’m unable to do so myself.”

Kumiko’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “W-what?”

Kakashi regarded her calmly, his patience gone. “Sakura is my contact for pretty much everything. Shouldn’t be surprising considering how long we’ve known each other.” He shrugged again. “If that’s all?” he asked, shifting himself a little as though he wanted to try and sleep.

Still shocked, it had never occurred to her that the relationship between Kakashi and Sakura had gone back so far or run so deep, she closed her mouth and shook her head. “U-uh, no, no, I believe that is everything. Thank you for your time, Mr. Hatake. I-I’ll just let you rest now.”

Hastily Kumiko beat a quick retreat, clipboard in hand, starting to wonder if she should look into getting herself added to another list.

~*~*~*~

Sakura glanced up at the faint noise and was unsurprised to find Kakashi, fully dressed and in his seat as though things were back to normal, even though she knew that he had not yet been discharged from the hospital. She frowned as a delicious scent invaded her nostrils. A quick glance down informed her of the source of the delicious scent. Since it was far better than anything that was ever served at the hospital Sakura frowned slightly and returned her gaze to her visitor.

“Kakashi…”

“Hmm?”

“What’s this?” She pointed at the fragrant to-go cup sitting on her desk. “And, where did you get it?”

He chuckled, knowing exactly what she was thinking. He’d not yet been given the green-light to leave the hospital. That he’d left, even to get her something that smelled heavenly, was a violation of their unspoken agreement. “It’s a new special limited edition tea that the coffee shop across the street has started carrying.”

“Limited edition tea?” Sakura asked as she lifted the to-go cup in order to better inspect its contents.

He nodded, taking a sip of his own tea before responding. “It seems that there is a parody book out now,” he brandished the lavender jacketed novel he’d pulled out when he took his seat, “about a server in a tea shop – imaginatively titled, _The Tea Shop._ ” He laughed at her incredulous expression. “The coffee shop across the street decided to do a limited edition parody tea – to up their game against that coffee shop across the village that has the licensing to do the limited edition coffees to go with _The Coffee Shop_ books.”

Sakura laughed, it was exactly the right kind of ridiculous to appeal to Kakashi’s sense of the absurd. “Is it any good?”

“Try it, and see.”

Sakura giggled again and took a sip. “I meant the book – the tea is _delicious!_ ”

He chuckled, unsurprised at her reaction. “Don’t know about the book yet. Just bought it today when I found the tea.”

“Mmm, if it’s even half as good as the tea, I’d like to give it a read when you’re done.”

“Sure.” 

“You do know that you’re still in trouble for leaving the hospital, don’t you?”

He inwardly cringed, having hoped that the limited edition tea might buy him his way out of trouble this time around.

She snickered and relented. “Well, only if someone else noticed. I’ll give you a pass,” she narrowed her eyes, making sure he was listening, “ _this_ time around.”

~*~*~*~

Exhausted, Sakura returned to her office. It had been a _long_ day and she was more than happy that she only had about an hour to go before she could pack it in for the day. And, to make things even better, she was off the next day so could sleep in as late as she wanted.

Upon opening her office door she was surprised to find Kakashi there waiting for her in his usual seat. She blinked in astonishment. He’d just been released from the hospital the day before. She’d figured that it would be another week at the very least before she saw him again. After all, he’d already spent quite a lot of time with her recently, he must be getting sick of her.

He chuckled at her reaction and extended a hand with a to-go cup of the limited edition coffee she liked so much. “I figured I’d bring you a cup since I already went through the trouble of waiting in the line for one for myself.”

Feeling inordinately pleased despite doing her best not to be, Sakura smiled in appreciation. “Thanks, I really need this.”

He took a better look at her and frowned. “You _do_ look tired. Long shift?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I got home late last night and had to come in early this morning.”

He nodded, given her schedule, it was all too understandable. Konoha had had a medic shortage for far too long – something would need to be done about it soon. Sakura and her colleagues wouldn’t be able to keep up the pace much longer.

Social niceties taken care of, Sakura returned her focus to her paperwork, enjoying Kakashi’s silent companionship. She was more than aware that she should enjoy it while it lasted as he would likely soon be sent back out and there was no telling when he would take his last mission – the one from which he would not return. 

An hour later, Sakura stretched before starting to tidy up her workspace, getting ready to leave. Since she would be out the next day she wanted to take a little extra care to make sure everything was nice and neat before she went.

“Quitting time, Kakashi,” Sakura announced unnecessarily while she gathered her things from her desk and fished out her keys.

Unsurprisingly, Kakashi also set about tidying up his little corner of her office, straightening his chair and making sure he left no traces of himself behind.

Once her desk was tidied, Sakura headed to her office door. Kakashi moved to the door before her and chivalrously held it open for her. Sakura laughed at his little uncharacteristic display.

As she was locking her office door, she was surprised to see that Kakashi didn’t particularly seem inclined to wander off as per usual when she called it a day at the hospital. Tucking that surprise away, she pocketed her keys, and started off down the hall, smiling to herself when Kakashi fell into step next to her.

Once they were clear of the hospital, Sakura turned to Kakashi, wondering what his intentions could be. Before she could ask, he beat her to the punch.

“You’re too tired to cook tonight, aren’t you?”

“Y-yes,” she stuttered, caught off guard.

“You’re thinking you’ll probably have instant ramen.”

“Maybe…” she hedged, not really wanting to admit that he was right. Naruto was right to sing the praises of instant ramen for when one was just too tired to cook… or care…

He chuckled. “C’mon, there’s a new challenger in the world of ramen – just opened last week and from what I’ve heard, it’s actually pretty decent.”

Instantly perking up Sakura couldn’t help but respond. “What? Really?”

“Yup.”

“There’s another startup trying to take the crown from Ichiraku?”

“Uh-huh, it’s not far from here.”

Sakura couldn’t help but smile, a part of her wondering if this was his way of asking her out. Regardless, she couldn’t possibly refuse ramen of the non-instant variety. “Well, I can’t say no to ramen – and as tired as I might be... it’s unlikely that this place will actually last very long.”

Kakashi snorted. “The last place still holds the record, two months.”

“Well, who knows how good this new place is, we’d better get there quickly, just in case.”

~*~*~*~

“Mmmm, that was probably the _absolute best_ barbeque that I’ve ever had.” Sakura sighed in contentment as she continued along toward her apartment.

Kakashi nodded agreeably as he continued amiably alongside Sakura. It had been a very nice evening. The latest of a long string of nice evenings.

“By _far_ , I think that’s probably the best place we’ve been.”

“Mm-hmm,” he agreed.

“Though, to be honest,” she tilted her head to the side just a bit. “There was just _one_ thing…”

He chuckled. “The coffee.”

Sakura pulled a face. “How can a place that makes such good food make such _terrible_ coffee?”

He shrugged. “No one is perfect?”

She laughed. “That’s fair. I suppose I can take the fact that they have terrible coffee, I certainly don’t have to drink it, if they have such excellent food. Though… It seems wrong to have a meal like we just had without a decent cup of coffee afterward.”

“Mmmm,” Kakashi responded noncommittally, not really thinking about it too much. 

They walked on in companionable silence for another few moments before arriving at Sakura’s apartment building.

“Thanks for dinner, Kakashi.”

He nodded, as was his custom, unwilling to respond in any other manner. This was not his favorite part of the evening.

“One of the aides at the hospital gave me a bag of that limited edition _The Coffee Shop_ coffee, decaf – for helping her deal with a troublesome patient.” She shot him a glance. “Do you want to come up to have some?”

Startled, Kakashi shot her a glance. He’d thought that their rather non-relationship relationship was fairly clear in their boundaries – what he would and wouldn’t do, or rather, what he _could_ and _couldn’t_ do. 

“Sakura, I-”

Catching his expression Sakura sighed and rolled her eyes. “Coffee _can_ mean coffee, you know.”

~*~*~*~


	11. Chapter XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every week. I think I’m going to need to do more rewrites than in previous chapters from here on out – chapters may be posted every other week if I’m just not happy with where they are after a week’s worth of edits.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter XI

Sakura yawned and stretched. Unsurprised to find that Kakashi had not spent the night. Coffee could also mean other things, as the prior evening attested. Though, it had taken a long string of evenings featuring coffee before he had finally given in. Often, _those_ evenings ended with them going right up to and occasionally a little over his self-imposed boundaries. More than once he had abruptly stopped, suddenly coming back to himself, before rapidly taking his leave – though, not without her seeing or occasionally feeling exactly why he was beating a hasty retreat. 

Long in-depth discussions of his favorite books, especially of some of those steamy love scenes, had most naturally lead to… _discussions_ of a more intimate nature. More often than not, Sakura would take the stance that most of those scenes were either not physically possible or too awkward to truly be pleasurable. Kakashi on the other hand was more than willing to defend his favorite novels, awkward love scenes, and all. His defense, however, occasionally got the better of him, leading to an admittedly enjoyable, if frustrating when he finally remembered himself, evening.

That he had _actually_ given in and allowed himself an evening that he had clearly wanted for some time, Sakura found almost unbelievable. Never in a million years did she ever _truly_ think that he might. Certainly not that first evening she had invited him up for coffee – her invitation truthfully had been intended to extend an enjoyable evening with a better brand of coffee than could be had at the barbeque place.

Still feeling tired and a bit wobbly, she got up and out of bed, glad that she had the day off. A small part of her had to wonder if she’d see Kakashi that day or if she’d have to wait for some undetermined amount of time before he returned. After the evening they’d shared, Sakura wouldn’t be surprised if Kakashi had gone off somewhere to be alone for a while. Deep down she knew that he had never intended to allow their non-relationship relationship to progress this far – for whatever reason, he did not believe himself capable of such a thing as an actual relationship, with anyone – never mind with _her_ …

Sakura knew he cared, it was written all over his actions – nearly everything he had done over the years when viewed with the knowledge of how he’d chosen to leave his estate and bank account, clearly pointed to that simple conclusion. Which one would think would also point to a relationship between the two of them as a foregone conclusion. However, Sakura _also_ knew that Kakashi wanted no such thing – had _never_ wanted any sort of relationship with _anyone_ and _absolutely_ _not_ one involving children. 

He knew the pain of suddenly losing a parent and had seen the pain of friends who had lost partners to missions. His entire life had been lived in service of the village with the expectation that he would die as he lived – in service of the village. Kakashi couldn’t, in good conscience, enter into a relationship where he knew the inevitable end would cause his partner, and possibly children, such pain. Accordingly, his chances of making the Memorial would shrink considerably. Kakashi was one of the most experienced shinobi in the village now, these days there was very little aside from a deliberate suicide mission that could prevent him from returning if he had motivation enough to do so. And, in some cases, he could probably even survive a suicide mission that for others would live up to its name. No, Kakashi couldn’t afford to allow himself any sort of relationship – that would jeopardize his spot on the Memorial with all the other Hatake.

She sighed, pushing those unhappy thoughts, not for the first time, from her mind. None of this had gone as she’d expected – Sakura had honestly never anticipated Kakashi to give in to his desire. And desire it had been since she had seen it in his eyes. It was desire, _not_ simple lust. Lust would have made things much easier for them both. That’s not to say that she hadn’t enjoyed herself – she had, _immensely_. He’d made _absolutely_ certain of that – another indication if ever she needed one aside from that darkly intense expression in his eyes, that it had been desire and not lust that had led their incredibly enjoyable evening. 

Consequently, Sakura found that she hoped that it hadn’t been a one-time-only type of thing as she was very much looking forward to an encore, or, rather a repeat performance as he’d already performed a few encores the evening before. And, if she were to be honest with herself, there were a few sequences in his books that she found herself extremely interested in giving a try. Who better to try them with than someone even more intimately familiar with them than she was? 

Enjoyable evenings did not _necessarily_ mean a relationship and certainly did not automatically result in children. She could be content with that, perhaps Kakashi could too. 

With a silly grin on her face, Sakura shuffled into her bathroom to start getting ready for the day.

~*~*~*~

Sakura carefully sipped her cup of tea, she’d splurged and bribed one of the interns (poor thing was even more caffeine-deprived than Sakura was) to get her a cup from the coffee shop across the street while on a break. Damn Kakashi for getting her hooked not only on the special _The Coffee Shop_ branded coffee – no longer a limited edition as it had proved far too popular – but also on the special _The Tea Shop_ tea – likewise far too popular to still be limited edition. With a sigh of contentment, she returned her attention to her paperwork. The only blot on her day was the fact that she hadn’t seen Kakashi for a few days, not since they’d last shared coffee... 

Sakura’s thoughts were interrupted by a swift knock on her door. Tsunade didn’t wait for a response before entering and closing the door behind her.

Surprised at her former mentor’s entrance, Sakura focused all of her attention on what she may have to say.

“We have a problem,” Tsunade stated flatly as she plopped herself in one of Sakura’s visitor’s chairs – the one not belonging to Kakashi.

“Okay, what can I do?”

“It’s Kakashi.”

“What?” Sakura shook her head. “I haven’t seen him in a few days, I thought he was out on a mission?”

Tsunade sighed. “No, he’s in the village. He’s not scheduled to go back out for another day or so, maybe earlier… depending.” She peered intently at Sakura. “Did you two have a fight or something?”

Feeling color rise to her cheeks, Sakura hastily tried to control the reaction before Tsunade caught it. “No…” Guilt caught at her stomach. They hadn’t had a fight but, what they _had_ had...

Tsunade raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Really?”

Controlling the blush, Sakura shook her head. “Why would you think that?”

Giving Sakura one last look, Tsunade shook her head dismissively. It didn’t matter if Sakura would admit to something amiss between herself and Kakashi, what mattered was that Sakura _did_ something about it.

“What’s wrong with Kakashi? What has he done?”

Tsunade sighed. “He’s at the Memorial.”

Sakura shrugged, _that_ was nothing new. “And?”

“He’s been there for three or maybe four days, we’re not one-hundred percent certain when he started.”

Sakura’s eyes widened in surprise. “ _What?!_ ”

“It hasn’t exactly been continuous but he’s spent pretty much all day every day and nearly all night there for the past few days.”

Sakura exhaled, unsure what to do, though knowing that she would clearly have to do _something_.

“I don’t know what happened between you two,” she held up a hand to forestall any protests Sakura may have, “and I don’t care. But, you _do_ need to do something about it.”

Sakura sat stock still for a few moments, attempting to gather her thoughts and review her options, before nodding. There was only one thing she _could_ do. “Okay. I’ll go talk to him.”

“Good.” Tsunade pushed herself up from the chair and started to take her leave.

“But,” Sakura cautioned. “I can’t guarantee it will do any good.”

Tsunade froze for a moment before nodding in acceptance, she had a ‘plan b’ if absolutely necessary but would really rather Sakura take care of it. 

“That’s all I can ask of you.” When she got to the door, she pointedly made a show of changing Sakura’s status from ‘In’ to ‘Out’ on her office door. A not-so-subtle hint that Sakura should leave immediately.

Taking a moment to further collect herself, Sakura had thought that she’d already made peace with her chosen path, she drained the last of her tea and tossed the cup in the trash. Kakashi’s recent behavior wasn’t helping things but she was still doing her best to cope. She knew he wasn’t capable of giving her more than he already had and she would never ask it of him. 

Sakura sat for another few moments deep in thought – trying to decide which approach to take once she got to the Memorial. His vigil at the Memorial pretty much shattered any hopes for repeat performances and likely indicated that the wonderful evening had, in all actuality, damaged their comfortable friendship. She could only hope that the damage was not irreparable. A sacrifice would probably have to be made if she wanted to save the friendship… Finally, with a sad sigh, plan in place, she left her office, locking it behind her.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi stood at the Memorial, unmoving as always, mind turned deeply inward and both hands stuffed into his pockets. He was dimly aware that it was the fourth day he’d stood vigil at the large stone monument. He had taken care of the necessities but other than that, he’d spent every waking moment contemplating the large highly polished stone in front of him. 

She’d broken him. 

Sakura had finally worn away his self-restraint and he had had one hell of an evening as a result. Being with Sakura had been even better than Kakashi had ever dared to imagine. But, once he’d come down from such an incredibly amazing high, finding Sakura obviously beyond exhausted, asleep, and utterly vulnerable, he had fled. He’d gone too far. He’d _allowed_ things to go too far. 

Kakashi now understood. _She_ would be the death of him or rather, the cause of his downfall… his demise. Madam Verushka was never wrong… and, he _knew_ she wasn’t wrong about this. His… _entanglement_ … with Sakura would derail his entire intended life path – his spot on the Memorial. How could he live as a Hatake without the comforting assurance that his end was guaranteed, that he would die an honorable death in service of the village?

The question was, now that he’d finally reached what he assumed must be his long-delayed true crossroads, ‘did he care?’ Was the demise he’d been raised to expect worth the pain and suffering he was already inflicting on Sakura? On himself? He had, ever so briefly, managed to have something he’d never thought he’d be granted the pleasure of having. Could he go back to living – _dying_ – without having it once again? Now that he knew _exactly_ what he was missing?

Intently he stared into the depths of the dark stone, watching his many visits to Madam Verushka play out before his mind’s eye on a continuous loop. All the many times she’d told him that a woman and or, occasionally, children would be the cause of his downfall. Abruptly, he realized that they were probably one and the same. He had first met Sakura when she was a child. It was just possible that Sakura was who Madam Verushka had been warning him about all along. Apparently, rightly so.

Madam Verushka had always been adamant that he stick to one night stands and short flings. Nothing where the woman might grow to have expectations – expectations for things he _could not_ give her. Kakashi had always been unwavering in his conversations with the fortuneteller that life path was set – crossroads or no – and his final resting place was on the Memorial. Accordingly, so also had Madam Verushka been obstinate in her advice – if he wanted his demise to be as he was raised to expect, relationships were _not_ possible. Her words of warning at his last visit had been especially harsh. Obviously, she knew what she was talking about since he was on the very edge, and now quite suddenly found himself questioning everything.

Pushing those thoughts about Madam Verushka aside, he had to refocus on the matter at hand. Was he being fair to Sakura? Was he doing to her exactly what he’d accused her of doing to Itsuki? Only now on a much greater scale as he was positive that she’d never gone so far as to sleep with Itsuki. She’d given Itsuki a chance… and he had, in his own roundabout way, given her one… Should he follow his own advice to Sakura? Do as he’d encouraged her to do? Break it off before he made it any worse? He had, after all, nothing to give her but pain and regret… If he intended to continue down his desired path, he _would_ have nothing else to give her.

His thoughts circled back once again to the heart of the matter. 

She would break him. 

She would destroy him...

Hell, she obviously already had.

~*~*~*~

Sakura made her way slowly to the Memorial, sensing the eyes of unseen ANBU on her as she went. Clearly, someone, likely Tsunade, had ensured that her conversation with Kakashi would be monitored. Possibly so they could intervene if she was unsuccessful. Or, more likely, she had already had Kakashi under surveillance once he went off his usual routine. Occasionally elite shinobi such as Kakashi went strange as they got older. Kakashi, as antisocial and dedicated to doing his duty by the village as he was, was a prime candidate for such an occurrence. 

She paused once she entered the little park, taking in the sight before her. Kakashi stood, as he always did, both hands stuffed deep into his pockets, posture slouched just a bit, as though standing up straight required just a little too much effort. If she hadn’t known him so well, she wouldn’t have seen all the little signs that this was not one of his usual vigils. His body language practically screamed to her that something was wrong. Sakura could also tell that it was probable that he hadn’t even noticed her presence, never mind the presence of those around her, watching. It was even possible, she mused, that he was entirely unaware of how many days he’d spent standing in front of the Memorial.

Sakura took a deep breath, preparing herself for the conversation she was about to have, and stepped forward. 

“Hey, Kakashi,” she greeted him as she extended a cup of coffee, the special _The Coffee Shop_ coffee, to him.

He automatically took the coffee, taking a sip through his mask without a thought, somewhere in the back of his mind he had undoubtedly flagged her and anything she may offer to him as safe. Startled, he looked down at the cup of sweetened coffee and then over to Sakura, obviously surprised to see her.

“Sakura?”

She snorted. Some elite shinobi he was. “Had them add caramel this time around – think it’s nearly as good as with the chocolate.” Quickly, before he could comment or protest, she held out her own coffee. “Hold this.”

Automatically he complied, still reeling from the fact that the object of his vigil had appeared, almost as though she had been summoned.

Quickly Sakura formed a short chain of hand seals before releasing the jutsu. Privacy ensured, she retrieved her coffee from him.

“So,” she started, uncertain where to begin. “Tsunade said you’ve been here for a few days.”

He nodded, taking another sip of the coffee, seeing no reason to elaborate. She clearly guessed if she was there to talk to him.

“Kakashi, you need to go home.”

He stood with his attention focused on the stone in front of him, unable to respond to her simple statement.

“Kakashi, you can’t go on like this.”

He shook his head slightly, he hadn’t made a plan yet, hadn’t sorted out how to cope. In times of trouble, the Memorial had always helped him find the right course of action.

“Kakashi, is this about the other night?”

He took another sip of his coffee, doing his best not to turn his head further away from her – only marginally succeeding.

“Kakashi, I’m a big girl now. I can handle it, you know.”

He didn’t respond. That, apparently, was part of the problem.

“If you’re regretting the other night…” she trailed off, hating that she would have to make the offer, as she had zero regrets whatsoever, but knowing that there was no other way. Sakura closed her eyes briefly before continuing. “We can just pretend it didn’t happen… If that will make things better for you...”

Kakashi’s hand clenched around his coffee slightly before he caught the reaction and relaxed, letting out a long breath as he did so. 

Sakura waited a few moments to see if he would have any other response. Upon seeing that he didn’t she realized she would have to keep talking. 

“You know, Kakashi, I honestly had no idea I was actually playing with fire.” She glanced at him sideways, his face still more or less impassive, her cheeks heated a little. “I had no idea that there even _was_ any _real_ fire to be played with, in the first place... If I had known…”

Sakura paused to collect herself, find a better way to try and reach him and sighed. Honesty would truly be the best policy.

“I don’t regret it though,” she stated flatly, surprising herself a little at how matter-of-fact she managed to keep her tone of voice. “Even if it does ruin our friendship, I simply can’t find it in me to regret it. It was...” she trailed off, her cheeks heating once again as she groped for the right words. “It was something I’d like to repeat if I’m to be honest. Frankly, it was too good not to – I’d have to be nuts to think otherwise...”

Finally, shocked out of his reverie, he responded. “Sakura, I-”

She waved a hand as if to wave whatever he wanted to say away as irrelevant. “I don’t expect anything from you, you know. I reconciled myself to this, made peace with it so to speak. I could never ask you for what I _know_ you cannot give. I could never expect it either…” She exhaled before continuing, “I know better than to expect _anything_ from you.”

“Sakura-”

“You’ve already given me far, far more than I’d ever thought to receive from you in life…” she had to pause to better compose herself, “and beyond what I could ever hope for in death.”

“I…” he had no response.

“It’s _okay_ , Kakashi.” She reached out to put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s _going_ to be okay.” She let her hand slide down to his and squeezed it briefly. “No regrets, remember?”

Sakura examined his face, looking for any signs of understanding. “ _I_ don’t regret it. So, I don’t see why _you_ should.”

A few moments passed in strained silence.

She sighed, running out of options. “We can ignore that it happened or pick up where we left off. It’s up to you.”

“Sakura, you know I-”

“Yes, I know.”

“But, you deserve-”

“I don’t _deserve_ anything.”

“But, you know I can’t-”

“I know.”

“I lost my control.”

“I know.”

“I should have stopped.”

“ _I_ didn’t ask you to.”

“I…”

“If I had wanted you to stop, I’d have told you so…”

“I... don’t think I could have…”

Sakura made a rude noise with her lips. “I’m a kunoichi, Kakashi. One way or another you _would_ have.”

He shook his head.

“There are entire classes devoted to the topic. _Believe me_ , if I had wanted you to stop, I’d have said so, _and_ you would have.”

“But… I never…”

“It’s _okay._ ”

“I never meant for that to happen.”

Sakura kept a grimace to herself, hearing him say it hurt more than she expected it to even though she would never have anticipated hearing otherwise. All in all, it was not going as she had expected. However, just how she had expected it to go she couldn’t really say. 

“Do you regret it?”

Kakashi sighed and shook his head. As much as he wanted to, he found that he just couldn’t. He had, however briefly, managed to touch a dream he had thought long beyond his reach. Regardless of what he said to Sakura or how he was behaving, there was simply no way he could possibly regret it.

Sakura nodded, a tiny sense of relief washing over her – no matter what happened next, at least she could hold on to the fact that he didn’t regret it either. They stood, once again in silence, for another few moments.

Finally, Sakura broke the silence, knowing that if she didn’t, the two of them would be there indefinitely. “Whatever you decide to do, Kakashi, you still need to go home. People are beginning to talk, they’re worried... _I’m_ worried.” She squeezed his hand lightly, doing her best to convey the full extent of her concern.

He sighed, examining the coffee cup in his hand and her hand lightly clasping his. "I know."

"Good. Let's get you home then." She squeezed his hand again, giving it a quick little shake before letting it go.

Before he could protest, she broke the privacy jutsu and started walking toward Kakashi’s apartment, pleased to note that he caught up within a few strides and automatically fell into step next to her.

~*~*~*~

Sakura exhaled in relief as she allowed her feet to carry her back to her office, her day was nearly done and not a moment too soon. She had every intention of heading straight home, ordering out, and having a lovely evening curled up with one of the new books Kakashi had loaned her. The next one on the stack promised to be quite good if the glint in Kakashi's eyes several weeks ago when he handed it to her was anything to go by.

When Sakura arrived at her office she moved her slider to cover the ‘In’ and uncover the ‘Out.’ She would allow nothing to distract her into staying later that evening. Sakura had stayed late the past four nights and had no intention of making it five – especially since she had an early appointment at the Kunoichi Affairs Office the next morning. 

Happily, she opened her door to find that Kakashi’s chair had recently been occupied but didn’t seem to be any longer. She frowned a bit as she continued on to her desk. From what she could see he intended to return to his chair, he’d left his book open and flipped pages down – a signal to her, should she return, that he would be back. Shrugging to herself, she sat down to wrap up a few things, hoping that Kakashi would be back before she finished as she really didn’t want to stay late if she could help it.

A few moments later Sakura glanced up, having heard a slight noise, to find Kakashi back, sitting in his chair. Though, inexplicably, he was wearing full ANBU gear.

Sakura suddenly felt a bit shy, she had not seen him since convincing him to return to his apartment the week before. She’d then spent a good half-hour picking up around his apartment, making him something good to eat – fussing about the state of his pantry – ensuring that he had a shower and putting him to bed. It had been like dealing with a rather large child. But, since then, Sakura had not run into him anywhere in the village and he hadn’t sought her out either.

To be fair, Tsunade _had_ let it drop that she’d sent Kakashi out almost immediately after Sakura had spoken to him. This led her to believe that Tsunade had already had a mission waiting for Kakashi and just needed to get him away from the Memorial so he could take it.

Shaking her head a little, doing her best to shove her awkward feelings aside, she smiled and greeted him as usual, if only a little strained. “Evening Kakashi.”

He glanced up from his book, slipping a finger between the pages to keep his place, and nodded. “Sakura. You staying late tonight?”

She shook her head. “No, I’ve worked late the past four nights and have no intention of staying late tonight.”

He nodded again. “Dinner plans?”

She shook her head again. “Honestly, I figured I’d get some takeout or order delivery and curl up with one of your books. I have an early morning appointment tomorrow so I didn’t think it would be wise to go out.” She shrugged.

“How about Ichiraku?” he proposed. “It’s close, quick, and won’t keep you out to all hours.”

Surprised, she’d honestly thought that their relationship had been reset back to him occasionally turning up at her office and maybe rarely managing to mooch coffee or a meal from her, she chuckled. 

“That sounds ideal.” She eyed him in his full gear. “They also won’t say anything about you being all dressed up and having nowhere to go.”

He laughed. “I have a mission to do later tonight.”

She nodded. “That would explain it then.”

“You about done?”

“Yes, let me finish this page and I’ll be good to go.” A thought suddenly hit her and she narrowed her eyes at him. “Your mission is definitely for _later_ tonight, right?”

Seeing why she was asking he huffed in false indignation. “ _Course_ it is! Can’t imagine _why_ you would even think to ask such a thing.”

She snorted. “Experience, Kakashi, painful experience. I’ve learned the hard way that it’s never a good idea to be a part of your procrastination tactics.” 

Startled, he laughed. “I’ll bear that in mind for future excursions then.”

She raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“This time, at least, I promise you, I’m not trying to evade any missions by asking you out to dinner.”

Sakura bent over hastily, quickly trying to hide the color that rose to her cheeks, he had just come out and said that he was asking her to dinner. Never before had he been so direct. She had to wonder if there had been an internal shift within him and if so, what other changes might come of it. 

~*~*~*~

Kakashi silently tracked his target, keeping to the shadows and allowing no traces of his presence to be sensed.

Finally, after a ten-minute walk, his quarry entered a building. With a silent sigh of relief, he waited twenty minutes, loitering in a park across the street from the building, before climbing up several balconies to make it to the one he wanted. Upon reaching his desired destination he took a quick look inside, he was in luck she was there in the kitchen, making a pot of tea from the looks of it.

He realized as an unfamiliar, though easily identifiable, wave of emotion washed over him that it had been too long. He wanted her too much. With absolute certainty, he knew he was in trouble. He’d only been away from the village for two weeks, from her bed for a little longer than that, and he wanted her more than he could easily express with words.

Knowing that he was fighting a losing battle, he knocked on the sliding glass door and then waited for her to let him in.

~*~*~*~

Sakura sighed with mixed frustration and relief as she puttered about her kitchen starting a pot of tea. It had been a long day made even longer by the fact that she had forgotten to run some errands on her way home from work so had had to go back out after dinner to take care of a few small things. One or two of which she had waited too long to do, as the stores near her were now all closed. She would have to take care of the last few things the next day if any of the shops were open. As it was a holiday, she couldn’t be certain if they would be. Worst case scenario she’d just wait a day, not a problem as she had another three days before she needed that particular errand to be completed.

She started at the sound of a knock on her door, surprised, she turned from her stove to find Kakashi there in full ANBU gear. After a stunned moment, he was three days early, she hastily made her way over to the door to let him in. Silently she cursed herself for forgetting to do her shopping on her way home from work. She could easily guess what Kakashi wanted, even without seeing the raw emotion in his eyes, and was sadly unprepared. He was, after all, three days early. And, Kakashi was _never_ early.

“What can I do for you, Kakashi?” she asked, deciding to feign ignorance as she turned her attention back to her teakettle, now whistling on the stove. She _absolutely_ wanted what she knew he wanted. He'd been gone longer than she'd realized he would be and she had missed him... both in her office _and_ in her bedroom. Unfortunately, as much as she wanted the same thing as he did, she was unprepared.

He chuckled. “I think you know what I want.”

Sakura nodded, carefully wiping her hands on a dishtowel. "You're back early."

“Yes.”

"I... I'm sorry." She glanced away from him, once again angry with herself for forgetting to stop at the store on her way home. Her evening could have been far more enjoyable if only she had remembered to run all her errands.

Anxiety suddenly hit him full force, why would it matter that he was back early, was she cheating on him? An odd sentiment considering that they'd never defined their relationship beyond willing partners for enjoyable evening activities – she'd never asked and he had never offered. His most recent mission was the longest he'd had since Sakura had needed to retrieve him from the Memorial – had she gotten impatient and found someone else? Kakashi had not meant to make his nocturnal appearances at her balcony door more frequently than once, maybe twice a week but all too soon, once or even twice a week was not nearly enough. When he'd left for his most recent mission, he'd been turning up at her apartment or office nearly every evening... Had she felt it necessary to find someone else while he was away? She'd never once indicated that his frequent presence was unwelcome, rather the opposite, she'd been clearly pleased to see him every single time he appeared at her door.

“What?” he asked, unable to shake the feeling that his mission length might have ruined whatever he had going with Sakura – that she had felt the need to look elsewhere while he was away.

“You’re back early. I’m not prepared. I meant to stop on my way home today but…” Sakura trailed off, doing her best not to think of the evening they may have had.

He stared at her uncomprehendingly.

“We ran out last time, remember?” she prompted him, a faint tint of color rising to her cheeks. Before his last mission, he had been appearing in the evenings far more frequently than she’d initially expected. Though she had been surprised at this turn of events, she certainly wasn’t complaining. As far as she was concerned, there was nothing to complain about.

He started to shake his head but suddenly paused as realization dawned on him.

Seeing that he finally understood she continued.

"You weren't due back for another three days, I thought I had time – not like I needed any while you were out of the village. Meant to stop tonight but it slipped my mind and when I went back out, the pharmacy was closed, as was the neighborhood shop. Pretty much anywhere within easy walking distance is closed now. I guess a lot of places closed up early tonight in preparation for tomorrow's holiday." She was unable to completely suppress a grimace of irritation.

Sakura paused to control her expression before continuing, already knowing the answer but feeling the need to ask the question anyway.

"That is unless _you_ have something?" she couldn't keep a faint sense of hope from her voice even though she _knew_ the answer was going to be a negative.

Kakashi shook his head. He’d just returned from his mission, immediately going to Hokage Tower to report his results before tracking Sakura down. He hadn’t had time to return to his own place, where, he wasn’t even certain if he had anything. Kakashi had been visiting Sakura for several months and things had always happened at her place. He had _long_ ago discontinued his visits to the other pink-haired women outside the village; consequently, he had never bothered to keep up with things on his end. Absently, he resolved not to let that happen again as it was clearly a possible issue. Besides, it was unfair of him to expect Sakura to always have things covered, especially if he was really the only one ever initiating things.

Sakura sighed and once again kicked herself for not remembering to stop on her way home from work. Clearly, what she had thought wasn’t a big deal had suddenly blown up to large proportions. If only she had stopped on her way home from the hospital!

Kakashi stood stock still as the reality of the situation washed over him. This was an unexpected problem. He’d focused so closely on Sakura being home so they could have an enjoyable evening together, it hadn’t even occurred to him that she may not be prepared for such an evening. His hands curled closed as he fought the frustration – knowing it wasn’t Sakura’s fault. None of that helped with the fact that he wanted her. _Badly_. And, he had been consoling himself for nearly the entirety of his two-week mission with thoughts of finally having her once he returned to the village and made his mission report. 

Kakashi had spent the lonely evenings making plans, imagining precisely what he wanted and _exactly_ what they would do together when he returned. It was all he could do to suppress a groan. He would have to take care of things himself and come back the next evening – Sakura would likely not appreciate him turning up at the hospital for what he had been denied this evening.

Sensing his frustration and experiencing quite a bit of her own, Sakura hesitantly put forth an alternative, one she knew he would never agree to under any other circumstances. But, now, his frustration and disappointment were almost palpable. It was just possible that he would have different feelings on the matter. And, if she were to be honest with herself, his mood was such that she was loath to miss anything he might have had in store for her. Clearly he'd been planning and she knew from prior experience that when he planned... she had an _amazing_ time. 

“You know, Kakashi, we’re both tested regularly.”

He absently nodded as he tried to find a solution, that wasn’t the issue he was concerned with at that moment.

“Did you know, I may not be listed in the mission pool because of my more or less permanent assignment to the hospital, but I am still considered as on active duty?” she asked him.

He stared at her for a moment, wondering what her status may have to do with their current situation. He wanted her so badly it was almost painful. And there was no way he could control himself if they decided to try for a partial solution to his problem. He would have to retreat and deal with it himself. The sooner the better.

She sighed when she realized that he wasn’t catching on to what she was saying. “I still go down to the Kunoichi Affairs Office every quarter to get my injections like all the other active-duty kunoichi.”

His eyes widened as he realized what she was saying.

The corners of her lips turned up in a small smile as Kakashi finally caught on. She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm okay with it if you are..."

~*~*~*~


	12. Chapter XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every week. I think I’m going to need to do more rewrites than in previous chapters from here on out – chapters may be posted every other week if I’m just not happy with where they are after a week’s worth of edits.
> 
> Enjoy.  
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter XII

Kakashi idly flipped another page, not really taking in the words before him. He was sharing a safe house in the middle of nowhere in a sensitive enough location that it had been constructed quickly and with zero comforts included. The safe house was nearly always cold and damp and there was very little that they could do to counteract such discomforts. The location remained in a disputed area and was delicate enough that any unnecessary jutsu, meaning those not regarding identification or life or death situations, were banned. Consequently, he was stuck in the middle of nowhere with a group of grumpy ANBU. His mission was unrelated to theirs, fortunately, and they were due to complete their mission before he was supposed to wrap up his, leaving him the safe house to himself for a little while. It wouldn't make it less draughty or wet but at least he would no longer have to listen to them constantly complaining about their living conditions.

With a stifled sigh he flipped another page. His eyes not really taking in the words – he'd read this particular novel so many times that he could, if ever necessary, recite it from memory. Instead, his mind returned to the village – to Sakura. He was beyond in trouble. And, reading his smutty little novels while out of the village was _not_ helping things. Especially now, since this _particular_ novel, or rather an out of hand _discussion_ of one of its love scenes, was directly responsible for him getting physically involved with Sakura in the first place.

Regardless, Kakashi now found that when he was away from the village for more than a couple days his mind would inevitably go back to Sakura and what they would do together when he returned. She had been amenable to everything he'd thus far suggested or tried and had had more than a few ideas of her own that he had also enjoyed immensely. A more compatible partner he had never found. Additionally, she had never once denied or even questioned him when turned up on her balcony or at her office. He was in trouble all right and he sincerely hoped she never barred him from her bed in the future.

Just as he was flipping another page, beginning to wish he'd brought a different novel as this one only intensified his desire to return to Sakura, the safe house door flew open with a dramatic bang.

"Hey!" the team leader of the other ANBU team, Gin, barked as he slapped a hand down on the pot for their current hand of poker, barely managing to keep the paper money from flying around the room.

"Daishi, what are you _doing?!_ " Junnosuke cried, scrambling to grab his formerly face down cards from the table.

"Get that door closed Daishi!" Masanari added with more than a little irritation – he'd been positive that he had this hand in the bag… until two of his friend's cards flipped over in the wind.

A sheepish young ANBU hurriedly turned to try and get the door under control. From the blast of cold air that had entered when the ANBU opened the door, it was obvious what had happened. Struggling only a little, Daishi finally got the door under control and managed to get it closed, fighting against the wind the entire time.

"Phew! Boy am I glad I made it _here!_ " he exclaimed as he started to remove the outer articles of clothing, thinking better of it upon observing that nearly everyone else in the room was dressed in their warmest clothing.

"What do you mean?" Masanari asked absently as his mind tried to find a way to save his paycheck – he really shouldn't have gone all in.

"Why would you want to be _here?_ " Junnosuke exclaimed as he checked his cards once again, verifying that he still had what he hoped was the winning hand.

Daishi shifted his mask to the side, revealing his eyes opened wide in obvious surprise. "Wow, you guys really _are_ isolated up here! I'm glad I didn't need to come and join you until the end of the mission!" He threw a quick glance around the room and wrinkled his nose. "This place is _awful_. Are all safe houses like this?"

" _Daishi..._ " Gin growled, unamused with his fourth teammate's cavalier attitude toward their mission.

Junnosuke rolled his eyes and sighed, their most recent team addition was still very young. "Of _course_ we're isolated!"

Masanari sighed and added. "That's part of the point."

"So, why do you _want_ to be here?" Gin asked, afraid they'd never get back to their poker game until whatever Daishi was on about was dealt with.

"Who in their right mind would want to be _here_?" Junnosuke gestured around the bare chilly room.

"Geeze, okay, okay!" The new arrival held his hands up in a placating manner.

" _Well_ , _why_ are you happy to be so far away from civilization then?" Masanari asked all patience with the younger ANBU nearly gone.

Daishi sighed. "Things were crazy when I left – unexpected baby boom going on back at the village."

" _What?!_ " all three of his teammates exclaimed in unison, poker game now well and truly forgotten as all cards slammed back down on the table.

Daishi shrugged. "From what I heard, some of the kunoichi got a bad batch of hormones – something about…" he scrunched up his face trying to remember the exact details. "I dunno, expiration dates … maybe?" He waved his hands vaguely. "Kunoichi stuff gone wrong – lots of new shinobi on the way."

Silence descended upon the room. All occupants, save one, thinking about their last few romantic encounters. Everyone knew about the nearly one hundred percent reliability of the program all active kunoichi participated in – which often led to couples making less careful decisions than they might otherwise make.

"Any… any idea what the possible time frame might be?" Junnosuke asked hesitantly, he'd had multiple one night stands and a few multi-day flings the last time he was in the village.

"Um, think it's just a two-month window." Daishi frowned, trying to remember more of the details before adding, "That was a week ago though when I left the village. Uh, I did hear not _all_ kunoichi were affected though."

"So… going back two months and a week from now, nine weeks?" Gin tried to verify, he'd just spent a very pleasant couple of weeks with his wife before leaving for his current mission – the first time they'd _both_ been home in a while.

"Sounds about right." Daishi nodded slightly. "What people were saying, anyway." he shrugged, it didn't affect _him._

Silence descended upon the room again. Junnosuke counting on his fingers – the number refused to change even after multiple tries.

Kakashi flipped another page, drawing the attention of all the other men present, the sound inordinately loud in the hushed room.

Masanari snorted. "Of _course_ Old Hound Leader isn't concerned, now is he?"

"What? _Why?_ " Daishi asked, still trying to figure out the right balance of indoor and outdoor clothing to make the room temperature as comfortable as possible.

Their team leader laughed. "Old Hound Leader is famous for his strict sense of self-control where kunoichi are concerned."

"Yeah, I'm sure he has _nothing_ to worry about." Masanari elbowed Junnosuke with a chuckle, Kakashi had a fairly well-known reputation for long strings of flings _outside_ the village. "At least, not for _this_ baby boom anyway."

They both laughed, breaking the tense mood.

Daishi shook his head slightly, once again removing his coat with the thoughts of adding a sweater.

"But, you know, I've heard he's been seen around the village with that hot medic – you _know_ the one…" he trailed off hoping the men in the room would fill in the blank. After a moment of the three of them just staring at him, he tried to find some other identifying feature. "Um, pink hair, the Hokage's old apprentice?"

The room was silent for a few moments while its occupants considered this statement and Daishi rummaged in his pack for a sweater.

"Nah, she's his former student."

Gin rose to his feet and tapped Daishi's shoulder as he walked past, heading to the corner of the room where they kept the food to see if the last team had left anything stronger than tea. He didn't need to do any math to know that his wife was probably pregnant, and from Junnosuke's reaction, he probably wasn't the only one with a pregnant partner.

"I don't know... I think they're together." Daishi's words were slightly muffled by the sweater he was pulling on over his head.

" _What?_ When did _that_ happen?" Masanari asked with some surprise.

Daishi shrugged pulling his scarf around his neck again.

Masanari shook his head in disbelief. "You must be confused, she's far too good for him…" he turned his head to address Junnosuke. "Right?"

His friend shook his head a little sadly before patting his shoulder consolingly as he left the table to join Gin in his search for alcohol. If Ms. Haruno was with Old Hound Leader, then Masanari waited too long and had missed his chance. _Fool_. Women like Ms. Haruno didn't stay unattached for very long.

"Nope, pretty sure they're together." Daishi clapped his hands together a few times, trying to figure out if he wanted to dig out his full gloves or if the fingerless ones he was wearing would be enough.

"What's a good-looking little thing like _her_ doing with the likes of _him_ then?" Masanari snapped, unable to hide his bitter disappointment.

"I dunno, you could always ask him," Daishi suggested doubtfully.

Attention once again focused on the man in question. Outwardly unperturbed, Kakashi flipped another page, ignoring the hubbub going on around him. His mind already lost in thought as a deep certainty hit him. He knew for a fact that Sakura had gotten her shot within that time frame, she had teased him about it, and consequently, he'd been overly ardent in his attentions later that day – she seriously had _no_ idea what she did to him…

Sakura was pregnant. He could just feel it in his bones. There was no way that she wasn't. Not with the frequency and regularity of their evening interactions. Sakura had, of course, replenished her supply after that fateful evening when she had been out. However, he had never experienced anything quite like it, in more ways than one, and had been reluctant to go back to how things had been. Since Sakura didn't care, either way, she had understandably thought she had it covered, he'd reveled in the freedom he'd never had before – that he'd never _allowed_ himself to have before.

Madam Verushka was right to insist that he avoid sleeping with the same woman more than just a few times… clearly falling into a regular routine led to a lowering of his defenses. Which, in turn, led to the one thing he'd never wanted in life. Consequently, his entire future was now in jeopardy – per the fortune teller he needed to avoid women and children if he wanted to earn his space on the Memorial. So far, he'd managed neither.

Contrary to all logic, Kakashi found himself unable to regret his decisions. Though he did not want to admit it, he knew the time he spent with Sakura – both in the bedroom and out – meant too much to him now.

With mixed feelings Kakashi flipped another page, mentally trying to see if he could somehow shorten the length of his mission.

~*~*~*~

Sakura felt a flutter of nerves stir in her stomach as she made her way to the Kunoichi Affairs Office. She was rarely called in unexpectedly and couldn't help but feel apprehensive about it. No matter how she looked at it, she couldn't quite see how it could possibly be what she considered to be good news.

Honestly, she feared that with the recent kunoichi shortage, she might be about to be reinstated to the regular ranks. Though she had to admit, Tsunade would have had something to say on the matter if that was indeed the case. Sakura's position at the hospital, where there was _also_ a shortage of medics, was too important for her to be returned to the regular ranks. At least, that had always been Tsunade's stance on the matter and Sakura didn't see that changing any time soon.

With a deep steadying breath, Sakura entered the building, greeting the receptionist as she continued on to the conference room specified on her summons. While on her way, she noticed that there were quite a few kunoichi hanging around, far more than usual. Most of them seemed anxious or keyed up as well.

Feeling her stomach clench in nervousness she paused at the door to the conference room. It was open and with a deep breath, she stepped into the doorway.

"Ah, Ms. Haruno, come in, come in," an unfamiliar voice called out while Sakura lingered on the threshold.

Slowly, Sakura complied, closing the door behind her. This must be the new-hire she'd heard about through the grapevine, she was younger than expected, only a few years older than Sakura.

"Take a seat, my name is Yuki Eto. I'm taking over for Emiko Eto."

Sakura raised an eyebrow at the shared family name as she took the proffered seat.

"My aunt," Yuki answered the unasked question. "She's been promoted."

Sakura nodded to herself, good to know that nepotism was still alive and well. That also explained why the woman appeared to be relatively young for the position.

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Eto." As Sakura settled herself, she took note of the tall stack of folders, small pile of tissue boxes, various piles of not easily identifiable pamphlets, and the concerned yet friendly expression on the bespectacled woman sitting at the head of the conference table. Sakura's stomach sank.

Ms. Eto cleared her throat, a little nervously, and pushed her bright blue cat eye glasses up on her nose a little. "Well, let's get down to business, shall we? I see by your file that you're participating in the kunoichi birth control program?"

Sakura nodded, wondering if budget cuts were about to strike and how she'd explain it to Kakashi when he returned. The kunoichi birth control program was expensive if it wasn't being covered by the village – it was a necessary protection for all active duty kunoichi. From his actions, she didn't think he'd want to go back to how things were but, if she was no longer in the village program, then they would have to sit down and have an actual conversation about it.

"I see." The woman looked down at what Sakura assumed must be her file. "Well," she glanced up again to catch Sakura's eyes. "There's no real easy way to say this, so I'm just going to come out and say it." Ms. Eto took a deep breath before continuing. "There has been a mix-up in the storage facility."

Sakura nodded, not entirely certain where this was going. Her stomach dropped a little nervously in anticipation.

"Because of the mix-up, the expired hormone injections due to be destroyed were kept and the new injections were destroyed instead."

Sakura's stomach plummeted even further, suspecting she now knew where this was going to go after all.

"Your last shot most likely was one of the expired ones. You have been unprotected for," she paused to consult Sakura's file, "approximately two months."

Sakura swallowed, hard. Kakashi had most definitely been in the village for the majority of the past two months, he'd only just recently left for an undetermined length of time. Before that, he had mostly hung around the village completing smaller shorter missions or occasionally filling in on guard duty.

The woman glanced at Sakura over the top of the file. "Have you had unprotected sex during that time?"

Feeling her cheeks heat, Sakura nodded, knowing that there was no point in denying it.

Unsurprised, Ms. Eto nodded in response. She quite frankly didn't expect to hear any other answer to this question in any of the day's interviews. Everyone knew how reliable the program was – that kunoichi would rely on it outside of missions was unsurprising. The whole point of the program was to protect kunoichi while on missions when they were often put into positions where they had no other ways of preventing unwanted pregnancies. If the program was good enough for _those_ situations, then it was certainly good enough for extracurricular activities. Frankly, it would be far more surprising to find someone who _didn't_ rely on it outside of missions.

"You'll want to be tested then, an appointment can be made at your local medical branch," she paused, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose again while she checked the file, "oh, wait, I see that your file says _you're_ a medic." She frowned and rifled quickly through the next stack of folders before nodding. "Huh. Looks like they wanted to do the medics first."

With a start, Sakura realized that she was probably the first person this woman had informed.

"Well, then I don't have to tell you that you have options." Ms. Eto nodded, mostly to herself. "The first step is to get yourself tested and then decide from there what you want to do."

Sakura nodded automatically. Due to the nature of the injections, she didn't experience the inconvenience of a monthly cycle so there was no obvious early indicator for her to miss.

"Good." Ms. Eto smiled warmly, it had gone better than expected. Granted, Sakura was just the first in a long line of what was likely to be difficult interviews. "Just remember that there are options and regardless of what you should choose to do," she nodded at the pamphlets, encouraging Sakura to take one of each, "if you _should_ find yourself pregnant, the Kunoichi Affairs Office is committed to helping in any way we can."

Sakura nodded again, unable to form words. If she was pregnant, and she couldn't imagine that she wasn't, Kakashi was going to kill her. She knew without a doubt that the _one_ thing he had _never_ wanted during his lifetime was children.

"Let's take a look at your options, should you find yourself to be pregnant," Ms. Eto picked up one of the pamphlets and started to open it. "Your first option is-"

Sakura raised a hand and shook her head. She already knew and had no idea what she wanted to do – going over her options now would serve no purpose.

"No, thank you. I have the pamphlets and I can make another appointment if I have questions," she responded absently as her brain started looking for solutions.

"I-I see," she shuffled the papers in front of her, uncertain how to proceed. She was told to operate under the assumption that all kunoichi were pregnant – most would be considering how many of them relied on the injections – and to make sure to go over all their options with them carefully before they left.

"Um… No matter the outcome, make sure you schedule another shot unless you turn out to be pregnant and wish to keep it. We're having _everyone_ re-up just in case. It's too important for us to leave up to chance."

Again Sakura nodded, obviously deep in thought.

"Well... that's all I, uh, all that I have to tell you... Do you have any questions?" Suddenly a bit nervous all over again she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose though they did not need any adjustments.

Sakura shook her head, already rising from the seat, pamphlets in hand. Her mind still elsewhere, searching for a game plan. She knew the first thing she would have to do – she'd have to do a test to confirm what she was already fairly certain was true. Then she'd have to figure out how to tell Kakashi when he returned. And, possibly even more difficult, would be what she would do. Of course, it would be all on her but… it would still require a lot of thought.

Sakura knew it was a decision she couldn't, in good conscience, just make on her own without at least mentioning it to Kakashi _if_ he happened to make it back on time. Regardless of what she decided, she would have to tell him, there was no way to hide the bad batch of hormone injections from him as she was certain it would be all over the village before lunch – and was likely to be a conversation topic for months to come. Kakashi was an intelligent man, he'd know even if she did terminate the pregnancy – she'd teased him about her last appointment and he was unlikely to have forgotten.

Well, he was unlikely to have forgotten the evening he'd given her after she'd tweaked his nose about her appointment at any rate. To date that was probably the second-best evening, she'd spent with him – the best being the first as she'd never experienced him lose his sense of self-control like that before. And, since that first time he had always had a better grip on himself, she hadn't experienced the likes of it again – nor did she ever expect to. Doubly so now that she was fairly certain that she was pregnant.

~*~*~*~

Tsunade glanced up upon hearing someone enter her office and was faintly surprised when she noticed it was Sakura, her former apprentice wasn't due to come by for another few days. She must have something on her mind to stop by now – something important considering the lack of color in her cheeks.

"Sakura, this is a surprise," she commented when Sakura seemed to have lost her words. "I hear you were called down to the Kunoichi Affairs Office this morning." She added, idly wondering Sakura's visit to the Kunoichi Affairs Office might have something to do with her visit before dismissing that idea out of hand. Last she heard, Sakura had been seen out and about with Kakashi – that is to say out and about more than usual with Kakashi and often in date consistent settings.

Sakura nodded, color rising to her too pale cheeks.

Tsunade's eyes widened as the realization hit home, she sat up straighter in her chair. "You were amongst those affected, I take it?"

Sakura nodded, unable to hold Tsunade's gaze. Though she had assumed that she was pregnant when she left the Kunoichi Affairs Office, a small part of her had still hoped that she was wrong, that maybe she had gotten lucky…

"Kakashi, I take it?" Tsunade asked, unable to keep the disbelief from shading into her tone of voice.

Sakura nodded again, her cheeks now blazing and her head drooping forward in shame. She _knew_ it happened and had been fairly certain of the results even before she even took the tests but... she was a highly skilled medic _and_ kunoichi. This sort of thing _shouldn't_ have happened. Having to tell her mentor how she'd failed as _both_ a kunoichi and a medic…

"Well." Tsunade sat back in her seat, digesting the surprising bit of information. "This certainly is unexpected." She took another moment to better examine Sakura and observed in every line of her posture and body language the shame and distress that Sakura obviously felt at her situation.

Tsunade stifled a sigh and allowed her expression and tone of voice to soften. Bad hormones or not, Sakura was far from the first and certainly would _not_ be the last kunoichi _or_ medic to find herself in this situation.

"Sakura, it _happens_. Happens to the best of us, even if the hormones hadn't gone bad. It still happens sometimes – doesn't make you any less of a kunoichi _or_ a medic. This is in _no way your fault_."

"I-I know but… I just feel like I shouldn't have let it happen."

Tsunade shook her head. "You had every reason to believe that you had it covered. It's _not_ your fault."

Sakura sighed, doing her best to collect herself, and shook her head. "I just… I don't know. I feel as though I've somehow failed."

"You don't need me to tell you that you're _anything_ but a failure. There are probably dozens of kunoichi in your shoes right now. You're in good company and _none_ of them are failures either."

Sakura nodded, knowing her mentor was right but still continuing to struggle with her emotions.

"At least you weren't out on a mission. I'm sure there will be at least a few kunoichi who have it worse than you do - and they might find out too late to make their own decisions." Tsunade paused for a few moments to let Sakura contemplate those other kunoichi who were far less fortunate. Those who were out of the village and might find out – too late – the hard way. Depending on the nature of their missions, the unexpected news may even jeopardize their current mission success.

Sakura nodded again, Tsunade had a point – things _could_ be far worse for her.

"Besides, Kakashi is a good man. And, one you were already planning on having a child with..." she trailed off as it occurred to her that though Sakura had been planning on having a child with Kakashi, she had not planned on doing it until _after_ his name had been added to the Memorial.

Unhappily, Sakura nodded again, unable to comment further. She _knew_ Tsunade was right. She _really_ did. However, a part of her just couldn't help but feel embarrassed. And, another part of her felt dirty – Kakashi never wanted this child. She'd assured him that she had things covered… And yet, apparently, she hadn't. Now she had something he never wanted during his lifetime.

"Well, you're keeping it, I'm sure. We'll need to make some plans – plot out when you'll likely be out on leave and see how we can get people to cover. It will be useful to plan everything now with all the current shortages." She nodded mostly to herself. "This is good, it will take the two of you out of the program too."

Sakura glanced up sharply, her uncertainty evaporating in the face Tsunade's assumption. "I don't know if I'm going to keep it."

Tsunade straightened in her seat in surprise. " _What?!_ "

She swallowed before repeating herself, making and keeping eye contact with her mentor. "I-I don't know if I'm going to keep it."

Tsunade stared at her uncomprehendingly.

Sakura ducked her head a little guiltily but held Tsunade's gaze. "I would like to speak to Kakashi about it."

" _Why?_ It's nothing to do with him. We both know he's not going to settle down and he has already done his paperwork leaving you everything. What should it matter if it's before his name is added to the Memorial?"

"That's _not_ the point…" Sakura started, with a warning edge to her voice, this decision was _hers_ to make.

Tsunade shrugged. "It's your body, you can do as you please… I'd just have assumed that you'd grab the chance to have the child you've been wanting for some time now."

"Yes, I _can_ do as I please. And, I _do_ want children." She took a deep breath before continuing. "Both of those are certainly true. However, I'd still like to speak to Kakashi about it first, if I can, before making any decisions."

"Sakura, I sent him out of the village two weeks ago."

"Yes, I know."

Tsunade sighed. "Sakura, I can't call him back for you."

Sakura's eyes widened. " _What?_ _No!_ That's _not_ why I'm here!"

"It's not?"

"No, I just wanted to know if you had an expected timeframe for his return. That's all. My window to make a decision is shrinking. If he's not expected back for another month or longer, then he'll be too late. I'll have to make my own decision. But, if he's expected back sooner…" she trailed off hopefully.

Tsunade eyed Sakura's determined expression for a moment and sighed. "Okay, let me see what I can do."

Tsunade knew that she could if she truly wanted to, order Sakura to have the child for the good of the village – in fact, the Council _would_ do just that regardless of Sakura's feelings on the matter, never mind Kakashi's. But, Tsunade also knew that if she were to ever issue such an order, it would be an extremely unpopular one and if she wasn't careful she would have a kunoichi uprising on her hands. She also knew that potential kunoichi uprising aside, such an order would absolutely destroy her relationship with Sakura. No, it would be best to let Sakura do as she pleased. Kakashi would one day attain his goal and once that was accomplished, Sakura would have his child. No need to rush things unnecessarily if that's not what Sakura wanted.

With only a small amount of reluctance, Tsunade pulled out her master copy of the mission assignment log and flipped through to the back, unsealing the ANBU section when she got there. After a few moments of examination of the log, she had to remember what his code-name had been changed to once he was reinstated into ANBU, she found Kakashi and his mission. He was currently two weeks into what was planned to be a six-week mission. While there were some opportunities for an earlier completion, she didn't think Kakashi would take any unnecessary risks. He was too close to achieving his next goal – he only had a few more missions before he'd be bumped up to the next level.

"Well… it looks like he's about two weeks into what is estimated to be a six-week mission."

Sakura's expression tightened as she inhaled sharply. She'd hoped he would be expected to return sooner. Slowly, she let the breath out. "I see. Okay. Thank you." She turned to leave, uncertain what she was going to do but knowing she would have to figure it out on her own.

"There is _some_ wiggle room, he may be back sooner – depending on how things go."

Sakura chuckled. "Kakashi isn't known for being early, you know." Color rose to her cheeks as she realized that Kakashi returning from a mission early was the direct cause of her being in this situation in the first place.

Surprised that Sakura could find some humor in it, though briefly wondering about the accompanying blush, Tsunade could only agree. "You're not wrong there. But, there is still a chance. Stranger things have happened."

Sakura sighed. "You're right. Of course, always a chance, I suppose." She turned once again to leave.

"Sakura," Tsunade called out, stopping Sakura in her tracks. "I understand that this must be difficult for you, a tough decision, I suppose. Especially, since Kakashi isn't around right now." She sighed. "But, I'm behind you, regardless of what you choose. I'll make sure you get the best benefits possible however it should go."

Surprised, Sakura turned. "Thank you. I-I think I need some time to think. I'd hoped..." She shook her head. "Never mind. I just need some quiet time to think, sort things out on my own, I guess."

She nodded. "You're due a break. Take the rest of the day off," she eyed Sakura for a moment, before adding, "and tomorrow too. I'll send a note to the hospital letting them know you won't be in."

Sakura opened her mouth to protest but then shut it as she realized that in her current state of distraction, she would likely be no good at work anyway. Instead, she nodded. "Thanks."

"Go get a mani-pedi or something, pamper yourself."

Sakura smiled weakly.

"Or, go spend a little alone time at the Memorial."

"Yeah, thanks." Sakura nodded, she'd go get her things from her office and head out – as tempting as the mani-pedi sounded, she just wasn't in the mood. Instead, she'd go try and find some answers at the Memorial.

"Oh, and Sakura?"

She turned around one more time, wondering what else her mentor could _possibly_ have to say to her.

"Not a word of this to anyone."

Sakura's eyes widened in surprise. "What? _Why?_ "

"I can guarantee the village will want that child. The _Council_ will want that child."

Sakura took a step back. The ramifications that it was _Kakashi's_ child, beyond the immediate issue of him not wanting children, hadn't hit her just yet.

Tsunade nodded. "They will do whatever they can to interfere if they even get so much of a hint of the situation."

Sakura nodded slowly, this additional wrinkle turning out to be most unwanted.

"I'll do whatever I can to stymie them but can't guarantee I'd be successful."

Sakura let out a long slow breath. "Thanks. That's just… well, more to think about."

"Have you already told anyone else?"

"No, just you. Came directly here when I got three positive verifications – three different ways."

"Good. Don't tell anyone else, then."

Sakura nodded. "The only other person I wanted to tell would be Kakashi… if he returned on time."

Tsunade nodded. "When you come to a decision, no matter what it is, please let me know – we can strategize if necessary before moving forward."

Sakura took a deep breath and turned once again to leave, this time finally making it out the door.

Tsunade waited a few moments after Sakura left, her mind turning the issue over. If Kakashi didn't return in time, Sakura was likely not to keep the pregnancy. Clearly, if she felt it necessary to discuss the situation with Kakashi, then she wouldn't feel comfortable going through with it without his blessing. Unnecessarily, as Tsunade was fairly certain that Kakashi wouldn't dare express an opinion other than Sakura should do as she pleases. However, Sakura was likely to feel as though she was somehow betraying Kakashi if she kept the child without speaking to him about it first.

After a few more moments of thought, she sighed and hit a hidden button on her desk. Making a few mental calculations, as she grabbed a blank scroll. If it arrived too soon, its arrival might jeopardize the mission, but if it arrived too late, then the effort of sending it could be wasted. Though he was an elite, there _were_ limits to what Kakashi could accomplish with the proper motivation in shortened periods of time. Less than a minute later an ANBU appeared in front of her. Quickly, Tsunade scribbled a note on a scroll, sealed it, and handed it to the ANBU.

"This is to go directly into Old Hound Leader's hand, him alone, and no one else. If he's not in when you arrive, you're to wait for him, do not leave it with anyone except for him. I need this to get to him in two weeks – he's in the north-west safe house in Lightning. Get directions from your superior if you don't already know it."

The ANBU nodded and held her hand out for the scroll.

"I believe there should be other mission correspondence that needs to be delivered in that area or along the way – pick anything up that's headed in that direction and plan your route so that this scroll is your last delivery. It _must_ be delivered in two weeks – not sooner nor later. Two weeks, precisely."

The silent ANBU nodded sharply and took herself out via the window.

Tsunade watched her go, not thrilled with how things had gone but still pleased that there had been some progress. That Kakashi had actually managed to get Sakura pregnant was surprising, the bad batch of hormones notwithstanding. He'd told her point-blank that he'd never entered such a situation unprepared. Clearly, that had changed, at least where Sakura was concerned.

~*~*~*~

The ANBU hurried onward, almost at her destination. She was looking forward to finally taking a break. Due to the peculiar timing for the delivery of the message she carried, as well as the locations of the other messages she was asked to deliver en-route, she had been forced to take a long and winding path. Consequently, she was absolutely exhausted.

Finally, the safe house came into view. Or, rather, the enormous fallen tree lying up against a small hillock that marked the entrance to the hideout – exactly as it had been described to her.

Carefully, she performed the long chain of identifying hand seals to let the ANBU inside know that she was from the village and safe to be let inside. Identity confirmed she approached the large log and formed the correct second sequence of gestures required before opening the door.

Upon entering the small quarters she paused a moment in the doorway to allow her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting, it was going on twilight, and from what she could see there was very little in the way of lighting inside.

An older ANBU approached her, likely the leader of the team currently sharing the safe house with Old Hound Leader. "State your business."

"I have correspondence for Old Hound Leader."

"What?" someone exclaimed from behind the older ANBU, from his tone of voice, he was quite a few years younger than his team leader.

She leaned around the ANBU in front of her. "That's surprising?"

"Old Hound Leader left this morning," the team leader responded, ignoring the fact that she'd addressed her query to someone behind him.

She sighed. "Okay. I'll wait." It was too much to hope that he'd have been in when she arrived. He was likely out doing whatever it was that he needed to do for his mission.

The team lead shook his head. "No, I'm sorry I wasn't clear. He left this morning – to return to the village."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "What?"

He shrugged.

"He wasn't due back for another two weeks at the very least."

"What can I say, he must have been motivated."

She shook her head. "I didn't see him on the road on my way here."

The team leader shrugged again. "Old Hound Leader has been around a lot longer than the rest of us, not particularly surprising that he can pass unnoticed when he wants to."

She sighed. "Right, right..."

~*~*~*~

Kakashi made his way more or less leisurely into the Hokage's office, pushing his porcelain ANBU mask up and out of his way as he crossed the room to her desk.

Tsunade glanced up upon hearing someone enter her office and did a double-take upon seeing that it was Kakashi.

"Kakashi! That was fast – even for _you!_ " She glanced down at the calendar on her desk and frowned. "How did you get back so quickly? The ANBU I sent with the message should have arrived left less than a week ago."

His eyes widened, his stomach dropping a bit as nervousness hit him, if she had sent for him, then it was likely because she knew Sakura was pregnant. Though, why she would have waited a couple of weeks to do so, he couldn't guess. Sakura would have told Tsunade as soon as she found out… likely the same day, or close to, when Daishi left the village. Instead of admitting to anything, he decided to play dumb as he truly didn't know anything about an ANBU sent after him.

"What ANBU?"

She looked at him hard for a moment. "I sent an ANBU out with a message for you almost three weeks ago, with instructions to arrive at the safe house maybe five days ago. I take it that she didn't catch you?"

He shook his head. He hadn't seen anyone on the road. But then again, he'd been traveling quickly enough and without regular stops to rest that it was possible that he'd just passed her while she was resting or she passed him while he was resting.

"There something I need to know?"

Still pretty surprised to see him, she shook her head. "No, no, it's fine now that you're back. I'm sure she'll be back in a day or two if she turned right around to come back. If she catches up with you before returning to me, you can disregard her message, it's no longer necessary."

He nodded.

"So, how did you manage to return this early?"

He shrugged. "I saw an early opening and took it."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. That was unlike him. "Risky."

He shook his head. "Not really, they were far too complacent. No real challenges to their security in years and no apparent need for them to be vigilant or make any sort of changes to their routines. Consequently, a quick job." Carefully, he reached into a hip pouch, extracted a small velvet-wrapped parcel, and placed it on the desk.

Tsunade's eyes widened as she guessed what he may have done. "This…" carefully she unwrapped the velvet to find a small not particularly distinctive – but still very important – uncut gemstone. She glanced up at him again. "This was not exactly a part of the deal."

Kakashi shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea to take it – they'll blame the deaths on the theft of the stone. Since we have no use for it, it's unlikely that suspicion will fall on _us_."

She nodded, still surprised that he'd managed to pull it all off early, elite or not, it was still a tall order for one man.

"A good bargaining chip for a rainy day, I should think."

"It was too good of an opportunity to let pass."

Shaking off her surprise Tsunade pulled herself together, re-wrapping the uncut gemstone in the velvet. After a moment's thought, she decided to seal it as well.

"Excellent job, Kakashi. I'll have it secured in the treasury for now."

"Thank you." He turned to leave, report verbally given – this particular mission not requiring a written report – he would be free until his next mission.

"A moment, Kakashi," Tsunade called before he could make a move to step away.

Surprised, Kakashi turned, his stomach once again clenching as he wondered if Tsunade really did know about Sakura and if he was going to catch hell for his actions.

"If you're looking for her, Sakura left maybe half an hour ago." She studied him intently, looking for any signs that he may have heard of the village's current baby boom. After a moment's scrutiny she snorted, he needed a bath.

Kakashi was only just able to keep himself from shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other.

"You're a bit travel weary. If you're going to go looking for her, a shower might be a good idea before you head over to her apartment."

Swallowing, hard, Kakashi found himself nodding. He'd been so focused on returning to speak to Sakura that he had not properly paid attention to anything else. He likely needed to clean himself up and change as Tsunade was not-so-subtly suggesting – he must stink.

"Good. I'll call for you when I need you."

~*~*~*~


	13. Chapter XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every week. I think I’m going to need to do more rewrites than in previous chapters from here on out – chapters may be posted every other week if I’m just not happy with where they are after a week’s worth of edits. 
> 
> Due to schedule issues, the next chapter will likely be posted in three weeks.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter XIII

Sakura mechanically went through the motions of cleaning up the kitchen. Dinner had been something quick but very healthy. She still hadn’t made any decisions but had decided that while she was thinking, she would eat as well as possible – and with the appropriate vitamins. Regardless of her final decision, eating healthily while she thought things over, wouldn’t hurt and could only help should she choose to keep the pregnancy.

Once the kitchen was cleaned, she found herself at loose ends. She was too distracted to do much but it was also too early for bed. Without her conscious direction, she found herself putting on a pot of water for tea – decaf, of course. Following through with the motions of getting everything prepped for tea kept her occupied for another few minutes. When everything was ready, she found herself wandering into her living room and aimlessly sorting through the stack of novels Kakashi had recently left for her. Absently she figured that there must be _something_ in the stack that she could read even while distracted. Before leaving on his last mission Kakashi had dropped off a wide variety of novels to keep her occupied while he was out of the village. Considerate of him. 

She sighed, a lot of things he did were considerate if she stopped to think about them. However, as much as she knew that deep down he was a good man, she couldn’t even begin to guess how he would react when she told him that she was pregnant. The big unknown that had been keeping her up at night and preoccupied during the day. She still had a week or two, or maybe three at the most to decide and a small part of her wanted Kakashi to turn up so she could talk it over with him. And, an even smaller part of her didn’t. In a lot of ways, it would be less complicated if he returned too late. But, in others… it would just simply be easier to have him there to have the conversation even though it would likely prove to be a very difficult conversation for her... and, in the end, would probably change nothing.

With another sigh, she pulled a novel at random from the stack and made herself comfortable on her couch. She’d do her best to lose herself in the unrealistic pages while she waited for her tea. If she was lucky, the plot would get her and keep her mind occupied until bedtime.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi, found himself slowing as he approached Sakura’s apartment building, his feet suddenly dragging. Realizing what he was doing he shook his head, irritated with himself, and picked up his pace. With a little climbing, he made his way quickly up to her balcony. Peering in he observed that she had things out for tea and a kettle on the burner but was nowhere in sight. Likely, she was either in her bedroom or in the living area while she waited for her tea. 

He took a moment to collect himself, the irrational anger that he had been experiencing on and off since hearing about the baby boom flaring up once again. He’d managed to stay calm through the completion of his mission but the stark reality of the situation had really hit him while he was on his way back to the village. He _knew_ it wasn’t Sakura’s fault – it took two to tango after all – but he just couldn’t quite manage to force himself to accept it. He knew that his feelings were not only irrational but also incredibly unfair. If he wanted to have a productive, adult, conversation with Sakura he would have to get things under control before making his approach. She didn’t deserve his irrational and unwarranted anger.

Getting ahold of himself, negative emotions carefully locked down to be kept in check during his visit, he knocked and then waited. Sakura appeared a moment later from her living area, a puzzled frown on her face, likely because he was the only one to shun her front door in favor of her balcony. Kakashi was certain that she knew that he wasn’t due back for another few weeks – that would have been the first thing she had asked Tsunade once she found out she was pregnant. 

Sakura’s expression quickly turned from puzzled to astonished. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in an ‘O’ of surprise. As he watched the color drained from her cheeks just as quickly as she hastily closed her mouth and made her way over to the door to let him in.

“Kakashi… I-, when did you get in? Tsunade mentioned that you weren’t due back in the village until the end of the month?” Sakura asked as she opened the door and let him into her kitchen. A part of her began to panic while the rest of her engaged autopilot.

He shrugged as he entered her apartment. “If it makes you feel any better, Tsunade was just as surprised to see me back early.”

Doing her best to try and pull herself together, her stomach suddenly in knots, Sakura automatically opened a cupboard and pulled out a second mug. “H-how?”

He watched her as she moved about the kitchen, her movements jerky and her expression strained. “I saw an opportunity to move things along at a faster pace and I took it.”

Sakura nodded automatically and reached for the kettle when it whistled. “Tea?” she asked as she pulled the kettle from the heat and poured the water into a teapot, the tea already set up to steep.

“Please,” he nodded, figuring that he should go along with it. 

As much time as he’d had while on the road to contemplate the situation, he had not actually taken a moment to try and imagine how things would go when he finally returned and had her alone. And, he certainly hadn’t expected to find Sakura so obviously distraught – anyone who knew Sakura even passably well could tell that she was in clear distress. The fact that he was currently a large part of what was causing her distress tempered his own anger, she didn’t deserve this from him. Moreover, it simply hadn’t occurred to him that this could be something she would agonize over – to his mind it should be an easy decision for her. So, why didn’t that seem to be the case?

Sakura nodded in return and brought both mugs and the still steeping teapot to the table. Gesturing for him to follow suit, she took her usual seat after placing the teapot on the trivet that she’d already set out on the kitchen table.

“So,” she started awkwardly, “you just get in?”

“Yup.”

“Have you heard… any rumors going around the village?” She fiddled with her fingers a little before continuing. “Um, you know, since you got back?” 

Sakura inwardly cringed at her behavior, Kakashi’s sudden appearance had caught her off guard and now she was suddenly behaving like an awkward tween. Not a good look since Kakashi had certainly gotten his fill of it when she had actually _been_ an awkward tween. And, certainly _not_ something she wanted to remind him of, and definitely not when she needed to tell him that he’d gotten her pregnant.

Deciding to play dumb, he raised an eyebrow. “No, none to speak of, the ANBU safe house where I was staying was entirely isolated from everything, including the village.”

She nodded absently, toying with her mug, unsure how to begin. “I take it… you’re here for… the usual?”

Kakashi nodded agreeably, unsurprised to find that even with everything going on, he still wanted her. Though, he was more than aware that she would likely tell him before things got too far. He would have to leave his desires for another time… if she would even have him again after the conversation they were about to have…

Nervously she toyed with her mug a little more, avoiding his gaze. Though she had been rehearsing what she would say to Kakashi since she learned she was pregnant, Sakura suddenly felt sorely unprepared – none of it seemed adequate. “Well… about that…”

“You have a headache?” he asked, managing to keep his tone neutral.

“What?” Startled by his question she glanced up to see that his face was carefully blank.

“Sakura, it would make me not much of a man if I just assumed that I would _always_ be welcome in your bedroom – _every_ time I turned up.”

She shook her head. “No, no, that’s not it.”

He raised an eyebrow questioningly. “What is it then?”

She sighed and refocused her attention on her mug. “While you were away,” Sakura darted a quick look at him and then returned to absently toying with her mug, the knots in her stomach tightening. “Well, while you were away, it was discovered that a mistake was made.” 

Sakura paused to close her eyes and gather herself – it was turning out to be harder to spit out than she’d thought it would be. She had honestly expected him to have heard from someone else first. This was _not_ the conversation she’d been mentally rehearsing for the past few weeks – on the off chance Kakashi returned in time to have it, of course.

“What kind of a mistake?”

“The wrong hormones that the Kunoichi Affairs Office issues for active duty kunoichi were accidentally destroyed. When a new shipment came in the old, expired, hormones were supposed to be destroyed and the new shipment shelved. Unfortunately, the new ones were destroyed and the expired ones kept… and used.” Sakura darted another quick glance at him to try and gauge his reaction, her heart in her throat. 

Kakashi sat with his empty mug – the tea still steeping between them – and said nothing, keeping his face carefully blank. Quite suddenly, and absolutely irrationally, his once carefully controlled anger reared its ugly head again. This was _not_ what he wanted. _He did not want children._ And, though he knew it was a mistake – that they were equally to blame – and it was not at all Sakura’s intent, he still wanted to blame her, to take his anger and frustration out on her. His fingers curled tightly into fists before he hastily caught the reaction and forcibly relaxed his hands. She didn’t deserve this and definitely not from him.

“You’re one of the kunoichi affected, I take it?” he asked, mostly managing to keep his anger under control.

Startled by the sudden cold tone his voice had gained she glanced up once again to see his face – as calm and impassive as ever... and yet, there was a certain sharpness to his gaze, one she recognized easily enough. Momentarily unable to express anything using words she just nodded and glanced back down at her mug. Anxiety and guilt hit her full-force once again as her mind registered the anger she had also seen in Kakashi’s posture. Sakura could tell that he was trying hard not to blame her... and failing. She was a kunoichi and a medic, this _shouldn’t_ have happened.

The silence drew out between the two of them until the timer Sakura had set for the tea went off. With a start, she took the teapot from the trivet and automatically poured them both cups of tea. Carefully she wrapped her hands around her mug, enjoying the warmth on her suddenly very cold hands before speaking again.

“I’m pregnant,” she stated in a soft almost heartbroken tone of voice, all of her attention focused on her mug. The statement she had intended on making sound firm and confident crumbling in the face of Kakashi’s clear struggle with his own anger at the situation.

Kakashi looked up from his mug at the broken tone of her voice, suddenly feeling like an awful human being, Sakura was clearly struggling and he was _not_ helping things. If anything, he was only intensifying her pain. Unable to articulate his feelings, which were far from clear to him anyway, he remained silent for a few moments before finally finding something to say.

He cleared his throat. “So… You’re keeping it then?” he asked, only barely able to keep his tone level and even. 

A part of him was still very angry but the rest of him knowing that he couldn’t let on to her that he was. She didn’t deserve that, not from him. And definitely not in addition to what she was already dealing with. Besides, _it wasn’t her fault_. And, he knew for certain that she hadn’t set out to do it – it had just happened. Sakura wasn’t the type of woman to do such a thing – to try and trap him into giving her something more than what they already had... than he was able to give her.

Sakura curled her fingers more tightly around her mug, studying the contents intently before collecting herself enough to respond. “I-I don’t know.”

“What?” he asked with considerable surprise, his mug of tea half raised to take a sip.

“I-I don’t know yet,” she admitted again, her intense anxiety starting to fade – he was upset but he hadn’t exploded and he was obviously doing his best to control his resentment.

Kakashi knit his brows in confusion, all the last vestiges of anger evaporating in Sakura’s admission that she may not keep the child. “I don’t understand. I thought you _wanted_ to have a child? _My_ child...”

She looked away. “I do. But… not like this.”

“I... see.”

“The whole situation makes me feel dirty, underhanded… I… I don’t like it. I-I didn’t mean for it to happen…”

He nodded and they sat in silence for a few moments. 

“So you haven’t decided if you’re going to keep it then?” he asked, needing an answer and unable to keep the disbelief from his tone of voice.

“I thought I should speak to you before making any decisions.” She focused on him for a moment before returning her attention to her tea. “I honestly didn’t expect you to come back in time for me to speak to you… I’d hoped… but, Tsunade wasn’t particularly optimistic.”

He sighed, knowing that he could only have one response to her unasked question. “I… appreciate the... sentiment... But it’s unnecessary.”

She glanced up, surprised.

“It’s your body – your life. Of course, it’s your choice.” 

He took a moment, closed his eyes to better collect himself, surprised to see that the anger was still gone, before opening them to continue. 

“You know I’ve done my best to avoid having kids before my name is added to the Memorial... However...” He paused to inhale and exhale slowly before continuing, making sure he said the right words – the ones she _needed_ to hear him say. “I know you didn’t do this on purpose. This was not planned, it’s not a dirty trick or something you intentionally set out to do. It was an accident – nothing more. So, even though I want to be unhappy about this... I just can’t allow myself to be upset.”

“Kakashi…”

He shook his head. “It’s nothing to do with me – entirely up to you. I have no right to express an opinion here. But,” he did his best to catch her eyes to make sure she knew he was sincere, “I’ll back you in whatever you should decide to do.”

Surprised, Sakura hadn’t known what to expect from him, she just nodded. 

“I would have thought that this would have been a no-brainer for you though.”

“Why?”

“You did want to have my child,” he paused, to examine her expression, experiencing a strange surge of emotion. “Has that changed?”

Feeling the heat rise to her cheeks she shook her head. “No, not at all. I still want to have your children. But, if I were to have one now, that one won’t be born in the program – won’t be eligible for any of the benefits nor, would I – daycare, home help et cetera.” She glanced away. “I’m not certain I’ll be able to do it on my own without the program, I’ll have to sit down with my schedule and a calculator and really think about the practicality and logistics of how I could make it work.”

“I see… Since it’s due to bad hormones, isn’t the village going to do something to help those affected?” Kakashi asked as he felt the world shift beneath his feet once again. That Sakura might not keep the child had never occurred to him. And from her attitude now, it was looking more and more as though she wouldn’t be keeping the child after all.

Sakura nodded. “Yeah, but from what I’ve seen and heard, the benefits aren’t going to be nearly as good as what I can get from the bank program. And, having this child now would remove us both from the program anyway.” She shook her head. “Once you’re gone,” she swallowed, not liking to bring it up but aware that it had to be said, “they’d probably let me have another child if I can. Since you’re the last, I’m sure they’d rather have a few new Hatake if they can manage it.” She stopped abruptly as a thought hit her. “I don’t even know if this one _would_ be a Hatake.”

With a start, Kakashi realized that she was just assuming that he was absolutely out of the picture – she genuinely expected _nothing_ from him. Granted, he had told her that it had nothing to do with him, but still…

“Sakura-”

Suddenly feeling on much firmer footing now that she had told Kakashi and he had informed her that he would be okay with whatever she decided to do, she held up a hand to stop him. “It’s fine Kakashi. I just have a lot to think about.” She pursed her lips briefly and sighed. 

“Sakura-”

“It’s _fine_ Kakashi. I feel a bit better for having told you now. I don’t expect anything from you, so don’t worry about it. If I do end up keeping it, I can leave the father blank on the birth certificate. People would suspect, I’m sure, but I’d never say one way or the other. Probably for the best if I did it that way anyway.” She paused for a moment and swallowed. “Well, maybe once you’re gone I could confirm it. Would make things easier on the kid, I’m sure… I could probably change the child’s name if necessary after the fact too...”

“Sakura-” he tried one last time.

Surprised at his persistence she glanced up at him again. “ _It’s fine Kakashi_. You’ve made it clear that you don’t have an opinion on this so it will be well and truly up to me, I guess.” She smiled, just a little bit strained. “I’m glad you were able to return in time for me to speak to you – even if it was just for you to tell me that you don’t have an opinion – that I should feel free to do what I want.” She exhaled slowly. “Makes me feel a bit better about this whole situation at the very least.”

Realizing that Sakura had worked herself up into such a state where she was unable to hear anything she wasn’t expecting to hear he sighed and drained the rest of his tea. He would have to try and give the conversation another go at another time. Maybe she would be more receptive the next evening. A small part of him was surprised that he felt it necessary to try and continue the conversation and he couldn’t quite figure out why.

Pushing himself up from the table he got ready to leave. “Thank you for the tea and… for the consideration.”

Surprised that he was leaving so soon, though after a moment’s thought she realized that she shouldn’t be – there was no way he would touch her now. Not now that she was pregnant with a child he’d never wanted, and probably, once she thought about it, not after even if she decided to terminate the pregnancy. She kept her expression steady as her heart ached a bit at the realization. No matter what she decided, this was likely the end of their non-relationship.

“You’re welcome, any time,” Sakura managed without any hint of the pain she was suddenly experiencing.

He nodded and turned to leave.

“Kakashi?” she hastily called out – realizing that she would have to make sure Kakashi didn’t say anything to anyone else.

“Yes?”

“Please don’t tell anyone.”

Puzzled, he tilted his head to the side questioningly.

She sighed. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. But, the village… the _village_ would want this child. If the Council found out…” she shook her head. “I wouldn’t be allowed to have a choice.”

His mouth fell open as he realized the position she could be in if the wrong people found out.

“It would be unpopular but… they have, in the past, ordered kunoichi out to other villages to try and steal powerful bloodlines. I don’t think they would think twice before ordering me to have the child if they knew.”

His eyes narrowed and his mouth tightened, his anger flaring again.

“I’m sorry, Kakashi. Really, I _didn’t_ do this on purpose.”

He nodded, obviously angry again, though clearly not with her, and quickly took his leave before he could say something unfortunate.

~*~*~*~

Once night had fallen, Kakashi found himself returning to Sakura’s apartment. He was fairly certain that she would be home. Tsunade had ripped him a new one when he had stopped by her office that morning. Apparently, morning sickness was something Sakura was just starting to experience and it was beginning to wreak havoc on her schedule.

Tsunade had not been best pleased when Kakashi had not been able to shed any light on Sakura’s state of mind – which direction she was leaning – when he stopped by that morning. Kakashi had, on the other hand, had a _lot_ to say about the position Sakura could find herself in if the wrong people found out. At the very least both he and Tsunade were on the same page in regards to Sakura’s right to make her own decision. They had come to this conclusion, of course, _after_ she’d read him the riot act about getting Sakura into the whole situation in the first place. Thankfully, the fact that he had made no excuses or demands seemed to have calmed her down enough to accept that he had expressed no opinion one way or the other on the matter to Sakura. As far as he was concerned, she should do whatever she felt best.

After spending some quality time at the Memorial, he had then gone off to take care of some paperwork. He wasn’t thrilled with the way things were going but would make the best of a bad situation. His anger had finally evaporated entirely in the face of Sakura’s obvious struggle. Seeing her anguish firsthand had been enough to stifle his own. What was done, was done. Holding his anger would accomplish nothing aside from destroying his now incredibly tenuous relationship with Sakura. Which, after his time at the Memorial, was something he found he could not destroy, no matter what.

Surprised, Kakashi realized that he’d managed to make it to her apartment in record time. He took a moment to collect himself in the park across the street from her building, his eyes automatically searching for her balcony – nodding absently as he noted that the light was on.

After a few moments of contemplation, making sure of what he was going to do, he pushed himself away from the tree he had been leaning against and headed over to the building. He didn’t even need to think about it as he hopped and climbed his way to her balcony.

~*~*~*~

Sakura found herself staring at her mug, lost in thought. Somehow she’d thought that once Kakashi returned, everything would be made clear. Unfortunately, things seemed even less clear if at all possible. With a sigh, she pushed the mug away. And raised a hand to rub her eyes, she was tired.

An almost hesitant rap on her balcony door startled her back into the present. Surprised, she turned to find Kakashi standing on her balcony, given how quickly he had left the previous evening she couldn’t imagine what he was doing there. Hastily, she rose to let him in, opening her cupboard to pull out a second mug – a part of her wondered why she always seemed to be serving him tea these days.

“Tea?”

He shook his head.

“No?” she asked with some surprise.

“I’m not staying. I just needed to drop these off.” He pulled out a sheaf of papers from his vest, gestured briefly with them, and then held them out to Sakura.

Automatically, she took the papers and raised an eyebrow at Kakashi, temporarily ignoring the packet in her hand.

He gestured for her to sit, holding her chair for her and carefully pushing it closer to the table once she sat down.

Still surprised she glanced up at him and then down at the papers she’d placed on the table in front of her before returning her gaze to him. “Kakashi?”

He nodded at the papers. “You didn’t seem particularly inclined to listen last night. I thought I’d try again.”

Sakura felt her cheeks heat, she had intentionally not allowed him to say anything after he’d told her that he didn’t have an opinion. At the time she had been so keyed up that she couldn’t take whatever else he may have had to say.

“Kakashi-”

“Nope, my turn,” he interrupted. “I want you to have that,” he nodded at the papers she had in her hand – the papers she still had not examined. 

“What?”

“I want for you to have a way to hold me legally responsible if you ever need or want me to be.”

Her eyes widened. “ _What?_ ”

“It’s all in there. All you have to do is sign and file. And, even if that’s not what you want, I still set up an account that you have access to, for whatever you may need. Ostensibly it’s so you can pay my bills while I’m out of the village. But, we both know what it’s actually for.”

“Kakashi… I don’t know what to say.”

“Say nothing.”

“But-”

“You have more options than you think – if you want, I will take public responsibility but only if that’s what you want. Otherwise, I will just have to settle for taking financial responsibility.”

“Kakashi, I-”

“You do what you feel is necessary. I want you to do whatever you feel is best – I’ll support your decision no matter what you choose to do. Those,” he nodded at the papers she still hadn’t looked at, “are there only if you need or want them.” He paused for a moment before continuing, “Though, I really must strongly suggest that you, at the very least, use the bank account. It’ll all be yours someday anyway, might as well let you have it now if you need it. Especially, if it’s for my child.” 

She shook her head, too surprised to react any further.

Seeing that his work was done, and not wanting to be there when she finally looked through the papers, he nodded. “Tsunade is sending me out again tomorrow.”

“Oh?” She pulled her unseeing eyes from the papers on her table and refocused her attention on him.

“I’ll be gone for a month, maybe more.”

“I… thank you.”

“If you want, you can tell me when I come back.”

“Y-yes, I’ll do that.” She looked at the papers again before refocusing on him. “Thank you.”

He smiled, only a little bit strained. “Good. I’ll see you later then.”

She waved as he let himself out. For a few moments, she just sat at her kitchen table, staring with unseeing eyes at the sheaf of papers Kakashi had given her. With only a slight hitch, she took a deep breath and focused her attention on the stack of papers.

After only a moment’s study, and a quick flip through, she was fairly certain she understood what he’d given her. Sakura was very happy that he’d managed to maneuver her into a chair before she went through the paperwork. He’d obviously visited his lawyer again as well as his regular bank. 

In addition to the paperwork showing the opening of a new sort of joint account with a fairly hefty opening deposit. It was very clear by the way he had had it set up that the money was there for her to take and use – with the understanding that it was for their child. He had also had several legal documents drawn up. One was a notarized statement that he was the father of her child. Another was a statement accepting legal responsibility for her child. 

And the last one, the one that made her pause to catch her breath, was another marriage license. A new one from the one in his bank file from what she could see. He’d backdated it to before her last hormone shot. He was giving her all the options she could hope for. Including the option of making their child legitimate – for her to take his name and for the child to be born with it. 

Sakura couldn’t prevent her hand from moving to rest over her heart as she fought the tears that threatened to spill onto the paperwork.

The cat presented her with his collar. It was up to her if she would use it.

Sakura sat for some time at her kitchen table, just staring at the papers. Kakashi was trying. He wanted her to have as many options as possible to do what she wanted. But, what did _she_ want? If Kakashi was willing to help out financially, then a lot of her other potential problems suddenly became much less of an issue. Money, it turns out, could ease a lot of her potential difficulties.

~*~*~*~

Sakura made her way, cautiously, into Tsunade’s office. It was still a little early for her morning sickness to have entirely subsided – moving her to a later daily schedule had helped but not quite enough. She hadn’t been summoned but felt that it was probably necessary for her to stop by before her shift.

“Sakura, what a surprise!” Tsunade frowned. “I’m sorry I had to send Kakashi back out – that’s where he is if you’re looking for him.”

Sakura felt her cheeks heat and she shook her head. “Oh, um, no, no. He told me he was leaving last night.”

Tsunade did her best to suppress the urge to raise an eyebrow. “Did he now?”

Sakura waved a hand, waving the comment away. “I-I’ve made a decision.”

Suddenly all business, Tsunade sat up straighter and gestured for Sakura to take a seat.

With only a little hesitation, Sakura moved to take the seat. “I-I’ve decided to let nature take its course.”

“Well, now!” She smiled, pleased with Sakura’s decision. “We have some planning to do – pieces to put into place for while you’re out on leave.” She frowned for a moment before adding, “and some other schedules to sort out – you’re going to need some help. We’ll get your claim submitted to the Kunoichi Affairs Office so they can help set up their benefits as well.” She pulled some papers from a drawer in her desk and started scribbling some notes.

Sakura shook her head quickly. “Not exactly like that. I’ve decided to do nothing one way or the other until I pass the three-month mark. Then, if I haven’t miscarried on my own…”

Tsunade sank back in her seat, less than thrilled with Sakura’s correction, and completed the thought for her. “You’ll keep it?”

Sakura nodded. 

“But, you won’t do anything to prevent yourself from miscarrying?” Tsunade asked with some surprise. Sakura was a medic, it would be second nature for her to keep an eye on her own pregnancy. Then again, it might not be as much of a cause for concern as she’d initially thought – Sakura may protect the pregnancy on her own without even realizing it – maternal instincts taking over when she wasn’t paying attention.

Sakura nodded again.

“Kakashi know?”

Sakura shook her head. “He said it was my decision but…”

“He’ll still help if he can?”

Sakura felt her cheeks heat again, thinking of the marriage license and the joint bank account.

Tsunade observed Sakura’s reaction and snorted. “Of course he will, he has terrible social skills and seems incapable of having actual human relationships but he’s not a _bad_ man.”

Sakura shook her head. “No, he isn’t.”

“You could do far worse, you know.”

Sakura felt her cheeks blaze even brighter, wondering if Tsunade guessed that Kakashi had pretty much agreed to marry her if she should so desire. He was willing to do whatever she needed him to do. So, no, not a bad man at all.

~*~*~*~


	14. Chapter XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every other week. I think I’m going to need to do more rewrites on the remaining chapters than in previous chapters so I can’t make any guarantees.
> 
> Posting this chapter off-schedule since I did manage to get it done today and to prevent other chapters from having delays – for reasons that will become apparent I don’t want to post the next chapter the second week of September.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter XIV

Kakashi leisurely made his way down the street, his destination almost within sight. It had been a long mission, so far two weeks longer than expected, and he was starting to get tired of the whole thing. The longer it took the more convinced he became that it was just a wild goose chase – the possibility of which had been mentioned before he’d been sent out, so while not surprising, it was still incredibly frustrating. However, he could almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, just one more shop to check and then he could wash his hands of the whole thing and finally return to the village.

Just as he was passing the entrance to a storefront a harried woman hurried out after a small blur of movement. 

Without much thought, Kakashi quickly shot out a hand to grab the collar of the small ball of energy as it tried to rush past him. With a rueful smile, he dragged the now struggling small child around and back toward the poor woman. 

“I believe this is yours?” he asked, holding the kid out to her by his collar.

“Oh! Thank you!” she panted, taking a moment to catch her breath, resting one hand on her clearly pregnant belly. “He’s always taking off when I try to bring him to the barber. Why? I’ll never know, he loves the lollipops he gets after…” she trailed off realizing that the helpful stranger hadn’t responded but instead was patiently waiting for her to take her child. “Oh! Yes, sorry, thank you!” She hastily grabbed the small boy and nodded her thanks.

“Not at all.” Kakashi returned her nod and resumed his travel. 

As he walked, he couldn’t help but wonder if Sakura would have similar problems and if there would be anyone around to help her when she needed it. Hastily Kakashi pushed that particular thought away. Only to wonder if Sakura was showing yet. She was fairly lean so he figured she’d probably start showing earlier than other women – any sort of bulge would become apparent fairly quickly on her slight frame. 

Kakashi found his steps hastening without his conscious direction, he wanted to see Sakura. Wanted to see the bump he knew she was sporting – to touch it and verify for himself that she truly was carrying his child. He knew her intimately, every inch of her. The bump would be new and he wanted to explore it for himself.

Though, Kakashi mused, Sakura might try to hide it for a while – depending on if she’d signed the paperwork or if she’d even decided to publicly admit he was the father. He’d made it clear that he would publicly accept responsibility – if that’s what she wanted. He would do whatever she needed – whether that was having him accept responsibility or quietly stay in the background while still supporting them financially. Since she hadn’t reacted either way he couldn’t even begin to imagine what she had decided to do in the first place. It was entirely possible that she had decided not to keep the pregnancy. Though, Kakashi highly doubted it since his offer of financial support seemed to have been a welcome solution to most of her potential problems if he had to guess.

Before he realized it, Kakashi had arrived at the shop. Resolutely he returned his focus to his mission – once he finished, he could return to the village and find the answers to all of his questions himself.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi hurried along, more quickly than he usually would, to Sakura’s apartment. He’d just reported his most recent mission and quite suddenly _needed_ to know. Tsunade had not been in when he returned to report so he couldn’t even try to guess by her behavior.

Finally, her apartment building came into sight and he slowed down, abruptly uncertain. Taking a moment to collect himself, Kakashi paused in the little park across the street from Sakura’s apartment building, his eyes searching out her balcony. With a little relief, he noted that the light was on, though probably one in the other room as it wasn’t as bright as it usually would be.

Having collected himself to deal with whatever he found, he made quick work of the climb up to Sakura’s balcony. Kakashi was pleasantly surprised to find that her door was open to catch the evening breeze. Unable to wait even the few moments it would take for Sakura to answer his knock, he carefully slid open the screen door and stepped inside the partially darkened room. Immediately he paused in the doorway, surprised to find that Sakura was sitting at the kitchen table, her back to him. Since the kitchen was mostly shrouded in darkness, he’d assumed that she was in another room.

“Sakura, I-” he hastily greeted her, hoping she wouldn’t mind him barging in.

“Heard you were due back tonight,” she started without preamble, not bothering to turn around to greet him properly. “Figured you’d be ‘long sooner or later.” She glanced at the kitchen clock. “Looks more like later.”

At a loss as to what to do, he lingered in the threshold, her behavior giving him more than enough reason to pause. Something was definitely not right.

Sakura lifted her head to take a long swallow of something, Kakashi’s sensitive nose catching the scent of sake. Immediately concerned, he took a few steps toward her, still uncertain what he should do. Absently, he wished that Tsunade had been around when he reported in, she might have been able to warn him about whatever was wrong with Sakura.

“Sakura-”

“‘S’fine, Kakashi,” she interrupted him, pouring herself another glass of the potent rice wine. “I… I lost the baby.”

Shocked, Kakashi stood as if frozen, rooted to the spot, his stomach dropping unpleasantly. He didn’t understand. Sakura said she’d _lost_ the baby, _not_ that she’d terminated the pregnancy. She was a medic, one of the best in the village, if she had wanted to keep the child, then there should not have been an issue. Sakura shouldn’t have had any problems. Sakura _couldn’t_ lose the baby. It just wasn’t possible.

Keeping her back toward him, she downed the rest of the glass she was holding and then poured another – clearly looking for the courage to go on. 

“Was an accident at the hospital.” She paused, took a deep breath, understandably trying to steady herself, before continuing. “Minako’s, you remember Minako? She patched you up n’ got you back to t’village when you got yourself injured on that one mission a while back…” Sakura trailed off, remembering how angry she had been with him at the time and that he still hadn’t explained himself. “You _still_ haven’t told me ‘bout what that was all ‘bout you know.”

“Sakura, that’s-”

“‘ _Nyway_ ,” she interrupted him, waving her free hand at him, not wanting to hear his excuses, “Minako’s ol’ team’mates stop by the hospital while Momo, ’s Minako’s dau’ter, was visiting.” Sakura paused to take a long sip of sake and once again make an attempt to better compose herself. 

Kakashi could almost feel the palpable pain and grief rolling off of Sakura. Clearly, it was all she could do to keep herself together to tell him what had happened. He could not fault her for feeling the bottle of sake necessary for the conversation she was attempting to have with him. But, at the same time, he was more than a little concerned, Sakura didn’t usually drink to excess. It did not take a seasoned strategist to see that this could not end well.

“Those two... _jackasses_ thought t’play a mean-spirited joke on Minako. Only... only Momo got ‘er hands on th’ box before ‘er mother could grab it. Was filled wi’ training senbon and rigged wi’ small ‘splosive tags.” 

Kakashi inhaled sharply. That was an incredibly dangerous prank, even for those two clueless idiots. And, with their hyper-competitive natures, it was highly likely that they’d ended up doubling the number of explosives added to the box in some phenomenally stupid competition or other.

Sakura exhaled, gathered her courage, poured herself another partial glass, and downed it. She needed to be drunk. Telling Kakashi was even harder than she’d imagined it would be – especially considering the fact that she had just spent several weeks planning on how to tell him that she was _keeping_ the baby. Telling him that she had lost it, _her_ … She just wanted it to be over and done with it so she could collapse, alone, in her own misery and grieve in peace. Waiting for Kakashi to return so she could tell him had only served to put her own grieving process into a sort of holding pattern. Of course, true to fashion, Kakashi just _had_ to be late too.

Sakura was well aware that she was lucky in that she hadn’t told anyone about her pregnancy yet. She had, after all, only a few weeks previous passed the three-month mark and had only _just_ learned the gender. Sakura thought it best to wait and tell Kakashi she was keeping the baby before letting on to others, aside from Tsunade of course, that there was a baby on the way. At the very least she figured that they could sit down and have a proper conversation about it. What she would – and _wouldn’t_ – say when people asked her about their little girl’s father.

Shaking her head to clear the ‘could have beens’ from her alcohol fogged mind Sakura continued, just trying to get it all out as quickly as possible. “I-I managed t’get th’ box ‘way from Momo but not be’fore she tried t’open it – broke th’ seal.” Sakura paused to take a breath, closing her eyes briefly to do so. “Ended up taking th’ ‘splosion...” Her right hand automatically going to her midsection. “Saved Momo…”

Kakashi closed the distance between them, his hand automatically reaching out to her. 

“But… not wi’out a price… Lost _her_...” Sakura trailed off, her right hand still resting on her stomach, and her left still lightly resting on the sake bottle. “Got outta hospital las’ week but ’m not cleared t’return t’work for ‘nother week…” her speech started to degrade more quickly as the effect of the alcohol began to add up, “or, engage in any stren’uous… phys’cal activities for ’nother two weeks...”

Kakashi stopped just short of touching her shoulder, his hand hovering in mid-air for several beats. His fingers curled and extended, once, twice, a third time and the arm dropped to his side. He closed his eyes and let out a long slow breath, pushing his feelings aside for the time being, before moving around Sakura to get her a glass of water.

When he turned to approach Sakura from the front he noted the tear streaks running down her cheeks. As he observed her, another pair of tears made their way unevenly down to her chin where they then merged and dropped to the table.

Gently, he placed the glass of water in front of her, disengaging her fingers from the bottle of sake and her stomach, wrapping them both around the glass of water instead. He then took the nearly empty sake bottle and glass from her and placed them in the sink, with another empty sake bottle. 

Silently he cursed, if she’d made it through a bottle before he turned up, she’d clearly been waiting for him longer than he’d realized. He should have just told them he’d submit a written report later rather than wait to give his report to a clerk verbally. Could have made it to her apartment before she cracked into the second bottle at the very least.

As he stood awkwardly by the sink, deep in thought, and watched as another pair of tears started their uneven trek down her cheeks. A moment’s further musing led him to open several drawers before he found her clean dish towels. Pulling one out of the drawer, he then returned to the sink and saturated the towel with cold water.

When he returned his focus to Sakura, she was drinking the water, a tear occasionally dropping from one of her eyes, and her breath coming in slight hitches. Silently, he handed her the towel and she obediently accepted it, holding it to her eyes with both hands.

Observing that her water glass was empty, Kakashi, took and refilled it, once again, placing it in front of her. Everything he could think of momentarily taken care of, he took a seat across from her and waited.

After several minutes, during which Sakura drank most of the second glass of water, with the cold towel held firmly to her eyes, she opened her mouth to speak. 

“‘’m sorry.”

Surprised, Kakashi shook his head. “Why?”

“dunno…I...”

“Sakura, it’s okay.”

“I _wan’ed_ t’have th’baby…” her voice broke and she trailed off, doing her best not to start crying again.

Kakashi suppressed the incredibly strong urge to reach out to Sakura across the table. Her obvious grief causing him far more pain than he’d like to admit. Kakashi wasn’t sure what Sakura needed but felt that human contact, the more the better, was probably what was necessary. Seeing her like this was just killing him. 

Hastily, he found that he had to unclench his fists as fury flared dark and hot at the two idiots who had done this to Sakura. Those two useless morons had, when all was said and done, killed his unborn child – a daughter from what Sakura had said. _He could have had a daughter…_ That he had never wanted said daughter was beside the point. They took something very personal from himself and Sakura and he needed to make sure they paid...

Sakura managed to pull herself together without his help and interrupted his thoughts. “The pape’work, _your_ pape’work, ’s on m’desk i’tha hall.”

“What?” he responded, surprised out of his rage and not following her thought process or her increasingly unintelligible speech.

“T’papers you drop off ‘fore head’ing out – they all there. I… I, uh, din’t file an’thing… yet.”

“ _Oh…_ ” Kakashi trailed off, uncertain what he should say. A part of him had hoped that she had filed the paperwork. But, that was beside the point, something to be dealt with later. First, he had to deal with the more immediate issue at hand.

Sakura hiccupped and swayed a little in her seat, the stress and strain of getting everything out finally wearing off and allowing the alcohol to finally fully kick in. Kakashi realized that she must have been running on sheer adrenaline and nerves – especially considering that she’d made it through nearly two bottles of sake on her own. 

Hastily, Kakashi scrambled to his feet and hurried around the table to steady her. Clearly, she had hit her limit. As he struggled to steady Sakura, he realized that she had passed out, the strain and stress had finally gotten the better of her.

Carefully, he managed to maneuver her into his arms so he could pick her up and carry her to her bedroom. It certainly wasn’t the first time he’d done so – her couch was good for sitting but not much else. However, this time the circumstances were vastly different. A small part of him wished that he was doing bringing her to her bed for the usual reason. Even with all that had happened, he still wanted her – he would gladly have spent a pleasant evening with her upon his return if she hadn’t lost the baby. And, from what Sakura had said, he was fairly certain she wouldn’t be up for anything for another two weeks at the least – that was, of course, if she would even be up for such an evening with him ever again. After what she had just been through – was _still_ going through – he couldn’t even be sure if she would ever want to have anything to do with him ever again.

With a sigh of genuine regret, Kakashi gently shifted Sakura into her bed and under the covers minding her midsection as he guessed that she was likely still healing. Uncertain what else to do, he returned to the kitchen for a bottle of water and a large soup pot, stopping briefly in her bathroom to grab a bottle of ibuprofen. He then quietly returned to her room and placed the bottle of water on her nightstand along with the pain reliever and the soup pot on the floor next to her bed – he knew she was a lightweight when it came to alcohol and was prone to throwing up after over-imbibing. He took another look at Sakura and then carefully shifted her onto her side and placed a small, easily broken, seal on her to keep her in place, just in case. 

Kakashi paused again to study Sakura while she slept. She was far stronger than he was. Tears aside, what she had been through would have broken many a strong woman. Would have broken him. Yet, while sleeping she seemed so fragile, so vulnerable. The image of her tugged at him in an entirely unexpected way.

His hands curled into fists before he could stop them. Keeping his gaze locked on Sakura Kakashi slowly inhaled and exhaled, managing to unclench his fists. The anger, however, was not so easily dissipated. Losing the child, _his_ child was devastating to Sakura… and, on some level, to him as well. A little girl. What would he have done with a little girl? Would she have taken after him, or Sakura? As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he had been looking forward to seeing Sakura go through with the pregnancy – in spite of himself, he was curious... and honestly wanted to see it through to the end. An unexpected chance… now lost.

On his way out, Kakashi paused by her desk to look at the paperwork. Sakura had filled everything out – even the name change paperwork – all that needed to be done was to file them at the courthouse. Unsure what to do, he decided to leave them on the off chance that she ever needed them again.

Silently, he took his leave, making sure to lock the door behind himself and trying very hard not to let the new feelings in. He was already in over his head and didn’t know what to do. The Memorial was no longer the source of solace it had once been and Madam Verushka wasn’t even due by the village any time soon to provide him with cryptic advice. 

Sakura lost the baby – their daughter. He was not married. He was not in any sort of official relationship. He was finally back on track to achieve his life’s goal. And now… He felt lost.

~*~*~*~

Feeling irritated, his morning contemplation of the Memorial interrupted by a group of chattering housewives out for a morning stroll, Kakashi found himself in the need of a sparring partner. Something – _anything_ – to help get some of his frustrations out. He had heard at the pub, where rumors abounded, many of which were whispered whenever he was within earshot, that the two idiots who had injured Sakura and killed their unborn daughter had been placed on disciplinary leave until the appropriate punishment could be decided. 

From what he could gather, Sakura hadn’t wanted to advertise the fact that they’d killed her unborn child so they would be dodging the kunai there as they would most likely be only facing charges for their ill-conceived joke and the damage it had caused – including putting one of the village’s top medics out of commission for almost a month. Unfortunately, Genji and Kenji had been released under their own recognizance, rather than being held somewhere. And, from what he’d heard, they’d been complaining loudly about their situation to anyone who would listen to them. For whatever reason, the two morons failed to understand how dangerous their prank had been and just how serious the consequences had been. If Sakura hadn’t intervened their ‘practical joke’ could have easily killed Momo or anyone else who opened the box unaware of the malicious contents. That the box had been filled with _training_ senbon did not matter in the least – enough explosives could turn _anything_ into a deadly weapon.

Not bothering to try to hide his ill humor, Kakashi found himself strolling in the direction of one of the many training buildings, the one where high-level shinobi tended to congregate when looking for a challenge or workout. Even in his foul mood, he was aware that he should be careful in his sparring partner selection. Best case scenario, Guy would be around. Guy never needed or even asked for a reason to engage in an especially brutal sparring session. Worst case scenario, if Guy _wasn’t_ hanging around, he’d find a string of partners or even a few to take on at once – anything to work some of his anger and frustration out.

Upon making his way into the large lobby of the high-level training building, he realized something was up. As Kakashi walked through, he heard whispers, nothing he could quite make out, but enough that he knew something unpleasant was going down. In a foul enough mood to decide to actively seek trouble, he found himself following the whispers.

Rather quickly he found himself at the source of the disturbance. The idiots he’d had demoted, Genji and Kenji, were throwing dual temper tantrums like bratty man-children in the middle of the hall leading to the stairs to the training rooms and thus preventing pretty much anyone from getting on with their business. 

“What’s going on here?” Kakashi called out after observing the two shinobi snarling around at anyone within hearing range, his own anger kept carefully in check.

Kenji turned his attention to Kakashi and narrowed his eyes. “ _You!_ ”

Genji focused on Kakashi upon hearing his friend exclaim and pointed a finger to do the same. “ _You!_ ”

Just barely preventing himself from rolling his eyes, Kakashi tried again. “What’s this all about?”

“We got demoted!”

“So we need to train!”

“So we can take the test and get back up to jonin!”

“But, _no one_ will spar with us!”

“This is _your_ fault!”

“ _My_ fault?” Kakashi asked with some surprise, his anger momentarily taking a backseat to incredulity. _How_ had these two idiots ever made it to jonin?

“Yes! It’s _all_ your fault!”

“How is this _my_ fault?”

“You were there!”

“You could have stopped them from demoting us!”

“I could have _stopped_ them?” Kakashi asked, utterly bewildered. How they couldn’t see that _he’d_ been the one to have them demoted or, that they seriously deserved to be demoted was beyond him. Never mind the fact that they seemed to be completely ignoring the further disciplinary actions yet to come.

“Yes! You were there! You could have told them that we were doing just fine!”

“It was that stupid Minako who couldn’t pull her own weight!”

“Not for the first time either!”

Kakashi shook his head, refraining, with an enormous effort, from pointing out the flaws with their statements. Their inability to find sparring partners was unsurprising considering how well-liked and well-regarded Sakura was within the shinobi community. Never mind the new nonsense they seemed to be spewing about their former teammate. Kakashi could hear the whispers around him. Catching a few snatches here and there he had to suppress a frown, the rumors he had heard in the pub seemed to be far more widespread than he’d realized.

“...she was badly injured…”

“...he was her teacher…”

“...heard she was pregnant…”

“...they’ve been seen around town a lot lately…”

“...bad hormones…”

“...she’s not dating anyone…”

“...whose child….”

The whispers must have gotten around the room as Gin, the most diplomatic shinobi present approached Genji and Kenji, likely to try and calm them down and avoid an even bigger scene. The idiots seemed to be the only two shinobi present who were unaware of how unwise it was for them to be provoking Kakashi as they were.

“Come on guys, why don’t you two go spar with each other today?”

“I’m tired of sparring with _him!_ ” Kenji jabbed a finger at his friend.

“And, _I’m_ tired of sparring with _him!_ ” Genji returned his friend’s pointed finger.

As one they turned on Kakashi. “This is _your_ fault!”

They both glared at each other before shouting in unison. “You’ll spar with _me!_ ”

Annoyed that they’d said it at the same time they started bickering amongst themselves.

Feeling sorely put-upon and yet also in the mood for some retribution Kakashi nodded slightly. 

“Training field four in fifteen minutes.” Without waiting for a response, he turned on his heel and leisurely made his way out of the building, obviously on his way to the training field. Kakashi was well aware that he would have a large audience for this very public beating and couldn’t find it within him to care what conclusions people may draw from it.

Only a few minutes after he left, the two idiots realized what he had said and shot out after Kakashi. Each one trying to get to the training field first.

Once the three shinobi were gone, the whispers started again. This time speculations growing stronger as to just what exactly the relationship between Sakura and Kakashi could be aside from friends.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi made his way silently into Tsunade’s office and waited for her to finish adding notes to the scroll she had open on her desk. Since he wasn’t certain of the greeting he would get, he figured it would be best not to ‘poke the bear’ so to speak.

“Kakashi,” she greeted him just as she finished the scroll, re-rolling it and placing it in her outbox. “Glad you made it, only,” she checked the clock on the wall, “ten minutes late.”

He shrugged, knowing that there wasn’t really an answer to her comment, nor did she expect one.

Tsunade eyed him for a moment before bringing up a topic she wasn’t certain she wanted to broach. “I heard you had an… eventful sparring session the other day?”

“Did I?” he asked, suppressing the urge to pull out one of his orange novels.

“Kakashi…” she growled, warningly.

He sighed. “I suppose you might say that.”

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Really, now?”

“They started it.”

She snorted. “So you decided to finish it?”

He shrugged. “They picked the fight. Plenty of onlookers at that training building and then on the training ground. The two of them decided to come at me together going all out from the get-go. Idiots were upset that no one would spar with them. Unsurprising considering what they did.”

She sighed. “Those two halfwits _did_ have it coming, didn’t they?”

He nodded. “It’s not _my_ fault that they’re slow and only just put the pieces together before we started – that _I_ was the one to get them demoted, _not_ Minako. Some misguided person probably told them on the way to the training ground – trying to convince them that sparring with me was a bad idea.” He sighed. “I heard the whispers around the corners of the room. I suppose it was too much to hope that none of it would get out.”

She snorted. “Not likely in this village. Though, Sakura has neither confirmed nor denied any of it. Since the medic family is especially close-knit, I can be fairly certain that no one else has either. Because Sakura didn’t want to press charges,” Tsunade’s fingers curled into fists before she could stop them. She had to take a moment to let her anger subside before continuing. 

“Well, without Sakura pressing charges, they’re really only on the hook for the damage to the hospital room and Sakura herself. Not nearly enough for me. But,” Tsunade sighed, “nothing to be done if she doesn’t want to publicize the extent of her injuries.” She shook her head, wishing Sakura had chosen differently but understanding why she had made the decisions she’d made. “As for their demotions, they should have figured that out long ago!” Her fist slammed angrily into her desk, punctuating her point.

“That was why they went after Minako, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. They blamed her. Sakura just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

He suddenly found himself angry all over again and had to take a minute to physically force himself to let go of the unwanted emotion.

“You did get in a few good hits for me, didn’t you?” Tsunade asked, unable to keep the predatory glint from her eyes. She’d like nothing more than to have an excuse to knock the stuffing out of the two idiots who had caused Sakura to lose her baby.

Startled for only a moment, Kakashi chuckled darkly. He’d genuinely enjoyed knocking Genji and Kenji around – even if they were too dumb to realize the full extent of _why_. To add insult to injury he’d stuck to straight taijutsu and had barely put forth any effort, preferring to let them do themselves in. However, that’s not to say that he didn’t get in a few satisfyingly damaging blows to both of the idiots.

“Good. Those two deserve what you gave them and much, much more, I’m quite sure.” 

“They’ll be getting demoted again when they get out of the hospital?”

It was her turn to shrug. “Probably. They’ll be in the hospital for a good long while, most of the medics have refused to treat them using advanced techniques. So, we’ll have some time to figure out what to do with those two idiots. They’re surprisingly stupid for men of their age.”

Kakashi snorted softly. “They’re just surprisingly stupid, period.”

Startled, Tsunade laughed and shook her head, dismissing the two morons from the topic of conversation. “Now, I’m sorry to send you out again so soon, especially after…” she trailed off, uncertain how to phrase it. 

“It’s fine.”

She narrowed her eyes and glanced at him intently for a moment. “You sure?”

He nodded. “I don’t think Sakura really wants me around right now anyway.”

She thought for a moment before nodding slowly. “You’re probably right there. I’ll tell her tomorrow that I’ve sent you back out then.” She rummaged about on her desk for a moment before pulling out a mission scroll and tossed it to him. “Fairly standard retrieval. Should take a little less than a month, no more.”

Kakashi caught the scroll and automatically broke the seal to start reading. He nodded as he read, it was fairly straightforward. Nothing tricky, or out of the ordinary. “I understand.”

“You need to leave tomorrow at first light.”

“Right.”

“See you in a few weeks.”

~*~*~*~


	15. Chapter XV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every other week. I think I’m going to need to do more rewrites on the remaining chapters than in previous chapters so I can’t make any guarantees. 
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter XV

Sakura sighed for what felt like the millionth time. She’d been spending far too much time cooped up in her office – trying to catch up from her medical leave… and to bury her grief. Though, since she had only made it a few weeks past the three-month mark – and had only learned the gender two days prior – the fact that she was pregnant had not really had a chance to settle and take root in her mind before she lost the baby. She suspected that a part of her just refused to truly believe it until she’d told Kakashi that she was going through with the pregnancy. Consequently, Sakura was well aware that she should be thankful for that at least. She knew it would have been much harder on her if she had been further along and if other people had known that she had been expecting. She didn’t think she could cope with other people’s pity.

Still, even so, she knew she was lucky to have the Kunoichi Affairs Office as a resource – it was a lifesaver, in so many ways to so many kunoichi. Due to the often physically demanding nature of a kunoichi’s career, miscarriages were sadly a common occurrence. Because of this, the KAO kept several miscarriage specialists on the payroll. In fact, they kept an entire floor devoted to mental health care professionals: counselors and therapists who specialized in nearly all the issues many kunoichi were expected to cope with throughout the course of their careers and beyond. The mental wellness center was a relatively recent and incredibly necessary addition to the KAO – thanks to near-constant lobbying by the KAO itself combined with the full support of Tsunade. It had been hard for the village to deny the increase in the KAO’s budget in order to pay for the necessary renovations and new staff with such a powerful alliance behind the request. 

Now, all kunoichi were encouraged to make use of all the services offered by the mental wellness center as often as necessary. Consequently, Sakura had no qualms booking an appointment whenever she felt the need – the counselor she’d seen before signing up for the bank program had been incredibly helpful as had the one she’d been seeing more recently. Thanks to her current counselor, Sakura was feeling far better than she had been – worlds better than when she’d told Kakashi she’d lost their child. That whole conversation had been something of a setback – her counselor had wisely refrained from commenting on that episode – but now she was back on track. Sakura still had sudden moments of pain, loss, grief, guilt, and regret but those were becoming easier to cope with and were happening less often. Now, all she really needed was time. Something she, fortunately, had in equal abundance as she had work to catch up on – in other words, far too much.

Unfortunately, with Kakashi out of the village for an undetermined amount of time she didn’t even have his company to make the hours go by just a little faster or the papers be dealt with a little more easily. She was fairly certain that things would probably go back to normal between them. He had handled the whole thing admirably, at least in stride at any rate. That he had been sent out almost immediately had been for the best – she was able to work through her grief without him, as she had wanted. Having to try and do so with him around, or even just the possibility of having him around would have been too much, too triggering. No, it was good that he had been gone but now… Sakura was now just looking forward to seeing Kakashi again.

Her stomach growled, surprising her. A quick glance up to the clock on her wall informed her that she had worked through lunch. Sakura groaned realizing that the cafeteria was likely only serving snacks as they cleaned up from lunch and got ready to prep and serve dinner. With another sigh, she pushed herself up from her desk, grabbing her wallet from her drawer, and wandered out of her office, hoping that the vending machine would have something vaguely meal-like if the cafeteria had run out of snacks. As much as she wanted to hit up one of the quick eats places around the hospital she just couldn’t quite justify the time it would take for her to do so.

Returning to her office a short while later, with a bag of chips and a packet of chocolates in hand, Sakura was surprised to find Kakashi, in full if slightly scruffy ANBU gear, sitting in his seat.

“Kakashi!” she exclaimed, feeling color crawl up her cheeks. She hadn’t seen him since the evening she had told him that she’d lost the baby… their daughter. An overwhelming sensation of regret mingled with guilt unexpectedly flared deep within her. Sakura had thought she would be fine just falling back into their usual routine but actually seeing him again made her question that for just a moment. To her relief, the unexpected and entirely unwanted feelings passed quickly and without her having to try one of the exercises she’d been using to ease these increasingly infrequent episodes.

Kakashi glanced up from his book and raised a hand in greeting, doing his best not to react to the flash of raw emotion he’d briefly observed in Sakura’s expression before she’d gotten it under control. Guilt suddenly clawed at his stomach and he had to wonder if he shouldn’t have come. The possibility that she may not want him back in her life had haunted him while he was out of the village. But as he didn’t want to have to cope with it he had ignored it in the faint hope that it would turn out to be a bridge he wouldn’t have to cross.

“Yo.”

“You just get back?” she asked, somewhat stupidly since it was clear that he had given that he was still wearing his ANBU uniform.

“Yeah.”

“Oh,” she paused, uncertain what else to say.

“Brought coffee,” he nodded at her desk and then eyed the chips and chocolate in her hands. “And, a couple of those meat buns you like.”

Her eyes widened in surprise as she made her way to her desk and found the hot coffee and a steaming little waxed paper bag. “How did you know?”

He shrugged. Sakura didn’t need to know that he’d stopped by earlier to test the waters so to speak, and she’d been so focused on her work that she had failed to notice him poking his head into her office. It hadn’t taken a huge leap of logic to guess that she would likely work through lunch. Going out to get some of the special coffee they both enjoyed had been child's play considering that he was wearing his ANBU uniform. And it had only taken him slightly out of his way to stop by the little street cart vendor who sold the meat buns she favored.

She studied him for a moment, uncertain how to take his offering. After a few beats, she found that the rich aroma of the coffee, as well as the enticing scents emanating from the steaming waxed paper bag, demanded her full attention. 

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Happily dropping the packets of chips and chocolate into a desk drawer she dug into the bag with the buns as she took a seat. A slow wide smile spread across her face as she took her first bite.

“Mmmm. _So_ good!”

He chuckled. The time in line was more than worth the expression of enjoyment on her face, especially considering her mental state the last time he had seen her. A weight partially lifted from him as he observed her delighted expression. Seeing him had caused her pain but he wasn’t unwelcome… he could work with this.

Once the buns were taken care of and the coffee sipped she returned her attention to her visitor. Kakashi had gone back to his book while she enjoyed her late lunch. He had clearly come straight to her office after reporting in on his latest mission – his uniform was slightly battered showing that he had recently fought in it. That he hadn’t thought to return to this apartment to change before stopping by spoke volumes.

“Kakashi?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re not in need of any medical attention are you?”

Startled by the question, he glanced up. “What?”

She nodded at his uniform. “You _are_ okay, aren’t you?”

“Oh,” his hand went to his armor, realizing what she must have thought. “I’m fine.”

She narrowed her eyes speculatively. “You _would_ tell me if you were in need of medical attention, wouldn't you?”

He chuckled at her mistrust and allowed a grin to spread across his face as he tilted his head slightly to the side and raised an eyebrow. Might as well test the waters a little further and see what happened – if he was lucky, things could go back to how they were before Sakura’s pregnancy. If not, he’d just have to put the work in to see that things between them improved.

“Well, if you’re really _that_ concerned, maybe you would consent to perform a little private exam later?”

Sakura felt her cheeks heat. 

Still chuckling he stood. “I’ll take that as a solid maybe.”

“ _Kakashi!_ ”

“How about after dinner?”

“Dinner?”

“Yes, dinner. That’s why I stopped by on my way home. I wanted to ask you to dinner tonight, that is if you don’t already have plans?”

Sakura sat back in surprise. He’d never come out and actually asked her to dinner. They had always just ended up going out together. A small but important distinction as otherwise, they might have actually been dating rather than friends with, admittedly frequent, benefits. 

Slowly she shook her head. “I don’t have any plans for tonight, no.”

“Good. I’ll pick you up at seven-thirty then.” He stepped toward the office door, keeping his amusement at her reaction to himself. 

“Wait, Kakashi, pick me up at seven-thirty?”

“Yes, that should give you plenty of time to get home and get changed.”

“Changed?” she asked still feeling supremely off-balance.

“Yes, changed. What you’re wearing now, though quite nice, won’t pass muster where we’re going.”

She felt her cheeks burn once again. There had been rumors before he left, she was sure that he must have heard them. If they were to actually be seen dressed up and out together that would likely lend all those rumors credence. She didn’t care but she had to wonder if he did. Never in her memory had he ever been seen in any kind of romantic relationship, or even casually dating a woman for that matter.

“Kakashi… if we go out, properly go out… you _do_ know people will talk, right?”

He shrugged. “They were already talking before.”

“Yes, I know. But… now they’ll… _know_. Or, rather they’ll _think_ they know.”

“Let them think what they want to.”

“Kakashi… after what you did…” she trailed off not exactly able to finish the thought, a crushing feeling of loss sweeping over her before she was able to get a handle on it.

He sighed, knowing exactly where she was going and figured an explanation was in order. Classified mission or not, he should have told her sooner. He’d intended on telling her the last time he saw her but… the timing clearly hadn’t been right.

“They had it coming in more ways than one. No one who was there that day can say they didn’t. _They_ picked a fight with _me_. They went berserk when they realized that _I_ was the one who had gotten them demoted, _not_ Minako.” He paused in thought for a moment before continuing, “certainly took them long enough to figure that one out – someone must have told them.”

“ _You_ got them demoted?”

He nodded. “Now that it’s more or less out I suppose I can tell you, I was sent out to investigate them – or rather to observe them on a mission. They treated Minako poorly and nearly blew the mission to pursue some foolish personal competition, grudge, or some other sort of stupid nonsense. Put Minako in direct danger while she was trying to heal their client. Because they left her alone with the client no one was there to watch her back.”

A lightbulb went off in Sakura’s head. “ _That’s_ why you had those injuries!”

He nodded. “I stepped in to prevent her from getting hurt. I wasn’t supposed to but… I knew she had a kid and it wasn’t right to just watch her get hurt.” 

He left unsaid that her eyes had been so much like Sakura’s that he’d had a hard time not remembering Sakura in a similar situation when she’d been on his team – Naruto and Sasuke off pursuing some personal grudge, leaving Sakura open to attack. He’d jumped right in to save her that time. This time his body had almost moved without his conscious direction, _almost_. That hesitation had directly lead to his injuries – if he’d have acted without hesitation, as he had for Sakura, there wouldn’t have been a problem but the hesitation had cost precious seconds and allowed the enemy to get in a few good blows when he finally did intervene.

Sakura’s mouth fell open. She’d never have guessed that Kakashi had willingly stepped into the line of fire to prevent a mother from getting injured.

Kakashi realized he’d said too much and cleared his throat. “You’ll need to wear something nice tonight.”

Shaking her head at the sudden change of subject, or rather the sudden return to the topic they’d started on, Sakura refocused on Kakashi’s statement. “What sort of nice?”

Kakashi pretended to think for a moment before smiling. “A little black dress seems like a safe bet.”

Not bothering to wait for a reaction, it could easily go either way, he raised a hand to wave as he turned and wandered out of her office.

Sakura sat for a moment at her desk, her hands still wrapped around the warm coffee Kakashi had so thoughtfully brought. She couldn’t help but wonder at his behavior. Especially the comment about having a ‘private exam’ – that implied that he wanted to pick things up from where they had left off… but, with the added wrinkle of him actually wanting to take her out, _properly_ , first.

~*~*~*~

Feeling suddenly nervous, she knew for no good reason, Sakura spent a little extra time on her makeup, remembering the time when Kakashi had watched her get ready for her date with Itsuki and feeling the need to put in more effort than she had for Itsuki. With her makeup complete, she let her robe fall from her shoulders as she returned to her bedroom. She already knew which perfume she wanted, the one Kakashi had shown a preference for, of course.

As she was finishing up with her earrings, about to do her necklace she was interrupted by a knock on her front door. Surprised, she took her necklace and her wrap and went to see who was there. Sakura knew it couldn’t be Kakashi, he always came via her balcony.

Upon opening the door she was surprised again to find Kakashi standing there awkwardly. For a moment she just stood and stared. Not only was he actually using her front door, but he cut quite the striking figure in his civvies. Granted, she already knew he was an attractive man, despite his apparent disinterest in actual relationships with women, quite a few kunoichi had developed crushes on him over the years, herself included. Still, it was quite a pleasant surprise to see him in something other than his usual jonin or ANBU uniforms.

Hastily she shook the suddenly unwanted thoughts from her mind, sternly reminding herself that she’d seen him in considerably less and of course, nothing, _many_ times. Hell, things had progressed to the point where he had even gotten her pregnant – she had no reason to be reacting as she was… and yet… this time around it felt subtly different. How, she couldn’t quite say, but definitely different nonetheless.

Feeling awkward, Kakashi stepped into Sakura’s apartment, taking her moment of obvious appraisal to make an assessment of his own. Sakura was stunning. She was wearing, as he had suggested, a little black dress. But, the dress she was wearing was a far cry from the one she had worn for Itsuki. Compared to the one she was wearing now, the one she’d worn for Itsuki was prim and proper – maybe even a little dowdy. This one was shorter, lower cut, and fit her like a glove and yet still somehow managed to stay classy rather than cross the line into the realm of trashy.

Suddenly feeling shy, Sakura held her hand out to him with her necklace, silently asking him to fasten it for her.

Feeling better for having already had some practice with this, he gingerly took the necklace, fumbling only a little with the clasp before managing to maneuver it around her neck and fasten it. An errant thought, one he suppressed immediately, wanted to pull her back into him, to let his fingers find the scars he knew she had from the accident at the hospital, to then see them with his own eyes, touch them just to understand that they did indeed exist… and, to reaffirm that he still knew every inch of her, intimately... Never had he regretted having restaurant reservations more in his life.

Unaware of Kakashi’s wayward thoughts, Sakura stepped away, turned, and smiled up at him. “Thanks.” Enjoying his somewhat bemused expression, she moved away to grab her wrap and purse. “Where are we going?”

He shook his head slightly to clear the sudden thoughts of what an actual relationship might be like from his mind – he’d decided long ago not to go there and she’d never asked him to. 

“You’ll see when we get there.” To soften his statement he took her wrap from her and held it open.

Automatically, Sakura backed into the wrap, enjoying the sensation of Kakashi’s arms easing the ends of it around her shoulders – briefly pulling her back into him before somewhat reluctantly letting her go.

She turned and shot him an inquiring glance. “I’ll see when we get _where?_ ”

He chuckled. “You’ll see when we get to the restaurant where I’ve made reservations.” To hopefully prevent any further questions, he held out an arm to her with a quirky little smile.

“Kakashi!” She laughed as she took his arm. “You’re really not going to tell me?”

“Nope. That would spoil the surprise.” He pretended to look at his non-existent watch. “Oh, look at the time. We’ll be late if we don’t get going.”

Sakura laughed again, enjoying this playful side of Kakashi. “Okay, okay, lead on!”

~*~*~*~

Tsunade glanced up upon hearing the whisper of someone quietly entering – the telltale sounds of an ANBU waiting for an assignment. She blinked in surprise when she noted that it was Kakashi. 

“Kakashi, this is a surprise.”

He shrugged. “I got word you were looking for me?”

She stared at him for a moment before remembering. “Oh, right, yes. Yes, I was.” She rummaged around in her desk for a moment before pulling out a serious-looking scroll. “This is for you,” she told him as she tossed the scroll his way.

Deftly, Kakashi caught the scroll, broke the seal, and started to read. His eyes only made it a few sentences in before hitting a snag. He glanced up, carefully keeping his expression neutral. “This is-”

Hastily Tsunade waved a hand, dismissing his unvoiced concern. “I’m not officially assigning you to this yet. I have a couple of days to assemble a support team for you. I just wanted to give you a heads up, a warning that this mission was coming to you.”

He raised an eyebrow questioningly. “A support team?”

“Though that mission is important enough for the risk to one of our elites to be acceptable, our current resources allow for a support team to be sent to ensure you return.”

He studied her face for a moment, looking for something, some sort of telltale sign of what he was supposed to be reading between the lines. He knew very well that they were stretched wafer-thin – they definitely did _not_ have enough manpower available for him to be able to take such a team with him when he went.

Tsunade sighed. “Kakashi, I need you to come back from this one.”

Surprised, his eyes widened slightly and his eyebrows raised.

“You still have two more missions to complete after that,” she gestured to the scroll he was holding, “one.” She studied him for a moment, realizing that she would need to continue. “Or, have you forgotten?”

Suddenly, several things snapped into focus, he had nearly forgotten that he was only in ANBU until he hit the mission requirement for promotion. Once he hit that requirement, he’d be returned to the regular ranks. His chance for dying in action diminishing greatly once he left ANBU for the second time.

“No, no, I haven’t forgotten.”

“Good. It’s important to you, I’m sure.” She looked at him carefully for a moment, making sure he remembered his original intent. “You’re so close at this point that I’d hate to lose you before you achieved this particular goal.”

“Especially since it will help Sakura in the end?”

She chuckled. “That doesn’t hurt, no…” Tsunade trailed off, turning serious. “She’s going to need all the help she can get, you know.”

“I know,” he responded quietly.

“You do know that you’re _also_ dangerously close to your mission cap, don’t you?”

“What?”

“Your mission cap.”

“I can’t be all _that_ close to it?”

She nodded. “I’d have to check the exact figures but you probably only have a few interesting missions left in you anyway. After that, it will be semi-retirement for you, unless we can find you a desk job or something… or, of course, the village needs you.”

With mixed feelings, Kakashi hastily tried to run the calculations in his head. He couldn’t possibly be nearing the mission cap. Shinobi didn’t hit their caps until they were retirement age, 50s at their earliest. Not in their mid to late thirties.

He shook his head. “That still can’t be right.”

“Kakashi, you were added to the village’s payroll far younger than a lot of your remaining contemporaries. You never request time off or turn down missions. On top of that, you’ve been trying to achieve the highest promotable rank possible before you hit your forties. You’ve been steadily racking up the missions throughout your career and added to the super boost you’ve been doing as of late… well, you’re rapidly approaching the career of someone fifteen or twenty years your senior.”

Unsure how to respond, he only nodded, his mind still trying to make the math work out in his favor.

After a moment’s thought, Tsunade shook her head. “But, that’s neither here nor there, no sense worrying about that bridge until we have to cross it.” She eyed him skeptically. “There may never be any call to cross it in the first place.”

Kakashi nodded. Tsunade had told him that she wasn’t going to help him commit suicide by mission but that didn’t mean that she wouldn't send him out on a mission from which he was not expected to return if it was what needed to be done. 

“Anyway, that’s getting a bit far afield. Go over that scroll and come back in the morning. Let me know if you have any preferences as to who you want on your support team – you might have a better insight into who will work best for what you need to be done. I can really only spare five people at most, four would be better though.”

Kakashi nodded, re-rolling the scroll and stuffing it into his hip-pouch. 

“Good. I’ll see you in the morning then.”

Kakashi nodded and took his leave, his mind already going over his next challenge. It wasn’t exactly unheard of, but it was rare for the Hokage to offer an operative their choice of teammates for a mission. Granted, this one was going to be very, very difficult. He would be happy to take all the advantages he could get – and he knew of one already that Tsunade seemed to have forgotten.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi slowly made his way to the hospital with two cups of coffee and a small fancy bag with two of the tea cakes Sakura especially enjoyed. He had spent more than enough time in line that afternoon but thought that the end result would be more than worth it.

With a smile on his face, he slipped into the hospital and quietly made his way to Sakura’s office. Stealthily, he managed to open the door and slide into his seat, slipping both the coffee and the bag of treats on her desk, without her noticing.

Smile firmly in place he cracked open his newest book, the sequel to _The Coffee Shop_ , he was certain Sakura would notice the coffee he’d brought before she noticed him. She was so focused on the papers in front of her that he almost was concerned that she had been letting her shinobi skills get rusty. Or, rather, he would be concerned if the person able to slip into her office without her noticing was someone _other_ than himself. He knew that on some level he had managed to become a part of the background of her life, a part whose presence or absence needn’t be questioned, _ever_.

A few moments later, Sakura glanced up from her paperwork to find Kakashi in his usual seat with a delicious smelling coffee sitting in front of her along with a fancy bag.

“Kakashi! This is a surprise.” She exclaimed as she eyed the unopened bag sitting next to her coffee. “I thought I heard you were heading out again soon?”

Unsurprised that she had heard, he simply nodded. 

“Kakashi…” she started with a growl to her voice. She would not be a part of his procrastination techniques if he was expected to be on the road, even if he did bring her some very tasty coffee and some sort of baked treat if the aroma of sugar coming from the fancy bag was anything to go by.

Startled at her shift in mood and guessing what it was likely in response to, he chuckled. “Relax, Sakura. I’ve learned my lesson, this is not an acceptable place to while away the hours when people are waiting for me elsewhere.”

She eyed him, clearly unconvinced.

He sighed. “I’m not due to leave until tomorrow afternoon.”

Surprised that he gave her any details, she blinked. “Oh, okay then.”

“Now that _that_ is sorted, why don’t you drink your coffee and have one of the cakes I brought?”

“Cakes?” she asked, suspicion once again entering her tone of voice.

“Mmm-hmm, tea cakes. They had them at the tea shop near Ichiraku. I thought they’d pair nicely with the coffee – I had them do caramel in yours this time, by the way.”

Sakura’s eyes widened, those particular tea cakes were nearly impossible to get, the shop only made a supremely limited quantity due to the fact that the baker who made them was over ninety and showing no signs of ever passing on her prized recipes. Carefully she opened the bag to find a pair of the legendary tea cakes, well wrapped in fancy packaging befitting their legendary status. Sakura looked up again at Kakashi, between getting the coffee and tea cakes, he must have spent at the very least seventy-five minutes, more like ninety-five minutes, in line. 

“Kakashi…” she started, uncertain how to ask, or if she even should.

“I was hoping you didn’t have plans this evening?” He asked, ignoring the question he knew she wanted to ask.

“What?” she responded, momentarily thrown off balance. “Oh, uh, no. No plans for tonight.”

He let a slow smile spread across his face. “Good. I was thinking some take out on the way back to your apartment and a nice cozy evening in. How does that sound?”

Sakura felt her cheeks slowly tint. She knew _exactly_ what he was asking and it didn’t take a genius to guess why. Not with a mission big enough for her to have heard of it set to leave the next day. Hastily, she swallowed a sudden lump in her throat and nodded her agreement, buying herself a few seconds to ensure her voice would be steady. 

“Sounds like a very nice evening indeed.”

~*~*~*~

Kakashi idly flipped another page of his book, his attention only half focused on the pages. Since he’d read it enough times to have memorized nearly the entire thing, it was useful to have when he found himself in situations like this one. A handy distraction for part of his brain while the rest worked on or worked out a problem.

Once again his mind went over the details of his plan, looking for the holes, the unexpected potential complications, and unplanned for possibilities. He’d spent a very careful two weeks lining things up, laying out groundwork, and doing piecemeal dry-runs in preparation for doing the assassination for real. Even with a support team, this was an incredibly risky mission to try and pull-off and he knew it would take every single skill of his to do so _and_ survive. It was the second part of that that caused the most difficulty. If he didn’t need to make it out alive, it was a much easier mission, but, since Kakashi didn’t want to not return this time, he knew he would have to do the near-impossible. 

Idly, he flipped another page, still looking for issues with his plan and doing his best not to think about Sakura. He’d left her, as he always did, asleep or nearly asleep, after spending an incredibly pleasurable evening with her. Never once, in all the evenings they’d spent together, had it even occurred to him to spend the night with her. Instead, he’d grab a quick shower and head back to his apartment – _always_. Sakura had never questioned this or even tried to ask him to stay. Rather, she’d cleared a shelf in her linen closet for him to keep several changes of clothes and towels – Kakashi was free to drop his stuff in her laundry basket so it would be there the next time he needed something. Sakura had even picked up some shower stuff for him once she realized that it wouldn’t do for him to be smelled around the village with the same scent as her. 

All of a sudden, the door to the safe house flew open and a harried ANBU stepped in, clearly out of breath. All activity in the common room came to a halt as everyone focused their attention on their newest arrival.

The newly arrived ANBU paused, after closing the door behind himself, doubled over to place his hands on his knees for a moment, breathing deeply before finally straightening to address the assembled ANBU.

“Everyone, pack it up, you’re leaving – going back to the village in ten.”

“What?!” Daishi exclaimed with clear surprise.

“Says who?” Gin asked more calmly.

The ANBU raised a hand to stop the protests and held out a sealed official notice in the other. “There’s been a suspected attack on the hospital, two explosions – the source of which was yet to be determined when they sent me out. All able-bodied ANBU and medics are required back at the village as soon as possible.”

Kakashi’s second in command, Gin, took unsealed and examined the notice, nodding as he read through the official document. “It’s legit – all here as he says.”

“What?” Junnosuke asked in disbelief.

“Why are they calling us back for _that_?” Masanari chimed in.

The ANBU raised his hand again for silence. “The second blast came only _after_ all the first responders had entered the blast zone.”

The room went entirely silent.

The ANBU hung his head for a moment before answering the unasked question. “There were no survivors.” He inhaled and exhaled slowly before continuing. “The first blast was in a less-used wing of the hospital, there shouldn’t have been many – if any – people there at that time. But, the second blast got the responders – _all_ of them – two teams of combat medics went in with the other first responders. It’s currently being treated as a suspected act of terrorism… or war.”

After a few moments of silence, the room suddenly erupted in quick, efficient activity as the rest of the ANBU scrambled to ready themselves to leave.

Kakashi stayed put. He already knew. The directive to recall all able-bodied ANBU didn’t apply to him. A moment later his suspicion was confirmed. 

The new arrival made his way over to Kakashi. “Old Hound Leader,” he inclined his head. “See you already know, or have guessed.”

Kakashi simply nodded.

The ANBU, having nothing else to say, silently pulled a second sealed scroll out from one of his pouches and handed it to Kakashi.

Kakashi accepted the scroll with a nod of thanks. Quietly unsealing and reading the contents, wanting to be sure of what it said before the team left, on the off chance that he was wrong.

_Kakashi-_

_As you’ve likely guessed, you’re staying behind. The mission is too important to abandon. Because you’re losing your support team, the difficulty rating has been bumped up. This will be the last mission you will need for your promotion. Complete it successfully and the promotion will be yours. Incidentally, you will also hit your mission cap once this mission is complete._

_Konoha thanks you for your service,_

_Tsunade, Fifth Hokage, The Village Hidden in the Leaves_

Kakashi re-read the scroll again, looking for what she wasn’t saying. Finally, with a nod, he resealed and then pocketed the scroll. For only a moment he watched the other ANBU continue to scramble about trying to get everything packed so they could be out the door before returning his attention to his book.

Suddenly, all the activity around him stopped, curious, Kakashi glanced up again to see that everyone had packed and was ready to go.

“Old Hound Leader!” Daishi exclaimed upon realizing that Kakashi had not packed. “Aren’t you coming?”

Gin sighed, the rest of them had already guessed, and the fact that Old Hound Leader had not so much as moved a muscle after receiving a scroll from the messenger, had pretty much confirmed it. “He’s staying behind.”

“But-”

“Someone has to finish the mission.”

The young ANBU shook his head and tried again. “But, that’s-”

Kakashi rose from his seat and walked over to the now silent group. “It was a pleasure working with you,” he directed his comments to Gin, including Junnosuke, Masanari, and Daishi with brief glances.

“An honor.” Gin inclined his head respectfully. The others followed suit.

“Right,” the messenger ANBU started, breaking the awkward silence, “let’s go, the faster we’re back at the village, the better.”

Kakashi watched from a window as the team left and remained by the window long after they’d faded into the distance, his mind occupied with his upcoming mission.

~*~*~*~


	16. Chapter XVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every other week. I think I’m going to need to do more rewrites on the remaining chapters than in previous chapters so I can’t make any guarantees.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter XVI

Tsunade cursed silently as she rounded the corner. She recognized the woman waiting by her office door. Though she had no idea what the Council may want, she _did_ know that it probably didn’t bode well – it never did.

With a false smile, she greeted the messenger. “Good afternoon Yui, I take it you bring news from the Council?”

The exceedingly petite woman turned and bowed politely and with enough grace to put any professional ballet dancer to shame. 

“Yes, my Lady. The Council sends their regards.”

Tsunade raised an eyebrow as she unlocked and opened the door to her office. “I see, do their regards come with a scroll?” she asked as she entered her office, knowing that Yui would follow her in.

“No, my Lady,” Yui responded as she carefully followed Tsunade into her office.

“ _Really?_ ” Tsunade turned with some surprise as she reached her desk. It was rare for the Council to choose to send Yui without a scroll.

“No, my Lady, they come with one question.”

“Of course…” Tsunade waited for the question as she settled herself at her desk, gesturing for Yui to take a seat if she should so desire, though knowing that the younger woman would never sit in her presence. After a few moments passed, Tsunade realized she would have to actually ask if she wanted to get to the bottom of Yui’s visit and suppressed a sigh. “And, the question would be?”

“Ah, rumors have recently reached the ears of the Council about a possible Hatake heir, my Lady.”

“I see. Their question?” Tsunade asked carefully keeping her emotions under wraps, she’d hoped this wouldn’t come to pass. Worst case scenario she would say or do whatever she had to in order to protect Sakura – she’d taken precautions but they weren’t quite in place yet so she’d need to be careful.

“They would like to know if there is any truth to the rumor, my Lady.”

“Ah,” Tsunade exhaled with some relief. “No. As far as I know, at this time, there is no truth to that particular rumor.” Truth by omission. There _had_ been a Hatake heir on the way. But, not any longer, not after the accident at the hospital at any rate.

“I see. Thank you, my Lady. I shall let the Council know.” She turned to leave but paused before returning her gaze to Tsunade to make an uncharacteristic observation. “I fear they shall be greatly disappointed. They had hoped…”

Tsunade shrugged. “Not all rumors turn out to be rooted in the truth. Kakashi’s in the Bank, it’ll all sort itself out in time.”

“Yes, of course. Thank you, my Lady.” Yui nodded and bowed before once again turning and letting herself out of the office gracefully.

Tsunade heaved a sigh of relief and focused her attention on the paperwork she’d left on her desk, absently deciding that she would _not_ tell Sakura about the Council’s belated interest in her lost pregnancy. Unless the Council’s interest persisted, it would serve no purpose to inform Sakura aside from likely upsetting the still healing kunoichi.

~*~*~*~

Tsunade barely knocked before entering Sakura’s office.

Startled by her mentor’s entrance, Sakura glanced up from her paperwork to find her boss with a thundercloud reflected in her expression. Knowing what _that_ meant Sakura held any comment she may have otherwise made.

“Those idiots want to demo the North Wing,” Tsunade answered the unasked question as she plopped herself in Sakura’s non-Kakashi guest chair.

Sakura sat up straighter in her chair. “They want to _what?!_ You _just_ assigned me to the oversight committee for the North Wing rehabilitation project!” Sakura rummaged around on her desk, pulled out an annotated set of architectural drawings and gestured with them. “I thought they saw the light, found the money for it in the budget after all?”

Tsunade shook her head angrily. “Someone decided to go over the numbers again. They now think that since we’re not currently using it, we don’t need it after all. Too expensive to properly maintain the thing without actually having it in use is what they said.” Tsunade made a rude noise with her lips. 

Sakura’s forehead creased in confusion. “But, it’s not currently in use because it _hasn’t_ been properly maintained… Someone decided that it was too expensive, not enough money in the budget to keep it operational, and so it’s just been sitting empty for the past ten-plus years. That’s _why_ it needs to be rehabilitated in the first place. Regardless of all that, we _need_ the room that wing provides!”

Tsunade slammed a fist down on Sakura’s desk in frustration, causing Sakura to scramble to keep everything from falling to the floor.

“Yes! That’s it exactly! We _need_ that wing! Even with the medic shortage, we still need the space.”

“We were going to renovate it and then move the Maternity and Pediatric Wards to the North Wing – I have the plans right here!” Sakura gestured with the plans again. “What are they thinking? We need to free up more space for more specialized Serious Care Wards – they’ve been overcrowded for _years_ now. We almost lost three patients when we overloaded the electrical system just yesterday!”

“All true, _and_ we’re going to need expanded maternity and pediatric spaces soon if things keep going at the rate they have been – even taking into consideration the recent…” Tsunade trailed off not wanting to remind Sakura of her loss.

Sakura took a quick moment to suppress the flash of regret the unintentional reminder of her loss caused. It was getting easier but she knew she still had a ways to go.

Tsunade cleared her throat and hastily continued. “ _Anyway_ , population projections such as they are, we _will_ _need_ that wing. I made my arguments, same as yours, now we will have to see what those idiots have to say – more unnecessary delays is what it is since it won’t be easy for them to overturn the earlier decision.” She exhaled angrily. “All we can do now is wait and see.”

“That’s such… nonsense,” Sakura responded, censoring herself though she really had no need to do so. She huffed in indignation at the thought of getting rid of perfectly good hospital space. “Classes at the Academy have been increasing steadily over the past few years as well – more shinobi, especially _students_ , will definitely mean we will need more room at the hospital.”

Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

Sakura chuckled nervously, she’d done a lot of research during the brief period she’d been pregnant, the expected pang of guilt hit but not as strong as she’d expected – progress, slow but mostly steady. 

She cleared her throat before responding. “The perpetual medic _and_ kunoichi shortages made me curious…”

Tsunade stared at Sakura for a moment, guessing another reason Sakura may have been interested in Academy class size projections, before deciding it would be best to leave it be and chuckle as Sakura likely intended. 

“You wanted to know if there was any relief in sight?”

Sakura raised a hand to the back of her neck. “Yeah, uh, something like that… Have we _always_ been stretched this thin?”

Tsunade took a moment to actually give the question some real thought, it was an issue she hadn’t had time to think about for some time. “Well… we’ve always had less kunoichi than male shinobi…”

“Hmm… Less interest or less effort recruiting?”

“Both if I’d have to guess. Doesn’t help that most medics are _also_ kunoichi. Less kunoichi would of therefore mean fewer medics…” Tsunade’s expression turned thoughtful. “That’s something that will need to be addressed now as well.”

“More career days? Sakura suggested dubiously.”

Tsunade laughed. “Career days are usually too late. No, we’ll have to do a better job than that.”

“Incentives for even more kunoichi to have kids? Higher likelihood of them attending the Academy?”

Tsunade snorted. “The village is too cheap to go for that – would be an extremely expensive program to make work and make it worthwhile for kunoichi to consider participating. The Bank program is expensive enough as it is – granted, _that_ one is much too important for the village to quibble over money. _Far_ too many powerful bloodlines could be lost if that program was cut, or if any substantial changes were made to it.”

“But… aren’t the kunoichi and medic shortages just as important?”

Tsunade shook her head slightly with a disapproving frown. “Depends where you’re sitting – Bank program participants are known shinobi, those who will likely have children who will follow in their parents’ footsteps. Some of them, the ones for whom the program was initially created, are of course the ones who are proven elites, those with powerful bloodlines, or the last of their lines. Only _one_ way to get more of _them_. Kunoichi and medics on the other hand…” Tsunade shrugged unhappily. “Well, they can come from anywhere. The village wouldn’t see why it should have to pay for more when any civilian or shinobi couple could conceivably produce a kunoichi or medic.” Tsunade grimaced, unpleasant as it was, it was the current reality of their situation. 

Sakura sighed, though it was wrong, her mentor was right. Baby steps. That they had the program at all was progress, never mind that it had been opened to _all_ shinobi, not just those the village wanted to ensure didn’t die out. They’d just have to keep pushing but until then… She sat in silent thought for a few moments before picking up the conversation once again. 

“Must be something we can do, right? Other villages don’t have this problem… or do they?”

Tsunade shook her head slightly before slowing to a stop, clearly losing herself in thought. As she lapsed into silent contemplation, Sakura recognized that Tsunade wouldn’t care to be disturbed. Figuring the safest option for her would be returning to her paperwork, Sakura bent her head once again to focus on the reports in front of her.

Several minutes later, both women were interrupted by a knock on Sakura’s door. Together they turned to see who was intruding on their currently silent meeting.

“Sakura, you missed your usual coffee break – I thought-“ Itsuki halted midway into the office as well as midway through his greeting. His focus shifted from Sakura to Tsunade and he felt the color drain from his cheeks. “Oh! Um, I see why you missed your usual coffee break…” he trailed off awkwardly.

Sakura shook her head slightly doing her best to ignore Tsunade’s silent laughter. Kakashi was not the only one who was well aware of Itsuki’s unwanted interest. Though, Tsunade merely found it amusing rather than objectionable as Kakashi did.

“Thank you for your concern, Itsuki. But, as you see, I’m in a meeting.”

“Yes, o-of course!” Itsuki stammered as he carefully eased backward. “I’ll just…” he nervously shifted his gum from one cheek to the other before continuing, “I-I’ll um, I’ll see you later then.”

The office door closed quickly but quietly behind Itsuki as he beat a hasty retreat.

As soon as the door was closed, Tsunade let out the chuckle she’d been suppressing.

“That a regular occurrence?”

Sakura grimaced. “Unfortunately, though honestly, that was the first time in a while.”

Tsunade sobered immediately. “I see – his presence is unsolicited then?”

“You might say that.”

“Worn out his welcome?”

Sakura sighed. “I didn’t want to but… I gave him a chance. I really _did_ try my best to give him a go.”

“Ah… so that rumor was true, then? You two did date?”

“Yes. And, as expected, it just didn’t work out.”

Tsunade eyed her speculatively, not bothering to suppress a knowing smirk. “What’d Kakashi have to say about that?”

“Kakashi’s opinion on my love life hardly mattered...”

Tsunade raised an eyebrow and maintained her skeptical expression.

Sakura threw her hands up in irritation, knowing that Tsunade wouldn’t let it go until she’d gotten enough details to satisfy her curiosity. “Fine. Of course, he was unhappy about it. And, he took every opportunity to tell me so.”

Startled, Tsunade laughed, she hadn’t expected to hear that Kakashi had gone so far as to express opinions on Sakura’s love life – he certainly never had done so in the past. Granted, what he was currently doing with Sakura was _also_ something he’d never done in the past, so she supposed she shouldn’t be surprised. 

Choosing to ignore Tsunade’s amusement, Sakura decided to continue as though she’d heard nothing. 

“As much as I want to say I gave Itsuki a fair shake, I’m sure I didn’t. I never wanted to date him in the first place. But, I saw it as a polite, _easy_ way to finally get rid of him. Dumped him, with immense relief, after three dates – told him it’s just never going to happen the way he wanted it to and that I was just wasting his time.” Sakura sighed. 

“Let me guess, that was about the time Kakashi came back from his mission with Minako – wasn’t it?”

Sakura nodded, she didn’t feel it necessary to add that it was _also_ around the time that Kakashi started hanging around more regularly.

“He’s let me be since then… more or less.” 

“I see.” Tsunade thought for a moment. “Kakashi’s only been out of the village for two days now…

Sakura rolled her eyes and sighed again, unable to comment on the obvious.

~*~*~*~

Itsuki carefully closed the door and started upon turning and finding Kumiko there. 

“Oh! Are you looking for Sakura?”

Just as surprised to see Itsuki as Itsuki was to see her, she pulled out a hasty smile. “Er, yes – I need to discuss some paperwork with her…” She eyed Itsuki hovering by the door. “It’s,” she coughed a little to clear her throat, “it’s, uh, something that has fallen through the cracks… I’ll need to get her to fill these forms out right away, you see.”

Itsuki shook his head and frowned sympathetically as he shited his gum from one cheek to the other. “She’s in a meeting with the Hokage right now.”

“Oh!” Kumiko responded, suddenly feeling as though she’d dodged a kunai. She wasn’t looking forward to facing the music, so to speak, with Ms. Haruno’s belated paperwork, but to have to do so in front of the Hokage… that would never do. Having Ms. Haruno think of her as a flighty ditz was one thing, the only way she could find to gracefully play off deliberately holding back important paperwork, it was quite another to have the Hokage think the same thing. 

“I-I see. Well, I’ll just have to try again another time.”

Itsuki nodded. “Probably for the best.” He eyed Kumiko from the corner of his eye and mentally shrugged. “I’m on my way to go for some coffee. Care to join me?”

Surprised, Kumiko took a step back. Everyone knew Itsuki was after Ms. Haruno. That he should ask _her_ to get coffee was more than surprising. Then again, as she pondered she realized that since he _was_ after Ms. Haruno, there would be no harm in her getting coffee with him…

For just a moment she wondered if she could somehow team up with him and arrange things so they both got what they wanted. But, reality in the form of plain common sense warned her off the idea. That ship sailed long before she’d known it was even at the dock. Her time was better spent looking for another ship.

“Sure. Let me just drop these,” she gestured to the papers on her clipboard, “off at my desk and I’ll be happy to join you.”

~*~*~*~

Sakura absently took a sip of her coffee, unaware that she was out until no delicious caffeine responded to her attempt to drink it. Surprised that she’d already finished her coffee, Sakura checked the clock and was startled to find that she’d lost a few hours. No wonder why she was out of coffee!

With a sigh, it was a popular time to get coffee, she collected her wallet and cafeteria approved giant coffee mug before exiting her office.

Upon arriving she was pleased to see that it wasn’t nearly as crowded as she’d feared and even better, they’d just brewed a fresh pot of the highly caffeinated variety. Absently she assumed that she must have just missed the usual mid-morning rush. Sakura quickly made her way through the checkout line and headed into the seating area on her way back to her office.

As she stepped away from the register her gaze was immediately drawn to a table in the corner. Her eyes widened and she tried to find a way out of the dining area without attracting any attention, those were the _last_ two people that she wanted to see.

Before she could make a discrete exit, Itsuki turned his head and saw her, drawing the attention of his companion to her as well. With a silent sigh, Sakura made her way over to the table.

“Itsuki… Kumiko – nice to see you,” she greeted them as she approached the table, silently hoping for a quick conversation.

“Oh! Ms. Haruno!” Kumiko waved at Sakura as she approached and stood to offer Sakura her seat, collecting her coffee mug as she did so. “Coming to wish Itsuki well?”

Sakura shook her head slightly and remained standing – sitting down with Itsuki was the _last_ thing she wanted to do. Kumiko shrugged and took this moment to grab a refill on her coffee.

Temporarily setting aside Kumiko’s suddenly friendly mien, Sakura shot Itsuki a puzzled glance. “Going somewhere Itsuki?” 

Itsuki ducked his head a little. “I got into a new training program – it’s in Suna.”

Sakura’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. She could sense Tsunade’s hand at work and could only be thankful for _this_ type of meddling – never mind how quickly she’d managed it, Itsuki’s ill-timed office visit had been a little less than a week prior.

“That sounds like an _amazing_ opportunity, congratulations!” Sakura exclaimed truly happy for him.

Itsuki fought a light blush rising on his cheeks at her praise and adjusted his glasses, for once he wasn’t chewing a wad of gum. “I leave tomorrow and will be gone for a couple of months.”

Unable to believe her luck, Sakura felt her smile widening. “Wow! That must be one thorough training program.”

“Well… yes, I guess it is. It’s more of a medical program than a medic program. I’ll be one step closer to a doctorate once I complete it. Eh, heh. So I guess I’ll move up a bit in the world when it’s done, at the very least.”

Sakura nodded, absently wondering when she could get away and celebrate in private. “I see – I don’t think I’ve heard anything about this program. But, if it’s more medical in nature,” she shrugged, “that might be why.”

Itsuki nodded. “Since I hadn’t made up my mind to apply until the deadline had just passed,” his blush returned even stronger as he shifted his gaze away from Sakura. 

He’d harbored hopes of getting Sakura’s attention again, once she’d had a chance to think things over a bit more. She was an intelligent woman, she’d eventually see that he was a better choice than Mr. Hatake. The brief time they’d been dating had been some of his happiest days, and he’d thought that giving her some space would also give her the opportunity to miss him. And, since he’d been keeping his distance he had thought that it might now be a good time to see if her feelings had changed. However, his hopes that she might soon return her attention to him had been dashed by a few offhand comments made by Kumiko when they’d first had coffee together. And, by then, the deadline for the program had only _just_ passed.

He suppressed a sigh and continued, “I figured I had missed my chance.” 

“Oh?”

“Turns out my supervisor thought it would be a good experience for me so she applied on my behalf – she figured I could just turn it down if I got in and didn’t want to go. Win-win.” He shrugged. “Especially since I did want to go after all.”

“How lucky for you!” Sakura pasted on a fake smile, sensing that Itsuki wasn’t as happy about it as he may have wanted people to believe. Absently she chalked it up to the fact that no matter what he said, there was no real way he could have turned the opportunity down, especially if he wanted to advance within the ranks at some point.

“Yeah… very lucky…”

“Well, I need to get back to my paperwork…” Sakura started to inch away, she _did_ still have a lot of work to get done. “This sounds like it’s a great opportunity for you! I wish you the best of luck! Make sure you take the time to enjoy the local food and sights while you’re there, you won’t get another chance like this one anytime soon!”

She turned to see that Kumiko had returned with fresh coffee and gestured for the woman to take the seat she had not taken.

“He leaves tomorrow, at first light,” Kumiko stated as she took her seat once again. “My favorite line of beauty products comes from Suna and I’ve been having trouble getting a few of them.”

“Oh? Which one?” Sakura asked idly, not exactly interested but feeling obligated to ask.

“ _Desert Oasis Beauty_. They make the _best_ mud and aloe masks. Itsuki has promised he’d send me some once he’s settled.”

“I see…”

“I-I can send you some too if you like?” Itsuki offered, suddenly brightening at the possibilities.

“Uh…” Sakura trailed off, looking for a polite way to refuse his offer without somehow offending Kumiko, the woman seemed genuinely friendly for once. However, she didn’t need to give Itsuki _any_ excuses to insert himself back into her life. “I really couldn’t ask you to go to the trouble.”

“No trouble, no trouble at all!” he hastily assured her, a hand absently digging in a pocket for a piece of gum. “I can send extras of anything you like when I send things to Kumiko. It wouldn’t be any trouble at all!”

“Er, thanks for the offer but I’ve been experimenting with a different line made locally – _Breath of Fire_. Think I’ll wait and see how their products work out for me.”

Itsuki nodded, his enthusiasm fading, a last-ditch chance to get back into Sakura’s good graces fading before his eyes. Probably for the best for him to leave the village for a while – maybe an even longer absence would make Sakura’s heart grow fonder…

Kumiko on the other hand inhaled sharply. “Oh! I’ve heard their products are good! But…well, _pricy_ …”

Sakura shrugged. “They _are_ more expensive than I’d like but if the quality is as good as people have been saying…”

Kumiko nodded her agreement. “That’s true… you’ll let me know if they’re worth the price?”

“Sure, I’ll keep you posted.” Sakura agreed, once again wondering what was up with Kumiko, it was unlike her to be so friendly.

“Well, uh, I don’t want to keep the two of you…” Sakura started edging away again. “Good luck Itsuki, I’m sure you’ll do great! And, I’ll see you around Kumiko.”

Before either of them could react, Sakura waved and beat a hasty retreat back to her office. Already planning on hitting up her favorite coffee shop on her way home the next day, when Itsuki would well and truly be gone, to celebrate Itsuki’s departure.

~*~*~*~

A hesitant knock disturbed Sakura’s hurried gathering of her things and the setting her desk in order. Feeling slightly irritated, she was _so close_ to finishing up for the day. Any interruptions now would absolutely keep her later than she’d hoped. Granted with Kakashi having been gone for almost three weeks with no return date in sight, it wasn’t as though she had anything better to be doing. 

Still, it was Friday and she had every intention of leaving on time and fully enjoying her weekend – the first one she had entirely off in _months._ Some of her friends had given her a spa day that was due to expire soon. Consequently, she’d booked everything included in the spa day on Saturday. And, luckily for her, her favorite intimate apparel shop was having a big sales event that weekend with extra special deals for kunoichi on Sunday. Sakura had already earmarked a nice chunk of money to be spent on those sales and couldn’t wait to see what she could find.

In her opinion, her underthings were getting pretty tired, it was time to get rid of some things and buy new. Kakashi certainly would be pleased when he returned… Not that he’d complained, quite the opposite, he was pleased to see her in whatever she decided to wear. However, she _had_ noticed his clear enjoyment whenever he’d found that she’d gotten something new. She could tell by the way he had always taken the time, _and_ _his_ time, to appreciate anything different she may have for him. To that end, she’d hoped to spend a lovely evening in with delivery for dinner, perusing some of the books Kakashi had especially recommended to her as his favorites, for ideas for her shopping list.

A second hesitant knock sounded on her office door.

Suddenly recalling where she was, Sakura hastily called out, “Come in!” She found herself hoping that whoever it was, they would be quick.

Kumiko hesitantly stepped in, a clipboard in hand. “Ms. Haruno, do you have a minute?”

Sakura sighed, sensing that this would definitely take longer than just a minute. “Is it urgent?”

Surprised, Kumiko took a step back, this was not what she expected to hear. Maybe it was a good thing to have put this off for nearly two weeks and to have waited until the end of the day. 

“Ah, well…” She glanced down at the clipboard nervously, trying to decide what the best answer for her purposes would be, before shaking her head as she realized that if things played out correctly, she may just have been given the chance she needed.

“Um, not exactly, no.”

“Okay, then can it wait until I come in on Monday?” Sakura asked with a hint of hope in her voice.

Seeing her chance, Kumiko hastily nodded. “Oh, yes, I’m sure it can. I just need you to fill this paperwork out – new hospital policy... Monday should be okay. Um, if you do it first thing?”

Absently Sakura nodded. “Sure, just leave it in my inbox, there,” she gestured to the empty box on the wall by her door. “I’ll grab it when I come in Monday morning and take a look.”

“Uh, right. Um, if you have any questions, you can uh, just ask me on Monday. Enjoy your weekend!” 

Hastily, before Sakura could change her mind, Kumiko dropped the papers in Sakura’s inbox and hightailed it out of the office. It had gone unexpectedly well – perfect timing to not have to actually go over any of it with Sakura… or explain why it was so late…

~*~*~*~

Monday morning Sakura grabbed the heavy sheaf of papers from her inbox as she made her way to her desk and sighed. Judging by the thickness of the stack, it had been liberally added to over the weekend via the slot on the wall outside of her office. More likely than not, Tsunade had slipped some of her more tedious paperwork in while no one was looking. Quite unexpectedly Sakura was pleased to have had a wonderfully relaxing weekend as it looked as though it was going to be a brutally busy week.

With one last sigh for the amount of work she’d need to do to catch up, Sakura settled herself at her desk to get started, setting a timer to alert herself in a few hours so she would take a break and get some coffee. Without Kakashi hanging around or Itsuki poking his head in when he was least wanted, she was finding it harder to remember to take breaks than it once had been.

Suddenly, Sakura felt her office shake almost before she heard the deafening boom, which had its own sort of movement through the air. In an instant, she was on her feet and running out of the hospital and toward the yelling and screaming. She couldn’t be certain where it had come from but she _was_ sure that a bomb or some sort of explosive had been detonated nearby. Upon making her way out of the building, Sakura was better able to pinpoint the area affected by the blast. It was much closer to her office than she’d realized, far too close for comfort. All three floors of a significant chunk of the currently unused North Wing had been reduced to rubble – fires already spreading to the rest of the wing. Unable to prevent it, she shivered, it had been a close call.

Maybe it was good for the village to have so abruptly pulled the funding they were going to use for the North Wing rehabilitation after all. Since the wing wasn’t currently in use and with the renovation funds pulled so abruptly, the scheduled work had had to be postponed, there was no reason for anyone to have been in the North Wing. Granted, that just left them in a much worse position as it would now _have_ to be demolished. There was no way that it was still structurally sound – another moment’s thought made her realize that a portion of the main block of the hospital building, the part directly adjoining the North Wing, would likely have to be structurally evaluated before it could be used again. Losing a chunk of the North Wing had possibly rendered some of it structurally unsound.

Still assessing the situation, Sakura noted that the screaming seemed mostly to be coming from scared pedestrians who had been walking in or around the area affected by the blast, no noise aside from that made by the fires seemed to be coming from the rubble. Automatically Sakura began to jog closer to the source of the explosion. From where she was, she couldn’t see anyone seriously injured. Those who _were_ hurt were already being treated – the advantage of falling victim to an accident at the hospital, immediate medical help. As she continued to survey the area, trying to decide what her next steps should be, Tsunade appeared beside her.

“Sakura.”

“Tsunade, what happened?” Without waiting for an answer, it seemed fairly obvious, she continued, “Where do you want me?”

Tsunade grimaced. “There was nothing explosive being kept in the North Wing.”

“I see…” Sakura trailed off, reading between the lines. This would be treated as an act of either terrorism or war until it could be proven otherwise. Though the Council had wanted that wing demolished, there was no way they’d stoop to arranging something like this.

“While the wing is likely damaged beyond repair, the firefighters still want to go in.. We’re assembling two teams of combat medics to go in with them – until proven otherwise, we’re assuming this wasn’t an accident.”

Sakura nodded, knowing that she would be on one of those teams. She was one of the highest-ranking combat medics currently in the village.

“I’m assigning you to be second in command on Akihiro’s team, he’s had experience with this sort of thing before. He was on location when we had that terrible earthquake in Suna a few years ago and did a good job finding survivors.”

Sakura glanced sharply at Tsunade. “Survivors? You think there were people in there?”

Tsunade shook her head. “No one should have been in or even near the North Wing… but, you never know. Especially in _this_ village. It’s entirely possible that at least a few people were in the wing before it blew.”

Sakura inhaled sharply. “That’s… not a good outlook…”

Tsunade shook her head. “No, it’s not but it is what it is. You’re to coordinate with Akihiro – he’ll search for possible survivors, you’ll search for signs that this is an act of war and you’re both to protect the firefighters if necessary.”

“Right.”

“His team is assembling on the other side of the blast – in the empty lot next to the hair salon – go meet him there. They’ll be waiting for you and he should already have a plan of attack ready to go. Firefighters are eager to go in.”

Sakura nodded and took off.

~*~*~*~

“Right – we’re taking the lead on this one. Nakamura’s team will hang back and go in with the second wave of firefighters from the north-west. We’re heading in from the south-east and will try to meet in the middle. Let the firefighters do their job and secure each room or area as the fires are controlled and put out.” Akihiro paused to wait for his five medics to nod their understanding before continuing. 

“Half of you will keep an eye on the firefighters and look for possible survivors the rest of you will be looking for signs of deliberate tampering… and if you see something we’ve missed don’t hesitate to act.” He raised a hand to his chest. “I will take the first group – Imai and Matsuda that’s you – in to protect the firefighters and look for survivors. Haruno will lead the second team – Hara and Sano that’s you – checking for signs of malicious intent.” He nodded his head in Sakura’s direction before continuing. “We don’t think this is terrorism but on the off chance that it is, we’d like to be prepared – this would be an ideal cover for something more sinister. Other teams are mobilizing around the village and once we’re done here we will be joining them.” He surveyed his team and nodded, it was a good team – they should make short work of this.

“Any questions?”

~*~*~*~

Less than ten minutes later found Sakura along with Hara and Sano, cautiously entering the building, using a path cleared by the ever-industrious firefighters and Akihiro’s half of the team. Sakura kept her eyes and ears open for any possible survivors – highly unlikely but still possible – as well as any signs of an enemy attack. Since nothing had happened immediately following the blast she had to wonder if it had been an accident after all. As Akihiro had said, they should make short work of this and then join the other teams that needed medics around the village and await further orders.

As Sakura moved through the remains of one of the larger rooms, her team had spread out to cover more ground, she suddenly heard an ominous sound from above her. Quickly she glanced up, just in time to see a segment of the ceiling with a dangerously twisted spiky metal mass that had once been a lighting fixture, give away. The chunk of the ceiling was too large and falling too fast for her to dodge. As it fell, Sakura felt rather than heard a second blast.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi saw his chance and took it – his support team had done a dry run the same morning they had been called away and their prep work was still good – and, against all odds, he somehow managed to survive. How he managed to pull it all off, he still couldn’t quite explain. If he had to guess, Kakashi would have attributed it to a combination of incredible focus, awesome skill, sheer dumb luck, and the skillful use of an excellent bargaining chip unexpectedly paying off far better than he could ever have hoped. 

Never before in his entire life had he ever been so intensely focused on not only achieving a mission goal but on getting out alive. Tsunade had clearly given him the out he had been expecting for years. And yet… He found, shockingly enough, he just couldn’t seem to bring himself to take it. He had unfinished business.

No. Instead he’d return to the village. As Tsunade spelled out in her note, he hit his mission cap with this last mission but that didn’t mean he _had_ to retire. They’d find something for him to do – they always did. Or, given the proper stimulus, they’d find him a loophole. If Konoha _was_ at war… The village would surely find _some_ sort of use for him. 

Though, from what he could see on his long slow journey back, no immediate conflict had broken out, at least not yet. The longer Kakashi traveled, the more inclined he became to believe that if Konoha was indeed at war, it was the of the cold variety since he’d seen no signs of any hostilities, impending or otherwise. 

However, the complete lack of any signs of war – even cold wars had indicators – made him lean more toward the explosions being the result of terrorism rather than that of war. To his mind, the hospital would make a better target for terrorists than for someone looking to start a war. The attacks made more sense viewed through the lens of terrorism – at least, they did with what little information he had on them. As he’d been staying entirely out of sight while traveling, he didn’t have any additional information aside from what the ANBU had given them when he took Kakashi’s team back to the village.

Regardless of whether the village was at war or coping with a terrorist threat, Kakashi was certain something would be done to prevent him from retiring. And, even in the unlikely event that the village decided that his services were no longer needed, he had already made peace with his choice – no matter what the outcome, he was reconciled with his decision. Until his career was sorted out, Kakashi would be content to spend his time in Sakura’s office with a good book and the pleasant, if mostly silent, company of the woman who would, one day, have his children.

As he made his way back to the village much more slowly than usual – though he had managed to survive, he had not escaped unscathed – his brain wandered off to contemplate what he would do once he returned to Konoha. Kakashi had managed to make quite the to-do list while waiting in that ANBU safe house. And, with no missions on the foreseeable horizon, he was fairly certain that he’d be able to cross off most of the things on his list fairly quickly – well, depending on how busy Sakura was, of course… and, how adventurous she was feeling...

Absently, Kakashi had to wonder if he could get away with just doing takeout or delivery that evening. Or, if she’d expect him to take her out first? At the rate he was going, he’d probably arrive back at the village sometime in the afternoon. But, he was also fairly certain that he’d have to spend an inordinate amount of time reporting in (and proving his identity) which would mean it would definitely be evening by the time he was free to go in search of Sakura. Would she expect him to take her out after being away on his mission – _before_ she allowed him to address his list?

Sakura _had_ allowed him to get away with take-out that last evening they had spent together. But, he suspected that that was something she considered to be a bit of an unusual occasion in that the mission he was leaving for the next day might have been his last. Kakashi had to wonder if he’d get the same leeway for _returning_ from a mission that might have ( _should have_ ) been his last. Turning this new wrinkle over in his mind he continued on to the village, mind lost in all the pleasant possibilities of what his evening could hold.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi abruptly came to a stop. The village gates suddenly appearing on his horizon. His eyes riveted on the landmark, knowing that this day it would mark more than just the ending of a mission. He let out a long slow breath and moved to the side of the path – on the off chance that someone else came along. Kakashi knew he would need a few minutes before he would continue on and into the village. Not because it was likely going to be the last time he made this trek in full ANBU gear. Nor because entering the village would be the final nail in the coffin that was his career – without him in it. Not even because they would likely try and force him to take a desk job, there was one for which he was probably qualified but that he had never wanted. 

No, none of these reasons were why he felt the need to pause for a few moments before completing his journey. No. Now that he was within sight of the village it was time to give up the dream – the fantasy – that had kept him going and had likely played a key role in him making it through his suicide mission alive. Just as slowly as he had exhaled, Kakashi inhaled held the breath briefly before once again releasing it slowly – his breath hitching only a little as he let reality wash over him.

Sakura was dead. She would not be waiting for him in her apartment or in her office or anywhere else in the village for that matter. All the time he had spent daydreaming about how their reunion would go had been just that, daydreams. Something to keep him occupied and moving forward once his mission was complete. Deep down he had known, how could he not? And, yet, he had continued to imagine how their future would unfold once he returned – fantasize a whole new bright future for the two of them. One that very likely would involve kids. A few of those dreams, he just knew, were directly responsible for pulling him through the long painful journey home.

But now Kakashi knew it was time to face reality. Tsunade’s note had said it all. Or, rather, it had said nothing – which, in turn, said _everything_. That she had not found the time to include any small mention of how Sakura would fare or the impact of this last mission on her future, once he was gone, spoke volumes. Nor had she tried to guilt him into doing the impossible: to return home alive. Instead, she had let him go. 

Kakashi stood stock still, his gaze still fastened to the gates – a part of him wished he didn’t have to pass through them. So long as he was outside the village he could pretend that Sakura was there, in the village, waiting for him. But, he knew that he would have to face reality and that he had quite a lot to do now that he was back and she was gone. 

While the forefront of his mind had spent its time dreaming of his nonexistent future with Sakura, the rest of his mind had continued to work. Kakashi had found the strength and determination to carry on with the mission, more focused than he had ever been before. The stakes, he found, had suddenly been raised beyond his own life.

Kakashi’s first stop, after checking in, would be Sakura’s apartment. If he was in luck, everything would be just where she’d left it. He’d grab what he needed and then head down to the courthouse the next day. Necessary documents in hand he’d then go see Tsunade again. Hopefully, they had not yet buried Sakura – unlikely since it’d probably been nearly a month since the explosions. He didn’t want them to have to exhume her but would have it done if necessary. He needed for her to be buried in the right place and under the correct name. She needed to be there when he brought their children to pay their respects to the Hatake ancestors.

Taking one last deep breath, his eyes closing briefly as he did so, Kakashi once again exhaled – doing his best to let go so he could move forward and into the village. 

~*~*~*~


	17. Chapter XVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every other week. I think I’m going to need to do more rewrites on the remaining chapters than in previous chapters so I can’t make any guarantees.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter XVII

Tsunade glanced up at the firm but still somehow deferential knock on her office door. With a sigh, she recognized that knock, she called out, “Enter!”

As expected Yui bowed herself into the office, moving gracefully to stand precisely four feet in front of Tsunade’s desk.

“Afternoon Yui, you bring news from the Council?” Tsunade didn’t bother glancing up from her paperwork. With the current state of things, she did not have the time to spare to humor the Council.

Yui bowed. “Yes, my Lady. They send their greetings.”

“I see – is there a scroll this time?” she asked, as she finished annotating a thick document. Reaching for another one with her right hand as her left dropped the completed packet in her outbox.

“No, my Lady.”

Tsunade sighed and glanced up, not bothering to try and hide her irritation. 

“I see. They’ve sent a message, I take it?”

“Yes, my Lady.” Yui bowed again and faltered before hesitantly adding, “Is this a bad time, my Lady?”

Tsunade shook her head slightly, knowing it wasn’t Yui’s fault that the Council hadn’t stopped to consider the current situation or how it would translate itself into the Hokage’s schedule. Which was to say, she had more than enough to do without having to deal with their inconsequential bullshit.

“Any time is a bad time just now,” she stated shortly.

Yui blinked, unable to figure out what her response should be – the Council had sent her to obtain information, they would not welcome her return without the answers they wanted. And, yet, now was clearly not a good time to be bothering the Hokage.

Tsunade waved a hand dismissively and sighed again. “It’s not _your_ fault. You’re here now. Let’s just hear what they want then.”

Still feeling a little off-balance, Yui took a moment to collect herself before responding. 

“The Council is displeased, my Lady.”

Irritated all over again Tsunade rolled her eyes. The Council was _always_ displeased – if it wasn’t one thing then it was another.

“Yes, yes. I’m sure they are. What _precisely_ is it that they are upset about this time?” She waved a hand impatiently and refocused her attention on the papers in front of her. “From where I’m sitting there is a _lot_ to be upset about.”

“Rumor has it that there _was_ an heir to the Hatake clan, my Lady.”

Tsunade glanced up sharply, not quite believing what she’d heard. 

“ _What?_ ”

“My Lady, an heir to the Hatake clan – the Council has heard that there _was_ one after all.”

“They’re still on about _that?_ _Now?”_ She exhaled in an exasperated huff before continuing. “With _everything else_ going on, _that’s_ what they’re upset enough about to send a messenger?!”

“Yes, my Lady.” Yui simply nodded, knowing she had no other acceptable response. It was not her place to question the Council. Though, even she could see how inappropriate the timing was for this particular grievance to be aired.

Tsunade glared at Yui for a few moments before getting a better hold of herself. Terrible timing or not, she would still have to deal with this sometime. Clearly, the Council had no intention of letting it go, and putting them off unnecessarily would gain her nothing. Though, that did not mean she would give into them easily – she would make them work for their empty victory.

“Rumor often lies.”

Yui shook her head faintly, only just able to prevent herself from taking a step back at the venomous tone in the Hokage’s voice. Slightly she shifted her already stiffly correct posture back just a little, already knowing how poorly her response would be received. 

“Apologies, my Lady. Medical claims say otherwise.”

Tsunade narrowed her eyes, this was lower than she’d expected the Council to stoop in their snooping. 

“Medical data is supposed to be confidential,” Tsunade growled, unable to prevent her voice from descending to a lower pitch.

Yui flinched before hastily pulling herself together. Though, she was unable to prevent her lips from pursing faintly, allowing her distaste for her task show for only a moment before she regained full control. Hastily her expression smoothed out, back into her usual mask of polite interest. 

“The Council begs to differ when matters directly relate to the village’s future prosperity, my Lady.”

“ _Future_ prosperity! What about our _current_ -” Tsunade abruptly stopped herself, knowing that it would do no good. 

Yui cringed, allowing a flash of fear to mar her generally serene expression. She agreed with the Hokage, it was not the right time for this, however, she had no say over the contents of the messages she carried or when she delivered them.

Aware that if she wanted to lose her temper, Yui was not an appropriate outlet for said fit of anger, Tsunade took a few moments to get her emotions under control. Once she’d forcibly calmed herself down, she waved a hand dismissively, hoping to bluff her way through the rest of the conversation. 

“Technicalities.”

Yui swallowed delicately, knowing what she had to say would not go over well. 

“Yes, my Lady. But, still technically correct.”

Tsunade was unable to prevent her fists from clenching, snapping the pen she’d been using to make notes. 

_“It doesn’t matter.”_

“I’m sorry, my Lady, but the Council believes that it does.”

Tsunade grimaced. “I can’t see _how_ at this point.”

“My Lady, a desperately wanted heir to the Hatake clan was lost.”

“ _And?_ ” Tsunade refrained from mentioning all the other lives that had recently been lost as the Council wouldn’t think of them as important.

“The Council would like to know what the consequences will be for those involved.”

“Consequences are unnecessary at this point,” Tsunade hissed through gritted teeth.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi let out a long sigh of relief as turned down the hall that would lead him to Tsunade’s office. He had finally made it through the second gauntlet of curiously tight-lipped security. Though, if he were to be honest, the multiple interrogations weren’t nearly as bad as he’d been expecting and the absolute _last_ thing he wanted was to have to _also_ make polite small talk with the various shinobi tasked with verifying his identity. 

From what he could tell, no one had been informed that he wasn’t expected to return. Instead, he’d just been put on the high risk of possible imposters list. Since he had returned, and confirmed his identity, Kakashi was hoping that he would be removed from that particular list. It had proved to be a real hassle for him to go through the intensive security check to make his report and then again to go through a second even more intense set of security checks to get into the hall that led to Tsunade’s office. 

Kakashi had forgotten how simplified his life had been made by the simple fact that he was a highly recognizable and well-known shinobi – generally, he had been privileged enough to be able to come and go as he pleased. He could only hope that things would return to normal once word had gotten around that he had returned and was no longer at high risk of being impersonated.

Next up on his list, having quickly finished filing his report, was to present himself to the Hokage. One big positive of his long slow trek back to the village – he’d had plenty of time to mentally write and memorize a detailed report. Saved a lot of time he’d otherwise have spent going over his mission details with one of the clerks. Instead of answering questions to fill out the form to the clerk’s satisfaction, he’d just dictated the necessary report from memory and taken his leave once the clerk had it down.

Security checks aside, Kakashi’s walk to Tsunade’s office after filing his report, had not been made uninterrupted. He had, unsurprisingly, been cornered into making a mandatory pit stop before continuing on to Tsunade’s office. Or, rather, he had been ambushed on his way to see her. Several wary medics, having been summoned once his identity had been verified, had approached him just as he was leaving the clerk’s office. Knowing that it would be better to get it over with, he had consented, with ill-grace, to their impromptu exam. Since he wasn’t seriously injured – just minor injuries combined with exhaustion and probable overexertion – there hadn’t been much for them to do aside from patch up the few minor wounds he did have and advise him to go home and rest as soon as he was done with the Hokage.

Once he arrived at the door, Kakashi paused to take a moment to himself before actually opening the door. He had slunk into the village quietly and had been left alone on his semi-stealthy trek to Hokage Tower. He couldn’t take the pity he knew he would see in the eyes of any of his fellow shinobi and they seemed to understand, or at least, they appeared to turn a blind eye to his passage. As he headed directly to Hokage Tower without any sort of stops or detours, he figured no one had seen fit to try and stop or intercept him. Consequently, he’d spoken to no one aside from the security details that verified his identity, the clerk he’d filed his report with, and the small team of medics who had conducted his exam. None of them had taken it upon themselves to bring up anything other than matters strictly relating to their various tasks at hand.

Kakashi inhaled and exhaled slowly, knowing that the confirmation he did not want likely lay on the other side. Part of him wanted to set his plan in motion before seeing Tsunade but the rest of him knew that he would be expected in her office. Or, rather, he would be once she learned that he’d returned. No, as much as he wanted to present her with a fait accompli, he knew it would be better to check in with her now and then bring everything else to her in the morning, once he’d had a chance to follow through with the next phase of his plan. One last deep breath in and out and he opened the door.

Tsunade glanced up upon hearing someone enter her office, her eyes going wide and her mouth dropping open briefly before she was able to get ahold of her reaction and close it.

“ _Kakashi?_ ” she exclaimed, not quite certain that she could trust her eyes. Tsunade truly never expected to see him again. She’d practically given him her blessing to die in action _and_ the mission where it was likely that he would have to in order to successfully complete it.

Kakashi nodded and slowly approached the desk, each step feeling heavier than the last. 

“Yo,” he greeted her with an upraised hand, more to reaffirm that he was who he appeared to be than anything else. When he stopped in front of her desk, he allowed his posture to relax into his customary slouch and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He was suddenly very tired.

Shaking herself out of her astonishment, Tsunade managed to relax her facial muscles to remove the surprise from her expression. If the man managed to make it to her office without rising some sort of hue and cry, then this was indeed who he appeared to be. 

“I see, you have returned. Successful, I take it?”

Kakashi nodded and partially answered the question he knew she would ask. 

“The gemstone proved to be an invaluable asset.”

“What?” she asked, momentarily unable to parse his statement.

“It was a copy – had it made from the original before we left. Nearly impossible to tell the difference though. Turned out to be an excellent bargaining chip, even when marketed around as a fake.” 

Surprised at his foresight she nodded, it hadn’t occurred to her to use the gemstone he’d taken so long ago as leverage. And, here he’d done just that without actually using the gemstone itself, which, she was sure, was still locked safely in the vault. The stone itself, copy or not, could easily have made an enormous difference for him.

Pushing her surprise concerning the gemstone aside, Tsunade eyed him speculatively. 

“You appear uninjured.”

He nodded wearily. 

“Some bumps, bruises, and a few strains.” He lifted his shoulders briefly in a sort of half-shrug, not bothering to pull his hands from his pockets. “Nothing serious though. Just worn-out, really.”

She narrowed her eyes, the mission should have killed him. For Kakashi to say he had returned more-or-less uninjured seemed unbelievable, even for one such as him. 

“You _sure_ about that?”

“I’m fine – several medics ambushed me on my way here.” He exhaled slowly. “Passed all their tests with flying colors.”

She raised a skeptical eyebrow, not missing all the little signs that he was not at his best.

He sighed, understanding her disbelief – he still didn’t believe it himself. 

“I’m exhausted and have definitely overextended myself. Otherwise, my focus was such that I made it out mostly unscathed. What few injuries I _did_ receive, have been treated. Medic’s parting advice was for me to get some rest when I was done here.”

Slowly Tsunade nodded, absorbing what Kakashi had said and beginning to suspect what he _hadn’t_. What it all boiled down to was that apparently, Kakashi was right to be labeled as an elite. Abruptly she shook her head and refocused on Kakashi’s presence in front of her and the possible issues his mere existence caused. 

“Right… you came back.”

Kakashi nodded, not in the mood to elaborate though suspecting that he would have to before his interview with Tsunade was over.

Tsunade nodded, her mind still trying to make sense of Kakashi’s return. 

“You _do_ know that you’ve hit your mission cap?”

“Yes.”

“This means at the very least, semi-retirement for you.”

“I know.”

“And, yet, you’ve come back.”

He nodded and let out a long slow breath as he brought a suddenly slightly unsteady hand to rest on his forehead. Tsunade was not going to leave it alone until he gave her some answers. Understandable as what he had done was utterly contrary the way he had lived his entire life up until this point. Probable end of his career aside, huge shifts in one’s personality and/or giving up one’s life’s goals… This was _not_ one of his sappy romance novels, this abrupt change was a flashing neon red flag. Tsunade would be a fool to ignore it. Yes, he’d proved his identity but there were things out there that may have taken over. Or, worse, for all Tsunade knew, he may have suffered some sort of a mental break. Kakashi couldn’t blame her for wanting to sort out _all_ the inconsistencies before letting him go back out into the village.

“If you _must_ know… _she_ got to me,” he stated calmly as he let his hand drop from his forehead, seeing no reason why he shouldn’t admit it all now that Sakura was gone. In any case, it would all become clear once he set the rest of his plans in motion.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, beginning to suspect what may have happened but not quite able to believe it to be true. Kakashi was too dedicated to his chosen life’s path. That he might choose to alter that path seemed unbelievable.

Kakashi felt compelled to further elaborate, Tsunade would figure it all out anyway, might as well tell her and save them both some trouble. Besides, he was too tired to try and dodge telling her anything other than the truth.

“She _finally_ broke me. _Me_ one of the most dedicated tools of Konoha. And... _she broke me_.” He shook his head slightly, ruefully. “She’s always been so strong, handled everything I threw at her without batting an eye…”

Tsunade nodded, having already guessed that it had to be something to do with the time he’d spent with Sakura, but still feeling surprised nonetheless. Kakashi had been _adamant_ about his expected end, for _years_. And, Sakura had long ago made her peace with his chosen life’s path. He had little chance of achieving his life’s goal now. Though, if he but only thought about it, there was another, larger, life’s goal he could achieve, if only he tried. The Hatake ancestors would be just as pleased if he obtained _that_ honor rather than his desired spot on the Memorial.

“And, now that she’s…” Kakashi started again only to trail off almost immediately, unexpectedly having a difficult time bringing himself to say it out loud. Instead of finishing the thought, he was certain Tsunade already knew anyway, he cleared his throat and started a new one. 

“I have unfinished business.”

“Well, I see.” She hesitated for a moment, still feeling surprised and looking for the words. “Regardless of how or why it happened, you’re back.”

He nodded resignedly, she didn’t expect a response.

“The village wasn’t- _I_ wasn’t prepared for this. It will take some time to sort out what will be next for you. Options will be found, of that I’m sure. It will just take some time.” 

She took a moment to take a really good look at him, his posture slightly sagging, more so than usual, clearly exhausted. And, if she didn’t know him so well, she would have missed the extra droop around his eyes. He _did_ look for all the world, broken. It hit her then, the _full_ truth of what had likely happened. What he wasn’t saying. What he couldn’t bring himself to say out loud. Doing her best to keep her fresh surprise to herself she continued on, calmly.

“You’ve earned some time off. You won’t be expected anywhere so no need to rush your recovery – you can take all the time you need. Spend your time quietly, as I’m sure the mission will catch up with you now that you’re home and safe and the mission-mode has worn off.”

He nodded, she was right. It had been sheer adrenaline, nerves, and determination to get him back to the village. Now that he _had_ returned and taken steps to do as he’d planned, it was all starting to catch up with him. If he didn’t have urgent business to take care of, he would next be headed directly to his apartment where he would likely spend the next few days unconscious.

“I’ll have you summoned when I need you.”

Taking that as a dismissal, Kakashi gathered himself to leave, straightening his slouched posture and turning on his heel. Originally he had wanted to ask about Sakura but, he found that he couldn’t quite bring himself to do so – he was just too tired. Instead, he’d carry on with his plan. He’d see Tsunade again in the morning after he’d gotten some sleep, and they could discuss it then if necessary.

“Oh, and, Kakashi?” she called out to him, doing her best to keep her tone casual.

Kakashi turned, wondering what else she could possibly need to tell him and dreading that it would have to be more bad news regarding Sakura – though he honestly couldn’t imagine anything worse than what had already happened. It hit him then that they may have already cleared out Sakura’s apartment. He felt the panic rise, he’d anticipated that they would wait – though he wasn’t expected to return, he’d assumed that Tsunade would wait until she had confirmation of his death before having _both_ apartments cleared. His whole plan rested on them having left Sakura’s apartment alone… if they hadn’t… Heart in his throat he waited to hear the dreadful news, exhausted mind frantically searching for another plan.

“You should stop by and see Sakura now that you’re back in the village. She’ll want to see you.”

His jaw dropped open. “ _Sakura?_ ” he asked, his voice cracking only a little. 

Keeping a knowing smirk to herself, she certainly had called it, Tsunade continued, “Sakura, we found her. _Alive_.”

“But- the message, _your_ message…” he started, trailing off as the enormity of Tsunade’s pronouncement hit him.

She shook her head and averted her gaze, only then realizing that she hadn’t left _any_ room for hope in the scroll she’d sent him – apparently, incorrectly, assuming that it would make things easier for him to take his desired exit. If Sakura was gone, he would have nothing left to return to. That it would have had the _opposite_ effect had never even briefly occurred to her. Granted, at the time, Tsunade – _everyone_ – had assumed Sakura and all other first responders had been killed in the second blast. It hadn’t been until the day after Tsunade had sent out the ANBU recall that Sakura had been found. Far too late to try and correct any assumptions Kakashi or anyone else may have made. ~~~~

“When I recalled all ANBU and medics, the assumption was that it was a terrorist act and that _all_ first responder lives had been lost.” She paused to gather herself before continuing, that day had been one nightmare after another. “We were wrong... on both counts.”

“W-what? _How!?_ ” he asked, wanting to hear more about Sakura but knowing he’d have to listen to the whole story first.

Tsunade shook her head slowly, tiredly, as the painful memories of that day reared their ugly heads. 

“A simple gas line break, the second explosion was the result of a second break caused by the damage done by the first one. No terrorists, no act of war, _nothing_. Just a terrible accident likely due to long-forgotten poorly maintained gas lines in the North Wing.”

“Sakura?” he asked, unable to think of anything else.

“We found Sakura, unconscious, and impaled by a lighting fixture which ironically kept her from being entirely crushed under a large pile of debris, the day after I sent that note. From what we can see, the ceiling caved in on her and her team only moments before the second explosion, likely saving her life. If it hadn’t been for the lighting fixture, she _may_ have been able to manage to get out on her own once the dust had settled…” Tsunade paused to remember the description of the scene and amended her statement. “Or at the very least gotten the rescuers' attention sooner.” 

Tsunade shook her head and eyed Kakashi for a moment before continuing, choosing not to tell him that Sakura _had_ died, _twice_ , when they found her and removed the multiple metal spikes pinning her mid-section to the ground and keeping the chunk of the ceiling from entirely crushing her. Only through the quick thinking of the rescuers had she been brought back long enough to get her into Tsunade’s hands. Sakura had died a _third_ time while in surgery, though Tsunade had been expecting it and was prepared to bring her back.

“She’s lucky that a woman medic found her. Otherwise, Sakura probably would have lost the ability to have children – it would have been _much_ easier to save her that way. But, Minako knew how badly Sakura wanted to have children and since _I_ was the one to put her back together when they got her to the emergency room, she should be fine in another two or three months.”

Still shocked, unable to fully process the information, Kakashi continued to stare somewhat stupidly. His whole world had just shifted beneath his feet for the second time that day.

“Sakura wasn’t the only survivor. We also found another member of her team and three of the second combat medic team similarly buried in the debris – we lost all of the firefighters though, they were too far ahead, too close to the second blast.” Tsunade paused for a moment of reflection for the lives lost before continuing. “None of the survivors were as badly off as Sakura though. Finding _them_ led the rescuers to keep looking for _her_.” Tsunade shook her head. “She’s still mending but barring any accidents, she should be just fine.”

Finally managing to get ahold of himself, mostly, he shook his head in disbelief. 

“ _Where?_ ” he didn’t even bother to hide the raw emotion in his voice.

Tsunade frowned, shaking her head slightly, not liking what she was going to say next. “She was discharged a few days ago.”

“ _What?!_ ”

Tsunade raised a hand to stem his protests. 

“Upon her request and against my wishes – there was absolutely no way of talking her out of it. The structural integrity of the hospital has been compromised and there simply aren’t enough rooms or even beds in the confirmed safe portions of the building for everyone who needs them. Especially with the increased number of births we’ve been having for the past few months.” 

She felt her fingers curling into fists and had to forcibly relax them, the frustration she’d felt at the time rearing its ugly head again. She’d had more than a few bitter arguments with Sakura about the whole situation.

“Repairs can’t be started for another few months as they are still assessing options – turns out bureaucracy moves slowly no matter what the circumstances. They’ve demolished the remains of the North Wing but sections of the main hospital block are still considered unsafe. Plans are now being evaluated for a new North Wing and how best to repair the main hospital block – they plan to make the repairs as they build the new North Wing and join it to the rest of the hospital. Until those are settled, we can’t use a portion of the main hospital building. Since Sakura is, more or less, stable, she requested that she be sent home, so her hospital bed could be given to someone who needed it more than she did.”

“That’s-”

Tsunade waved her hand, waving away Kakashi’s protests, she herself had already voiced them all to no avail. 

“We have people checking in on her multiple times a day and she has been given an emergency button. The injuries to her head, arms, and legs are nearly healed. Which just leaves the massive internal injuries she sustained to her torso. Since she is a skilled medic she can handle most of her own basic day-to-day care herself.”

Still incredulous, Kakashi just shook his head. The reality that Sakura had indeed survived, that she was alive, not quite sinking in just yet. 

“Nevertheless,” Tsunade continued, aware that Kakashi was likely still struggling with the announcement that Sakura had survived. “We didn’t tell her that you weren’t coming back.”

Surprised again he managed to raise an eyebrow in question.

“No one knew you weren’t expected back from your last mission aside from the team you were sent out with and they were expressly told _not_ to pass that information on. We thought it best to wait for a suitable amount of time to pass and then announce that you were missing, presumed KIA.”

He tilted his head to the side with a slight frown. 

“But, you weren’t going to tell Sakura?” he asked, unsure why the idea bothered him so much.

Tsunade shook her head unable to suppress a grimace. 

“No, we didn’t want her distracted while she was still recovering.” She swallowed, it had been a hard decision to make. “Besides, Sakura is experiencing enough loss at the moment. Adding _you_ to that equation…” she trailed off with a sigh. “Well, that might have been too much for Sakura in her current condition.”

Understanding but not necessarily liking it, he nodded. His world still shifting under his feet. _Sakura was alive…_

“Which reminds me,” Tsunade paused, looking for the words. She let her eyes take in Kakashi’s bewildered and drained state and decided she would have to be blunt. “A warning you don’t want but need to hear – even in the state you’re in now. The Council has been poking around – they’ve been slowly focusing their attention on Sakura. They know about her lost pregnancy and are _very_ unhappy about it. I’ve been able to keep them at bay but… eventually, they’ll manage to try something.”

Kakashi closed his eyes and cursed quietly under his breath. Sakura deserved better than to be harassed by the Council – _this was his fault._

Tsunade watched his reaction closely, it was not nearly as rage-filed as she was expecting. Either he really _was_ beyond exhausted or…

“I’m not sure you’re fully grasping the entirety of the situation. Now that you’re back, if they think they can get away with it, they _will_ order Sakura-“

“ _No!_ ” Kakashi interrupted her, unable to hear the awful possibility put to words – one he had worried over ever since they’d allowed themselves to be seen out and about together in situations that might lead others to believe they were in a relationship. That the Council may get wind of it had never been very far from his mind. But, as he was in the Bank, he didn’t think there was any serious threat to Sakura. Once he earned his place on the Memorial, things would sort themselves out… or, so he’d thought.

“Whether you want to hear it or not, they will _try_ to order Sakura to have your child, by any means necessary, _whether she’s willing or not._ ”

Kakashi winced, he’d never wanted Sakura to be put into this situation and grasped onto the tiny ray of hope Tsunade’s word choice had extended. 

“ _Try?_ ”

Tsunade snorted. “They don’t really have any authority over her – I’ve managed to slowly maneuver her out of their jurisdiction ever since you joined the Bank program – but neither she nor they would know that.”

“ _What?_ ”

Tsunade chuckled without any humor, very glad to have had the foresight to make the decisions she had once she’d realized the uncomfortable situation Sakura may suddenly find herself in. 

“Sakura probably thinks I’ve just been extra lazy in pushing off things on her – and to be honest, I have. But, I’ve also been doing it for her own good. While she wasn’t paying attention, Sakura managed to complete the groundwork for a promotion that will allow her to be more involved with the actual hospital administration. It’s a small distinction but important as her major employer will be the hospital itself rather than the village. Since like all kunoichi medics, she’ll still be a shared employee between the village and the hospital, she’ll keep her active duty kunoichi status, benefits, and everything else. The only things that will officially change will be the entity that actually pays her and the entity that has first priority for her services. However, since I ensured her status gave the hospital first priority before this promotion, nothing will actually change status or benefits-wise.”

Kakashi just stared at her for a moment, amazed at not only the new wrinkle Tsunade had introduced into his current situation with Sakura but also at the foresight she had had in order to immediately put countermeasures into action.

“You’re telling me this…”

“Because you need to be prepared should someone turn up unexpectedly…”

Kakashi sighed and nodded, someone would. And, of course, it would likely be at the absolute worst time possible – that was exactly how the Council did things if they could manage it.

“Does Sakura know?” He asked tiredly, everything starting to catch up with him again, and beginning to feel somewhat overcome.

Tsunade shook her head. “No, not yet. I haven’t found a good time to bring it up with her.”

Kakashi nodded, overwhelmed, and suddenly finding it all to be too much for his exhausted state.

Sensing that she’d said enough and that Kakashi could only stand there stupidly for so long, Tsunade nodded once and gestured to the door. 

“It’s late. You might as well head home, someone will be sent for you once we figure out what we will be doing next. Won’t be for a few weeks, a month, at the very least.”

“Right. Thank you.”

“Don’t forget to go see Sakura. It will be some time before she’s up and about on her own so she’ll be happy to have any visitors. _Especially_ , _you_.”

Kakashi nodded his understanding and resumed his interrupted exit, his mind still in shock as his feet automatically took him out of the building.

~*~*~*~

Before he knew it, Kakashi found himself at Sakura’s apartment. That he should wait until the morning, or even stop by his own place for a shower first had never even briefly passed through his mind. Quickly, he made his way up to her balcony, aware that she wouldn’t be awake to let him in but also knowing that the lock would be easy to deal with for a shinobi of his skill. He did have a key, just not on him. After all, there was no reason for him to need it while out of the village.

Quietly, Kakashi made his way into her kitchen, closing and relocking the balcony door behind himself. A part of him absently wondering if she would be angry that he broke in when he did, in fact, have a key. As silently as he could, he removed his sandals and dropped his pack in her kitchen before padding quietly down her hall, pausing briefly at the door to her bedroom. He could sense her on the other side of the door, it was late, all was quiet and she was likely sleeping. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, unable to bring himself to walk to her bedside quite yet, he paused, lingering in her doorway.

Sakura was, as he’d hoped, lying peacefully in her bed. She was alive. Slowly he let out a breath he hadn’t been aware that he had been holding. Sakura was _alive_. Unable to wrap his mind around this amazing fact Kakashi remained rooted to the spot, just staring at the woman he had been sure he had lost.

Sakura slowly felt pulled from sleep, all too soon as far as she was concerned. For a minute she tried to puzzle out why she was awake, the pain medication she was on practically guaranteed a full night’s worth of uninterrupted sleep, and then some. After a few moments, she was able to pin it down and she found herself smiling slightly.

“Never occurred to you that _I_ might go first, did it?” she asked, her voice weak but determined, hoping to startle him out of his petrification.

Kakashi inhaled sharply, realizing that she was right, it had never occurred to him that _she_ might die before _him_. Sakura was very healthy, an excellent kunoichi, an outstanding medic and on top of it all, she was stationed more or less permanently in the village. There was no way she could go before him… or, so he had thought.

“S’okay, Kakashi. _I’m_ okay.” Sakura paused, waiting for a response. Upon receiving none, she continued, trying to get him moving again. “Won’t be up for any of your nocturnal visits for some time though.”

Shocked that _that_ was what she was thinking, he would never... Kakashi found his voice. “ _Sakura!_ That’s-”

Sakura chuckled weakly. 

“I know, I know. Still, if that’s going to be a problem… you should feel free to go elsewhere if necessary.”

Now somewhat irritated he took a few steps forward, into the room. 

“Sakura, that’s unnecessary and you know it.”

She snorted softly, wincing at the flash of pain the motion caused, he could be incredibly demanding when it came to bedroom activities and the frequency thereof. 

“Do I?”

He paused, frowning. 

“It was always _only_ you,” he murmured softly – the string of flings with pink-haired women flashing before his mind’s eye, poor stand-ins for Sakura the lot of them. Shaking his head, hoping she hadn’t heard, he changed the topic. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Sakura sighed, knowing that Kakashi had said something that she hadn’t caught, but she was once again feeling the side effects of the painkillers as they started to kick in again. 

“S’late, Kakashi. Why don’t you take a shower and come to bed?”

Panicked, his eyes widened. 

“ _Sakura, I-_ ”

“’m tired and s’late. Your apartment is on the other side of the village and my couch is too lumpy for a comfortable night’s sleep – you know that.” She sighed, shifting slightly under the covers. “Just shower – I’m sure you were on the road all day – ‘n come to bed.”

Kakashi stood, frozen in indecision. Never once in all of the many times they’d shared an enjoyable evening had he ever given in to his secret desire to spend the night, never even briefly considered it. And now… never had said desire to stay been so strong. 

“Sakura, you _know_ I…”

She shifted again, trying to find a more comfortable position. “S’late Kakashi... Jus’ this once. ’ve never asked before and won’t ask again.” She paused to yawn before adding, “Leave at firs’ light if makes things better.”

Before he realized it, Kakashi had taken a step toward her. Abruptly, he stopped, sighed, and turned to return to her kitchen where he’d left his bag and sandals. He never could refuse her anything when she asked – _especially_ since she actually asked for so little from him to begin with. Lost in his thoughts, Kakashi raided Sakura’s linen closet for clean clothes and headed to her bathroom to take a shower. 

Shortly, he emerged showered and in a clean shirt and pants. With no small amount of trepidation, he carefully made his way back into Sakura’s room. She was right. His apartment _was_ on the other side of the village, too far for him to want to trek at this time of night, especially after the day he had had. And, as they’d discovered rather early on in their evening escapades, her couch, while quite comfortable for sitting, was anything but for any other uses. 

Kakashi also had to admit to himself that he had never in his life wanted to stay with her more. A small irrational part of him insisting that if he were to leave, somehow Sakura would cease to have survived the blast at the hospital and he would somehow manage to shatter the dream he had suddenly found himself in. Perhaps he hadn’t survived that mission after all…

Once again Kakashi found himself pausing to linger in her doorway. This time he could tell that she was deep asleep – unlikely to wake again until morning – his presence probably noted and flagged as safe by her subconscious. After a moment he shook himself and made his way over to the other side of her bed. Awkwardly he shifted himself under the covers, making certain not to disturb Sakura. With an effort, he managed to keep himself to his side of the bed though he longed to reach out to her. 

About an hour later, Kakashi found himself pulled from the world of sleep. Confused, he was beyond exhausted and wanted nothing more than sleep, he spent a moment trying to sort out why he was awake. After a few minutes, he realized what was wrong and sighed. Sakura had shifted a little in her sleep, moving closer to him, almost but not quite close enough to actually touch him. He let out a long slow breath, his fingers curling closed before opening again. He knew what he wanted. 

Carefully, he slipped an arm around Sakura, avoiding her midsection as he knew that was likely where she was most injured. Softly, gently, he shifted her closer to him until he could comfortably slip his other arm around her. 

Kakashi sighed and closed his eyes again. _Sakura was alive._

~*~*~*~


	18. Chapter XVIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every other week. I think I’m going to need to do more rewrites on the remaining chapters than in previous chapters so I can’t make any guarantees.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter XVIII

Slowly Kakashi woke, a sunbeam teasing his eyelids. Silently he stifled a groan, he did _not_ want to be awake. Reflexively he pulled Sakura a little closer to himself for just a moment, savoring the sensation, before releasing her entirely. He knew he needed to be up before she woke. He’d decided as much before getting into bed with her in the first place.

Not bothering to try and stop himself from yawning, he got out of bed, messily twitching the covers into place behind him – he’d return to make the bed properly when she was up. Without a backward glance, his self-control could only take so much, he wandered into the kitchen with thoughts of making coffee and seeing if Sakura’s paper had been delivered.

As he meandered down the hall, he paused at the little desk where she kept her paperwork, the space that had long been occupied by the legal papers he’d given her was now empty. Uncertain how to feel about the missing documents, he continued on to the kitchen, wondering what she had done with them.

Upon entering the kitchen he quickly located the coffee and started a pot. While wandering around, getting the lay of the land, and a quick inventory of what food she had on hand, he discovered a schedule of sorts on her refrigerator. After a few moments of study, Kakashi realized that it was Sakura’s care schedule – an added piece of paper appeared to be a separate schedule for home visits from her counselor, or rather, from the looks of it, it seemed that Sakura had switched over to a therapist. Interested, he removed both schedules from the refrigerator and took them with him to the kitchen table. Before he sat down, however, he went to her front door and picked up the morning paper.

With a mug of coffee in hand and the schedules and paper to peruse, he settled in for what he assumed would be a comfortable hour or two before Sakura woke. 

Once he’d finished about half of the paper and memorized both Sakura’s care schedules, he felt restless enough to want breakfast. According to the care schedule, someone would be along in less than an hour to check on Sakura and presumably make her breakfast if she was unable to do so for herself. Another look firmed his resolve to hang around if only until Sakura was up.

Pushing himself up from the table he rummaged around her kitchen, pulling out a tray, and setting it with dishes for the breakfast he would make. He didn’t have a large culinary repertoire but he did know how to make a few decent breakfast dishes. With a slight smile he grabbed her apron, a silly frilly pink thing her friends had given her as a gag gift that she still insisted upon using despite its impracticality. As quietly as he could, he set about preparing the morning meal. Figuring he’d make his own and then make hers once she woke, he took his time puttering around, not particularly paying attention to much else – his thoughts focused elsewhere.

~*~*~*~

Sakura awoke slowly, as she always did when taking heavy-duty pain medication. After a few moments of just lying in her bed, she realized that something was off. It all came back to her when she turned her head and found that the other side of her bed had been slept in. Sakura sighed, it would have been nice for him to have stuck around but she knew that was asking too much. That he had actually stayed through the night was more than enough for her. Though, she couldn’t help but feel just a little cheated by the fact that she hadn’t been able to enjoy having him spend the night.

Pushing those useless thoughts from her mind, Sakura slowly gathered herself to get out of bed. A process that took a little longer than she would like to admit. Unavoidable though considering her extensive internal injuries. A moment later, while she was fussing with a robe, she heard the telltale noises indicating that someone was in her kitchen. 

The sounds of someone rummaging around added speed to her slow progress, she didn’t like it when any of the assigned medics found her in bed when they came to check on her. Faster than she’d realized she could move, Sakura was in the hall and shuffling toward the kitchen with her emergency button in hand.

Upon arriving she paused briefly in surprise. It wasn’t the assigned caregiver making her breakfast, it was Kakashi, wearing her silly apron. He hadn’t left at first light after all.

“Kakashi! What are you doing?” she asked, unable to hide the surprise from her voice.

Startled, he’d been focused deep within himself, Kakashi turned from the stove to find Sakura standing, wobbling a little, just inside the kitchen. 

“ _Sakura!_ ”

Hastily he dropped what he was doing and hurried over to Sakura to help her into one of the kitchen chairs. He couldn’t help but notice the fading remains of some fairly nasty cuts and bruises on her face. He suppressed a grimace upon catching sight of the all too noticeable reminders of her recent close call. He knew better than to let on to Sakura how much her injuries bothered him – how much her close call affected, was _still,_ affecting him. _She should have died._ Firmly getting a hold of himself, he resolved to focus on the present and the fact that Sakura had survived rather than on what had _almost_ happened.

“Should you be up and about?” he asked once he had her settled in a chair, concern present in his furrowed brow as he fussed unnecessarily over her. 

Her arms were also covered with the remnants of similar injuries as those still gracing her face. He made a mental note that he would have to make sure to handle any part of her with extreme care. Though Tsunade had said that aside from her internal injuries Sakura was mostly healed, he couldn’t let himself forget that Sakura still had other, more minor, injuries.

Sakura suppressed a chuckle at both Kakashi’s uncharacteristic behavior and the sight of him wearing her apron. She hadn’t been able to truly appreciate the ridiculousness of the apron until he’d turned from the stove.

“Love the apron.”

He rolled his eyes dramatically before crossing his arms over his chest and raising an eyebrow – he was not going to let her slip out of answering his question.

She couldn’t help but giggle a little before quickly getting it under control.

“I’m fine Kakashi – so long as I go slowly, it’s okay for me to be up and about. Besides,” she gestured with her emergency button, “I have this if I run into any trouble.”

Eyeing her suspiciously, uncertain if he could buy her explanation, he returned to the stovetop to see if he could rescue the eggs he’d been making for himself. 

Sakura sniffed the air appreciatively, choosing not to comment upon the scent of scorched eggs – as those were clearly due to her unexpected entrance, she couldn’t fault Kakashi for the failed attempt. 

“So, what’s for breakfast?”

“Well, I was going to make you a tray so you could eat in bed once you woke, you know.” He turned to shoot her a slightly exasperated look.

She laughed, surprised again, this time at both his exasperation at her accidental interruption of a kind gesture and the thoughtfulness he was displaying. 

“Gesture noted and appreciated.”

Kakashi nodded and returned his attention to the ruined eggs in front of him. With a suppressed sigh he scratched the batch, dumped them in the trash and, readied the frying pan to try again.

“I’ve repurposed the leftover rice I found in your fridge into rice porridge – I hope you didn’t have other plans for it?” He glanced back to catch Sakura’s reaction as he rummaged around in her fridge for more eggs.

She shook her head, eyes wide, no one else had gone through the trouble to make something as involved as rice porridge – even with the shortcut of using leftover rice.

He nodded and continued. “I sliced up the rest of your fruit and you can add it to the porridge to sweeten it and improve the flavor. There’s toast with jam too if you want or prefer it.” He paused for a moment in thought. “I planned to make you some eggs if you were up for them – how does an omelet sound?”

Sakura’s mouth was already watering before Kakashi even mentioned all of the delicious foods he was making – none of her morning caretakers ever bothered to make her anything half as delicious and she herself was not quite up to making anything advanced. 

“Yes, please. That _all_ sounds _wonderful_. Suddenly I’m _very_ hungry!”

Kakashi rearranged things on the stovetop and opened the fridge again in search of omelet additives. 

“Cheese and ham okay? Doesn’t look like you have any fresh veggies.”

“Yes, please.” She smiled though she knew he couldn’t see. “I think I’m due to receive fresh groceries today. Just depends who’s on the schedule or if any of the girls plan to stop by, if they have time to go to the farmer’s market, they usually bring whatever they find on their way here.”

Kakashi nodded and continued with the process of making the omelet. Even if Sakura was due to receive groceries, he’d still go out shopping for her after breakfast – not as though he had anything better to do. And, besides, he’d noticed a few large holes in her schedules and he intended to fill them. He didn’t care that she was a medic and more or less fully capable of taking care of herself. He _needed_ to make sure she was okay. 

Absently Kakashi had to wonder how long it would take for her to get sick of having him around… or _worse_ , feel insulted by his need to make sure she was okay. He didn’t want to consider the fact that he’d spent so long doing everything he could to avoid staying with her that it was ironic how he would now do nearly anything to avoid leaving her.

Sakura stayed put, watching Kakashi work instead of getting to her feet to get a start on what he had already prepared for her, or even getting herself a mug of coffee though she really wanted one. Since she was fairly certain that this would be the only time he ever made her breakfast she wanted to take the time to sit back and enjoy the experience. Sakura was also fairly certain that Kakashi would fuss unnecessarily over her the moment she tried to get to her feet again and she didn’t want to cause him any more trouble than she already had.

A short while later, Kakashi ferried over several dishes for Sakura in addition to a mug of coffee – fixed just how she liked it – and a glass of water. Absolutely starving, Sakura immediately dug in while Kakashi watched.

“Oh… _Kakashi_ , this is _delicious!_ ” she cried after the first few fluffy bites. None of her other caretakers were half as good at breakfast as he turned out to be.

He smiled at her reaction, exactly the one he’d wanted. Only a small portion of his mind wished for her to moan his name like that again in an entirely different context. Hastily he shook his head to clear the inappropriate thought – it would be some time before she was up for _that_ sort of interlude. He would do much better to focus on the present. 

“Good, I’m glad you like it.”

Moving away from the table reluctantly, Kakashi started making a second omelet for himself. He was fairly certain that she would steal most of it from his plate and an omelet would be easier to steal than the batch of scrambled eggs he’d originally set out to make for himself.

Sakura paused to watch as Kakashi resumed his position at the stovetop, unable to feel anything other than content at that very moment. A small part of her mind did its best to try and capture the moment – to be cherished for the rest of her life, as she was certain that this rare occurrence would never happen again.

Sakura’s moment of contentment was shattered by a perfunctory knock on her apartment door before said door opened and someone entered her living area. Startled, she checked the clock on her wall and noted the time with a sigh. 

Kakashi turned from his position at the stovetop, pulling his mask up and into place as he did so. He was fairly certain he knew who was at the door and now on their way into the kitchen and he was exactly where he wanted to be when that person entered the room. A moment later, he was not disappointed.

Itsuki entered the kitchen, sniffing the air as he entered. 

“Sakura! No complicated cooking! You’re not sup-” he stopped abruptly upon realizing that he hadn’t walked in upon what he’d thought he’d walked in on. His eyes wide and his jaw dropping open, a piece of gum nearly popping out of his mouth. 

“Good morning, Itsuki.” Sakura greeted him somewhat smugly. 

Finding Kakashi there after he’d clearly spent the night, even with her convalescing, might finally get across to him once and for all that she was not interested. For some incomprehensible reason Itsuki had been buzzing around her nearly all the time once again and she couldn’t quite figure out why. She’d thought they were done with that nonsense.

Of course, Itsuki had been recalled from his training program in Sand – all medics and medical personnel had been called home after the tragedy at the hospital. Unfortunately, the next session of that particular training program wasn’t due to start for another six months. And, when volunteers were requested to check on her at home, he’d been one of the first to sign up. So, it would appear that she was stuck with him for the next six months or until she no longer needed medical check-ins.

Itsuki ignored Sakura’s greeting, focusing all his attention on the other man in the room. 

“Mr.Hatake? What… How are you-?” He shook his head, still trying to make sense of it, Kakashi was supposed to be dead, KIA according to his source in ANBU.

Kakashi smiled, wondering what Itsuki found more surprising, that he was there making breakfast, that he had clearly spent the night, or that he was there at all. He had to wonder absently if someone (likely Daishi) had blabbed about his last mission – otherwise, Itsuki’s reaction seemed far too exaggerated. 

“I’m making breakfast,” Kakashi responded, keeping his amusement to himself. With that reminder of the task at hand, he turned back to tend to his omelet. Politeness dictated that he should offer an omelet to Itsuki but he couldn’t bring himself to do so.

Still not quite able to pull himself together, Itsuki continued to stare at Kakashi, his ever-present wad of gum for once going un-chewed. 

“But… you’re not-”

Hastily, Kakashi turned from the omelet in progress on the stove to face Itsuki. 

“I’m not _what?_ ” He asked, his voice dipping lower in warning. He couldn’t quite believe that Itsuki could be stupid enough to bring it up in front of Sakura.

Still unable to process what he was seeing and not realizing what he was saying, Itsuki exclaimed, “But, you’re supposed to be _dead!_ ”

Sakura inhaled sharply, her spoon nearly dropping from her suddenly numb fingers. She was still feeling fragile after her most recent ordeal and this new possibility threatened to shatter the progress she’d recently made. Kakashi’s mission wasn’t supposed to be one of _those_ missions, he’d told her that himself. Anxiously, she shifted her gaze from Itsuki to Kakashi. 

Angry that the idiot would bring _that_ up in front of Sakura, especially since he was clearly just fine, Kakashi did his best to keep his expression impassive. He could sense that Itsuki’s thoughtless utterance had upset Sakura and was afraid of the possible consequences.

“Don’t know where you heard that.” Kakashi shrugged as he casually flipped the frying pan to fold his omelet without looking. “Obviously it’s wrong though.”

“But- the ANBU _said…_ ”

Itsuki finally managed to pull himself together, realizing that Sakura had refocused her attention on him, her eyebrows knitted together in uncertainty as his jaw resumed chewing on his gum. He shook his head. 

“Uh, never mind. Clearly, the rumors of your demise were greatly exaggerated.”

“Itsuki… there were rumors that Kakashi died on his mission?” Sakura asked, a worrying wobble in her tone of voice. 

Several things suddenly came into focus through the lens of Kakashi possibly having been killed in action. Sakura had thought it odd that no one had mentioned him to her at all, especially Tsunade. And, every time she had asked about his current mission and expected return date she’d been put off quite expertly by the Hokage. Never mind Itsuki’s sudden interest in her once again.

Finally realizing the magnitude of his slip, Itsuki focused entirely on Sakura. 

“Oh! Uh, well…” Itsuki trailed off glancing at Kakashi for help only to find that he had returned his attention to his frying pan. 

“Um, you see…” he started and then stumbled to a halt again. Itsuki raised his hand to the back of his neck and cleared his throat.

Sakura’s concerned expression melted into a frown as her temper temporarily shoved the uncertainty to the side and took control. The easiest way to handle the feelings she didn’t want to cope with was to lash out at the person who’d made her feel them.

“There were rumors, _ANBU rumors_ that Kakashi was _KIA_ and you _didn’t_ tell me?”

“Now, now, Sakura…” he started, obviously uncertain how to handle the situation and bungling it badly. 

Livid, she started to push herself to her feet. 

“Don’t you patronize me! Tell me the _truth_ -” she stopped abruptly as she felt gentle hands on her shoulders, urging her to sit back down. She looked up to find Kakashi, frowning awesomely at Itsuki. Realizing that she was going to do herself more harm than Itsuki, she allowed herself to be returned to her seat.

Less than thrilled with how things were going, Kakashi stayed standing behind Sakura’s chair, hands resting very lightly on her shoulders, and shifted his focus to Itsuki. 

“I believe you came to check up on Sakura?” he asked, his voice hard. 

When Itsuki didn’t immediately respond he prompted him, “You came for her checkup, _yes?_ ”

Itsuki nodded, uncertain what he could say at that point. Pretty much anything was the wrong thing.

“Does the morning checkup need any actual checking up? Or is the visual good enough?”

Itsuki cleared his throat again, shifted his wad of gum around a bit, and took the out he was graciously given. He shook his head. 

“No, no. No actual exam is necessary. Just needed to make sure she was up, okay, and fed.” 

Still angry but aware that the only person she was harming just then was herself, Sakura nodded curtly at Itsuki, just wanting him to go. 

“I’m up, fine, and fed. _Kakashi_ has made sure of that.”

“Uh, right…” Itsuki swallowed, nearly swallowing his gum, before continuing, “I’ll just be going. On my way to my shift at the hospital, you know?” 

Without waiting for a reaction, well aware that he was getting out of a spectacular display of temper, Itsuki rushed back out the way he came in. Several gum wrappers fluttering to the ground behind him.

Still frowning, Kakashi watched him go and when the front door closed behind Itsuki, he removed his hands from Sakura’s shoulders and followed in Itsuki’s footsteps picking up the trail of discarded gum wrappers. The last thing he wanted was for Sakura to slip on one of them. In her current condition, she was likely unable to bend over to pick them up herself and a slip could be deadly if any of her wounds, external or internal, reopened.

“Kakashi…” Sakura started in a small voice.

Kakashi returned his focus to Sakura as he dropped the gum wrappers in her trash. 

“Yes?” he asked, a knot suddenly forming in the pit of his stomach – he didn’t like the tone of her voice, nor the hint of a wobble he had hoped her anger at Itsuki had driven from her.

“Was… was there any truth to Itsuki’s comments?”

Kakashi exhaled slowly. He knew that lying was not an option. 

“Kakashi?” she asked again, growing even more concerned. 

Aware that he couldn’t be less than honest he decided to try and break it to her slowly. 

“The mission wasn’t supposed to be that sort of mission – and that _is_ what I told you before I left.”

“But?”

Kakashi shook his head. 

“My support team was recalled after…” he trailed off, not wanting to mention the event that nearly claimed Sakura’s life and _had_ claimed many of her coworkers.

Understanding dawned and she drew her brows together. 

“Oh… I see…”

Hoping to dispel the sudden uncomfortable mood in the room, Kakashi grabbed his now very well done omelet – as he was fairly certain she’d lost her appetite, he didn’t bother trying to make a new one since she was unlikely to try and steal it from him – and seated himself across from Sakura. 

“It doesn’t matter. I came back, didn’t I?” 

Sakura let out a long slow breath before nodding. 

_The cat came back._

“Good, finish your breakfast before it gets any colder.”

She studied him for a moment, realizing that there was definitely more to it than what he had said and that the rumors had likely been genuine – spread by his support team upon their return. This explanation also accounted for Itsuki’s recent renewed attempts to get her attention once again. 

“Kakashi?”

“Hmm?” he vocalized warily, mouth currently full of breakfast.

“Thank you.” She smiled, doing her best to put Kakashi’s clear near-miss behind her.

~*~*~*~

“I _still_ can’t believe he’s back!”

Kumiko signed and rolled her eyes, not _this_ again. Though, it would seem that he only ever invited her to get coffee these days in order to vent about his unsuccessful campaign to win Ms. Haruno’s interest. So, she supposed, she shouldn’t be surprised. But _still_ , he’d been on about Mr. Hatake’s unexpected return for a few weeks now – surely he should have gotten over it by now…

“I don’t see _why_ you’re finding it so hard to believe. He’s an elite – of _course_ he’d beat the odds. He’s the type that will, regardless of what’s expected of him.” She shrugged before adding thoughtfully, “To be honest, I imagine he’ll always come back now.”

Itsuki shook his head emphatically, his gum wad rolling from one side of his mouth to the other, this time he’d had inside information. 

“Not this time! He was _not_ supposed to come back. I had it on good authority that it was a suicide mission for even one of his skill and there was no way he’d come back! No way he even _could!_ ”

“Well, clearly your source was wrong.” She sighed, wondering why she’d agreed to have coffee with him again after the last several times had ended up just like this. “Bottom line is that he’s back – not a lot to be done about it now.”

Itsuki continued to restlessly shift his wad of gum from one cheek to the other. 

“There’s _got_ to be something I can do!”

Kumiko shook her head, slightly disgusted.

“I doubt it. It’s probably best you cut your losses and just let her go. She’ll never look past Mr. Hatake as long as he’s around.”

“I _know!_ He just needs to not be around! I thought it was a lock, he was going to throw his life away for the village!”

Kumiko eyed him with something akin to pity – so much potential, too bad he was fixated on what he would never have.

“That was _before_ he had anything else to live for...” she trailed off realizing that Itsuki, as usual, wasn’t listening.

“I just _don’t_ understand!” he wailed in near despair. 

Kumiko drained the rest of her coffee and pushed herself up from the small café table. She was tired of having the same conversation with him, _especially_ since he never listened.

“No, I don’t think you ever will.” She took a step away from the table. “Thank you for the coffee and pastry Itsuki, I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

~*~*~*~

Tsunade dismissed the messenger with a nod of her head and suppressed a sigh as she refocused her attention on the pages on her desk. Without Sakura taking on a fair amount of the tedious daily hospital paperwork she was finding herself slowly overwhelmed. She _should_ hire an additional assistant, if only as a temporary hire, but couldn’t quite bring herself to do so. 

Once Sakura returned, she would be taking it all over anyway. That she hadn’t officially been offered the promotion was just a small detail. With everything that had been going on, the timing had never seemed right to approach Sakura about her advancement – especially since she would be taking over some of Akihiro’s responsibilities in addition to some of Tsunade’s. A bit of a touchy subject for all involved. 

Moreover, it seemed disrespectful to fill Akihiro’s position before his name was officially added to the Memorial. Out of respect for Sakura, the ceremony was being held until she was well enough to attend, though Sakura herself had no idea that this was the case. Regardless, Tsunade figured it would be some time before she would be able to find the time to discuss it with Sakura.

As Tsunade was shuffling the papers in front of her into a more cohesive semblance of order, she was interrupted by a firm but still deferential knock on her door. Silently she cursed, this was _not_ the time. 

“Come in,” she called out, attempting to keep the irritation from her voice.

Yui opened the door carefully and glided gracefully into the room. 

“Afternoon, Yui.”

Yui bowed. 

“The Council sends their greetings, my Lady.”

Tsunade suppressed a sigh.

“And, no scroll, I take it?”

“No, my Lady. Not this time.”

“What do they want then?”

“The Council has heard that Kakashi Hatake has returned from his mission, my Lady.”

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, news had taken longer to reach the Council than she’d expected. Then again, one never knew with the Council. Yes, they seemed extra focused on Kakashi as of late but that didn’t mean that his was the only life they were attempting to arrange to their own liking. No way to know how many other people they were _also_ harassing.

“Yes, and?”

“The Council was under the impression that that particular piece had been sacrificed – a steep but necessary price for an equally important mission, my Lady.”

“And?”

“My Lady, he has returned?”

Losing her patience far sooner than she should, she didn’t have time for this, Tsunade exploded. 

“Yes! Kakashi has returned. He wasn’t supposed to but he’s made it back. But, somehow, he has!. What does the Council _want_? They can’t _possibly_ be upset that he came back. He’s an incredibly valuable asset to the village – _no one_ should be upset that he’s returned!”

Yui flinched visibly and forced herself to remain in place so she could clarify the Council’s concerns.

“The understanding, my Lady, was that the mission was impossible from the beginning. That he has returned has left questions as to if it was indeed completed satisfactorily.” She coughed delicately before continuing, knowing that what she was required to say next was not going to be well received. “My Lady, rumors have circulated about a possible… ah, _distraction_ , you see.”

Tsunade was unable to prevent herself from rolling her eyes and choose not to respond to the comment about a ‘distraction.’ Sakura would definitely take umbrage at being referred to as such and it would do Sakura herself no good for Tsunade to confirm her status as said ‘distraction’ to the Council. 

“Of course Kakashi was successful. He doesn’t understand how to be anything but,” she responded tartly.

“Apologies, my Lady. The Council would like to know if his report has been verified?.”

“Yes. It has,” she ground out between gritted teeth. “His mission was completed successfully – the chain of events he started played out as expected and we are very happy with the end results.”

Yui nodded slightly. The Council had honestly expected to hear no less of the last Hatake. On to the actual question of the Council.

“Then, it is the Council’s understanding, my Lady, that he is due to be retired?”

Tsunade frowned and shook her head. 

“That is currently under review.”

“The Council would rather he not retire, my Lady.”

Tsunade snorted. 

“No one wants him retired, least of all the man himself.”

Yui nodded, it was as expected. 

“I see. I shall convey this to the Council, thank you for your time, my Lady.”

Once Yui was gone Tsunade pressed the hidden button on her desk. 

Ideally, she’d discuss it with Sakura first but with the Council’s heightened interest… best to put it through now and apologize later. Though, since they’d already discussed her desired career path many times, she didn’t think Sakura would mind – this was the promotion she’d been working toward after all. Once she was aware of the position she was currently in, Sakura would especially appreciate the fact that this move would put her out of the Council’s easy reach. It was only a matter of time before Yui returned with their unreasonable demand now that Kakashi was back and more or less permanently out of danger.

~*~*~*~

“Thought I’d find you out here.”

Kakashi glanced down to see Tsunade standing by the foot of what had become ‘his’ tree – the largest tree in the small park across the street from Sakura’s apartment. 

“Yo,” he greeted her as he smoothly pocketed his current novel and dropped to the ground so the Hokage wouldn’t have to strain her neck looking up at him.

“Sakura said you always disappeared whenever she had company though she wasn’t exactly certain where you went.”

He shrugged, figuring it was self-explanatory. That the particular branch where he spent time when he didn’t have errands to run just so happened to provide an excellent view of both Sakura’s balcony and the front door of the apartment building didn’t escape Tsunade’s notice. Nor did the fact that Kakashi likely wouldn’t easily be seen from Sakura’s apartment or the ground while he was seated on that particular branch enjoying a good book.

“Did you need something? Or, are you just letting me know that the coast is clear?”

Tsunade chuckled, Sakura had also mentioned that her girlfriends had been over earlier that afternoon. Kakashi had likely hightailed it out of there just before they arrived.

“I wanted a word with you.”

“Oh?” he raised an eyebrow. “Here okay, or do we need to return to your office?”

Tsunade took a look around, her security detail was stationed far enough away from them so as not to overhear their conversation. She nodded slightly and signaled to the ANBU that she wanted a private word with Kakashi. 

The head of her security detail nodded in response and made the necessary gestures to her team.

“Here’ll do. They’ll make sure no one comes close enough to overhear, nor will _they_ overhear us either.”

Kakashi nodded, slightly surprised for a moment before shrugging it off, Tsunade likely had her reasons.

Chivalrously he gestured to a nearby bench, Tsunade shook her head slightly.

“This shouldn’t take long.”

He nodded agreeably, unsurprised.

“A warning, Kakashi. Or, rather, another warning I suppose. The Council is aware that you have returned and that your future status is up in the air.”

“Understood. Though I’m not sure that there’s anything I can do about that at this time?”

She waved a hand dismissively, that was a given.

“They were also asking about your last mission results. They were afraid that you’d potentially been… ah, their words, _‘distracted’_.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, unable to entirely suppress his irritation. 

“ _Distracted?_ Does that mean what I think it means?”

“Probably.”

Kakashi cursed loudly and colorfully.

“My thoughts exactly,” Tsunade responded dryly once Kakashi stopped cursing.

“She know?”

Tsunade sighed and briefly reconsidered the bench.

“I just told Sakura now – told her about the Council’s interest and then about her promotion. I would rather have waited until she was doing better but… I don’t think the Council will wait too long before making a move. Just don’t know what that move will be or when they’ll strike. Better to promote her now than be sorry later.”

Kakashi nodded absently, mind already working, his temper on hold while he concentrated on more immediately important things.

“Her next appointment with her therapist isn’t until the day after tomorrow…”

Tsunade held up a hand to stop him.

“I spoke to her therapist before I spoke to Sakura. She thought it would be a good idea to be available, just in case. She’s in with Sakura now.”

Kakashi exhaled slowly.

“Okay.”

“You staying out here?”

“Yes.”

She eyed him shrewdly.

“Going to wait for Dr. Kikuchi to leave?”

“Yes.”

“Right, so waiting for the coast to be clear before going back in?” she asked, wondering if he was going to run.

He shook his head before answering what he knew the next question would be.

“Waiting to see if I should get something to celebrate or if I should make myself scarce for the next few days.”

“Ah… astute of you.” Tsunade eyed him for a moment. “Whatever you choose to do after this, don’t just disappear entirely on her now – even if she asks you to. I don’t think she could actually cope without you around at least _some_ of the time.”

Shocked that she would even _think_ that he could desert Sakura when she needed him, he tilted his head to the side in surprise.

“ _What?_ ”

“If you _do_ decide to run, please do me the favor of letting me know before you go so we can rearrange Sakura’s care schedule and get some sort of plan in place. I don’t think she’s going to cope as well with this as she may like.”

Kakashi frowned and shook his head, aware that Tsunade was right to bring it up – he’d never spent this much time with _anyone_ before. 

“I’ll stay as long as I’m needed.”

Tsunade frowned briefly, it wasn’t exactly the answer she wanted but, knowing Kakashi, it was the only answer she was going to get.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi carefully wiped his feet on the mat Sakura had placed on her balcony for him some months previously when he’d started turning up regularly, the shortcut he’d taken across one of the large green spaces had been muddier than he’d expected. 

“Kakashi, that you?” Sakura called from her bedroom, her voice a little thick.

“Yes,” he called out in response, as he removed his sandals. “Brought dinner.”

“Thought there were leftovers in the fridge?” she asked as she slowly shuffled to the kitchen where she found Kakashi clearing and preparing to set her table. “What’s all this?”

Kakashi picked up two of the three large reinforced bags from where he’d left them by the sliding glass door and placed them on the kitchen table before going to find bowls and utensils. 

“There’s a new challenger in the world of ramen.”

Sakura’s eyes widened in surprise. No one had dared to try for Ichiraku’s ramen crown for quite some time – not since the last ill-fated place they had tried together, at any rate.

“Really?”

“Yup.”

Kakashi placed the bowls and utensils on the table before moving to Sakura’s chair. With an upraised eyebrow, he pulled it out from the table and gestured for her to take a seat.

Bemused, Sakura complied, allowing him to gently push the chair to the table.

“Why the two bags?”

“Insurance.”

She shot him a puzzled glance. 

“Insurance?”

“Got some Ichiraku in case the stuff from the new place is awful.”

Sakura stared at him for a moment before laughing.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Kakashi had not missed her red and puffy eyes, nor that she had been noticeably drooping when she’d first come to the kitchen. Dr. Kikuchi had not been very encouraging when Kakashi had approached her on her way out with thoughts of how to celebrate Sakura’s promotion.

Sakura watched as Kakashi arranged things on the table so they could eat, noticing that he had neglected to choose a beverage. Before she could ask, he offered.

“What would you like to drink with dinner?” he asked as he raised the third reinforced bag from where he had left it by the door. Closer examination showed that it was a cooler bag and moisture beaded on the bottles as Kakashi removed them from the bag and placed them on the table for Sakura to see. Kakashi had been thorough in selecting a variety of drinks: extra-large bottles of two different types of cold tea, a large bottle of juice, two larger than average bottles of beer, two different types of wine, and… a bottle of champagne.

Sakura paused before responding. Kakashi was an intelligent man and failing that, Tsunade would have told him – it affected him as well, after all. He would follow her lead and either celebrate with her or tactfully ignore it – it was entirely up to her. And, he was giving her a discrete way of expressing her wishes. Unable to prevent it, she felt tears threaten once again. She glanced away though she knew he’d already seen.

Kakashi remained still as he waited for Sakura to get her emotions under control. He knew this wasn’t easy for her and would wait as long as she needed… and turn a blind eye to her moment of emotional difficulties. She was independent enough that he knew she would prefer he not try to interfere.

After getting her emotions under control and an additional moment of actual thought for the question, aware that Kakashi was trying not to watch her closely, Sakura finally sighed.

“Just water tonight, please.” She glanced up to catch his gaze. “I don’t feel much like celebrating…”

Kakashi nodded understandingly, returned the drinks to their bag, and went to retrieve a pair of glasses and to fill a pitcher with water before returning to the table. Tactfully, he put the bag of unwanted drinks on the counter by the refrigerator – to be dealt with later, once Sakura had left the kitchen.

Sakura smiled just a little sadly as her eyes followed the bag of assorted drinks. He was far more thoughtful than most people would give him credit for.

“Thanks, Kakashi.”

~*~*~*~

Kakashi found himself in line before he realized what he was doing. With a mental shrug, he decided that some of the special _The Coffee Shop_ coffee would be a nice treat for Sakura – she was still having a rough time coping with her promotion. Because of this, he had already stopped by one of the little markets she liked but was too far out of the way for any of her helpers to frequent on her behalf, to pick up a few treats. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to also pick her up a cup of the coffee she liked so much.

When he got to the front of the line, the woman behind the counter grinned happily at seeing him again. 

“Ah, Mr. ANBU! Good to see you! It’s been a while!”

He nodded his usual greeting, unsurprised that she recognized him even though he was wearing his jonin gear instead of his ANBU uniform.

“Your usual?”

Only slightly startled that she remembered his order, he smiled and held up two fingers.

She laughed. 

“Of course, of course! You _always_ order two! One black and one sweetened and flavored in some way – usually with chocolate.”

He chuckled a bit self-consciously, lifting his hand to the back of his neck.

“I suppose I do.”

She eyed him for a moment before deciding to take a chance. 

“Have you thought about taking your lady some of the new biscotti we’ve made to go along with the special _The Coffee Shop_ coffee? The recipe was specifically developed to go with the second _The Coffee Shop_ book.”

Kakashi tilted his head to the side, he hadn’t noticed that they were now selling the crisp confection alongside the fragrant brew. But, having read the follow-up book, he felt that he shouldn’t be surprised. Biscotti had featured heavily in a few of the sequences involving the new barista main character and his combat medic love interest.

“Since you usually get two pumps of chocolate in your lady friend’s coffee, she’d probably like this salted caramel biscotti to go with it.”

Kakashi shrugged. 

“Sure, why not. Might as well get her two and two for me.”

“Two salted caramel for your lady friend and…” she trailed off, trying to take his measure, “two plain for you.”

“Sounds good.”

Silently he sighed, he wouldn’t have minded the sweeter biscotti to go with the strong bitter coffee but figured it would be best to go along with it… unless...

He tilted his head to the side as if something had suddenly occurred to him. 

“You know what, make my coffee the same as hers.”

The barista’s eyes widened in slight surprise. She’d never expected an elite ANBU such as Kakashi to have a sweet tooth.

Kakashi heaved a dramatic sigh. 

“She always finishes hers first and then steals the rest of mine – but then she complains that I take it black.”

The barista raised a hand to her mouth to try, unsuccessfully, to stifle her giggle.

“If she’s going to steal it anyway, she might as well enjoy it.”

Unable to suppress it any longer, the barista laughed and changed the order. After a moment’s thought, she also changed the order to four of the salted caramel biscotti. If his lady friend stole his coffee she would probably _also_ steal his biscotti.

Not too much later, he found himself heading back to Sakura’s apartment, small warming jutsu applied to the bottom of the cups – the secret as to how he’d managed to bring her perfectly temperatured coffee or tea no matter how far away from her he was.

As he made his way, his mind wandered down the now familiar path of wondering just what the hell he was doing. 

~*~*~*~


	19. Chapter XIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every other week. I think I’m going to need to do more rewrites on the remaining chapters than in previous chapters so I can’t make any guarantees.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter XIX

Kakashi set the heavy bag down before turning to close and lock the sliding glass door behind him.

“Sakura, I’m back!” he called out as he removed his sandals.

“Kakashi?” a groggy voice responded from the living room. After a long pause, she added, “I’m in the living room.”

Curious, he went to check on her –she sounded as though she’d been asleep – unusual for her at this time of day. When he entered the living room, he found that he had been right, she _had_ been sleeping. Impressive considering how uncomfortable her couch could be. Sakura had somehow wedged herself awkwardly into the corner of the couch. She had the TV on with the captions going and the volume turned down fairly low. Knowing she would not appreciate any interference from him he stayed put and waited to see what she would say.

Sakura glanced up from where she’d slumped inelegantly in her sleep and clumsily tried to shift herself up and into a more comfortable position without causing herself any additional pain. 

“I fell asleep,” she answered his unasked question, sounding faintly surprised that she had. “TV show must have been boring.”

After a moment’s unsuccessful cautious flailing she glanced up in entreaty at Kakashi, ready for him to help. Sakura had found that he would respect her desire to be as independent as possible until it became apparent that she was unable to do something on her own. She appreciated this to no end since it allowed her to make progress in her recovery. Others – namely Itsuki – would just do things for her without asking. Which, while seemingly nice, wasn’t very helpful in the long run.

Kakashi nodded at her glance and moved to stand in front of her on the couch, trying to assess how he could help without inadvertently hurting her.

Sakura correctly read his moment of indecision and held her arms up to him.

“Take my hands and pull, please.”

Kakashi did as she asked, pulling very gently, gradually increasing the amount of strength he used until Sakura was able to wiggle out from the corner of the couch. As soon as she was free he stopped pulling and somewhat reluctantly let her hands go. Since his return to the village, he’d had very few excuses to touch her. Consequently, he found himself making the best of it every chance he had, no matter how small.

She smiled up at him, pleased that he had only done as she’d asked and no more. 

“Thanks.”

“Happy to help.” He glanced at the nearly silent TV. “What were you watching? It’s unusual for you to have the TV on unless there was something you really want to watch.”

Sakura shrugged and glanced away, not wanting to admit to the real reason she was attempting to watch TV.

“I dunno, nothing in particular I guess.” She stealthily returned her attention to his face to see if he’d bought it.

He raised a skeptical eyebrow. Though Sakura _had_ a TV, she rarely enjoyed watching it. She would much rather spend her time reading a good book than watching something she found uninteresting on the TV. He had to wonder at the closed captions – had she turned them on in the hopes of them somehow making her more interested in the show?

Sakura sighed, she’d known that he would see right through her. 

“I ran out of books.”

Startled, Kakashi chuckled.

She shot him an irritated glance. If he hadn’t gotten her hooked on romance novels, she wouldn’t be in this predicament!

Instead of responding, he turned and walked back into the kitchen. He returned a moment later with the bag he’d left by the sliding door. With a flourish, he carefully deposited it on the couch next to Sakura – placing it in such a way so that she could easily get at the books inside.

Wide-eyed, Sakura glanced at the very full bag of books, several of which were already spilling out onto the couch beside her, then up at Kakashi. 

“You _knew?_ ” she asked incredulously, torn between being annoyed and delighted. 

He shrugged and then gestured for her to investigate the bag of books. 

“I had a feeling you might be needing more soon.”

Unable to stay irritated with him she smiled and only just barely kept herself from clapping her hands together in pleasure – at this point, the appearance of a whole bagful of new books was almost like her birthday.

“ _Thank you!_ ”

Sakura excitedly started picking up the books that had already fallen out of the bag, checking their backs and, then sorting them by some system known only to her.

With a half-smile, Kakashi turned to leave her to her books. He wanted to double-check the fridge and the rice cooker before he started on preparations for dinner.

Just as he was about to step out of the room, someone knocked on the apartment door.

Sakura glanced up from gleefully sorting the books with a puzzled frown.

“You expecting someone?” Kakashi asked before Sakura could say anything. That someone had made it to her apartment door without calling up first to get buzzed into the building wasn’t unusual – the building was large enough that there was always someone coming or going to let people in. Not great safety practices but it was, unfortunately, the same nearly everywhere.

“No…” She shook her head, thinking. “You order dinner?”

Kakashi frowned and shook his head in response.

“No, there’s a lot of leftovers in the fridge, thought I’d do a fried rice – if you put some rice on before your… ah, nap?”

Sakura nodded, ignoring his comment about her unexpected nap – he wasn’t trying to pick a fight, he was giving her a reason not to have done as he’d asked. She wasn’t allowed to cook yet – most things required her to stand in one place too long for her still healing internal injuries – but she _was_ allowed to do _some_ simple kitchen tasks. Kakashi always made sure to have at least one for her to do each day, usually, it was to wash the rice and set the rice cooker so they could have rice with dinner.

Without commenting, Kakashi changed direction and walked over to answer the door. If by some small strange chance it was some sort of an attack, she was in no shape to defend herself and she knew it.

Warily he opened the door to find an enormous floral arrangement presumably with attached delivery person, swaying gently in the hallway.

“Ms. Sakura Haruno?” a muffled voice asked from behind the floral tribute.

“Yes,” Kakashi answered for Sakura as he automatically reached out for the vase he knew must be somewhere at the bottom of the explosion of flowers.

The delivery person sighed with relief and gladly handed the heavy flowers over.

“Thanks, have a nice night!”

Before either Kakashi or Sakura could say anything, the delivery person hastily turned on their heel and hurried off, glad to finally be rid of the largest floral arrangement the flower shop offered for delivery.

Unsurprised at the deliveryperson’s hasty retreat, Kakashi shouldered the door shut behind him, safe in the knowledge that it would automatically lock itself, and turned to face Sakura with the massive bouquet.

“Who would send me something like _that?_ ” Sakura asked once she got a good look at the sheer size of the arrangement. She couldn’t quite help but feel slightly in awe – she’d never seen an arrangement so large outside of a wedding or a funeral.

“Dunno,” Kakashi responded, though he had a guess. “Let me set it down on the kitchen table so you can look for a card.”

Putting action to words, he started slowly toward the kitchen, making sure Sakura was clear of his path before proceeding. Once at the kitchen table he gladly put the flowers down – they were heavier than they looked. It must have taken the delivery person quite some time to get the arrangement up all the flights of stairs, no wonder why they’d fled so quickly.

With some irritation, she didn’t want any flowers, Sakura simply stared at the floral arrangement, a sinking feeling starting to settle in her stomach.

Kakashi noticed her hesitation with a slight frown – they were probably thinking the same thing.

“Don’t you want to know who they’re from?”

Sakura shook her head slightly.

“I have a feeling I already know…”

“Ah,” Kakashi responded, knowing there really wasn’t much else he could say. 

Finally, with a frown in place, she started rummaging amongst the blooms for the card she was certain was there. After a moment’s search, she was finally able to locate the card. Or, rather, she was able to locate the tightly folded piece of paper jammed into the cardholder. Clearly, the sender had more to say than what would fit on the small card that was standard for most deliveries. 

Sakura groaned, it was as she’d thought. She turned her attention to Kakashi, holding the tightly folded paper between her thumb and forefinger as far away from herself as she could. 

“I don’t want it.”

“You want me to see who it’s from?” he asked doubtfully, unsure he wanted to see the contents of the note.

She shook her head, she’d recognized the handwriting on the folded paper.

“It’s from Itsuki, I can recognize his handwriting.” She extended her arm a little further away from herself in his direction.

Hesitantly he took the note from her and held it, unsure what to do with it.

“I don’t want it,” Sakura repeated.

“The note or the flowers?” he asked, a little confused.

“Both.”

Kakashi nodded agreeably, aware that she needed him to do something though unsure just what.

“There’s a senior center across the park… Could you bring the flowers there?”

Kakashi nodded, he didn’t need to ask how she knew that they would take her flowers.

“I’ll take care of it in the morning… unless, you want me to try and get rid of them tonight?”

Sakura shook her head, already feeling relieved just knowing that the flowers would likely be gone before she woke in the morning. 

“No, tomorrow is fine… thank you.”

Kakashi handed her the note and took the flowers out of sight, back into the living room where he placed them on the side table she kept by the door.

Sakura glanced down at the folded paper – she didn’t want to read it.

When Kakashi returned, he found her still staring at it.

“You’ll have to read it eventually but you don’t have to do it now if you don’t want to... don’t think he’s on the schedule until the day after tomorrow.”

Sakura glanced up briefly before grimacing and returning her attention to the folded paper. 

“It’s just going to make me angry.” 

Kakashi sighed and refrained from commenting. She was right and she knew it. She didn’t need him to tell her that.

After a moment Sakura sighed and unfolded the paper. Better to get it over with quickly. Once she’d read the note, Sakura groaned, it was worse than she’d thought.

“That bad?”

“Ugh. He wants to take me out to celebrate my promotion – once I’m well enough to go, of course.”

“Ah…” Kakashi had no real response to that – he’d already said his piece on Itsuki, it would do no good to reiterate it now.

“I’ll tell him the date all the medics go out for dinner, Minako has already told me they were planning something for when I’m better. Maybe then he’ll get the hint.”

Kakashi refrained from commenting. He didn’t think Itsuki was going to give up any time soon. At least, not unless she explicitly told him to… and even then… he couldn’t be certain Itsuki would. Regardless, he was well aware that anything he may have to say on the subject would be most unwelcome.

Sakura shook her head in disbelief not only at Itsuki’s continued persistence but also that he’d thought to get into her good graces with _flowers_. After she lost her baby, she’d surprised quite a few people by immediately donating _all_ the flowers she received while recovering. Consequently, _everyone_ knew she didn’t care for them. Because people had found it to be such an odd thing, the whole hospital had talked about it for _weeks_.

“I just don’t get it – what possessed him to send _flowers?_ I don’t even _like_ flowers! _Everyone_ knows that! They make a mess and they smell! I’d much prefer a stack of books – odorless and hours of entertainment...”

~*~*~*~

“ _She donated my flowers!!_ ” Itsuki exclaimed before Kumiko could even register his presence.

Sensing that it would be best to make a run for it, Kumiko’s friends hastily gathered their coffees and bolted from the table, giving an irritated Kumiko quick waves as they hurried out of the cafeteria.

Annoyed, she’d been in the middle of a juicy gossip session with her friends, Kumiko shifted her attention to the nearly irate man in front of her.

“Who did what now?”

“Sakura! She went and donated the flowers I sent to her!” Itsuki exclaimed as he plopped himself down in one of the vacated chairs. Shoving one of the hazelnut croissants that he knew Kumiko liked across the table to her.

Kumiko rolled her eyes, somehow unsurprised. Itsuki never listened. He even brought her a hazelnut croissant – one of her least favorite pastries. She’d tried gently telling him a few times that she didn’t really care for them – would much prefer a cheese danish… no luck. Absently she wondered if it was Ms. Haruno who liked hazelnut croissants, or if she too had the same problem.

“And?” she asked as she took the last sip of her nearly cold coffee and eyed the croissant with distaste.

“What do you mean, _and?!_ ” He nearly spit out his wad of gum in his irritation.

“ _Why_ did you send her flowers?” Kumiko asked idly as she contemplated her now empty mug, resisting the urge to be polite and eat the croissant.

“For her promotion! _What do you mean, and?!_ ”

“ _Everyone_ knows Ms. Haruno doesn’t care for flowers. Coffee, tea, an occasional sweet… or, lately, I hear books are what you want to give her. Definitely _not_ flowers.”

“ _What?!_ ”

Kumiko eyed him wearily, wondering if he was actually listening this time.

“Everyone at the hospital knows by now that Ms. Haruno doesn’t care for flowers – she donated all the flowers she got after her last accident. It was a bit of a big deal – people talked about it for _ages_ after.” She shrugged, glanced at her watch and, pushed herself to her feet. “Whoops, got to go – my break was over five minutes ago! If I don’t hurry, the front desk will be left unattended! See you later!”

Hastily Kumiko rushed off, fighting the very real urge to get a refill on her mug as she went past the coffee on her way out of the cafeteria – leaving her croissant behind on the table, untouched.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi took his seat across from Sakura and started in on his breakfast once he made sure she was, mostly, consuming hers. They sat eating in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

Finally, Kakashi felt compelled to speak. 

“So, what’s the plan for today?”

“Plan?” she asked, looking up from pushing a bit of extra fluffy scrambled egg around on her plate.

He nodded, noticing that she wasn’t eating as much as she should be but unable to scold her for it. Not on that day, anyway. 

“For the Memorial Service and Name Ceremony. Are they sending someone to come get you?”

Surprised, she sat for a moment staring at him. 

“Um, I’m not entirely certain. I just said I wanted to go when Minako brought it up on her last visit. She said that arrangements would be made for me. I didn’t think to ask any further.”

He nodded meditatively. 

“They’re probably sending someone for you then.” He thought for another few moments. “I’m guessing, at the very least, they’ll have a wheelchair waiting downstairs for you. I don’t think you can make it the whole way to the Memorial from here and still be in any kind of condition to handle the actual Memorial Service and Name Ceremony.”

Sakura frowned, she hadn’t really stopped to consider the logistics. Her brain was foggy with medication. Never mind the fact that Kakashi’s nearly constant presence was beginning to throw her more than a little off-balance. Sakura couldn’t imagine what he was doing but she wasn’t going to complain. 

He was nearly always around or close at hand these days. Though he _would_ leave whenever she had a medical appointment, wanted time to herself, or if her friends were due to stop by but, more often than not, he’d turn up again later when the coast was clear. And, sometimes she found, that if she really wanted him to turn up again, all it would take would be for her to step out on her balcony and admire the view. If he didn’t have a meeting or wasn’t running errands he would generally materialize sooner rather than later. If she had to guess, she’d have to say he must have a comfortable loitering location somewhere nearby where he spent his time outside of her apartment. Though she couldn’t really say where it was exactly since she’d never managed to spot him. Granted, she hadn’t tried too hard – letting him keep his secret seemed like a good way of keeping him around – if only for a little bit longer. 

Sakura also found that even when he wasn’t there when she went to bed at night, he was _always_ there in the morning to make her breakfast. She knew he was spending the night – he only rarely returned to his own apartment, usually for clothes or more books for her – but couldn’t quite pin down if he was spending the night in bed with her or if he had somehow managed to deal with her lumpy couch. Either way, he had pretty much moved in and taken over the holes in her schedule where she didn’t have anyone on hand for long stretches of time. Whether he’d been asked to do this or was doing it of his own volition, she wasn’t sure and didn’t want to ask.

She shook her head slightly and returned her attention to the issue at hand, realizing that he’d been patiently waiting for her response while she was wool-gathering – something that happened more often than Sakura would like to admit. At least she could blame the medications she was taking for that though – as recommended by both Tsunade and Dr. Kikuchi she’d taken much higher doses that morning since she knew it would be very difficult both physically and emotionally.

“I-I honestly hadn’t thought any more about it.” She grimaced a little, she’d not wanted to think much about the Memorial Service and Name Ceremony. It somehow made things – like her loss of friends and her promotion – more real, harder to handle. “A wheelchair though?”

Kakashi observed her knitted eyebrows and faint frown. 

“I take it that you don’t like the idea?”

She shook her head, flushing a little – well aware she was being silly. 

“Not really – I guess it’s just my pride getting in the way.” Sakura sighed. “You’re right, of course. I can’t make it all the way there on my own.” She paused as another thought hit her. “This building doesn’t have an elevator… I can’t even make it down the stairs on my own.”

He raised an eyebrow and didn’t bother to hide a slight smile. She was missing the obvious.

Sakura caught his expression and narrowed her eyes suspiciously. 

“ _What?_ ”

Unable to prevent himself, Kakashi chuckled. 

“Aren’t you missing an obvious solution to your problem?”

She looked at him blankly – her brain foggy and unable to see what she was missing. 

He shook his head slightly, blaming the medications for Sakura being so slow on the uptake that morning. 

“ _I’m_ going to be going to the Memorial Service and Name Ceremony you know.”

“Yes?” Sakura started before pausing once again. “Oh… I see... “

Though these days Kakashi _was_ always underfoot, Sakura knew that she couldn’t take his presence for granted. The moment she did…

_Cats always disappeared the moment you assumed that they would be there._

He chuckled at her surprise. 

“Just tell me what works best for you and I’m sure I can get you to the Memorial in one piece.”

“Kakashi… are you sure?”

He nodded and continued eating, hoping she’d let it drop. 

She stared at him for a moment, their going together would only further link them together in the minds of the general population. It was bad enough that the Council had gotten wind of his hanging around and whatever else they’d heard but if they were to start turning up in public together again…

He frowned slightly, wanting to end the conversation. His actions since his return had already irrevocably linked them together in the eyes of the village. Hell, his return alone had done that – never mind everything else he’d been doing lately.

“Eat your breakfast before it gets cold,” he gently prompted her, hoping it would be enough to get her to drop the subject.

Sakura opened her mouth to protest.

He sighed.

“It will be a long and difficult morning, you’re going to need a good breakfast to help get you through.”

She closed her mouth, he was right. The medications she’d taken before breakfast needed a good deal of food in the stomach otherwise they’d cause problems. With a sigh Sakura returned her attention to the breakfast that Kakashi had thoughtfully prepared for her, noticing for the first time that he had made her all small and easily digestible foods – things that weren’t likely to upset her stomach during what was going to be an emotional morning. 

An hour or so later, after Sakura had finished eating and changed into her formal medic’s uniform and Kakashi into his formal ANBU uniform, the two stood staring at each other in her living area. 

“So,” Kakashi started, eyeing Sakura speculatively, “how do you want to do this?”

She frowned and shook her head. 

“I don’t know… I suspect that no matter how we do it, it’s going to be uncomfortable for me.”

He grimaced in response, Sakura was likely right. 

“I’m guessing it’s either piggyback or cradle-carry since I don’t think you can actually do stairs, even if I support you, and trying to let you hop down one stair at a time seems like a _terrible_ idea.”

She nodded, he was right. Tsunade had already warned her that stairs were not an option for some time to come. Choices narrowed down to two, she eyed his back encased in hard ANBU armor along with the short sword strapped diagonally across, before baring her teeth in a cross between a grimace and an open-mouthed frown. 

Kakashi, seeing her unspoken concerns, chuckled. 

“Cradle-carry it is.”

Sakura swallowed and nodded slowly, no matter what he did, it was going to be awkward and likely unpleasant. Just standing for more than a few minutes was enough to cause some faint discomfort. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how painful having him pick her up would be. Granted, she’d much rather that _he_ was the one to do it rather than whoever was sent to collect her from the hospital – _especially_ since she was fairly certain that Itsuki would ensure that he was the one sent to collect her. He hadn’t taken the fact that she’d donated his flowers very well and she wasn’t looking forward to facing him again, especially on a day that was likely to be as tough as this one was likely to be.

Kakashi allowed his expression to soften as he imagined her concerns. 

“I’ll go slowly and will stop any time you ask me to, okay?”

Feeling slightly better about it she nodded again – she knew Kakashi would never intentionally cause her any pain. 

“Thanks.”

Ever so carefully, he crouched down to gently scoop her up – allowing her to sort of lower herself down into his arms and then doing his best to keep his actions smooth and slow and avoid compressing her midsection unnecessarily as he stood up. Once he had her up and cradled against his chest, he focused on her face once again, she’d lost some color but wasn’t deathly pale… yet.

“You okay, Sakura?” he couldn’t help but ask with genuine concern.

She closed her eyes and swallowed, waiting for the flare of pain to subside – impressive considering how much pain medication she’d taken. 

“Yes, I think so.”

“Okay.” He eyed her for a moment, looking for some sign that she was telling a fib, finding none he continued – against his better judgment. 

“Let’s go.” 

Slowly and carefully, they made their way down the stairs. Finally, outside Sakura’s apartment building, Kakashi surveyed the area. Upon finding no one waiting for them, he made his way across the street to the little park and settled Sakura down on one of the benches.

Once seated, Sakura let out a long slow breath. The trip down the stairs alone had taken a lot more out of her than she’d expected.

Concerned, Kakashi leaned in to take a closer look at her. 

“ _Are_ you okay?”

She inhaled slowly and exhaled equally slowly before responding. “I think so… thanks.” After a moment’s hesitation, she admitted, “that was worse than I was expecting though.”

Kakashi frowned and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. 

“Are you _sure_ you’re up for this? I can bring you back upstairs and you can spend the rest of the day just recovering comfortably in bed.”

She shook her head. 

“No, I _need_ to go.”

Not liking it but understanding, he sighed. 

“Okay. But, you tell me the _moment_ you think you can’t handle it any longer or just plain want or need to go home.” 

She smiled weakly. 

“Deal.”

~*~*~*~

Sakura stood in a small group with the four other surviving medics. The Memorial Service and Name Ceremony had been as painful and emotionally draining of an experience as she had been expecting. Survivor’s guilt was _real_. 

Now that the event was complete, only her pride was keeping her standing. Upon arriving in a wheelchair pushed by Itsuki, a watchful Kakashi trailing behind, Sakura had insisted upon standing through the event with her fellow medics – much to Itsuki’s vocal disapproval and Kakashi’s silent dismay. However, Kakashi sided with her in the argument, causing Itsuki to stomp off in a huff, effectively abandoning her there with Kakashi.

Just as Sakura wrapped up a bit of small talk with her surviving medic teammate, the pain practically demanding that she collapse, she sensed Kakashi’s silent presence next to her. An arm stealthily slipped under her long medic’s coat and around her back to support her without being obvious about what he was doing. Since Kakashi was in full ANBU gear, his porcelain mask in place, the already thinning crowd parted a little for them – an assumption made by all that Sakura’s presence had probably been requested elsewhere. As they headed back toward Sakura’s apartment, the remaining people started to drift away, back to their homes, or to resume their interrupted days. 

Once they were out of sight, he felt Sakura slump into him. Unsurprised, he tightened his grip on her as carefully as he could and continued for another few steps, looking for the wheelchair they had left in an alley, before coming to an irritated halt. It was not where they’d left it – Itsuki had probably brought it back to the hospital in a fit of pique.

Suddenly breathing heavily, no longer able to keep her feet under herself, Sakura felt her legs start to give out from under her.

“Sakura?” he asked, though he had expected her to fade as soon as they were out of sight, Kakashi had _not_ expected quite such a dramatic change.

Quickly, Kakashi managed to scoop her up once again before she fully collapsed, wincing as he imagined the flare of additional pain the motion likely caused her. 

“ _Sakura?_ ” he asked again, this time urgently.

“Something’s... not right…” she gasped around a sudden wave of incredible pain.

Eyes wide, Kakashi stood stock still for a moment, trying to decide on his course of action. There _might_ still be a medic at the Memorial behind them but those who had remained after the Memorial Service and Name Ceremony were still in pretty rough shape. And, not one of them had been cleared to return to active duty yet. The other medics who had attended the Memorial Service and Name Ceremony had immediately returned to work as soon as the event was complete – that was at least half an hour ago, probably longer. He had two other options.

“The hospital?” he asked.

Sakura shook her head. “No…” she paused. “Maybe…” She gritted her teeth as a wave of pain rolled over her. “Dunno… might be too far...”

Needing no other urging, Kakashi took off toward the hospital. Sakura’s apartment was on the way. If she needed to stop, he could stop there before either continuing on to the hospital or remaining there and summoning help.

~*~*~*~

“‘Kashi… stop,” Sakura grunted as they approached her apartment.

Obligingly, Kakashi paused in front of her building. 

“Sakura?” he asked, afraid to look down at her.

“Need… down…” she gasped. “Can’t…”

He glanced at the small park, there were benches where he could settle Sakura while he summoned help. She’d probably have immediate relief from some of her pain but would be something of a spectacle while they waited for someone to come and help. On the other hand, Sakura would likely need to be kept in a cleaner more contained environment such as her own bedroom. Her apartment was just up a few flights of stairs. If he hurried…

Steeling himself, he shifted his gaze down at her to pose the question.

“Park or apartment?” he asked tersely, doing his best to hide the rising fear, she did _not_ look good.

“’part’ment. _Hurry_.” she gasped around the pain – knowing that she would likely be in agony by the time Kakashi was able to put her down but that she would rather be there than out in the open.

“Okay, hang on. I’m going to try and take the stairs a few at a time.”

“T’nks,” she murmured, in a pain-induced fog, only half-conscious. 

Adrenaline surging, Kakashi practically flew up the stairs and faster than he’d thought possible found himself shifting Sakura so he could unlock her apartment door. She didn’t even stir at the movement that likely caused her more agony. Full of fresh concern, he glanced down – having been unable to do so on the panic-fueled climb up the stairs – and found that her eyes were closed and her face had lost all color. He couldn’t tell if she was still conscious.

Not panicking – _yet_ – he quickly brought Sakura to her room, laid her down on her bed, and removed her shoes. He knew that just putting her down would have to have some sort of positive effect on her. Remove the pain he was causing her at the very least.

For a moment Kakashi stood, adrenaline still pumping and making him jittery, uncertain how he should proceed. He had made contingency plans but was now uncertain if they were enough. 

Before he could try to rouse Sakura to see what she wanted him to do, Sakura’s eyes fluttered half-open. 

“‘Kashi – where my ‘mergency button?” she asked, clearly in incredible pain.

“ _What?_ Aren’t you wearing it?” he asked feeling the panic he was desperately trying to keep at bay begin to close in on him.

She groaned, her head rolling from one side to the other. 

“Noooo… at _medic_ cer’mony… din’t t’ink need it. Not...wi’ _you_ there...”

Before Kakashi could respond someone knocked on the front door before opening and entering the apartment.

“Wha?” Sakura asked blearily.

Kakashi smiled faintly, her faith in him not at all misplaced. 

“I expected you to overdo it.”

Sakura knit her brows in confusion and tried to make sense of Kakashi’s statement.

“I arranged for someone to come and check you out after the Memorial Service and Name Ceremony – I just didn’t expect you to be _this_ badly off…”

Before Sakura could respond, Minako entered the bedroom, all the color draining from her face upon seeing Sakura.

“ _Ms. Haruno!_ ” Minako exclaimed in tones of shocked horror as she rushed over to Sakura’s side.

Hastily, Kakashi backed away, allowing Minako to do her work.

~*~*~*~

Restlessly Kakashi found himself pacing back and forth in Sakura’s living room. To give Sakura her privacy, he had left the room once Minako had started her exam. If she needed him for anything, he was certain she wouldn’t hesitate to call. Now, he found himself unable to settle down. 

Several minutes later found Kakashi in the kitchen putting a kettle on to boil. He didn’t feel like tea but thought it would be hospitable to offer some to Minako when she emerged from Sakura’s room. Anxiously he went back to prowling around Sakura’s living room – too unsettled for even one of his beloved orange companions. 

His wanderings slowly brought him to the hall and down it, idly he stopped at her little desk, automatically glancing down to where Sakura had been keeping the filled out forms he’d given her when she was pregnant. He felt a deeper pang of unease upon noticing once again that they were missing. He hadn’t been able to bring up their absence with Sakura… but he did wonder what had happened to them. A small part of him queried if she had filed them anyway. Though he honestly couldn’t imagine her doing so, a small part of him couldn’t help but question how he would feel about it if that was indeed the case.

In the papers’ place, he found Sakura’s emergency button, unable to stop himself, he picked it up, wondering if he should press it even though Minako was there. Indecisively he fingered the button for a moment before pocketing it – he should have more faith in Minako. She’d gotten him patched up and back to the village in one piece after all. Shaking his head he resolutely walked back to the living room where he resumed his pacing. 

Maybe twenty minutes later, Kakashi heard Sakura’s door open and Minako emerge. Doing his best not to appear as anxious as he felt, he stopped his pacing and returned to the kitchen to meet the young medic. 

Minako carefully closed the door behind herself as she exited Sakura’s bedroom. She slowly made her way down the hall. A small part of her wondering if Mr. Hatake would be waiting.

Kakashi met Minako where the hall met the kitchen, right next to Sakura’s desk. 

Before Kakashi could ask, Minako decided to put his immediate concerns to rest. 

“Ms. Haruno is going to be just fine. I’ve done what I could for her, administered a strong painkiller and a sedative. She should sleep soundly and painlessly through tomorrow morning.”

He exhaled slowly, unaware that he had been holding his breath. 

“What happened?”

Minako shook her head slightly, this was beyond her expertise. 

“I’m not entirely certain but it looks to be that her extended time standing caused a lot of strain on her still-healing injuries. She has had extensive work done in her abdominopelvic cavity and from what I can see things weren’t ready to be in an upright position for an extended period of time.” She paused, suddenly thinking of a second possible mitigating factor, before continuing, “I wouldn’t be surprised if she also locked her knees at some point – the pain must have been excruciating.” Minako waved a hand wearily. “Regardless, she’s going to need some serious rehab to come back from this.”

Kakashi’s eyes widened as the low level of panic he’d been feeling suddenly roared back to life. 

“I thought you said she was okay?” he asked, a hint of fear entering his voice.

Minako hurried to assure him. “She is!” She paused before adding, “Well, she will be.”

_“Will be?”_

“I’ve done everything for her that I _can_ do – managed to shift things back to where they need to be. She will still need to be seen by a more senior medic than myself to make sure everything is as it should be – _and_ will stay that way.”

Kakashi nodded. Guessing that he would need to spend some time picking up that evening as Tsunade was sure to put in an appearance in the morning. He wasn’t certain how obvious he should make it that he had more or less moved in – leaving only when there were others present or Sakura was having a good day.

“In the meantime, Ms. Haruno will need to stay on bed rest – absolutely no moving about on her own for the few times she _does_ have to get up.” 

He nodded again. This was not unexpected. 

Not really thinking that Kakashi was planning on staying with Sakura for the _entire_ duration, Minako continued on, “I’ll have her care schedule updated so that there are fewer long periods during which Ms. Haruno will be alone during the day.” She shot him a sideways glance. “That won’t help with the overnight shifts though.”

Kakashi knew that Minako knew damn well that he would be taking the overnight shifts with Sakura as he had been since his return to the village.

“Tea?” he asked, gesturing for Minako to take a seat at the table, knowing from her posture that she would need a bit of a rest before she could head back to the hospital. 

Suddenly realizing that she was very tired, Minako nodded, knowing that he had gotten her less-than-subtle message. 

“Yes, please.”

Kakashi poured her a mug of tea from the pot he had been keeping warm and slid it in front of the drained woman. Adding a sugar pot and creamer before taking the seat across from her. Assuming that she would need energy, he had made black tea so she could fortify it with sugar and cream if she was so inclined.

“Thank you for coming,” he started while she added some sugar and, after hesitating for a moment, some cream to her tea.

Startled at the genuine tone of appreciation in Kakashi’s voice, she glanced up from the fortifying liquid before her to take in his slightly strained expression.

“You saved my life.”

He shrugged. 

“It was a mission.”

“But, you didn’t have to-”

He waved a hand. 

“You got me back to the village – call it even.”

With a frown, she nodded, not liking it but still seeing his logic. Instead of disagreeing, she changed the subject slightly. 

“Ms. Haruno saved my child’s life.”

Kakashi nodded. 

“She saves a lot of people’s lives.”

Minako shook her head, determinedly. 

“No.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. 

“No?”

Minako averted her eyes. 

“She saved _my_ child at the expense of _her own_.”

Kakashi froze in place for a moment, tea lifted to his masked lips, before continuing on to take a belated sip. He saw no reason to deny it, but also no reason to confirm it either.

Upon receiving no response she glanced up to find his impassive expression. She knew she was right. 

“She saved _my_ child at the expense of her child, _your_ child.”

Again, he froze, uncertain how he should respond. Minako was a medic and likely one who was in a position to know that Sakura had indeed been pregnant. 

“I saw the paperwork,” she continued, well aware that he was not going to confirm anything. “I saw it the first time I came by to check on Ms. Haruno.” She glanced down at her tea. “It didn’t seem like something that should be left out like that.” She glanced back up at him. “So, I filed it all for her.”

Just barely able to prevent himself from spraying the inside of his mask with a mouthful of lukewarm tea he managed to quickly swallow it instead. 

“Excuse me?”

Uncertain why he had reacted so oddly, she nodded. 

“Sure. Everything’s in the top drawer of her desk – I didn’t think I should go digging around her personal papers so I figured she could file them properly later when she’s up to dealing with paperwork.”

Kakashi nodded, feeling both relieved and disappointed and uncertain as to why. 

“Thank you. I’m sure Sakura appreciates that.”

“Yes, her private papers are none of anyone’s business.”

They sat in mostly comfortable silence for a while, drinking the now cooling tea.

“I’m sorry about Genji and Kenji,” Kakashi offered once the silence started to become strained. 

Minako inhaled sharply and glanced away, knowing how hard it must be for him to say it. 

“Thank you. They-” she cut herself off to get a better hold of her emotions. “Those two idiots never _did_ have any common sense… _or_ listen to orders.”

Kakashi nodded, knowing that he didn’t really have anything nice to add – anyone who knew the two shinobi in question knew there was a lot more to it than that.

Minako caught his lack of comment and chuckled sadly. 

“We both know they didn’t run in to try and help. They probably thought they would save the day somehow. _Idiots._ I-I can only hope that investigators are right and whatever Genji and Kenji did, didn’t contribute to… to what happened.” She stopped, unable to continue for a few moments. 

Minako found herself intently studying her tea. Deep down she knew, as did anyone who knew Genji and Kenji, that it was just possible that the two misguided shinobi may have thought they were somehow helping by rushing in before the second wave of first responders entered the wing. Though official investigations had ruled the possibility as unlikely, she couldn’t help but worry that their actions may well have triggered that second explosion. After a few moments, and a silent vow to start going to the grief counselor again, she cleared her throat and picked up the awkwardly abandoned conversation.

“It was kind of the higher-ups to give those two the benefit of the doubt and use what they decided to interpret as Genji and Kenji’s final selfless act as a mitigating factor to… to what they did to Ms. Haruno.” She stopped again, realizing that she was phrasing it badly. “It still doesn’t even begin to make up for what they did… Though their families were able to collect death benefits, I don’t think anyone argued the decision to exclude them from the Memorial...”

Kakashi nodded again, knowing that it would do no good for him to voice an opinion on the matter. That those two idiots had been killed in the second blast had likely solved any number of problems and neatly removed a source of ire from him. His self-control had been sorely tested each and every time he ran into them. They were lucky that they never challenged him to another sparring session – he was fairly certain he wouldn’t have been able to control himself a second time around. Kakashi had no idea how Sakura could possibly have been dealing with it – as she had been coping far better than he had – and had to attribute it to her counseling sessions. A part of him still wondered at what could have been… and a smaller part of him wondered if Sakura did too.

~*~*~*~


	20. Chapter XX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every other week. I think I’m going to need to do more rewrites on the remaining chapters than in previous chapters so I can’t make any guarantees.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter XX

Kakashi cursed the lumps in the couch as he slowly shifted himself off the uncomfortable piece of furniture. He had originally started out splitting his time between Sakura’s uncomfortable couch and her bed but had ended up spending more and more time in her bed as the days had worn on. This had been the first night in a long time that he had spent entirely on the couch and it had been even _less_ comfortable than he’d remembered. 

With a muttered oath for his aching body, Kakashi slowly made his way down the hall to Sakura’s room, he needed to make sure she was still sleeping peacefully. There was no reason for her not to be okay, it had only been a few hours since he had last checked in on her. But he still _needed_ to know, to make absolutely _sure_.

Sakura was, as she had been the last time he’d checked, lying peacefully asleep in her bed. Before realizing it, he had wandered closer, just to make extra certain that Sakura was still okay. After standing there, resisting the urge to reach out to her for a few minutes, he turned resolutely to return to the kitchen. He needed coffee. Tsunade would be along shortly if he didn’t miss his guess and he needed to be caffeinated for her visit.

As Kakashi was pouring himself a cup of freshly brewed coffee, he heard a sharp knock on the apartment door before it opened. Preparing himself, he poured a second mug of coffee with a dash of cream and went to greet the village’s top medic.

“Morning, Kakashi,” she addressed him as she handily took the mug of coffee on her way past him, heading directly to Sakura’s room without any other comments.

Uncertain what she expected him to do, he followed several steps behind. Upon reaching Sakura’s bedroom, Tsunade opened the door, entered the room, and shut the door behind her. 

Brought up short by the closed door, Kakashi sighed and turned his footsteps back toward the kitchen with thoughts of making a shopping list. He would send whoever was next on Sakura’s care schedule out on the errand so he could stay with Sakura. 

Half an hour later, Tsunade emerged from Sakura’s room to find Kakashi pacing in the living room. Keeping a smile to herself, she silently held out her empty coffee mug.

Obligingly, Kakashi took it with him into the kitchen, Tsunade following along behind.

Once her mug had been replenished and she had taken a good long sip, Tsunade sighed, Kakashi had learned to make one _mean_ cup of coffee.

“Sakura will be just fine. I re-upped her pain meds and have opted to keep her sedated for the time being. Looks like the strain of yesterday combined with the overexertion of standing for so long got to her.” She shot him a look.

Kakashi had the grace to duck his head a little – he knew he should have intervened sooner even though Sakura had not asked him to. To those who knew Sakura well, there had been a few very slight signs that she was fading.

Tsunade continued upon noting his slight sign of culpability. 

“Standing for so long put too much strain on Sakura’s still healing internal injuries. Things just shifted a bit out of place as a few of her internal lacerations reopened under the strain of standing. She probably didn’t notice until she started moving again. Fortunately, now that everything is back as it belongs, she’ll be back on track.”

Kakashi let out a long sigh of relief, unaware that he had even been holding his breath in the first place.

“But, I had to reopen and reset more of her wounds in order to make sure everything would heal properly.”

“ _What?_ ”

“It’s nothing terrible – just a setback. She’ll be fine. Just needs more time to heal, is all.” Tsunade was unable to suppress a sigh. “She’s nearly back at square one though, so you’ll have to be extra careful with her. Any and all movements need to be slow and careful and she should not be up and on her feet unsupervised nor for any extended lengths of time. Any sudden movements could be disastrous, could reopen the work I’ve done today to keep everything stable while she heals.”

He nodded. Though the treatment had been somewhat unexpected, the explanation made sense in conjunction with Minako’s comments. Regardless, the end result was pretty much as he’d expected. 

She eyed him for a moment. 

“Are you still going to be around?”

Unwilling to tip his hand, though knowing that he likely already had, Kakashi shrugged. 

“I’ve nowhere else to be. Might as well continue to stay here and keep an eye on her.”

Tsunade snorted. They both knew he was laying it on a bit thick. He’d be there no matter what, even if he _did_ have other things he should be doing. 

“Right, anyway, she needs to stay strictly in bed for at least the next week, possibly the next two. After that, we can re-evaluate. If things are where they need to be, she'll be able to get up and about a bit on her own again. She still won’t be where she was when you returned but she’ll be better than bed rest.”

Kakashi nodded, absently bringing a hand up to his neck to rub at the soreness. He’d hoped that Sakura wouldn’t be confined to bed for too long. He wasn’t sure when he could start sharing her bed with her but guessed that he wouldn’t be allowed back in bed until Sakura was off bed rest at the very earliest.

Tsunade, examined him from the side of her eye, suddenly remembering how uncomfortable Sakura’s couch could be. 

“It will be okay for her to share her bed in a few days,” she paused for a moment, wondering if he’d be able to keep his hands to himself, and hastily revised her opinion, “No make that a week. So long as you’re careful, she should be okay to share with you in a week.”

Kakashi felt his cheeks tint and hastily glanced away – occupying himself with pouring more coffee for both of them.

Tsunade laughed, pleased that she had correctly pegged the cause of Kakashi’s stiff muscles, and decided not to further acknowledge Kakashi’s slip. It was only too obvious that he would be hanging around Sakura for the foreseeable future – no need to bring his attention to that fact.

~*~*~*~

Sakura slowly woke, feeling groggy and tired. Opening her eyes proved to be a bit more painful than she wanted to deal with so she closed them again. Shaking her head slightly, she tried to clear the cobwebs. When it didn’t work, she realized that she had likely been sedated. At least, she’d noted that she was back in her own bed in her apartment. After a moment of just lying there, she also realized that she wasn’t feeling any pain. Painkillers. They had definitely given her some of the heavy-duty ones. She must have had a set-back, she’d graduated from the really strong stuff weeks ago.

After a few more minutes ticked by Sakura realized that she would have to open her eyes to try and see what she could. Clearly, whatever they’d given her to let her sleep had worn off. 

Cracking her eyes again she took a look around, noting that the pain wasn’t nearly as bad as her eyes adjusted to the light. Knowing that she shouldn’t move much, or at all, if at all possible, she took a quick glance around her room. To her left, on her nightstand, she found a glass of water – something she knew she definitely couldn’t drink without help – and a small brass bell. Sakura sighed. She knew that bell all too well and had hoped that she had graduated from using it. 

Irritated with herself she ignored the bell for a moment, instead, trying to remember what had happened. After a few moments of pondering, all she could distinctly remember was going to the Memorial Service and Name Ceremony with Kakashi and Itsuki… after that, she couldn’t seem to remember much.

With a sigh, Sakura gave in and cautiously extended her left hand out to the bell. Someone would be in her apartment, likely they’d made shifts again, and she should let them know that she was awake. 

Kakashi heard a faint metallic sound from Sakura’s room followed by a dull thud. Immediately alert he shot up from his seat on her couch, the thing _was_ comfortable for sitting, and rushed to Sakura’s room, almost afraid of what he would find.

Hurriedly he threw open the door to find Sakura awake, her right arm covering her eyes, and the left one still extended as if to try and ring her bell. Immediately Kakashi heaved a silent sigh of relief.

“Coordination not quite there yet?” he asked, humor covering his sense of immense relief, as he made his way slowly to her bedside, bending over to retrieve her bell and place it much closer to her on the nightstand. 

“Ugh,” she grunted as she removed her arm from her eyes. “Kakashi?” she asked as she realized with whom she was speaking. “Wha-what are you doing here?”

“Keeping an eye on you, and as it so happens, it would appear that you need it.”

She couldn’t prevent the slight chuckle and was immediately sorry as the movement caused her pain, which she knew must be excruciating considering the strength of painkillers she likely had in her system. 

Seeing her wince of pain, Kakashi couldn’t help but move a little closer, unable to do anything else. 

“Are you in pain?”

She exhaled slowly. 

“Just a little, I don’t think it signals that I need more meds though – just that I shouldn’t have moved.”

Feeling anxious, but unable to voice his concerns properly, he just nodded. 

“You’re to let me know as soon as they start to wear off. Tsunade gave me some pills if you need them. Otherwise, the next medic scheduled to stop by can probably do something for you if you need it.”

She nodded slowly. 

“What happened?”

“What do you remember?”

“I… I remember going to the Memorial. I remember fighting with Itsuki…” Sakura frowned. “I don’t actually remember the Memorial Service and Name Ceremony…”

“You stood for the whole thing, and then stayed to catch up with your teammates for another half hour or so.”

Realization of what had probably happened dawned on her. 

“Oh…”

He nodded, knowing he didn’t need to elaborate any further. 

“Oh, is right.”

Sakura sighed. 

“It’s not so bad, I’d already asked Minako to come by after the Memorial Service and Name Ceremony – I knew you’d overdo it – I just didn’t realize _how_ badly you’d overdo it.”

She inhaled to yell at him but closed her mouth after realizing that she lacked the energy and that even if she had had the energy, the act of yelling would likely only hurt her even more. So her irritation at his – correct – assumption that she would overdo it flared but passed quickly. Sakura knew that he was right and she was lucky for him having had that much foresight. 

“Thanks…” 

“Tsunade came by yesterday morning to see to whatever Minako couldn’t do herself.”

“I see.”

“She said she had to put you back nearly to square one in order to set things right again.”

Sakura couldn’t stifle the groan, she didn’t want to be stuck in bed for an extended length of time again.

Kakashi chuckled, easily guessing what she was thinking. 

“It’s not _that_ bad.”

She glared at him.

He pulled a lavender book from his pocket and brandished it, thankful that he had been able to persuade one of Sakura’s scheduled caregivers to make a detour to the bookstore where he already had a copy on hold.

“See, I have here the sequel to _The Tea Shop_ parody book. You can start it once you finish re-reading that dreadful period piece you love so much.”

Despite the pain it caused, Sakura was unable to prevent a very slight chuckle. Their taste in romance novels was mostly the same with only a few notable exceptions, the novel she was currently re-reading being one. 

“ _You_ have your _Icha Icha_ , _I_ have my historical romances,” she stated archly.

Seeing that as intended, Sakura had perked up a bit, Kakashi chuckled.

“Touché.” He eyed her for a moment before deciding that though her outlook had improved a bit, she could still use something else to look forward to. “The last time I was at the bookstore I heard that there is a new series by an author who is friends with the author of _The Coffee Shop._ Of course, I ordered that one as well, it should be here at the end of next week.”

“Really?” Sakura raised a skeptical eyebrow. “What’s _that_ one called?”

Kakashi grinned, unable to suppress his amusement. 

“It’s so very originally titled, _The Book Shop_.”

“ _What?_ ”

Kakashi laughed. 

“It’s meta – it’s about the owner of a book shop that sells ridiculously popular romance novels with incredibly improbable plots.”

“ _Seriously?_ ”

“Yup.”

“What kind of romantic lead would _that_ book have?”

“I have no idea but will let you read it first when it comes in, so _you’ll_ have to tell _me_.”

She snorted, wincing at the fare of pain.

“Well, on one condition.”

“Which would be?”

_“No spoilers!”_

~*~*~*~

Tsunade dismissed the temporary aide with a weary gesture, Sakura’s latest setback had made hiring someone to fill in for her a necessity. It had been a _long_ day and from the pile of paperwork she still had in her inbox, she could see that she wouldn’t be calling it quits for the evening any time soon. 

Just as she was eyeing the stack of paperwork, assessing what would be the easiest thing to tackle next, a firm but somehow still deferential knock interrupted her thoughts. Tsunade kept a string of curses to herself.

“Come in!” she called through clenched teeth, doing her best not to let the invective she would rather have used slip. Tsunade knew that would only cause more trouble in the long run.

Yui carefully entered the office, gliding in as gracefully as ever.

“Evening, Yui.”

“The Council sends their greetings, my Lady.” Yui bowed elegantly.

Tsunade eyed Yui’s empty hands and grimaced.

“I don’t see a scroll today.”

“No, my Lady. The Council has sent me to express a few concerns regarding-”

Having a good idea of what might be coming, no paper trail was enough to tip her off, and finally having had enough, Tsunade interrupted Yui.

“If this is about what I think it’s about, I _don’t_ want to hear it!”

Taken aback at the sudden exclamation, Yui actually took a step back.

“Excuse me, my Lady?” she asked with some confusion. This was not the first time the Hokage had exploded at her. However, the explosions usually happened _after_ she’d brought up the Council’s concerns. 

Tsunade slammed a fist down on her desk, sending pens and paperwork of various types flying.

“I’ve had enough about it from them!”

“But, surely, my Lady-“ Yui tried placatingly.

Tsunade shook her head and raised a hand, she was done.

“I should have said this much sooner. If it’s about Kakashi you can turn right around and go back to the Council. Tell them that they need to butt out and let nature take its course!”

“My Lady-“ Yui tried one last time.

“I’ll hear no more about it! _And that’s_ _final!_ ”

~*~*~*~

“So, starting tomorrow you should be okay to get up and about a bit on your own.”

Sakura nodded, she’d been dying for the good news, though a part of her was slightly disappointed. Surprisingly enough, Kakashi had stayed with her while she was unable to get out of bed alone. She was fairly certain that he was thoroughly sick of hanging around and was likely looking for the first opportunity to make a break for it. He had, after all, rushed out as soon as Tsunade appeared for her check-up. He must have been going stir-crazy spending so much time cooped up in her apartment with her. Sakura had to suppress a sigh, it had been nice while it lasted and she was lucky to have had Kakashi stick around as long as he had. But, like all good things, it would eventually have to come to an end.

_The cat would need some time to himself after spending so much time in her company._

“Sakura?” Tsunade asked, sensing that she had lost Sakura’s attention.

Hastily Sakura refocused her attention, ignoring a faint tint of color that spread across her cheeks. 

“Oh, er, yes. Sorry.”

Tsunade eyed her speculatively. 

“I would have thought that you would be more excited about the prospect of finally leaving your bed on your own again.”

Sakura shook her head slightly. 

“Yes, sorry, I am. I was just thinking, is all.”

Suppressing a smirk, Tsunade was fairly certain that she knew what Sakura was thinking about, she changed the subject. 

“So, what’s this I hear about your being married?”

Sakura felt the color drain from her face as her jaw dropped. 

Tsunade laughed at her reaction. 

“Relax. I know it’s not true. People are just speculating on Kakashi’s most recent behavior, I’m sure. He’s always been something of an odd sock. Spending so much time with you must have thrown the local gossips for a loop. Now they’re stretching for a possible reason for him suddenly making himself a part of a pair.”

Sakura shook her head and finally managed to close her mouth. 

“I-I…” she swallowed and tried to better gather herself to continue. “Well… Not _technically_ , anyway.”

Tsunade, who had absently raised her glass of water to take a sip almost spit it out. 

_“What?!”_

Sakura felt her cheeks heat. 

“I never got around to filing the paperwork.”

Eyes wide, Tsunade repeated her question, “ _what?!_ ”

Sakura averted her eyes, uncertain why this was coming up now. 

“When I was pregnant…” she trailed off, suddenly needing a moment – she didn’t like to think about what could have been. Shaking her head Sakura continued. “Well, Kakashi wanted me to have options.”

Tsunade raised a surprised eyebrow. 

“Options?”

Sakura nodded. 

“He wanted to make sure I could hold him legally responsible… if that’s what I wanted.”

“ _Really?_ ” Tsunade asked with considerable surprise. “ _Kakashi?_ ”

Sakura nodded again. 

“I intended on filing the paperwork, I-I think he wanted me to…”

Tsunade nodded slowly, it made sense of a sort… Kakashi sense at least. 

“I see.” She thought for a moment. “Where is that paperwork now?”

Sakura shrugged. 

“I left it on my desk after… I wanted Kakashi to have the chance to take it back... if that’s what he wanted. But, he left it there. It’s been there ever since.”

Tsunade nodded slowly, a few more pieces regarding Kakashi’s miraculous return clicking into place. Sakura’s explanation seemed more or less logical but she hadn’t seen any papers on the desk. 

“Well, it isn’t there now.”

Sakura thought for a moment before the vague memory of a conversation with Minako surfaced. 

“Oh, that’s right. Minako found it while on her first home visit after… well, she found it and put it away for me.”

Tsunade nodded, which likely accounted for the most recent rumor circulating through the hospital. Someone else must have seen the paperwork first. Though why it had taken so long for the rumor to start she couldn’t say. Tsunade could only assume that Kakashi’s recent unusual behavior had likely caused medics to wonder and someone to remember seeing the paperwork. 

Not wanting to trouble Sakura with the current gossip going around Tsunade decided to change the topic. No one would be foolish enough to bring it up with her and it would be another two months at least, probably three if she didn’t have help with the stairs, before Sakura would be up and out of her apartment on her own. By then, Tsunade was sure that there would be something else occupying the idle tongues of Konoha. No need to worry about it now.

“Once you start getting out of bed again, I don’t want you getting overambitious.” She eyed Sakura. “No standing still for long periods of time.”

Feeling her cheeks tint again, Sakura ducked her head a little. She was well aware that it was all her own fault for not realizing what was happening. Or, more likely, it was her fault for not using the wheelchair that had been provided. If she had, she wouldn’t have had things go sideways.

“Good.” Tsunade patted Sakura’s legs absently as she pushed herself up from the bed. 

“I’m sure Kakashi should be back momentarily. Until then, you have your bell and your button?”

Sakura nodded and raised a hand to show the button strapped to her wrist – Kakashi had insisted that she wear the button at all times so it couldn’t be misplaced – and pointed to the bell within easy reach.

“Good. I’m off back to the hospital. You know the drill, take it slow and ask for help when you need it – if you’re uncertain about it, _you need help._ I’ll be out of town at a conference next week so try not to get yourself into any trouble while I’m away.”

“Thanks.” Sakura hesitated for a moment before bringing up a topic she’d been afraid to broach. “Er, about Kakashi…”

Tsunade turned, surprise clearly written across her face. 

“What about Kakashi?”

“His, er, his schedule? That, that hasn’t been changed, has it?” Sakura paused before continuing, “Because of me?”

Tsunade frowned faintly and shook her head, wondering where this had come from. 

“What’s this about?”

“Kakashi. He’s been here, with me, this _whole_ time. Since he came back he hasn’t been sent back out. He hasn’t even picked up a shift of guard duty.” Sakura frowned. “He hasn’t been sidelined because of me, has he?”

Surprised that she would think to ask about it, Tsunade smiled and shook her head. 

“No, not at all.”

Sakura knit her brows together, allowing her frown to deepen. 

“But, he hasn’t been reassigned or sent out on another mission since his return. He’s too good at his job and the village is too short on skilled shinobi for there to be no need of his services…”

“No… No, he hasn’t been sent back out...” Tsunade responded slowly, trying to sort out the best way to handle the conversation.

“Because?”

She looked more carefully at Sakura. 

“You haven’t had a chance to speak to Kakashi about this yourself?”

Sakura averted her eyes quickly. 

“No. I didn’t like to ask.”

Tsunade raised her eyebrow in question and let the silence stretch out.

Feeling uncomfortable in the silence as it expanded between them Sakura felt compelled to fill it. 

“I figured that asking him was the surest way to send him running. The moment I assumed he would be around would be the moment he wasn’t. You know how he is.”

“So, you haven’t spoken to him about it at all?” Tsunade asked with some disbelief – it was too important of a conversation for them not to have had.

Sakura shook her head, well aware that she should have pinned Kakashi down and asked him about it _weeks_ ago.

“Do you know about his last mission?”

Sakura nodded slowly, she didn’t like to think about it. Having had Kakashi around all the time made it harder for her to cope with the fact that he would eventually start taking on other suicide missions. And that one day, one of those missions would live up to its classification. 

It had been one thing when he occasionally showed up for some quality time with her while she worked in her office or the occasional cup of coffee. It had become quite another when he’d started hanging around, and so much more, on a regular basis. And, yet still another, now that he’d been more or less living with her. After having had him around nearly all the time… coping with his choices would only become that much more difficult once he started going back out on missions again.

“I see… well, because of that last mission he has been placed on leave for the time being. As he was not expected to return, certain processes need to be followed. That’s all, nothing catastrophic.”

Sakura refocused her attention on Tsunade, trying to parse Kakashi’s situation. Clearly, there was something she was missing. What Tsunade was saying, didn’t make sense with all the information she had. That Tsunade wasn’t giving her that missing piece of information probably meant that it was something Kakashi needed to tell her himself.

“So… he’s in a sort of bureaucratic Limbo?” she asked, trying not to think too hard about the fact that there was something Kakashi wasn’t telling her.

Tsunade frowned, tilting her head to one side and then the other as she tried to find better words to explain Kakashi’s situation without actually explaining it to Sakura. Sakura needed to hear it from Kakashi, not her.

“I suppose you could put it that way. Regardless of how you phrase it, his status has been suspended until further notice.”

“ _What?!_ ”

“It’s not negative and certainly nothing to do with you if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Sakura felt her cheeks tint and she glanced away.

Tsunade chuckled. 

“Not to worry Sakura. He hasn’t been grounded on your account if that’s what you’re afraid of – he’s still free to come and go as he pleases – no orders have been issued.”

Not able to make eye contact, Sakura exhaled slowly. 

“Thanks.”

Tsunade chuckled to herself once again as she made her way through the living room. Just as she was reaching out for the doorknob she heard a sound in Sakura’s kitchen. Smiling to herself she turned and backtracked to intercept the man currently rummaging around Sakura’s kitchen – likely thinking to start a pot of tea from the looks of it.

“Kakashi,” she greeted him as he rooted around in Sakura’s cabinets, her keen eyes caught sight of a pair of fancy cake boxes sitting on the counter.

Unsurprised, he turned to greet her. 

“Evening, Tsunade. Cup of tea? I’m making decaf. Or, would you like a fruit tart? I’m afraid I can’t offer you a piece of the rainbow crepe cake,” he gestured to one of the fancy pastry boxes, “though. That’s for tomorrow.”

She raised her eyebrows at the mention of the special cake – the waiting list for one was supposed to be _miles_ long.

Kakashi shrugged, not liking to admit the hoops he’d jumped through to get one. 

“I ordered one last week – guessed when Sakura would have the all’s clear to get out of bed on her own again. Will be a nice surprise for her when she makes it to the kitchen tomorrow-” he stopped abruptly. “That is, of course, if she’s cleared to get out of bed tomorrow?”

Keeping a smile to herself, Tsunade shook her head. 

“No thanks to the tea and tart. I appreciate the offer though.” She waved her hand dismissively, returning to the more important topic at hand. “Don’t worry, she can get out of bed tomorrow so long as she goes slow and is very careful.”

He observed that she was not taking her leave nor was she taking a seat to join him. 

“Something I can do for you then?”

“Two things.”

Surprised Kakashi raised an eyebrow, he hadn’t actually thought that there would be anything. 

“What do you need then?”

“Rumors are circulating through the hospital.”

“Yes?” He turned back to the cabinet, once again looking for the particular tea he wanted. “There are always rumors at the hospital.”

“Saying that Sakura is married.”

He fumbled the canister of loose tea he had finally located and was bringing down from the cabinet. 

“Oh, really?”

She snorted. 

“Yes, _really_. Sakura doesn’t know the extent, though I did ask her about it.”

“What do you need from _me_ then?”

“I just wanted to make you aware of those rumors – I want you to think about your reaction to this if it should come out and if someone is foolish enough to bring those rumors up to Sakura.”

“I see… Is there a husband named in these rumors?”

“You don’t need to ask about the source?”

Kakashi sighed. 

“Minako mentioned to me that she had seen the paperwork on her first home visit for Sakura and had filed it away out of sight. I’m guessing that she was not the first one here to treat Sakura when she was originally released from the hospital.”

Tsunade nodded, it made sense. 

“No one is named as the husband from what I’ve heard. However, it wouldn’t take a genius to leap to the conclusion that it was _you_.”

Surprised, he stopped filling the tea infuser to glance up at Tsunade. 

“What?”

She snorted. 

“Even with your reputation, your most recent behavior has not gone unnoticed.”

Letting out a slow breath, he returned his attention to making the tea. 

“The second thing?”

“You haven’t spoken to Sakura about your plans or your future.”

Setting the kettle on to boil – the teapot now set to go for when the hot water was ready – he returned his full attention to Tsunade. 

“So? Why does that matter?”

“Sakura is afraid to ask – she thinks you’ll disappear if she does.”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

“Why would she think that?”

“Come on Kakashi, you’re a tough man to nail down to make _any_ sort of future plans. Hell, that Sakura has never even tried to with you is probably one of the reasons why you keep going back to her. You come and go as you please most of the time as it is – apparently Sakura is more or less okay with that... Well, she’s learned to cope with it at any rate.”

Frowning he nodded. 

“Okay, point taken. Why is that an issue _now?_ ”

“Sakura thought your mission status had been restricted because of her – and was afraid you might start to resent her for it. She doesn’t know that you’re due to be retired or semi-retired” she waved a hand in irritation, “Whatever it is that we decide you’ll be at any rate. Don’t you think that should be something you should at least mention to her?”

Kakashi opened his mouth to reply before closing it, realizing that he didn’t have a response.

Tsunade nodded to herself, she hadn’t expected an answer. 

“Think about it Kakashi. Sakura _needs_ to know. One way or the other she’s going to find out and it will be far better coming from _you_ than someone else. I did some fancy footwork to avoid spilling the beans but not everyone else will.” 

Wisdom imparted, Tsunade turned on her heel and made her way to Sakura’s apartment door and took her exit, secure in the knowledge that she had planted some fairly important seeds in Kakashi’s mind.

~*~*~*~

Kumiko glanced up just in time to see an obviously irritated Itsuki bearing down on her. Fed up, she’d been looking forward to a nice peaceful break after a very hectic morning. She was _supposed_ to have had the day off to go to the spa, a more than welcome break from dealing with Itsuki to her mind. Instead, she had been called in very early at the last minute that morning. 

Before he could open his mouth to start complaining, Kumiko opened hers to preempt him.

“Itsuki – if it’s about Ms. Haruno and Mr. Hatake, I don’t want to hear it,” she stated calmly but firmly.

Surprised he paused just before pulling out the chair across from Kumiko.

“ _What?_ ”

“If whatever has set you off this time has anything to do with Ms. Haruno _or_ Mr. Hatake, I _don’t_ want to hear it.”

“But-”

“ _I’ve had enough!_ If you don’t have anything better to discuss, go find somewhere else to vent your spleen!” She hesitated a moment before deciding she may as well tell him what everyone else already knew, “In fact, go find someone else to lavish your romantic attentions on! Ms. Haruno isn’t interested and never will be. She’s practically married to Mr. Hatake anyway. You don’t even factor into the equation!” 

“Married?” Itsuki asked in disbelief, this was the first he was hearing of it, his ever-present wad of gum going unchewed as his mind reeled at the statement.

“If they’re not, they might as well be!” Kumiko shot back spitefully. No one _really_ believed it but she didn’t have to tell _Itsuki_ that. Maybe now he’d leave _both_ Ms. Haruno and herself alone. “There’s no hope for you, go find someone else!”

“ _Married?_ ” he repeated in shock, once again starting to chew his gum – a hand automatically dipping into a pocket for another piece.

Kumiko rolled her eyes, of course he’d focus on _that_ and still manage not to listen. How he’d been able to avoid hearing the rumor she couldn’t even imagine. It was the talk of the whole hospital, had been for the past few weeks. Then again, given his reaction, it was entirely likely that no one had wanted to deal with the consequences of telling him.

“Rumor has it that they _are_. And frankly, if they’re not… From what I’ve heard… I’m sure they will be soon.” She shrugged, there was nothing else to be said on the matter as far as she was concerned.

“ _Married?!_ ”

“Nothing you can do will change it – cut line, go fishing elsewhere.” Kumiko paused in thought for a moment before adding, “And, change your bait while you’re at it!”

Ire expressed, Kumiko pushed herself up from the table and stalked out of the cafeteria. She’d bribe her cover to stay just a bit longer and then go grab a cup of tea from the café across the street. Anything to avoid Itsuki for the rest of the day.

~*~*~*~

“It’s _fine_ Kakashi. _I’m_ fine. Just go.” Sakura eyed him in his most formal ANBU uniform, the first time he’d donned it since the Memorial Service and Name Ceremony at the Memorial, and sighed. “You’re over two hours late now.”

He shrugged and flipped another page of his book.

“Kakashi, you don’t get all dressed up in your full formal ANBU gear for no reason. I _know_ you have a meeting today. And, judging by what you’re wearing it’s an important one.”

He shrugged again and flipped yet another page.

Sighing loudly, she tried one last time, “Come on, Kakashi, just go. Whoever is on the schedule for this morning is simply running late. I’m _fine_. I got out of bed and got myself dressed and to the kitchen all by myself. I’m now comfortably settled at the table with the paper and the second _The Tea Shop_ novel. I have no intention of moving any time soon. So, please, just go. Whatever it is that you’re missing has to be important for you to be all dressed up like that.”

Kakashi sighed, knowing she was right but just not quite able to leave without having someone there to stay with Sakura. She’d been up and out of bed on her own for a little over a week now and had been doing very well according to the various medics who stopped by the check on her progress. There really was no need for him to stay. And, yet, for some reason, he still couldn’t quite bring himself to leave.

“Sakura, I-” he started before being abruptly interrupted by a sharp rap on Sakura’s balcony door.

Without waiting for a response, the black and gray-clad ANBU opened the sliding glass door and entered, two more following silently behind. 

Startled, Sakura shifted her glance between the three ANBU and then Kakashi. 

“I’m guessing they’re here for you?” she asked feeling somewhat nonplussed – the meeting Kakashi had been blowing off must be far more important than she’d guessed for them to have actually sent people out after him.

Stifling a sigh, Kakashi raised his mask and then lowered his porcelain mask as he rose to his feet. 

“I’ll be back.”

“I’ll be here,” she responded automatically as she watched him take his leave via her balcony door – the three ANBU following silently in his wake. After a moment, a slight smile spread its way across her lips – that was the first time he’d ever gone out of his way to say he would return to her.

~*~*~*~

Sakura glanced up from the paper, startled at the sudden bang of her apartment door opening and then slamming shut again, followed by angry stomping.

Absolutely furious, Itsuki stormed into the kitchen, face red and pinched in anger. 

“You went and _married_ him?!” he yelled without preamble.

Shocked Sakura just sat and stared while Itsuki continued to rant.

“ _How_ could you go and _do_ such a _stupid_ thing! And to that _lazy no good perverted old man_ no less!”

Still too surprised to respond Sakura continued to watch Itsuki as he proceeded to yell, pacing up and down the length of her kitchen, gum wrappers flying from his pockets as he moved.

“ _He_ can’t give you what you need! He’s just going to ruin your life by _getting himself killed_ on his next mission! Of all the stupid foolish things you could have done! He’s _not_ the man for you! He _can’t_ be! Never _could_ be! He’s never going to be able to give you what you need! What you _deserve!_ He’s incapable! He’s a cold-hearted killer hell-bent on his own destruction!” Itsuki broke off, starting to run out of both breath and steam. 

Sakura, finally recovered from Itsuki’s dramatic entrance, took this moment to interject a question. 

“ _What_ are you talking about?” she asked as calmly as she could, her anger held tightly in check. She had a fair idea but wanted to make him actually spell it out for her.

Still pacing restlessly up and down the length of the kitchen, Itsuki had opened his mouth to start yelling again but paused at Sakura’s icy question. Hastily he closed it before turning to face her in confusion. 

“ _What?_ ”

“ _What_ are you talking about Itsuki?” she asked quietly but with her ire adding an edge to her voice.

“What do you mean, _what am I talking about?_ ” he asked as he started pacing again, unable to face the fact that she hadn’t immediately denied his accusation and his emotions starting to once again get the better of him.

She crossed her arms over her chest and calmly posed her question again. 

“ _What. Are. You. Talking. About?_ ”

Pulling on his already fraying courage, Itsuki once again stopped in his tracks and turned to look her in the eye. 

“You got _married!_ To that lazy no good perverted old man who can’t give you what you deserve no less! He’s just going to go out and die, you know, leaving you all alone. He’ll never give you the children you want. Or, make sure you don’t work too hard. He won’t even be around long enough to support you in your career so you _can_ have both career _and_ children!”

Furious, Sakura let the frown she’d been suppressing surface, knowing that any other show of temper would likely only hurt her more than Itsuki – Kakashi had shown her that the last time Itsuki had crossed a line in her kitchen. 

“What business is it of yours if I’ve gotten married or not? _We’re_ not dating. And, we’re _not going to be_ dating – we tried that, remember? Didn’t work out. ” She held his eyes for a silent moment.

Itsuki ducked his head, unable to deny the fact that they had indeed dated, briefly, and Sakura had very definitively ended things.

Sakura nodded to herself, seeing that he indeed remembered. 

“We didn’t work out. We’re _not_ going to get back together. So, what possible business of yours is my current love life?” 

Fear suddenly forced Itsuki to come back to himself as he realized what he had done. The last thing he remembered was going to complain to Kumiko after hearing some troubling rumors about Mr. Hatake retiring. This was just before he needed to leave the hospital to do his scheduled wellness check on Sakura. He had faint memories of Kumiko rebuffing him before he even got a word out, telling him that Sakura was married. Then he was pacing around the park across from her apartment – waiting, trying to get his feelings under control. Now he found himself in Sakura’s kitchen, berating her about her life choices. All the color drained from his face, he had said _far_ more than he had any right to and it was _much_ too late to do anything other than damage control. 

“Well… that is to say… Uh…” He started and stumbled to a halt a few times before stopping entirely. There was no way out of the hole he had dug.

“Well?” Sakura asked, her voice artic with angry undertones.

Making an effort to respond, he decided to try for a half-truth. 

“I heard you were _married_ … I was _concerned_...”

“Well, what you heard doesn’t matter – it’s _none_ of your business.” Thoughts of Tsunade’s question in regard to her possibly being married floated through her mind.

Finally pulling himself together, Itsuki shook his head a bit. 

“I wouldn't have believed it, or been nearly as concerned if you didn’t spend so much time with him, you know.”

Sakura shrugged, doing her best to try and let her anger go… and failing. 

“Kakashi comes and goes as he pleases.”

“Yeah, he sure does. Late most of the time too.” Itsuki huffed, unable to keep the thought to himself.

Sakura narrowed her eyes. 

“What do you mean by _that?_ ”

“He just had to be escorted away by ANBU to go to his latest meeting. The lazy man can’t be bothered to keep important appointments! I can only imagine how he copes with the less important ones – never mind those involving a romantic partner… can only be worse, I’m sure.”

“Kakashi was waiting for my scheduled medic visit – he didn’t want to leave me alone just yet…” she trailed off as it occurred to her that he had been waiting on _Itsuki_ , who _knew_ that Kakashi was late to what was obviously an important meeting. All the medics knew that Kakashi would usually schedule his meetings and appointments whenever Sakura had a check-up – so Sakura was never alone too long during the day. “You were _waiting_ for him to leave, weren’t you?” 

Itsuki’s eyes widened as he realized he’d only managed to make things worse. 

“ _What! No!_ Of course not! That’s silly!” He backed up a few steps, holding his hands up in front of himself defensively.

His denial was all Sakura needed, her anger exploded. 

“Get out.”

“What?”

“ _Get out,_ ” she growled. “I can’t deal with you anymore. Just leave. _Don’t_ come back.”

“Sakura-”

“ _Out!!_ ” Sakura roared, knowing it would hurt and not caring. It was past time for Itsuki to leave.

Sensing that he wouldn’t win Sakura’s favor back by trying to argue with her any further, Itsuki silently and hastily complied.

~*~*~*~

Kakashi felt his steps speeding up of their own accord. He had intended on stopping by one of the coffee shops that Sakura favored, to pick up either some coffee or tea for her – depending on where his feet took him. Since she hadn’t had either for a few weeks, he had thought it would make a nice treat. But for some reason, his feet didn’t seem to want to take him to either one of the two rival shops. Instead, they were taking him directly back to Sakura’s apartment. 

He had to shrug, the meeting had gone on for far longer than he’d expected, a whole three hours to basically tell him that a decision had not yet been made. Unsurprising considering that they’d called him in while Tsunade was out of the village. As ANBU the Hokage was the only one who could ultimately decide his future – others could advise or offer opinions, but the final decision would have to rest with Tsunade. 

So, why _they_ had called the meeting in the first place, he couldn’t quite guess. Or, rather, he could, and he wasn’t certain what to make of it – he’d never wanted the job and he’d never been particularly shy about voicing that particular opinion. But, then again, he’d never wanted to be a genin sensei either – _that_ turned out to be a job he couldn’t refuse either. Regardless of if he wanted it or not, the job in question was thankfully still occupied at present so not something he had to worry about too much… at least, not yet.

Finally, Sakura’s apartment building came into view. Without his noticing, his footsteps sped up even more. Quickly, he hopped and climbed his way up to her balcony. This time he had the key and made quick work of the lock.

Kakashi stopped cold in his tracks upon entering the kitchen. Sakura’s chair was upturned and there was blood on the kitchen floor. A _lot_ of blood. _Too_ _much_ blood. A quick glance around was enough for him to guess what had happened. There were footprints, smudges, and drag marks with footprints continuing back through the living area and out of the apartment door.

Without stopping to ponder the scene any further, he turned and exited Sakura’s apartment, barely remembering to lock the balcony slider behind him.

Several nearly frantic minutes of travel, his heart in his throat, brought Kakashi to the hospital. Suddenly feeling uncertain, he’d never had to actually use the hospital lobby before, and he didn’t like his chances with the arduous Kumiko standing guard at reception. Pushing his ceramic mask up and to the side, he slowly approached – adrenaline still pumping and the icy hand of fear clutching at his stomach. 

Doing his best to curb his anxiety, Kakashi stopped in front of the desk. 

“I’d like to see Sakura.”

Kumiko glanced up from her paperwork, the color draining slightly from her face upon seeing Kakashi. 

“M-Mr. Hatake. N-nice to see you again.”

Ignoring her attempt to make polite social small talk, Kakashi shook his head slightly. 

“Sakura, where is she? Is she okay?” He couldn’t prevent himself from bouncing a little on the balls of his feet. “I _need_ to see her. _Now._ ”

Swallowing, hard, Kumiko shook her head slightly. 

“I-I’m sorry Mr. Hatake.”

Kakashi’s heart sank sharply, in his frenzied rush to the hospital it had not occurred that Sakura may not have made it. Clearly, she’d used her emergency button. He had just assumed... Through an inhuman amount of control, he managed to keep his expression neutral as a portion of his brain reverted to a place he had thought long abandoned – a future, a second chance, _without_ Sakura.

Kumiko continued on, knowing that she was going to have an argument on her hands no matter what she said. Fervently she wished that she hadn’t been called in and _had_ been allowed to take that spa day after all. 

“You’re not on Ms. Haruno’s list. I can’t tell you anything.”

Abruptly, Kakashi returned to the present, grasping the tiny ray of hope Kumiko was extending to him – she wouldn’t be concerned about Sakura’s privacy if she had died, would she? 

“ _What?_ ”

“Ms. Haruno’s list – you’re not on it and you’re not her medical contact. So, I can’t tell you anything.”

Suddenly angry, there was no way he wasn’t on Sakura’s list, Kakashi leaned forward across the desk. 

“ _Of course_ I’m on her list – she would _never_ bar me from any aspect of her life, she’s-” he cut off abruptly and shook his head, well aware that he had nearly said something he shouldn’t. “She would _never_ try to keep me out.”

Kumiko leaned back as far as she could without actually sliding her chair back. 

“That may be, but the fact still remains, you’re not on her list. I’m really very sorry. I can’t tell you anything.”

Stifling his now panicked anger, more than aware that it wouldn’t gain him anything, Kakashi did his best to try and maintain an outward veneer of calm. 

“Tsunade can and will override anything you may have to say on the subject.”

Kumiko nodded agreeably. 

“The Lady Hokage certainly can. However, she is out of the village at present.” Kumiko took a deep breath, doing her best to keep her fear contained as the very dangerous man in front of her did his best to control himself. “So, I’m sorry, the list stands.”

Brought up short, Kakashi thought for a moment, in his panic over Sakura he’d forgotten that Tsunade was out of the village. 

“Well, who is her medical contact?” he asked, figuring he’d go ask them to let him in.

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Who else has access to her status right now?”

“Immediate family, her medical contact, and anyone on her list.”

Kakashi shook his head. As far as he knew Sakura had no immediate family and he was sure as hell that she had not intentionally excluded him from her list. He was also fairly certain that her medical contact would almost have to be Tsunade – there was no one else. If that was the case, then they were likely in contact with her about Sakura already.

Frustrated he took a step away from the desk, paced a few steps away before returning to the desk.

“Can you at least tell me if she is still alive?” 

Kakashi knew no one could stop him if he should decide to force his way in to see Sakura. However, if he did force his way in, there was no guarantee he’d be able to _find_ her before security called in reinforcements. He was an elite shinobi and would be very hard to stop but, they would stop him. It was a hospital and even in the state he was currently in, he knew he couldn’t wreak that much havoc without causing catastrophic collateral damage. No, trying to get around hospital protocol would not only not end well for him but would likely cause irreparable damage – the risk was too far too high for an uncertain reward. He would have to find another way.

Swallowing hard again, Kumiko shook her head slowly. 

“I’m sorry.”

Interpreting this as the worst, something snapped, and Kakashi turned on his heel and strode briskly out of the lobby. His mind already trying to make plans – or, rather, resurrecting the plans he had already made the last time he had assumed the worst. 

~*~*~*~


	21. Chapter XXI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. I will attempt to post every other week. I think I’m going to need to do more rewrites on the remaining chapters than in previous chapters so I can’t make any guarantees.
> 
> The next chapter will be the final chapter – unless I can get a short epilogue together in time for Christmas. We’ll see.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter XXI

Kumiko heaved a sigh of relief as she exited the small café. Her supervisor had given her an early, extra-long lunch break to pull herself together after her run-in with Mr. Hatake. Nearly everyone had heard about it and while no one liked it, hospital policy was hospital policy. Due to a recent crackdown on rampant bending of the rules, she could have easily lost her job had she handled the situation any differently. 

Even so, knowing that she had done the only thing she could, did not help with the sense of profound guilt she still felt. If only she had been more proactive… or if only she had seen what was directly under her nose sooner… that _might_ have made a difference. _Maybe_.

Kumiko had tried to put things right, made multiple attempts. Regardless of her belated efforts, there was simply no way to get around it. She was going to have to apologize. The only real question was how and when… and then, how to handle the fallout which was sure to be explosive.

On autopilot, contemplating the best way to cope with the situation, Kumiko made her way back to the hospital and to the reception desk in the front lobby. Just as she was locking her purse in the little cabinet next to her desk, an unwelcome voice hailed her.

“Oh, _there_ you are! I’ve been looking _all over_ for you!” Itsuki called as he rushed across the lobby, gum wrappers leaving a trail behind him. “ _Where_ have you been?! I couldn’t find you anywhere in the hospital! And I looked _everywhere!_ ”

Kumiko flinched. Her hand automatically moving toward her panic button before she caught herself. Why he would be looking for her, she couldn’t even begin to guess as she’d been less than sympathetic the last time they’d spoken. She then sighed, realizing that she shouldn’t be surprised to see him. He never listened. 

“Hello, Itsuki.” She greeted him flatly, not bothering to glance up to greet him properly, instead keeping her attention on going through the papers that had turned up in her inbox while she was out.

After a moment of silence, unusual for Itsuki, she shifted her gaze to him. Kumiko was faintly surprised to see that his face was flushed and he was twitching nervously, obviously having a hard time standing still. She frowned in faint confusion.

“What has _you_ all upset?”

“I-I’ve done something awful… Something _truly_ bad…”

Interested in spite of herself, Kumiko raised an eyebrow – unable to imagine what foolish thing he’d done and then probably managed to blow out of proportion.

“What have you done?”

“I-“

A loud crash interrupted whatever Itsuki might have had to say.

Surprised both Kumiko and Itsuki turned their attention to the rest of the lobby, or rather to the small knot of people now gathered a short way away from the reception desk.

“Oi Watanabe!” someone from within the group yelled out. “ _What do you think you’re doing?!_ ”

Several bystanders turned to glare at the front desk.

Itsuki so wrapped up in his own problems just started for a moment before visibly pulling himself together to respond.

“What? What did _I_ do?”

An off-duty nurse, Atsushi, huffed and rolled his eyes before returning his attention to whatever had gathered all the people in the center of the lobby. A moment later he bent over, scooped something up off the floor, and then waved it in the air.

“For the last time, _watch your wrappers!_ ” Atsushi growled, clearly angry at Itsuki’s inability to control his gum wrappers.

The group of people then moved enough so that Kumiko and Itsuki could now see the elderly man being helped up from the floor. A few of the bystanders were slowly maneuvering the older gentleman into a wheelchair that had appeared on the scene, almost as if summoned.

Itsuki’s face shaded from simply flushed to a dark red and he hurried over to help escort the injured man to the emergency room, well aware that he was responsible for the elderly man’s fall and would probably face serious consequences for his negligence. It was not the first time his carelessness with his gum wrappers had gotten him into trouble.

Kumiko watched in faintly irritated confusion. She shouldn’t want to know what Itsuki had done… but, somehow… she suddenly found that she was really curious. A part of her had to wonder if it had something to do with Ms. Haruno. Then she shook her head, realizing that of course it did, these days it _always_ did. The only question was, _what?_

~*~*~*~

Later, wound tighter than a drum, Kakashi returned to the hospital lobby with paperwork in hand. Briskly he made his way to the reception desk. With great restraint, he managed to just slide the papers across the desk, rather than throw them as his nerves almost demanded he should.

Kumiko glanced up to find Kakashi standing before her once again. Scooting her chair back she swallowed, her heart suddenly pounding. That he might return had not occurred to her, or rather it hadn’t until a well-meaning co-worker had brought it up not too long after Itsuki had put in his disastrous appearance. Since then, Kumiko had been miserably on edge, fervently hoping not to see Mr. Hatake again until the Lady Hokage returned.

Now, seeing the determined elite shinobi standing in front of her… she suddenly felt woefully unprepared. Kunoichi or not, she knew when she was outclassed. Consequently, she was unable to prevent the surge of panic that hit her. He looked angry. He looked _very_ angry. Ms. Haruno angry had been one thing – her temper was legendary and made frequent appearances. Mr. Hatake on the other hand… his strict sense of self-control was legendary, he _never_ lost control of his temper. That he appeared to be _actually_ _angry_ was… terrifying.

“M-Mr. Hatake. I-I’m sorry, _really_ , I am, but I-I _can’t_ help you...” She trailed off as she realized he wasn’t budging. Hurriedly she tried to verbally justify her actions to him, “ _I’ll lose my job_. I just _can’t_ lose my job. My sister is still in the academy – this is the only position that pays well enough for her to stay there _and_ take all the extra courses she needs to enroll in the early medic program. _I need this job_. I’m _sorry_ , I can’t-”

Kakashi, tired of listening to her prattle and his patience wearing dangerously thin, tapped the papers he’d slid across the desk. 

“I’d like to see my _wife._ ”

Kumiko flinched and stopped babbling as she felt the color drain from her face. 

“Excuse me?” she asked, unable to believe what she thought she’d heard.

“ _My wife._ Let me see her.”

Kumiko shook her head, still not quite comprehending. Just because he’d decided to refer to Ms. Haruno as his wife, didn’t actually _make_ her his wife.

“I’m sorry but-”

Exerting a great deal of his legendary self-control, Kakashi tapped the paperwork again. This time Kumiko glanced down to see the marriage certificate – dated months prior – and some other supporting documents, all with the appropriate seals and stamps from the courthouse. She picked the papers up to get a better look, quickly shuffling through, and found it all seemed to be in order. He was, in fact, married to Ms. Haruno.

“ _What?_ ” Her eyes widened, there had been rumors but she hadn’t seriously believed them… no one had, not really. She had, of course, exaggerated things to Itsuki to make a point. But, she hadn’t _actually_ _believed_ …

“Sakura never got around to filing any of this with the hospital. These are the copies for the hospital so the changes can be made. Consider them filed.”

“But…” she started somewhat stupidly, trailing off almost immediately. While his tone had been even and calm and he hadn’t raised his voice, there had been an underlying edge to his words. She knew the situation could go badly very quickly if she didn’t respond as expected.

“I want to see Sakura, _now._ ”

“Ms. Haruno-”

“Hatake,” he interrupted her, patience beginning to fray under the delay but still needing the change to be verbally acknowledged _and_ made – the sooner the better.

Taken aback Kumiko shook her head slightly, still trying to calm herself down. 

“O-of course, Ms. Hatake.” She paused to try and regain her train of thought. “Oh, but Ms. Hatake isn’t-”

Kakashi shook his head, holding up a hand to interrupt whatever else Kumiko may have to say, he was done being patient. 

“ _Enough!_ ” Pausing briefly to forcibly calm himself, he continued. “ _Where is my wife?_ ” he nearly growled, unable to keep his voice from dipping down to his lower registers. “I _don’t care_ where she is or what state she is in, take me to her, _now_.”

Noting that _that_ particular tone was not to be denied in combination with legal proof that they actually _were_ married, Kumiko nodded mutely. Luckily for everyone involved, it turned out Mr. Hatake was her next of kin. Otherwise, the situation would probably have gone _very_ badly.

“Right. Okay, then. T-this way, please.” She pushed a button on her desk, realizing just then that she could have hit the panic button at any time and that no one would have blamed her for doing so. Shaking her head slightly, she realized that it had been guilt that had prevented her from using the panic button. Kumiko mentally shoved her regrets aside and gestured for him to follow her through the now unlocked double doors. She knew that he would only get angrier if she tried to make him wait for an orderly to come and escort him to Ms. Hatake. 

Kakashi followed closely behind as they headed toward the first bank of elevators beyond the locked hospital door. His hopes rose as they approached, the first bank of elevators went up, to the various wards, offices, and surgical theaters. If they got into one of those, everything would be okay. _Sakura_ would be okay.

A moment later, as they passed the first bank of elevators, his hopes crashed. The second bank of elevators didn’t go up. They went down. The only things down were the records rooms, general storage, the labs, and… the morgue.

Doing his best to keep it together, he continued to silently follow Kumiko. She offered no comments and her finger shook visibly as she pressed the call button for an elevator. They were in luck, one was already there on their floor. Without a word, they got in and Kumiko pressed one of the basement buttons. Kakashi didn’t look. He already knew where they were going. Instead, he kept his thoughts tightly corralled on what he would need to do once he had confirmed that Sakura was truly gone. 

The elevator dinged and the door slid open. Almost as if in a trance, Kakashi followed Kumiko as she exited the elevator and continued down the hall. Kakashi could see the sign marking the morgue ahead and took a deep slow breath, preparing himself for what he would likely be shown. Sakura would be pale, deathly pale. He knew from experience that she would likely appear as though asleep – he would have some convincing to do, but he knew he would eventually accept that she would not wake, no matter how much he might wish for her to do so.

Kumiko continued down the hall, aware that Mr. Hatake had slowed behind her but chose not to acknowledge it. Instead, she paused without turning, too afraid of what she might see. 

“This way Mr. Hatake, nearly there.”

Kakashi nodded, aware that she couldn’t see the gesture, and continued. She had stopped by the entrance to the morgue. Slowly he let out a long breath, mentally preparing himself.

Kumiko, sensing that he had caught up, continued down the hall, turning left at the next intersection where the hall ended. 

Kakashi blinked upon realizing that Kumiko had continued on past the morgue and made a left turn at the end of the hall. Puzzled he followed, belatedly remembering that the hospital was out of rooms – the whole reason why Sakura had been staying in her apartment instead of the hospital in the first place. Likely, they had overflow everywhere, not just in the hospital wards but in the morgue as well. 

Shaking his head, trying to dispel the faint hope that crept in once he remembered that the hospital had run out of rooms, Kakashi silently followed Kumiko. She was probably taking him to an overflow area.

Finally, Kumiko stopped by a nondescript door. She turned to Mr. Hatake before opening it. She had calmed down considerably on their long walk and hoped that _he_ would stay calm once she let him in the room. She could cope with him as he was now but was positive that she could not handle things if his temper should get the best of him. Granted, she was fairly certain that security was watching – they tended to take note whenever something unusual happened, such as her leaving her desk to personally escort someone somewhere in the hospital. Even still, he could do an awful lot of damage before anyone reached them.

Shaking those dire thoughts aside, she addressed Mr. Hatake.

“As you well know, the hospital is experiencing a shortage of space just now. We had to put Ms. Har- er, Hatake here for the time being.” She opened the door and gestured for Kakashi to go inside.

Kakashi nodded and entered the large room, it was one of the file storage rooms from what he could see, plastic-covered filing cabinets and piles of boxes had been pushed up against the walls, towering right up to the ceiling, and leaving a large area clear in the center of the room. Quickly his eyes found Sakura and his feet moved him toward her of their own accord. Kumiko was speaking but he wasn’t listening.

As expected, Sakura was lying in a bed in the middle of the room, deathly pale, so pale that it was hard to distinguish her from the sheet draped neatly over her from her chest to her toes. Not as expected were the various life support machines still hooked up to her. Unable to make sense of it he hastily tuned back into what Kumiko was saying.

“... so that’s the situation so far. I’ll have someone find her doctor for you, we’re especially short-staffed today so it may take some time to track him down and send him here. Decisions need to be made and since the Lady Hokage is out of the village they were uncertain as to how to proceed. But, with you here now, we can get some things squared away at the very least.”

“ _What?_ ” Kakashi asked, still uncertain as to if his eyes were deceiving him. Could Sakura truly be alive? Had he been given one more chance?

Kumiko had the grace to blush at Mr. Hatake’s unexpected response. She hadn’t realized that he’d assumed the worst. She felt her cheeks heat even more and a deep sense of guilt took over once again. Kumiko knew she would have to apologize… but, this was definitely not the time.

“Ms. Haa-take didn’t fill out her new medical paperwork – to be honest, ah… someone probably didn’t mention it to her… it’s unlike Ms. Hatake to leave something this important undone.” Kumiko shook her head and averted her gaze, she had really tried to make it right just before the accident at the hospital... “Um. So, now that you’re here, you can just fill it all out for her.”

Kakashi focused his full attention on Kumiko, the sense of false calm he had felt while being brought to see Sakura starting to fray under the stress of the situation, the anger beginning to seep in once again. He’d just been through the emotional wringer, all because of some incomplete paperwork?! His hands curled into fists without his conscious direction.

“So what you’re saying is that Sakura doesn’t _have_ a list?” He’d gone and filed all the marriage paperwork just to get to see Sakura, only to find out that it was a technicality keeping him from her in the first place?!

Edging away from the now once again visibly upset ANBU, doing a good job at hiding the guilty flush, Kumiko only nodded as fear started to set in again. 

“No paperwork means no list, no list means no visitors, period. That’s why I was so insistent that you do yours.” Kumiko was surprised at how firm and even she’d managed to keep her tone considering the rising sense of panic she was experiencing.

Kakashi stood for a moment, visibly conflicted – torn between his anger at the situation and his obvious concern for Sakura. Concern for Sakura eventually won out and he reluctantly stifled his anger. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want the paperwork filed anyway. 

Outwardly calm once again, Kakashi returned his attention to Sakura. Though she wasn’t conscious, she seemed stable. He needed more information on her status – he needed her doctor to come and explain it all to him. In order for that to happen, Kumiko needed to leave the room – unscathed and not in a panic. Anything else would possibly get him ejected from the hospital – Sakura’s husband or not, the hospital did not tolerate threats or violence against its employees.

“I see,” he conceded brusquely, more to send Kumiko on her way than anything else. “I’ll be sure to get her paperwork done quickly then so this won’t happen again.”

Feeling that her duty was more than complete and that hanging around was probably a bad idea, Kumiko started backing toward the door. 

“I’ll send for Ms. Hatake’s doctor and have her paperwork brought for you right away.” She gestured to the paperwork he had given her. “The sooner it can be completed the sooner I can make the changes in the system.”

Kakashi nodded, already taking the final few steps to bring him to Sakura’s bedside. Though the room contained several other empty hospital beds, it was bare of anything unnecessary, so he would have to stand until someone thought to bring in a chair. Unable to stop himself, he knelt down next to Sakura’s bed and reached out for one of her hands. It was slightly cool to the touch but he attributed that to the chill in the room. Shifting his fingers slightly he felt her pulse, slow and steady – as shown by the life support machines. Without his conscious direction, he brought her hand to his forehead, closed his eyes, and sighed. 

_Sakura was alive._

~*~*~*~

Kakashi sat in the chair someone had thoughtfully provided for him and continued on with the paperwork using the little table they had also found for him and upon which his porcelain ANBU mask also currently rested. Since Sakura had not filed their marriage paperwork herself, he now found himself with the responsibility of filling out the numerous forms that went along with making the changes to both Sakura’s name and marital status within the hospital database as well as her updated medical preferences paperwork. Granted, Sakura hadn’t made the changes because _she_ had not filed the marriage license and name change paperwork, _he_ had. In a way, he figured it was only fair for him to have to deal with all the headaches associated with making the changes.

Once again he came to a section requesting the marriage date, this time the form also wanted to know the date the marriage license was filed. 

Kakashi heaved a silent sigh of relief. He’d had to do some very fancy footwork to get the clerk at the courthouse to agree to backdate the marriage license. Thankfully Sakura’s temper was legendary and all he had had to do was to claim that he’d thought she’d filed the paperwork and _she’d_ thought _he_ had… when he’d found the unfiled paperwork… Well, he knew he would be in for a month on the couch at the very least since the date on the marriage license was special to them – no don’t ask, he couldn’t quite remember exactly what it was, but it was important to Sakura which was all that mattered. If their anniversary wasn’t the date she’d thought it was, or _worse_ , if they weren’t legally married… she’d kill him for sure. At least, that’s the tale he’d spun for the wide-eyed clerk at the courthouse. The young man had bought it hook line and sinker – the whole office had – and they’d all worked together to get the marriage license and name change paperwork filed properly and with appropriate dates and stamps so as to backdate the marriage to nearly a year prior.

Flipping another page, he had to stifle another sigh. This one was asking for basically the same information that he’d already filled out three other times on this same packet of paperwork. At least it was the last page of the packet and he only had another two packets to go.

A small part of him had to hope that once Sakura woke and found herself married, she would be less inclined to have it annulled if he had already gone through all the trouble of jumping through all the hoops for her. Though he would, of course, tell her that she was more than welcome to file for an annulment if she should be so inclined – he would not stand in her way. Somehow, though, he suspected that she wouldn’t. Regardless of what was next for them, he figured having the paperwork filed really only simplified matters.

Completing the last page of the packet, Kakashi flipped it over with the other completed forms and took a moment to stretch and check on Sakura before starting on the next set of papers.

~*~*~*~

A little while later, Kakashi absently rifled through the paperwork for the hospitals’ new list policy – he’d saved it for last as it was the easiest, or so he’d thought. He’d filled Sakura’s paperwork out like his own. Listing both himself and Tsunade as her medical contacts – no telling if he would ever be sent out on missions again – and making Sakura’s a list of exclusion rather than inclusion. 

Kakashi had hesitated for a good long while over adding a name. His keen eyes had not missed the gum wrappers _under_ the blood on the floor the second time he had gone through Sakura’s kitchen. It did not take a seasoned tracker such as himself to guess what had happened. His fury for the gum-chewing medic knew no bounds and he hoped he did not see the man again – Kakashi was not sure he could control himself if he did. He was profoundly grateful for the fact that it was highly unlikely that he would – once Tsunade returned and caught wind of what had happened… well, he didn’t know _what_ the volatile Hokage would do, but he _did_ know that at the very least Itsuki wouldn’t be seen in the village for a _very_ long time.

In the end, Kakashi had sighed, left the list blank, and made a mental note to hire someone to clean Sakura’s floor before she was discharged from the hospital and before it had a chance to stain. Even as her (possibly temporary) husband, it was not his place to try and bar anyone from Sakura’s life. That was truly a decision only _she_ could make.

~*~*~*~

With all the paperwork completed, just waiting to be picked up – Kumiko had said she’d return later when she dropped it off – Kakashi sat, all his attention focused solely on Sakura, watching her chest move up and down slightly as she breathed. He didn’t like how helpless he felt, no matter how much he wished he was able to do something for her, he knew that there was nothing he _could_ do. The fact that he, one of the most powerful shinobi in the village, couldn’t do a single thing to help Sakura – _his wife_ – was just killing him. 

He sighed, doing his best to suppress his anxiety and impatience, Kakashi sent a brief glance to the door, willing Sakura’s doctor to appear. After a moment’s unsuccessful staring, he shifted his attention back to Sakura, resisting the urge to reach out to her – he knew he’d have a hard time letting go if he did. Kakashi almost wished he had more paperwork to do – filling out forms had at least that kept his mind focused and occupied for a time. Now that the paperwork was done, all he could do was to sit there and wait… and worry…

His mind just kept going through the same loop. Sakura was clearly stable but not okay from what he could see. She didn’t seem to be in a natural sleep. That meant something was wrong. But what? How serious was it? _Was_ she going to be okay?

Just as he was contemplating the emergency button they had left him, a firm but still somehow deferential knock interrupted his thoughts.

Hoping for good news, Kakashi turned toward the door.

“Come in!” he called out – though not very loudly. He knew that Sakura was probably in a medically induced sleep but was still afraid of somehow disturbing her.

The volume of his response didn’t matter as the door still swung open and admitted a familiar figure.

“Yui. What are _you_ doing here?” he asked, a frown manifesting and his tone turning harsh. She was one of the _last_ people he wanted to see – especially since he’d only _just_ had a meeting with her superiors. “I was very clear with the Council.”

“Ah, Mr. Hatake,” Yui started, hesitantly. She did _not_ like what she had been ordered to do and was genuinely fearful of the response she would receive. From what she’d heard he was a man not to be crossed lightly. “The Council sends their concerns over your ah… that is to say… well, that is…uh, over Ms. Haruno’s recent… accident.” She nodded decisively, not very elegantly put but still managed to get the point across. “They wish her a speedy recovery.”

Kakashi narrowed his eyes, letting Yui’s incorrect address for Sakura slide for the moment – explanations would only draw things out unnecessarily. He wanted her gone, the sooner the better.

“It’s _their_ fault she’s here.”

“Now, Mr. Hatake, I do not see how that can possibly be true.”

“If they hadn’t gone on for three hours – _about absolutely nothing_ – Sakura wouldn’t have been alone. She wouldn’t have suffered a fall if _I’d_ been there. This is all _their_ fault and, I _won’t_ forget this.” His hands curled into fists and he had to concentrate to get his fingers to relax.

Yui swallowed, suddenly realizing that she’d taken a step backward without her noticing.

“The Council-”

Kakashi held up a hand, the stress of waiting to hear the full details of Sakura’s current condition combined with the lingering panic he’d felt when he’d thought he’d lost her, finally pushed the anger he felt at the Council’s continued interference over the edge. He snapped.

“No. I don’t care what they have to say. Right now, _it does not matter_.”

“Surely, Mr. Hatake-”

“I said ‘ _No_.’ Not _now_. Not _here,_ ” he hissed, his voice nearly shaking in rage.

Yui took another step back at the barely controlled ire she could hear in his voice.

Before she could come up with a response, he preempted her.

“We all know there isn’t an actual choice there. I’ll take the job when it’s available and if it’s offered. Seeing as how it’s not available just now, there is nothing further to be done. Which is fortunate since I have more important things to focus on right now,” he ground out through gritted teeth, doing his best to keep his tone even and calm. 

Message imparted, Kakashi returned his attention to Sakura, relieved that she was still sleeping peacefully – her chest still rising and falling steadily – and that his brief controlled explosion of temper hadn’t disturbed her.

Thrown off-balance, Yui tilted her head to the side, unsure what he meant. To her mind, nothing could possibly be more important than the highest-ranked shinobi position in the village.

“I’m sorry Mr. Hatake, I do not think I understand.”

Kakashi turned his attention back to Yui, eyes narrowed and a frown distinct enough for her to be able to make it out under his mask from across the room.

“You’re _still_ here?” he asked, more to convey that she had overstayed her welcome than to actually get an answer to his question.

Yui blinked, still not quite comprehending, this meeting was not at all going as expected.

“Well, yes… The Council-”

“Get out.”

“But, Mr. Hatake-“

“ _Enough!_ I’ve had enough of you turning up when and where you’re not wanted! I’ve let it slide in the past since I don’t care if you bother _me_. The moment you or the Council think to involve _Sakura_ on the other hand… _I very much care_.” He paused for a moment to keep his temper in check, taking a breath and letting it out, before continuing. “You can find and bother me while I’m training, while I’m running errands, hell, you can even follow me into the men’s room for all I care! But, there are two places you _cannot_ come and bother me. My wife’s bedroom and my wife’s hospital room!” He pointed to the door before growling, “ _Get out now!_ ”

“ _W-wife?!_ ” Yui exclaimed in shock.

“ _OUT!_ ” he roared.

Eyes wide, Yui hastily backed out of the converted file room, sure that at any moment she would have to dodge a barrage of deadly projectiles. She’d never seen Mr. Hatake so angry and hoped never to see him that angry again. Such a display of temper boded ill for their future working relationship. Never mind the fact that he’d referred to Ms. Haruno as his wife… that was new and absolutely something the Council would want to know as soon as possible.

Taking a moment to collect herself, Yui lingered in the doorway – door safely shut, of course – and closed her eyes to take a deep and even breath before slowly letting it out. It had been some time since she’d let her composure be so badly shaken.

When she opened her eyes she started upon finding a woman in front of her with a wry expression on her face.

“Ah, Cousin. Long time no see,” Yui greeted Kumiko with a nod, dignity hastily gathered about her as she knew it was probably obvious what had happened.

Kumiko suppressed a slight smile. It was nice to see that her cousin was human after all. Only very rarely was Yui ever less than composed and in complete control of herself.

Knowing that Kumiko had seen through her hastily raised barrier of dignity, Yui sighed.

“He’s pissed,” she commented flatly by way of an explanation. “A Doberman with a whole mouthful of broken teeth.”

Surprised that her cousin had forgotten herself so much as to use common slang, Kumiko grimaced. She could entirely understand his foul temper but that likely meant her job was going to be trickier – especially if he was in even more of a rotten mood than he had been earlier. Kumiko had hoped that now that Mr. Hatake had what he wanted – access to Ms. Hatake – he’d have calmed down. She certainly had, though it had taken some time for her heart rate to return to normal.

“Because of you, or because of something else?” Kumiko asked warily. If it was something Yui did then it was likely that she should be safe to go in and retrieve Ms. Hatake’s paperwork.

Yui sniffed delicately.

“Mr. Hatake does not wish to be interrupted at this time.”

Kumiko rolled her eyes. Clearly, it was something Yui had said that had made Mr. Hatake’s temper even worse. Bad for Yui but probably good for her.

“Ah, tossed you out, did he?”

“Mr. Hatake expressed a desire to be left alone at present.”

Kumiko snorted.

“Right, and he made his desires known very clearly, I can see.”

“He’s married, you know.” Yui sniped spitefully.

Kumiko shrugged.

“I gave up on that _months_ ago. Got myself added to other lists. Life goes on.” 

Yui just stared at her cousin, surprised that she was taking it so well. Last she’d heard it was Mr. Hatake no matter what – he’d been a sure thing, especially after what had happened the last time the shinobi she’d pinned her hopes on had suddenly gotten married and settled down.

“You sound surprisingly okay with it – I would not have thought you would be...”

Kumiko shrugged again, Yui was right, it had been a fairly bitter pill to swallow – again. But, she’d really had no choice. Not once she’d actually _seen_ them together regularly. It had been made painfully clear to her that things would never go her way.

“It was fairly obvious to anyone who had eyes. I cut my losses and found someone else – several someone elses, actually.” She waved a hand negligently. “It’s better this way.”

Yui raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow in askance.

“Really? Just like that?”

“Yes. Just like that. He truly cares for her – can’t compete with that.” Kumiko eyed her cousin shrewdly. “That what got his back up? You somehow manage to bother Ms. Hatake?”

Yui’s lips firmed into a hard line as she tried to control her expression.

Kumiko snorted, knowing she was right.

“Rookie move, Cousin.”

“I did not ask for your opinion, _Cousin_.”

“He’ll put up with a lot of nonsense unless or until it involves his wife. You’ll do well to remember that going forward.” Kumiko paused for a moment before thoughtfully adding, “Don’t think it will end well for you should you ever forget it.”

“Oh, shut it Kumiko. Give your sister my love and get out of my way,” Yui snapped, irritation at her cousin getting rid of the last vestiges of fright from her interaction with Mr. Hatake. She had a lot of work to do, not the least of which was to alert the Council to the latest Hatake developments.

Obligingly, Kumiko stepped out of the way and allowed her cousin to brush past her in a huff – most likely back to the Council to report on whatever the hell they had asked her to bother Mr. Hatake about.

Taking a deep breath, she knew her chances were dicey, Kumiko knocked on the door.

“Come in!”

Hesitantly, Kumiko opened the door, stepping inside only enough to close the door behind her. Mr. Hatake was sitting close to Ms. Hatake’s bedside, all his attention focused on her. Just how much he cared was obvious and just how she hadn’t seen it sooner she couldn’t say. Guilt hit her again as she once again promised silently to apologize later.

“Mr. Hatake, have you finished with the paperwork?” she asked hesitantly, afraid of further provoking his ire.

The glare he’d been sending her way faded, clearly he’d expected Yui to make a second attempt. Kumiko knew that she and her cousin shared a family resemblance at first glance and couldn’t blame him for momentarily mistaking her for Yui. Mr. Hatake visibly sighed and gestured to the neat stack of papers on the small table next to him.

“All done. Thank you.”

Cautiously, Kumiko stepped forward to collect the papers. Just as she was picking up the stack, she found Mr. Hatake’s hand preventing her from removing the papers from the table.

“Wait.”

“Er, did you forget something?” Kumiko asked a little nervously.

“Yes, let me see the list.” He held out his hand for the paper.

Quickly, Kumiko sorted through the pages and handed the list back to him, she didn’t need to ask him _which_ list.

Mr. Hatake took the paper and added a name. The pen hovered over the page indecisively for another moment. It didn’t take a genius to guess what name he was debating over – the likely cause of Ms. Hatake’s accident had spread through the hospital like wildfire shortly after she’d returned to her desk after escorting Mr. Hatake to his wife. The horrible thing Itsuki said he did revealed for everyone to see. Finally, with a sigh he lowered the pen, only one name having been added to the list, and handed it back to Kumiko.

Kumiko took the paper and nodded, unsurprised that Yui had been added as ‘do not admit.’

“These are all set then?” she asked, more to have something to fill the awkward silence than receive an answer to the obvious question.

“Yes.”

“Good.” She riffled through them quickly, doing a spot check to make sure all blanks had been filled in. “That’s some tough luck on your anniversary, especially since it’ll be the first,” Kumiko mused aloud as she started back to the door, bent on escape.

“Thank you,” Kakashi answered absently, his attention already refocused on Sakura. “Wait, what?” He turned to shoot Kumiko an inquiring glance.

Kumiko turned from the door, surprised he’d responded. 

“Your first anniversary – from the looks of it, Ms. Hatake will likely still be in the hospital for it.”

He shook his head in faint surprise. He hadn’t thought that far in advance. He hadn’t been able to.

“Oh… yes. Yes, you’re right… I hadn’t considered that. Will have to come up with something special then,” he murmured the last part mostly to himself.

“I’ll go start the process of getting everything updated in the system now,” Kumiko responded awkwardly.

“Thank you.”

Kumiko nodded and quickly exited the room. Like her cousin, taking a deep breath once she’d shut the door behind her. Though he hadn’t yelled at _her_ the atmosphere had still been almost stiflingly tense. 

Just as she was ready to head back to the reception desk to finish updating the hospital database, despite what she’d said to Mr. Hatake, she’d already made as many changes as she could without the papers, she heard someone running down the hallway in her direction. Instinctively she just knew who was coming and decided to stay where she was and try to do Mr. and Ms. Hatake a good turn.

A moment later, Itsuki came rushing down the hall.

“Kumiko! What the hell?! _You never said!!_ ”

“Never said _what?_ ”

“Sakura! They rushed her here a couple of hours ago! _How could you not tell me?!_ ”

Kumiko shook her head slightly. This was going to get ugly if she didn’t try and get him to leave as quickly and quietly as possible.

“You’re not family nor are you Ms. Haruno’s medical contact. I couldn’t tell you anything. It would have cost me my job.” Kumiko responded evenly, deciding that she didn’t want to cope with being the one to tell Itsuki that Ms. Haruno was Ms. Hatake now – and had been for nearly a year by the looks of the paperwork.

Itsuki opened and then closed his mouth a few times, trying to find a response before finally settling on, “But, I work at the hospital! I’m her _friend!_ I have a right to know!”

Kumiko snorted and rolled her eyes.

“No, you _don’t_.” She paused as something occurred to her. “Wait, if you didn’t already know she was in the hospital, what was the horrible thing that you did earlier?!”

“What do you mean the horrible thing I did? Why would you assume-”

Kumiko cut him off, aware that their loud voices were going to draw unwanted attention sooner rather than later.

“You came rushing into the lobby earlier saying you’d done something terrible. I’d assumed…”

“Oh! _Yes!_ I need to apologize to Sakura! I said some terrible things to her!”

“What?”

“I heard she’d married Mr. Hatake and I lost it – said a lot of things I shouldn’t have, all because of a stupid rumor! I shouldn’t have believed it! No way would she have married him! He’s not at all what she needs in a partner. It was imprudent of me to have believed any of it. No way she would have done such a foolish thing.” He shook his head sadly. “She must be so upset that I had so little faith in her.”

Kumiko’s mouth fell open, this was more than she could handle.

Taking Kumiko’s lack of response as encouragement, Itsuki continued. 

“I want to apologize. No, I _need_ to apologize! She has to forgive me! She can’t just throw me out of her apartment _and_ her life like that! _I need to apologize!_ ”

Finally shaking herself out of it, Kumiko held her ground.

“So do I – now is not the time.”

“But-”

The door opened and Mr. Hatake’s frowning face appeared. 

“What the hell is going on out here-”

He caught sight of Itsuki and his expression tightened with immediate wrath as his hands curled into fists.

“ _You!_ ”

Itsuki automatically shrank back away from the enraged ANBU in front of him.

“ _You nearly killed my wife!_ ” Kakashi took a step forward, shaking with obvious fury.

“ _Hospital!_ Hospital Mr. Hatake!” Kumiko exclaimed quickly, panic causing her voice to turn shrill.

Kakashi stopped mid-step, still radiating rage. Visibly he took a moment to calm himself before shifting his attention from Itsuki.

“Kumiko, I believe I need to make one last change to that paperwork after all,” Kakashi stated calmly, though his entire being was still shaking slightly with what was clearly tightly controlled fury.

Kumiko nodded and eagerly returned the paperwork.

Kakashi returned his focus to Itsuki who was trying very hard to stand his ground and not back away slowly.

“You’re lucky we’re in a hospital. It would be in your best interest that I don’t see you again – it’s highly unlikely that I’ll be able to maintain control again, even in a hospital.” Promise issued, Kakashi turned on his heel and returned to the filing room, closing the door with something just short of a slam. Itsuki was not worth the trouble beating him to a pulp would cause. Not the least of which would be that he would be barred from the hospital – from Sakura. A price he couldn’t afford to pay no matter how much he may wish to beat the living shit out of the man who had nearly cost his wife her life.

“W-wife?” Itsuki asked Kumiko hesitantly.

Kumiko heaved an irritated sigh and rolled her eyes, doing her best to calm herself once again. Though he had not been angry at _her_ , it had still been a frightening few moments.

“Yes, _wife_. They’re married. What’s worse, for you anyway, she’s here because she fell. I’m guessing no one told you that.”

“She _fell?_ ”

“More accurately, she slipped.”

“Slipped?” all at once it hit him, Sakura had most likely slipped on one of his discarded gum wrappers. All the color drained from his face, sheer terror keeping him rooted to the spot for a moment. Finally, he managed to get it together and rapidly fled back down the hall.

Kumiko watched as he rushed off, hoping that he’d finally got it and would immediately get himself assigned to something very far away for a very long time. She did not doubt that Mr. Hatake was capable of making Itsuki pay for what he’d done and that he _would_ , if ever granted the chance.

~*~*~*~

A slight sound made Kakashi glance up from the paperwork he was reviewing one last time, first at Sakura, who appeared to be still peacefully sleeping, then toward the door.

A tall, thin man with light hair and dark eyes slowly made his way into the room, his attention focused on a clipboard in his hands. When he reached the bedside he glanced up to find Kakashi, now standing to greet him.

“Ah, Mr. Hatake, I take it?” he asked as he extended his hand to Kakashi.

Kakashi nodded curtly and took his hand in a brief, firm handshake. Doing his best to suppress his suddenly heightened nerves. All the answers he’d so desperately needed were finally at hand.

“That would make you Sakura’s doctor?”

The tall man nodded. 

“I’m Doctor Tanaka. I’ve been assigned to Ms. Hatake while the Lady Hokage is out of the village.”

Kakashi nodded, secretly pleased that he didn’t have to correct the doctor. 

“What’s her status? I take it she’s stable?” he asked anxiously.

“Ms. Hatake is stable, for the moment. We currently have her sedated.”

Kakashi nodded again, it was as he’d guessed, he just needed to know the reason.

“Why? What danger is she in?”

Dr. Tanaka cleared his throat a little awkwardly. 

“There are two reasons for that. The first is that she’s in a great deal of pain right now and we thought it best to keep her under.”

“And, the other?” Kakashi asked tightly, doing his best to keep his anxiety under control.

“We thought it would be easier to just keep her under in preparation for her surgery this way.”

Kakashi’s jaw tightened. It was as he’d dreaded, more serious than when Sakura had overextended herself at the Memorial Service and Name Ceremony. He’d hoped…

“Surgery? _More_ surgery?” he asked, not even bothering to try and hide his dismay. 

Dr. Tanaka blinked in surprise. He’d have thought it would be obvious that Ms. Hatake would need additional surgery – the sooner the better.

“Yes, _more_ surgery. We did a series of emergency procedures to stabilize her when she was first brought in but they were only temporary, to buy us the time to make some big decisions. Despite her location here in the overflow area, Ms. Hatake is _still_ in critical condition.” He sighed. “The clock has been ticking since her admission a few hours ago – we were hoping the Lady Hokage would return in time to make the necessary decisions and oversee the surgery. However, we have been preparing to act either way since our window of opportunity is rapidly closing and we need to act fast or risk additional complications.”

Kakashi turned to look at Sakura, for all the world sleeping peacefully in her hospital bed, and let out a long slow breath. He’d thought she was out of danger, to hear that she was still in a precarious state... Well, it was hard to hear – especially after the day he’d already had. Just when he’d thought he was through the worst of it...

“I’ll be honest, that’s not what I was hoping to hear,” Kakashi responded wearily once he’d managed to wrap his brain around the reality of the situation.

Dr. Tanaka grimaced sympathetically, it wasn’t what _anyone_ would want to hear.

“She has had a fall and the jolt was enough to undo not only what the Lady Hokage did to keep things in place but also all of the progress she had previously made, and then some,” he explained. 

“But, she’s suffered setbacks before, surely this isn’t as bad as all that?” Kakashi tried hopefully.

Dr. Takana frowned and shook his head.

“Now that Ms. Hatake has interrupted the healing process not once but twice, things will be less easy to accomplish this time around. We now have fewer options, especially with the Lady Hokage out of the village at this time and her backup, Ms. Hatake herself, out of commission.”

“But, more surgery?” Kakashi asked, unable to keep an edge of fear from his voice. He didn’t want this to be so serious – he’d hoped that whatever it was could be fixed with jutsu as it had been before. That the quick fixes with jutsu hadn’t worked not once but twice now should have clued him in to the fact that more drastic measures would be needed this time.

Dr. Tanaka took a step back before he realized what he was doing and had to concentrate on firmly holding his ground. 

“Ms. Hatake has had severe repeated trauma to her abdomen over the past year – the shrapnel from the accident at the hospital, being crushed and impaled in the hospital blast and now stopping her latest course of healing not once but twice. Unfortunately, she’s been doing a good job of interrupting the healing processes, despite all our efforts to prevent it, and building up quite a bit of scar tissue.”

Kakashi shook his head in disbelief. He hadn’t realized the negative cumulative effects of her repeated setbacks and suddenly felt sick as he had a faint idea he knew where this was going. 

“In plain terms, what does this mean?” he asked.

Dr. Tanaka frowned. 

“Ms. Hatake will need to have things put back as they belong – again – and to make sure things stay where they need to be while she once again heals. And, because this is the third time, we are running out of means to accomplish this.”

Kakashi ran his hand through his hair in agitation. 

“What are the options? In plain language please, I have always had Sakura translate in the past.” He inhaled and exhaled slowly. “And, since I don’t have her this time around, I’ll need it already translated.”

Dr. Tanaka cracked a brief smile, of course, he relied on Ms. Hatake, from everything he’d heard about the pair, they were very close. Mr. Hatake had let her more or less make all his medical decisions for him, even before they were married. 

“Ms. Hatake has three options and none of them are ideal – all are risky to a certain extent and will affect her future reproductive health.”

Kakashi nodded, firmly keeping his hand from running through his hair again. Sakura wanted to have kids. She’d kill him if he made a decision for her that prevented that possibility.

“Option one, the safest option,” he paused and eyed Kakashi for a moment before continuing, “I’ll not go into the details but it will likely render her unable to have children.”

Kakashi frowned and shook his head. Sakura wouldn’t want that.

“What’s option two?”

“Option two is riskier but will leave the possibility that she might be able to have children in the future, once she is fully healed.”

Kakashi sighed, seeing where this was going, and asked the expected question. 

“Option three?” he asked wearily.

Dr. Tanaka sighed and shook _his_ head. 

“Extremely risky but if we can pull it off she’ll probably be able to have children once she is fully healed.”

Kakashi turned his attention back to Sakura, barely able to prevent himself from reaching out to take her hand, instead he settled with running it through his hair again.

Dr. Tanaka cleared his throat. 

“What option will it be, Mr. Hatake?”

Kakashi exhaled slowly as he shook his head and refocused on the doctor. 

“You’ll have to wake her.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Sakura, you need to wake her for this.”

Dr. Tanaka shook his head. 

“No, this is why we have a medical contact – you are her husband – _you_ are to make these decisions for her.”

Kakashi took a deep breath, glancing over to Sakura, and let it out slowly before focusing back on the doctor. 

“I know what option _I_ would select. However, it’s _not_ what Sakura would select. I need her awake to try and get her on board for a compromise.”

Dr. Tanaka’s jaw dropped. 

“Surely having children isn’t so important to you as to risk your wife’s life, is it?”

Kakashi huffed. 

“You have it backward, doctor. I’d go for the safest option. I want Sakura here with me no matter what. Sakura, on the other hand... if I made that choice for her?” He shook his head. “She would likely return the favor if I made a decision that rendered her unable to have children – or _worse_ , she’d divorce me. She has _always_ wanted to have children. _She_ would go for the riskiest choice.”

Dr. Tanaka winced and took a step back in surprise. 

“ _R-really?_ ”

Kakashi nodded. 

“So, you can see why I need her awake. I need to convince her to compromise… I want the safest choice but I don’t stand a chance of convincing her to go for that one… I can’t in good conscience choose option one or option three, especially without speaking to her about it.”

“She’s in too much pain for _me_ in good conscience to wake her.”

Kakashi frowned.

“She’s a kunoichi. She can handle pain.”

Dr. Tanaka opened his mouth to respond before closing it again. He’d seen firsthand just what determined shinobi were capable of, but still, to bring someone out of sedation to experience such agony seemed irresponsible at best, negligent at worst. That her husband would be cruel enough to insist…

“Despite what you’re probably thinking about me right now, I don’t want to see her in pain any more than you do. However, Sakura is one hell of a shinobi, she’d be furious if we didn’t trust in her enough to bring her out of it so she could make the decision herself.”

Dr. Takana stood for a long moment taking it all in, his eyes went from Mr. to Ms. Hatake and back again. He didn’t know Ms. Hatake well, he’d been as surprised as everyone else when it turned out that she was married, but what he did know of her made her husband’s words ring true. He sighed. 

“Okay, I’ll take her off the sedative.” He turned to take his leave.

“Wait,” Kakashi extended a hand in the doctor’s direction. “You’re going to take her off the sedative?”

“Yes, but not before making sure she’s thoroughly medicated for the pain. I’ll be back shortly with the correct bag to swap out for the sedative. I don’t want her to be in any more pain than absolutely necessary. Once she’s awake, I’ll give you no more than maybe twenty minutes to make your case before she’s taken into surgery. One way or another, she needs to be in surgery within the next hour and a half or so. I will not keep her awake and in pain any longer than absolutely necessary.”

Kakashi nodded as the doctor left and resumed his seat next to Sakura, a hand extending automatically to take one of her hands in his.

~*~*~*~


	22. Chapter XXII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. This is the last chapter. If I have time to pull together a short Epilogue, I’ll post one. 
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Chapter XXII

“Ah, Mr. Hatake,” Dr. Tanaka greeted the man huddled next to the lone occupied hospital bed as he entered the room. “Still no changes?”

Kakashi shifted his attention to the door, he’d been so wrapped up in his own anxious thoughts that he had almost missed the doctor entering the room, _almost_.

“No, should she be awake now?” he asked, his sense of concern suddenly ratcheting up several notches.

“Oh, er, no, probably not for another twenty minutes at the very least.”

“I see…” Kakashi trailed off, uncertain why the doctor had returned if he didn’t expect to find Sakura awake.

Sensing the unspoken question, Dr. Tanaka hurried on to explain the purpose of his visit.

“I just wanted to make certain you’re still set on not making this decision for her? Ms. Hatake is going to be in agony when she wakes, even with the pain medication.” He paused before adding, “Kunoichi or not, are you _sure_ you want to do this to your _wife_?”

Kakashi nodded, more than aware that he was going to put Sakura through something he’d rather she never have to experience, but also more than aware that he had no other alternative. This was not a choice he could make for her – she would understand his decision not to decide and be glad for it.

“You _do_ realize that we could just choose the safest option, send her into surgery now, and tell her later that it was the only thing to be done…”

Kakashi shook his head in disbelief. He wasn’t sure which was worse – that Dr. Tanaka would be okay with lying to Sakura or that Dr. Tanaka thought _he_ would be okay lying to Sakura.

“No, lying to my wife is not an option. Besides, Sakura is a medic.”

“Ah… I see?”

“When she woke, Sakura would be incredibly upset upon finding out that she’d been rendered incapable of having children. She’d want to know what happened and _why._ The first thing she’d want to do would be to request her chart and go over _everything_ with a fine-toothed comb. Once she saw her file… she’d _know_.” Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “She’d go after _you_ first.”

“ _What?!_ ”

Kakashi shrugged.

“She knows damn well that _I_ wouldn’t know any different from whatever you told me _and_ that _I_ would never try to lie to her. So if we were to try and tell her that it was the only option when it wasn’t, Sakura would assume you lied to me. She’d go after you and _then_ come for me.”

Dr. Tanaka cleared his suddenly too-dry throat. Ms. Hatake was well-known for having a legendary temper. And while it was no longer as hair-trigger as it had been, it still made appearances often enough for him to know that he did _not_ want to be on the receiving end of it.

“Right, I see… best we wake her so she can make that decision then…”

“Wise choice.”

~*~*~*~

Kumiko knocked hesitantly on the improvised hospital room door, she’d let Mr. Hatake have some time to cool off before returning for Ms. Hatake’s paperwork. Hopefully, he would be in a better frame of mind now.

“Come in!” he called, sounding neither angry nor irritated.

Cautiously, Kumiko entered to find Mr. Hatake sitting very close to Ms. Hatake’s bedside. 

“I’ve come for the paperwork, Mr. Hatake, is it all set?” she asked, lingering in the doorway, waiting for a sign for if it was safe to enter.

He nodded without turning, lost in his own thoughts.

“Yes, thank you.”

“Right, I’ll just grab it and get out of the way. I’ve made almost all the changes, just need the actual paperwork to fill in the holes and make everything official.” 

Quickly, Kumiko crossed the room and grabbed the papers before anything else could happen – the way the day had been going, someone was due to unexpectedly burst into the room at any moment and she wanted none of it.

Mr. Hatake briefly shifted his attention from his wife to respond to her, when he heard the papers rustle.

“Thank you. I, _we_ , appreciate your help.”

“You’re welcome,” Kumiko replied with a light flush of color staining her cheeks as she hurried to the door. Guilt hit her once again and she silently resolved that once Ms. Hatake was awake and well, she would apologize to the both of them. Before leaving, she turned to look over her shoulder. “Maintenance told me that they hooked up a phone in here for you, call me if you need anything – just dial zero and tell the operator you want the front desk, they’ll connect you right away.”

Mr. Hatake nodded silently, attention already refocused on his wife.

Kumiko hastily made her way out of the improvised hospital room and heaved a huge sigh of relief. She’d thought the atmosphere had been tense before but now? It had gone beyond tense into the realm of high anxiety. Whatever the doctor had had to say to Mr. Hatake had clearly not been the best of news. 

Before returning to her desk, she took a moment to scan through the completed paperwork, noting without surprise that Itsuki had been added to Ms. Hatake’s ‘Do not Admit’ list. Kumiko sighed again, it was sure to be a massive blow to Itsuki. Somehow, though, she found herself unable to feel too bad for him – he’d brought it upon himself. Maybe now he’d finally see the light and leave them alone.

Just as she was collecting herself to continue back to her desk, Kumiko noticed that the door of one of the file storage rooms a little way down the hall was ajar. She frowned in thought for a moment. Kumiko was fairly certain that it had been closed when she’d gone into Ms. Hatake’s room. Curious, there was no reason for anyone to be down in any of the file storage rooms at this time of the day, Kumiko made her way toward the incongruity.

As she approached the slightly open door she noticed that it moved faintly. More curious than before, she reached out to push the door all the way open. Before her fingers could touch it, the door swung open on its own.

“ _Itsuki?!_ What are _you_ doing in there…” Kumiko trailed off, starting to wonder if she would need to call security. Itsuki’s behavior was getting out of hand.

“Shh…” Itsuki reached out and drew Kumiko into the filing room, pulling the door closed behind her.

Kumiko glanced around, it was clear from Itsuki’s distraught state that he had been waiting in the file storage room for some time – probably since his run-in with Mr. Hatake.

“Itsuki – this is _not_ okay. I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish here but whatever it is, I can tell that it’s _not_ what you should be doing _._ ”

“ _I need to apologize_ ,” he responded, desperation almost palpably rolling off of him.

Kumiko sighed impatiently, this had gone beyond her ability to cope and into the realm of potentially dangerous. She needed to get back to her desk and notify security.

“I’m sure you think you do. However, lying in wait for Mr. Hatake to leave so you can accost his wife is _not_ the way to go about apologizing.”

Itsuki had the decency to blush and avert his gaze.

“I don’t know what else to do…”

“ _Leave them alone!_ That’s the absolute best thing you can do!”

“But – I _need_ to apologize!”

“What you think you need right now _doesn’t matter!_ Leave them alone! You can apologize later – _after_ Ms. Hatake is discharged from the hospital. Now is _not_ the time!”

“But… after this morning…” he trailed off looking for the words. “This is probably my last chance…”

Kumiko raised an eyebrow, not buying his excuse.

“It’s not a chance at all. You’re on Ms. Hatake’s banned list. You try to go into that room now and you’ll be brought up on charges.”

“ _What?!_ ” he exclaimed, taking a step back in disbelief. He hadn’t thought that he would _actually_ be barred entry to Sakura’s room.

“Just leave, Itsuki,” Kumiko stated flatly – beyond done dealing with him.

Itsuki’s lips firmed into a determined line and he shook his head sadly, stubbornly.

“For the love of…” She threw her hands up in exasperation. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough?”

“I-“ Itsuki started before voices in the hall caught his attention.

“Where’s she gone? She was right here last time we saw her on the security footage,” a deep male voice commented.

“That’s what we’re here to find out,” an authoritative male voice replied.

“Right… Maybe she went back into Ms. Hatake’s room?” the first voice suggested dubiously.

“Hmm, last I heard, Mr. Hatake is _not_ to be bothered under _any_ circumstances,” the second voice responded.

“Yeah… probably best we don’t poke the bear unless we have to…” the first voice trailed off in thought.

Realizing what had probably happened, Kumiko glared at Itsuki.

“Just leave before you make things even worse for yourself,” she hissed before exiting the file room. Though they were clearly reluctant to bother Mr. Hatake, she knew they eventually _would_ and that was the _last_ thing she wanted.

“I’m here,” Kumiko said as she entered the hall, closing the file storage room door firmly behind her. 

She found two of the hospital security guards lingering uncertainly in front of Ms. Hatake’s improvised hospital room. The one with the authoritative voice and shorter stature she recognized as one of the day-shift security supervisors, Mr. Kota Noguchi. He was of an older generation and consequently, one of a small few who had not received any sort of academy training. His companion with a deep voice, Mr. Ryo Mori, had only started a few weeks prior and already had half the female staff after him. Mr. Mori had put in for a transfer from the regular shinobi ranks to have a more stable work schedule so he could better take care of his nephew. Sadly, his sister had been one of the combat medics lost in the hospital explosions several months prior.

“Ah, _there_ you are,” Mr. Noguchi commented, a puzzled eyebrow raised at Kumiko emerging from a seldom-used file room.

“Yes, you were gone long enough that people were starting to worry,” Mr. Mori added, not wanting to say that _he’d_ noticed her disappearance before anyone else.

“Sorry,” Kumiko ducked her head a little to hide the faint blush. “I just needed a minute to myself before returning to my desk. It’s been a… a _difficult_ day.”

Mr. Noguchi waved her excuse off with a sigh.

“I’m glad you’re okay. We have people out looking for Mr. Watanabe – he’s been wanted urgently by his boss for the past few hours. When you disappeared near Ms. Hatake’s room, we were afraid you may have run afoul of him.”

“Oh! I see. I-I hadn’t realized… I’m sorry to have caused concern.” She bowed slightly. It was no use getting upset at Mr. Noguchi’s old-fashioned worldview. She was a kunoichi, even if she _had_ run afoul of Itsuki in the way he had feared, she would have been more than capable of handling the situation. However, she knew that his apprehension came from a place of old-world chivalry and genuine concern for her wellbeing – he had a daughter her age – rather than an active assumption that all women were incapable of defending themselves. “I have the paperwork I needed – I’ll head back to my desk now.”

“Yes, please do.” Mr. Noguchi replied, already mentally moving on to other possible locations where Mr. Watanabe may be hiding.

“I will. Thank you for worrying about me.”

Mr. Noguchi nodded.

“I’m going to finish checking these halls. Ryo-”

“I’ll escort her back to the front desk,” Ryo finished quickly.

Mr. Noguchi gave him a startled look – though he had been about to suggest the same thing, it was unusual for Ryo to volunteer to do _anything_ involving a single young woman. From his experience so far, Ryo was not coping very well with all the attention he was receiving from the female hospital staff and tended to avoid them as much as possible. Mr. Noguchi raised an eyebrow, his lips twitching as he tried to suppress an amused smirk.

Mr. Mori ducked his head slightly, realizing he should have waited for Mr. Noguchi to actually issue the order instead of volunteering.

“With Mr. Watanabe still MIA we shouldn’t take any chances,” Mr. Mori commented as a cover for his hasty statement.

“Yes, that’s true.” Mr. Noguchi nodded to himself before turning to address Kumiko. “Ryo will escort you back to your desk.”

Kumiko suppressed a light blush – Mr. Mori was even more attractive up close than he was from afar. Sad recent family history aside, there was absolutely no mystery as to why half the female staff was after him.

“Oh, uh, you don’t _have_ to… I’m sure I can make it back to the front desk just fine on my own. I wouldn’t want to make you go out of your way…”

“No trouble at all Ms. Nagata,” Mr. Mori quickly assured her.

Kumiko nodded her acceptance, secretly pleased that he knew her name.

“Alright, then, lead the way,” she replied with a smile.

Mr. Mori started down the hall, back toward the elevator, and Kumiko fell into step next to him.

“So, how are you adjusting to coming out of the regular ranks to work at the hospital?” Kumiko asked, knowing from experience that the transition could be more difficult than expected.

Mr. Mori raised a hand to the back of his neck.

“Eh, heh, it’s been an adjustment for sure.”

She nodded, she knew what he meant.

“For me, it was the regular schedule that was the hardest – so stupid, I know. But for some reason, it was weird to be getting up at the same time, going to work in the same place, doing the same thing, and for the same number of hours each day.”

Ryo nodded.

“I know exactly what you mean – I haven’t had a regular schedule since the academy.” He chuckled. “I’d forgotten what that was like.”

Once they were out of earshot of the file room, Kumiko turned to the large shinobi escorting her to her desk and sighed. A much as she would enjoy having him escort her back to her desk, her conscience wouldn’t allow her to let him. At least, not without her telling him about Itsuki first.

Mr. Mori paused when he sensed Kumiko stop, concerned he turned to her, he’d thought they were getting on fine.

“Something wrong?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Mori. There’s something I need to tell you that I couldn’t say earlier.”

Mr. Mori tilted his head to the side, unsure what Ms. Nagata could have neglected to mention.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Itsuki, that is, Mr. Watanabe is hiding in that file storage room. He pulled me in after I exited Ms. Hatake’s room with the paperwork I needed.”

“ _What?!_ Why did you say something sooner?” Without waiting for a response he turned to head back down the hallway, to confront the wanted man, frustrated at the potential lost time. 

Kumiko reached out to grab his hand and he turned and sent her a puzzled look. She averted her eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t want to say something until I knew he couldn’t hear me. I think he’s waiting for Mr. Hatake to leave Ms. Hatake’s room so he can go and apologize to her.”

“ _What?”_ Mr. Mori tensed and gathered himself to head back down the hall. “That’s-”

“I know,” she interrupted him. “Please let me get clear of the area before you confront him. I don’t want to see this,” Kumiko asked in a suddenly small voice as she glanced back up to catch Mr. Mori’s gaze. 

Mr. Mori sighed and relaxed.

“He was a decent friend for a time…” she trailed off. As much as she knew he had it coming, she just didn’t want to see Itsuki get hauled off by security. “I told him to leave. I told him he should leave Ms. Hatake alone. But, he refused. I’m sure he’ll still be waiting in that storage room for his chance to get Ms. Hatake alone. I don’t think he means her, or anyone else, any harm. I just think he’s desperate to apologize. He probably has no idea how inappropriate his behavior is right now.”

Mr. Mori studied her for a moment, wondering if he’d read her interest wrong, before shaking his head. She was doing the right thing and had a reasonable reason for not saying something earlier – Mr. Noguchi would be a bit irritated but would recognize the tactical advantage she was giving them. And, that she didn’t want to see a friend hauled off by security… well, that was understandable too. He sighed. There went his chance to try and get to know Ms. Nagata a little better.

“I understand. I’ll walk you to the elevator then go tell Mr. Noguchi.”

Kumiko smiled faintly.

“Thank you.”

~*~*~*~

Itsuki visibly slumped as he walked into his supervisor’s office, his security escort leaving him at the door. Since _nothing_ had gone his way that day, it was only to be expected that he would finally have to face Ms. Imai and whatever consequences she may have for him.

“Ah, Itsuki, we’ve been wondering where you’ve been.”

“Here and there,” he responded somewhat nervously, more than aware that he had gone well beyond crossing the line. “Had some things to take care of…”

She shot him a disbelieving look, someone from security had already called and she knew what he’d been attempting to do. After a moment, she decided to ignore his additional transgressions for the time being. Itsuki was already in more than enough trouble as it was, adding to it wouldn’t particularly alter the outcome. 

Itsuki ducked his head, acknowledging that he knew that he’d done wrong. 

That he’d actually managed to make things worse for himself shouldn’t have surprised Ms. Imai. And yet, somehow it still did. Itsuki’s potential to make things worse for himself seemed neverending.

“I’m sure you know why you’re here?” Ms. Imai started sternly.

“Yes,” he responded softly.

“Good. I’ve spoken to the other supervisors and we have decided to stick our necks out for you – as far as we can see, none of your actions have been intentionally inappropriate or malicious. Misguided, yes, negligent, yes. But none of them have actually intended harm. So we have come up with two options for you.”

Itsuki raised his head in surprise, he’d expected to be fired on the spot and probably banned from the hospital unless or until he needed medical treatment.

“I have a _choice?_ ” he asked hopefully.

“Yes, we felt it best to let you decide.”

“I-I see.”

“Option one, there is an immediate opening for an assistant to the adjunct to the medical liaison in Sand, while you’re there you can complete the program you started. After that, there’ll be an opening in a second program that will get you all the remaining credits you need to get your medical doctorate. Once you’ve completed both programs, you’ll be permanently assigned to one of the outposts. Which one will depend on which one is in the most need of a doctor at that time.”

Itsuki grimaced, he didn’t like the idea of what amounted to exile with an undetermined expiration date.

“The second option?” he asked hoping against hope that it would be less severe.

Ms. Imai raised an eyebrow, he should know damn well that the first option was far more than he deserved. If not for the chronic medic shortage, they’d just have washed their hands of him and given him the permanent boot.

“You will be placed on immediate administrative leave until the Lady Hokage returns and accept whatever punishment _she_ metes out to you.”

All the color slowly drained from Itsuki’s face. He’d been so wrapped up in his own thoughts and concerns that the _full_ consequences of his negligent actions hadn’t really registered until just then. That his punishment would, of course, come from the Hokage simply hadn’t occurred to him. It was obvious to Itsuki now. The Lady Hokage would kill him. She would _absolutely_ kill him. And, no one would blame her for it. Ms. Imai and her colleagues really _were_ sticking their necks out for him by offering him a way to leave the village before the Lady Hokage could return and render her own judgment and punishment.

He swallowed, hard.

“When do I leave?”

~*~*~*~

Sakura felt herself slowly being pulled from sleep, as had been happening more and more frequently, she found that in the brief moments between sleep and wakefulness, she could almost feel Kakashi’s arms around her. She knew that he sometimes shared her bed rather than spending every evening on her supremely uncomfortable couch. And, every so often when she woke in the middle of the night it was to find that he had curled himself around her. 

_The cat curled up with his mistress... when he thought no one was looking._

Sakura cherished those hazy moments as they were the most transparent of all the many little things he did to subtly support her and show her just how much he cared. His frequent visits to her office with hot caffeine or food just when she needed a break but wouldn’t have otherwise taken one. His seemingly random invitations to dinner after she’d had an exhausting day at work. These were the evenings where she was tired enough to likely either skip the meal entirely or have something less than nutritious before going directly to bed, rather than the evenings they both wanted to blow off some steam and have a little fun. These were the evenings he took her out, made sure she ate well, and that she got back to her apartment within a reasonable amount of time. Nearly everything he did to express his feelings was cloaked in other purposes or was just plain indirect. But, for those few moments in the middle of the night when she could feel him around her – she knew that those moments were the closest thing to a direct declaration of his feelings that she would ever get from him, and that they should be appreciated accordingly.

Though Kakashi would always be up and out of bed when she woke in the morning, that fact just made her treasure those foggy memories of having him there in bed with her all the more. She knew that once she was safe to live on her own he would, once again, disappear back into the village. Quite possibly for good since there was no way of knowing when he would be assigned the mission that would be his last.

A wave of pain hit and jolted her from the few moments of pleasant thoughts she had enjoyed before coming fully awake. Unable to prevent it, she groaned.

A sharp noise, metal on a hard floor, told her that someone was with her, probably waiting for her to wake. With an enormous act of will, Sakura opened her eyes, knowing that the light would likely hurt them.

“Kakashi?” she asked in a weak and cracked voice. She hadn’t expected to see him there. “Wha-what are you doing here?” She paused, what she could see of the room finally registering in her mind. “Wait, _where_ is here?”

“You had a fall, do you remember?” he asked as he knelt by the bed, both his hands automatically reaching out for her left hand – concern writ large across his face.

Sakura concentrated for a moment, falling back on kunoichi training and doing her best to shut the pain out so she could think. 

“Not really,” she grunted after a long moment of trying to remember.

Kakashi nodded, it was to be expected and not particularly important at that time. 

“Well, you did, you might remember it later.” Absently, without any conscious direction, his thumbs ran comfortingly over the back of her hand.

Sakura closed her eyes against the agony, her right arm automatically covering them against the light and the additional pain it brought. She exhaled slowly – doing her best to manage the pain. 

“Okay, okay. We’ll leave that for later. _Where_ is here?” she asked, unable to feel other than comforted by Kakashi’s actions, strange as they were.

“The hospital is out of rooms so they’ve made do, temporarily, with what I think must be one of the file storage rooms.” Kakashi looked around the room again, finding no additional clues as to what the room was used for before it had been cleared for Sakura, and shrugged. “They expect to move you to a real room later – someone in the Maternity Ward is due to go home later today and they’re going to put you there when you’re ready.” 

“Maternity Ward? When I’m ready? _What?_ ” she asked more than confused, the pain making it hard for her to concentrate for very long.

Kakashi removed one of his hands from hers to wave it and her questions away. Even though he knew she couldn’t see the gesture, he knew she would somehow sense it. 

“Never mind that. It’s not important right now.”

“What? It’s _not?_ ” she asked through gritted teeth, doing her best to focus on the comforting sensation of his hand holding hers.

“No, we don’t have much time.” He returned his hand to hers once again. “You urgently need surgery – there are options. They wanted me to choose for you…” he closed his eyes and shook his head before reopening them to better focus on her. “But… I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t make that decision for you. So I had to ask them to wake you so you could make it yourself. I’m sorry – I didn’t want you to be in this much pain but I really had no alternative.”

“ _Wha?_ ” she asked, almost pulling her arm from her eyes to get a better look at Kakashi, something was wrong – _very_ wrong. She’d never seen or heard him this indecisive or apologetic. “Why are they asking _you?_ ”

“Tsunade is out of the village and-” Kakashi broke off abruptly as Doctor Tanaka entered the room.

Reluctantly, he let Sakura’s hand go and moved aside so the doctor had better access to Sakura, though he didn’t step too far away. There was no way he was going to leave her unless she asked him to.

Seeing that Sakura was awake, clipboard in hand, the doctor rushed over to the hospital bed – he wanted a decision, and he wanted it _now_. 

“Ah, you’re awake Ms. Hatake, right on time.”

Sakura’s arm flew away from her face, her eyes open wide, suddenly searching for Kakashi’s – her pain momentarily forgotten in the shock of the moment.

Doctor Tanaka chuckled, misinterpreting Sakura’s surprise. 

“No need to worry Ms. Hatake, your husband filled out and filed all the necessary paperwork. A bit of a surprise to all of us, to be honest, but it’s all been squared away now.” He glanced down at his clipboard. “Not a minute too soon either seeing as how we needed for decisions to be made and the Lady Hokage is currently out of the village.”

Shocked, Sakura kept her gaze on Kakashi who had the grace to duck his head a little but maintained eye contact, his expression tight with worry and a hint of pleading. She nodded almost imperceptibly. They’d discuss it later.

Another wave of pain hit her and she gritted her teeth, unable to suppress a groan.

Taking that as his cue, Doctor Tanaka refocused his attention on his patient. 

“Right, you need surgery. You have three options…”

Kakashi let his mind wander as the doctor discussed Sakura’s options with her. He knew they had a lot to talk about. Unfortunately, if things continued as they were going it would appear that they wouldn’t get to discuss any of it before she went under for surgery. Anxiety kicked in as he didn’t know for sure what Sakura would choose. Or, rather, he did, and it was the choice he most feared. 

He stifled a sigh, realizing that he would have to make one last bid to change her mind. But, in order to do that, he’d need to get her alone. Kakashi was not about to allow any spectators in on what was likely to be an extremely awkward conversation – especially since Sakura may take umbrage at the fact that he’d filed the paperwork, nevermind his intended plea for her to go for the safest option. They could get a surrogate – he would demand one if one was not offered – and things would be just fine.

Doctor Tanaka briskly tapped his clipboard, pulling Kakashi’s attention back to the present. 

“So, now that you have your options, do you have a decision?”

Sakura exhaled slowly, doing her best to push the agony aside so she could better focus on making a decision. A part of her wished that Kakashi was still holding her hand. It had been easier to shut out the pain when she could concentrate on his hands holding hers. 

Sakura couldn’t quite guess why Kakashi hadn’t made the obvious choice for her – he had to know that she wanted to have children and it was in his best interest that she be able to have them. It was clear that she would choose the riskiest option – Sakura had faith in the medical staff. That Kakashi hadn’t just made the decision for her gave her cause to pause – he _never_ did anything without reason. And, he would _never_ put her through this much pain unless it was essential. She was missing something.

Kakashi cleared his throat, drawing both Doctor Tanaka and Sakura’s attention. He focused on the doctor, doing his best to keep himself from darting concerned glances at Sakura. 

“I’d like a few minutes alone with my wife before she makes her decision.”

Doctor Tanaka frowned. 

“I thought you wanted her to make this decision? That’s the only reason I agreed to have her woken up in the first place.”

Kakashi held his hands up. 

“I know, I know. Sakura will, of course, make own her decision. However, I would _still_ like a few minutes alone with _my wife_ before she makes her choice. I want to be certain that she has all the information she needs in order to make that decision.” He allowed his eyes to narrow just a little to convey the fact that he was _not_ going to accept ‘no’ for an answer.

The doctor swallowed, suddenly recalling the fact that Kakashi was ANBU, incredibly dangerous, and not to be trifled with under _any_ circumstances. Hastily he cleared his throat and checked his watch. 

“I can give you no more than twenty minutes – _ten_ would be better.”

Kakashi nodded, it would have to be enough.

“I’ll be right outside, let me know as soon as a decision has been made. I will have things prepared for surgery while I wait.”

Kakashi nodded again and then waited until Doctor Tanaka took his leave.

Sakura glanced up at Kakashi expectantly, temporarily able to push the agony aside as her curiosity got the better of her and the medication finally started to take the edge off the pain. 

“Wife?” she asked, unsure where else to start.

Kakashi sighed and moved back to his prior position at her bedside – turning to pull the chair close so he could sit and talk to Sakura more comfortably. 

“Well?” she asked, gritting her teeth as her concentration slipped and the pain hit her again.

Feeling a bit of color rise to his cheeks, Kakashi shook his head. 

“They wouldn’t let me see you. Or, even tell me if you were still alive.”

Sakura’s mouth dropped open. 

“ _What?!_ ”

“It was the only way I could get in to make sure you were okay – _alive_ – with Tsunade out of the village.”

Sakura slowly closed her mouth, still not quite believing it. Who in their right mind would try and keep Kakashi from her side? He must have been both absolutely terrified and terrifying when someone had told him that he couldn’t see her _or_ know her status.

“I wasn’t on your list – you didn’t even have one.”

“List?”

Kakashi shook his head, they could discuss this later. They had more important things to see to first.

“New hospital policy. But, never mind, that’s all squared away for now and you can make changes to it later. We don’t have much time and I think there are things you should know before making your decision.” He paused and ducked his head a bit, well aware that he should have told her everything sooner. It just hadn’t seemed urgent at the time. “Things I should have already told you.”

Slowly, Sakura shook her head, she didn’t understand. 

“Kakashi, I’m going for option three – I want kids and the other two options don’t allow much hope for that possibility. I-I don’t-”

She knit her eyebrows together in confusion as another wave of pain hit and she took a moment to concentrate on managing it rather than the odd situation she found herself in. Kakashi should know all this – what was it that he wasn’t telling her?

Kakashi waited patiently, he could see that Sakura was struggling with managing her pain and though he felt the passing of time quite keenly and wanted to take away her pain, he knew there was nothing he could actually do to either help or hurry Sakura along.

After a moment, Sakura finally managed to pull herself together again and ask the most pressing question.

“I don’t understand, option three is _also_ in your best interest. Why didn’t you just choose it and be done with it? You _know_ that’s what I would want.” 

He closed his eyes and sighed, though he was bad at stating things plainly, he knew that now was not the time to be anything other than direct. 

“Sakura I…”

She shook her head again, the pain medication doing well at keeping the edge off. 

“Kakashi, it’s been nice having you around but I know it won’t last.” Sakura started to reach out to him before wincing in pain and retracting her arm. She grimaced and continued, “I want children, _your_ children, and if I don’t go for option three, I probably won’t have the chance.” She looked away, gritting her teeth against another wave of pain – this one having nothing to do with her impending surgery.

Kakashi reached out and gently took her hand in his, she was in such a state that he was going to have to carefully spell it out for her. 

“Tsunade told you that my mission status was in a sort of Limbo right now, didn’t she?” he asked gently

Surprised at his change of subject, Sakura turned her head and refocused her attention on Kakashi and the sensation of his hand holding hers, his thumbs once again moving comfortingly over the back of her hand. Hesitantly, she nodded. She hadn’t wanted to think about it too closely.

“She tell you why?” he asked quietly.

Sakura shook her head. Tsunade likely wanted her to ask Kakashi herself to find out the reason. But, she had found that she simply couldn’t. Asking him seemed a good way to get an evasive answer and push him out her door that much faster.

Slowly Kakashi inhaled and then exhaled. 

“I _wasn't_ supposed to come back. Tsunade gave me her blessing – _she let me go_.” 

Sakura couldn’t help the sharp gasp. Not at hearing him admit it, she’d long ago made her peace with his decision to die in service of the village. But, rather at the fact that the situation was truly dire enough for Tsunade to allow Kakashi to make that mission his last. She knew Tsunade had been silently (and not-so-silently) pushing the two of them together – letting Kakashi go would have to have been the only option for her to have utilized it.

He paused to consider his next words, absently pulling her hand a little closer to him without realizing it. 

“Because of the loss of my support team and the fact that I’d been working toward a goal, she bumped up the difficulty level of the mission.”

“Kakashi… what does that...” Sakura trailed off, not wanting to think about it, never mind ask.

“When I completed that mission, I achieved the highest promotable rank available to me.”

“ _What?!_ ” she exclaimed, no active shinobi ever hit that rank. It was only ever earned by shinobi right before they retired – the whole retirement plan was structured around the timing of those two things coinciding.

“Tsunade wasn’t trying to be kind or diplomatic when she told you that my current state of limbo had nothing to do with you. They truly don’t know what to do with me now that I’ve hit that rank… as a rule, active shinobi don’t. I’m on hold until they can figure it out. That’s part of what my meeting today was about.”

“But…”

“They’ll either find me a loophole, a desk job, or something else to occupy my time. Turns out, no one wants to see me retired – least of all me.”

Sakura lay there for a few moments, too shocked to take it all in. Her world seemed to be crumbling around her. It was all too much.

“Retired?” she asked in a weak voice. If he were to retire…

He sighed. 

“It’s still up in the air. But, it _is_ a strong possibility at this point.” He snorted softly. “They’re looking into alternatives but so far have come up with only one and that one isn’t viable at this point in time. Maybe in a year or two… or, maybe sooner, depending on all the other mitigating factors I guess.” He shrugged, that wasn’t all that important.

Sakura stared at him, wondering if he meant what she thought she meant. And, more importantly, why he came back. He’d had one last item on his to-do list and had even been given the perfect opportunity to achieve it. _Why hadn’t he taken it?_

“You haven’t asked me yet,” Kakashi stated calmly, interrupting Sakura’s thoughts.

“I haven’t asked you... what?” she asked, uncertain if she could actually ask him.

He smiled softly, sadly, and squeezed her hand a little. 

“Why I came back.”

Sakura swallowed, she didn’t think she wanted to know. Slowly she shook her head, trying to keep the pain away but realizing that it wasn’t entirely due to her injuries. She didn’t think she could handle this. Why was he telling her _now_ , on top of everything else that was going on?

“When Tsunade wrote to me – when she recalled my support team – she let me go. She didn’t try to guilt me into coming back – she even laid the facts bare that I would likely be retired upon my return – never to achieve my goal of earning my place on the Memorial. Basically, that mission was my last chance and she expected me to take and make the most of it.”

Sakura turned her head from him, not wanting to hear it and not wanting him to see that tears were forming in her eyes.

“I thought you wanted me to have your children?” she asked, instead of asking why he had come back, her voice thick with unshed tears.

He shook his head and frowned slightly.

“At the time, that no longer seemed to be an option.”

Sakura sniffed, unable to respond. She would have to rethink _everything_. If he retired rather than dying in the line of duty, she would probably not be in any position to take possession of his bank account when he died. Even though she was younger than him, he was healthy, he would likely live long enough for her to be past childbearing age when he died. Never mind the fact that they were actually married now. Granted, that didn’t mean their lives had to change but people would begin to talk – especially if Sakura went to a different bank to get the kids she wanted. Was this why he wanted to speak to her before she decided? He knew she would be past child-bearing years when she would be eligible to take possession of his bank account?

Kakashi read the pain in Sakura’s expression, easily able to see it even from only a small portion of her face, and silently sighed. As expected, he was expressing himself badly. She wasn’t drawing the conclusions he wanted her to. He’d need to try again to spell it out clearly – they did not have time for any further misunderstandings. Hesitantly Kakashi reached out to touch her cheek and gently turn her head so he could catch her gaze.

“I knew from what Tsunade _didn’t_ say… I knew that you were gone... ANBU was recalled _immediately_ after the second blast – before any survivors were found… Before _you_ were found,” he told her softly.

Sakura’s jaw dropped.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing. 

“I knew that you had a dream, having kids one day. You told me so yourself. I knew that you wanted to have _my_ kids.” He glanced away, unable to hold her gaze. “You once told me that you wanted to do something for me so I could leave this world with no regrets – even if it wasn’t something I’d be around to see.” Kakashi paused again for a moment to collect himself before returning his gaze to Sakura’s still wide-eyed stare. “I thought it only right to do my best to try and return the favor.”

Unable to prevent it, Sakura felt the moisture she’d been trying not to let go, tip over and start to creep down her cheeks.

Kakashi smiled sadly and awkwardly but gently brushed the tears away, he couldn’t bear to see them. That he had caused them only made them that much harder for him to see.

“I decided to return to the village no matter what. File the paperwork. And, then go looking for a surrogate. I would do what you were prevented from doing.”

“Kakashi…”

“Imagine my surprise upon returning to find that you’d survived.”

“I-I’m sorry…”

Kakashi inhaled sharply. Full understanding of just how much he had hurt Sakura when he had told her that he was sorry to have returned from a suicide mission suddenly hitting him like a ton of bricks – temporarily taking his breath away. If this was even a fraction of what he’d been inflicting upon Sakura... What he’d said to her when he’d returned from that mission… he had a lot to make up to her.

“I…” Sakura started before trailing off again. She didn’t know what to say.

He exhaled slowly, doing his best to get a better hold of himself. Until now, he’d had no real concept of how much he’d been hurting Sakura, recently and over the years. And he did not like it one bit. He _would_ make it up to her.

“Sakura that… I… I _never_ want to hear you apologize for surviving again.”

She drew her brows together in confusion. She’d ruined his plans – _ruined his life_. He had had a chance to achieve his life’s goal and had passed on it because he had thought her dead. 

“ _But_ …”

He shook his head and squeezed her hand with both of his. 

“I now understand, to a small degree, what I put you through earlier. I, I’m sorry.”

“What?” she asked with more than a little confusion, the pain starting to return and beginning to steal her focus.

He shook his head, realizing that his short window with her was beginning to close. If the pain was starting to seep back in, Dr. Tanaka would likely be expecting her answer soon. He needed to convince her quickly, seeing her in such agony was just killing him.

“Never mind. That’s not important right now.”

“Then what is?” she almost wailed, not at all sure what he was trying to say to her.

“I came back with every intention of marrying you and then raising your children.”

Sakura felt her cheeks tint, she’d never expected him to say those words even indirectly, never mind plainly as he just had.

“I’ve managed to accomplish the first…”

“Kakashi – the last thing I want to do is to corner you into doing something you don’t want to do.”

He squeezed her hand a little, comfortingly.

“I made my decision when I decided to return to the village.”

“Kakashi…”

“I… I needed to be with you – one way or another…”

Sakura made an aborted attempt to reach out to him with her free hand, grimacing in pain.

“I have to warn you though… I’m not any good at it… relationships. No experience.” He sighed, frustrated with his own shortcomings. “You truly deserve better.”

She smiled faintly through the pain and tears. 

“I _deserve_ what I want, and I want _you_ … I don’t expect you to be perfect.” She chuckled weakly, wincing immediately as the action only caused increased pain. “And, you _are_ _very_ good at the physical aspects of relationships.”

He shot her a startled glance.

“I _do_ expect you to try though – at the actual relationship bits,” she informed him through gritted teeth, the pain medication starting to fade more quickly.

He nodded, gently squeezing her hand, _of course,_ he’d try – he’d do _anything_ for her. Hell, he already _had._

“You’re going to have to help me then – tell me what you want, what you _need_ from me. I don’t want to hurt you because I have no idea what you want or need from me.”

Sakura chuckled. As unromantic as it was, it was entirely Kakashi. He’d do whatever she asked, and eventually, he’d be able to do what she wanted, _needed_ , without her prompting. He was a fast learner and had years of reading romance novels under his belt. With a few nudges, he’d be just fine.

“I understand and,” she paused to wait for a wave of pain to pass, “I have my first request.”

Kakashi blinked in surprise, was he already doing something wrong?

“You can start by maybe sticking around in bed in the mornings every once in a while.”

“What?” he asked, startled by her first request.

“Would be nice to occasionally find you,” she had to stop and inhale and exhale before continuing, “there with me in the morning when I wake up.”

He stared at her for a moment, unable to process her request.

“Think you can manage that?” she asked faintly, her strength starting to go.

Surprise wearing off, he chuckled. It had taken every bit of his willpower _not_ to be there in the mornings.

“Sakura, I l-”

Weakly she pulled on his hand, interrupting him and once again wincing in pain.

“Sakura-”

She shook her head. 

“Not now,” she hissed, trying to breathe through the pain that had suddenly broken through her careful wall.

“But-”

“No regrets, Kakashi. If you tell me now, you’ll have no regrets,” she grunted through the pain.

Puzzled he tilted his head to the side, unsure what she meant. 

“Sakura, I don’t think-”

“If you don’t tell me, you can’t _die_ – you’ll have regrets.”

Surprised he sighed in relief as he realized that he hadn’t told her that he’d _also_ hit his mission cap. There would be no more missions for him unless the village specifically needed _his_ services.

“Sakura I-”

“Hush, let me have my moment.” She paused before continuing, once again making an aborted attempt to reach out to him, the agony starting to become unbearable. “We both know I care far too much to let you go out on your next mission – whatever it is – without telling me.” Sakura chuckled and then grimaced. “I _do_ want you to have no regrets after all.”

Suddenly, Sakura groaned as the pain came roaring fully back to her.

Kakashi, all thoughts of telling her about his mission cap forgotten, was on his feet crowding closer to Sakura. 

“What’s wrong? Do I need to go get Doctor Tanaka?”

Sakura groaned again and shook her head. 

“Haven’t decided… yet…”

Clenching his jaw in worry, Kakashi hovered by her bedside doing his best not to crush her hand in his worry, uncertain as to what he should do. 

Sakura glanced up and caught his expression. He loved her – she’d known since that night nearly two years prior when he’d confronted her about her decision to add herself to his list. And, now, rather than tell her through indirect means as he did nearly everything else, he had wanted to come right out and tell her plainly. She forced out a slow breath. 

“‘Kay, go get ‘im. Made m’decision.”

Kakashi gave her hand one last quick squeeze before immediately heading for the door, dread clutching at his stomach – Sakura hadn’t told _him_ her decision.

As he reached out to the door to open it, the door swung open of its own accord.

“ _Tsunade?!_ ” he exclaimed, too surprised to feel any relief at seeing the only person he trusted to keep Sakura safe through her impending surgery.

The Hokage brushed past Kakashi and headed right for Sakura.

“Well, well, what did I tell you before I left?” She paused for only a moment while she swiftly took in Sakura’s incapacitated state. “Stay out of trouble, I believe it was.”

Sakura grunted, the pain clearly temporarily robbing her of speech.

Seeing that she wouldn’t get any sort of response from Sakura at that moment, she turned to Kakashi, still standing somewhat stupidly by the door. 

“Get out of the way, she’s going into surgery, _now_.”

“Wait,” Kakashi held up a hand to stop Tsunade’s progress, too confused to let anyone pass. “What are you doing here?”

“I was called back – Sakura’s medical contact,” she paused and eyed Kakashi, “well, I _was_ , until you two finally made it official anyway.” She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Did I say finally? What I meant was, it’s about _damn_ time! Now, get out of the way, Sakura needs surgery.”

Kakashi shook his head, choosing to ignore Tsunade’s jabs about filing the paperwork. 

“Sakura hasn’t given Doctor Tanaka her decision yet.”

Tsunade waved her hand negligently, waving away Kakashi’s protests the same as she’d waved away Dr. Tanaka’s. 

“I’ll do whatever’s necessary.” She glanced at Sakura, seeing that she was still not in any condition to converse she returned her attention to Kakashi. “If I can’t save her reproductive system, you two will be at the top of the surrogate list once she’s recovered.” 

Kakashi’s eyes widened. He turned back to Sakura to see that she was still conscious, clearly in agony but somehow managing to nod her agreement – she agreed with Tsunade’s plan.

“One way or another, you two will have your kids, no matter what happens in surgery.”

Slowly Kakashi nodded, he understood.

“Good. Go home and change, take a shower, pick up a fresh novel…” she trailed off, wondering if she should specify that he go back to _Sakura’s_ apartment since she knew he was more or less living there these days. Tsunade shook her head. “It’ll be a couple of hours before Sakura is out of surgery.” She held up her hand to stop what she knew was coming. “You’ll be notified as soon as she’s in recovery. Until then, you’ll just be underfoot and in the way.”

Kakashi closed his mouth and nodded, trying to fight this edict would only get him in trouble and possibly banned from the hospital and therefore Sakura. Nothing he could do or say could change Tsunade’s edict. He quickly hurried back to Sakura, kneeling at her bedside once again. Making and keeping eye contact with her, he gently took her hand in his. 

“I’ll be back.”

Sakura managed to briefly pull herself together for a weak smile. 

“Said tha’ las’ time.”

He chuckled and smiled faintly. 

“So I did.”

She managed to squeeze his hands momentarily. 

“‘ll be okay.”

“ _You_ said that last time.”

She chuckled and then winced. 

“Be fine.”

“I hope so. We have a lot to do once you’ve recovered.”

“’ll face it to’gether.”

He smiled, knowing she was right. Whatever the future held in store for them, they’d tackle it together.

~*~*~*~


	23. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.
> 
> A/N: Unbeta'd. A few loose ends, now tied. 
> 
> Random fact: Toto’s Africa (and a handful of cover versions) was stuck in my head as I wrote the majority of this story.
> 
> Enjoy. 
> 
> ~*~*~*~

# Epilogue

Kakashi found himself making a quick detour on his way back to Sakura’s apartment. He had every intention of following Tsunade’s instructions even though he didn’t really want to – he wanted to stay at the hospital, with Sakura... his _wife_. Yet, deep down he knew Tsunade was right – he would only be underfoot, in the way and possibly an added layer of unnecessary stress for the medics currently trying to care for Sakura. Kakashi was well aware of how intimidating he could be – especially when upset – so it would be for the best for him to run some errands and return when he was done. He knew that _they_ knew that there would be hell to pay if something happened while he was out. That would just have to be enough.

As luck would have it, just as he arrived to inquire about the availability of a crime scene cleanup crew, one returned from a job that had turned out to be easier than expected. As they had been expected to be away for the full day, they were immediately available to follow Kakashi back to Sakura’s apartment and deal with the mess. It was a small job but more than worth it in Kakashi’s eyes – especially since he was pretty sure the emergency response team had placed Sakura on her couch at some point and he was not equipped to try and get blood out of fabric. And since Sakura had been out of commission for several months, he also took the opportunity to schedule another team to come back later and do a deep clean of her entire apartment. He figured the best time to do it would be when she wasn’t home.

While the cleaning crew was doing their thing – considering that the mess was confined to Sakura’s kitchen and living room, the apartment management would be responsible for any stray blood in the stairwells and halls, it didn’t take long – Kakashi spent his time putting a bag together for Sakura, making sure to include a few new-to-her novels and then a smaller one for himself. He had no desire to leave the hospital for any longer than absolutely necessary. That is to say, he intended on leaving only when shown the door by Tsunade herself. 

Sakura’s apartment once again clean, parts of it cleaner than it had been in quite some time, bags packed, and changed out of his formal ANBU uniform, Kakashi let himself out the balcony slider. When he turned from locking the door he caught sight of a familiar brightly colored swath of fabric. Odd, it hadn’t been there earlier. Without a second thought, bags in hand, he set off toward the colorful distraction.

Only a few moments of travel later Kakashi found himself at the entrance of the tent. Suddenly unsure, he found himself unable to immediately step inside. Instead, he loitered outside, wondering what he would find inside and just what he would have to say for himself. It’d been quite some time since he’d last seen Madam Verushka and he unexpectedly found himself at a loss.

After a few minutes of silent contemplation, mind finally made up, Kakashi made his way inside the tent.

Upon entering he lingered in the entrance – allowing his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. Almost immediately after his eyes adjusted, they were drawn to the corner where Balko generally resided. Kakashi was surprised to find that the large man was not in his usual place. Instead, a younger, though equally bulky, gentleman occupied that space.

“You wish to see Madam Verushka?” he asked upon observing Kakashi’s inspection, keeping his surprise to himself – this man was not of their usual clientele.

Kakashi shook his head slightly, the tent was right but it was all wrong. 

“Where’s Balko?” he asked, making sure to keep his tone neutral.

The younger man gave Kakashi an appraising look – few knew their names – before turning his head and shouting behind the curtain. 

“Gramps! Someone here for you,” he called, losing the old world speech pattern Kakashi had grown accustomed to hearing while at Madam Verushka’s tent.

A moment later a tired old man Kakashi only barely recognized as Balko entered the room. Balko’s eyes immediately lit up upon seeing his visitor.

“Ah! You! I remember you!” He turned to the younger bulky man still standing watch over the entrance to Madam Verushka’s reading room. “Sacha, this one,” he gestured to Kakashi, “ _this one_ you let in _any_ time!”

“Yes, Gramps, as you say,” Sacha responded, somewhat nonplussed. “I will remember him,” silently he resolved to ask his wife about the unusual customer later.

Feeling embarrassed, Kakashi raised a hand to the back of his neck, understanding suddenly dawning. 

“Ah… My apologies. I see condolences are in order,” Kakashi offered with true regret.

Immediately sobering, Balko’s grin slid from his face. 

“Yes… yes, thank you.” He shook his head sadly before continuing. “We had 60 good years together – childhood sweethearts you know... ” He inhaled and then exhaled slowly. “Was quick – just as she wanted, as she _knew_. Here one day, gone the next...”

Kakashi nodded with a sympathetic twist of his lips, unsure what else he could say or do. He’d come to see Madam Verushka, _Balko’s_ Madam Verushka… he had no real need or desire to see the new Madam Verushka.

Balko stood, obviously lost in his own memories for a time before finally snapping himself out of it.

“Ah, but you are returned!” He exclaimed with a sudden burst of energy. “My Valeria she _say_ you return – One. Last. Time.” He sighed, his sudden energy seeming to run out. “She thought to be here.”

“Ah – I _am_ sorry.” Kakashi couldn’t help but feel another stab of regret at not finding his way sooner. He would have liked to have seen Madam Verushka one more time – not for a reading but to thank her… and probably receive the scold of a lifetime. That Balko had let slip that the seer had been expecting him was enough for Kakashi to realize she had never given up on him. In all those years of his single-mindedly inquiring about his demise, she had always known that he would live.

Balko shook his head. 

“No, no! Not sorry, was her time but… not _yours_. Besides, I will see my _zaika_ again soon enough…” He waved a hand negligently, waving away Kakashi’s apology. “She give Maria a message for you.”

“Maria?”

Balko swelled up with pride. 

“Youngest granddaughter – our daughter Anya did not have the gift. Maria though, Maria is _good_ – _almost_ as good as her grandmother. Ah, but with time, she _will_ be.” He smiled fondly before turning to yell at the curtain. “ _Maria!_ ”

~*~*~*~

Somewhat self-consciously Kakashi found himself entering the jewelry store. It wasn’t one of the fancy ones in the fashionable part of the village, instead, it was a small mom and pop shop that dealt mostly with reproductions, consignments, and estate sales. While on a mission some years prior he’d discovered it and filed the information away on the off chance that he’d ever need something. It had come in quite handy when he’d needed a highly detailed replica of a special gemstone. Not something _they_ could produce, of course, but it _had_ been a good starting point. Now that he needed something personal it just seemed like the right place to go. 

After a few moments of mostly uncertain wandering between the cases, a sales clerk approached him.

“Good afternoon, sir. May I help you find something?”

Kakashi suppressed a sigh of relief and glancing at the salesperson’s name tag, managed to answer with a fairly neutral tone. 

“Looking for a ring, Riku.”

Riku kept his reaction to himself and nodded. Lots of men came through looking for rings. Not many of them were obvious shinobi though. Few shinobi bothered with rings.

“Do you know what sort of a ring you’re looking for?”

At a loss Kakashi shrugged – he hadn’t thought much further than _where_ he could get a ring. 

“Something special?” Kakashi tried doubtfully, more than aware that it was a somewhat stupid response.

Riku chuckled lightly, that’s what _every_ man wanted when he bought a ring. Instead of putting voice to that opinion he moved over to one of the smaller cases, tucked away in a corner. 

“Perhaps you might like an antique or vintage ring? A piece with some real age to it would be far more unique and special, than something modern and more than likely mass-produced.”

Surprised at Riku’s insight, Kakashi nodded and joined him at the case. 

Almost immediately one of the rings spoke to him. 

“What about that one?” he asked, pointing to a delicate ring with an unusual design. 

The ring consisted of two strands of gold, white and rose, loosely intertwined to form the band in such a way that instead of creating a solid straight smooth band, the sides were left wavy, with open spaces where the white and rose gold flowed away from each other before returning to twine together again. The center of the band held a simple rose gold five-petaled flower with a white gold center and delicate white gold leaves extending back toward the band on either side.

Riku leaned over the counter to get a better look. 

“Oh, _that_ one,” he responded, pulling it from the case and handing it to Kakashi for closer examination. “That one came in last week. We just put it in the case this morning.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, it was a pretty little ring – surely they’d want to have it out on sale as soon as possible so it could be sold. 

“Why the delay?” he asked, unable to quell his curiosity.

Riku pursed his lips in faint distaste before responding. 

“We believe someone inexpertly tried to take the ring apart in order to have it melted down for the gold before eventually bringing it in.”

“Really? _Why?_ ” Kakashi asked, mildly surprised.

“From what we can see, the original design of the ring included yellow gold alongside and under the rose and white gold – making the band smooth, straight, and quite wide, rather than the thin curved waves you see now. It would have been much more substantial, less delicate. The state that the ring was in when it came in was pretty sad, all the edges had to be carefully smoothed out and strengthened before it would be in any shape to be sold.”

“But, why would someone bother to remove just the yellow gold?” Kakashi asked, it made no sense to him. Gold was gold and all of it had value regardless of what color it was.

“The owner guessed that they didn’t realize that the whole ring was gold – only went after the obvious and tossed what they thought was worthless – maybe they thought it was silver and funny colored copper? Or some other metals?” Riku frowned. “Stupid really since other metals still have their own values.” He waved a hand, waving the mystery away as something they wouldn’t ever be able to solve. “Regardless, the ring itself would have been worth even more had it been brought in complete rather than in need of repair.” Riku shrugged. “Nonetheless, we were able to make it salable without the yellow gold – just needed a little bit of work.”

Kakashi brought the ring closer to his eyes to examine it more carefully. Further inspection showed that the edges of the ring did indeed show slight signs of having been altered. Nevertheless, the ring suited his purposes perfectly.

“I like it but am not certain she will – is it exchangeable?” Kakashi asked as he continued to study the ring.

Riku blinked, that was an unusually thoughtful question – not many of the men who came through the shop thought to ask. 

“Uh, I’m not sure, we have it down as a final sale – due to it having been modified, you see. Um, do you need it sized?”

Kakashi dug in his pocket and pulled out the only ring Sakura had in her jewelry box – standard-issue kunoichi wedding band to be used when necessary on missions – and handed it over to the sales clerk. After seeing the new Madam Verushka he’d made a quick trip back to Sakura’s apartment so he could pick it up.

Riku took the offered ring and quickly compared it to the ring his customer was interested in, keeping a raised eyebrow to himself. Generally, a regular ring was pilfered to size a promise, engagement, or wedding ring, not the other way around. 

“Hmm, looks pretty close.” He handed Sakura’s ring back to Kakashi. “Probably doesn’t need to be sized.”

Kakashi nodded, he’d hoped he would be able to take it with him. 

“Exchangeable then?” he prompted.

“Eh?” Riku responded, still stuck on why his customer was using a wedding band to size another sort of ring.

“The ring, can it be exchanged if she doesn’t like it?” Kakashi asked again patiently.

“Uh, well… I’ll have to ask the owner to see if he can make an exception…”

“Ask the owner what?” Mr. Sato, a jovial man of short stature and fluffy white hair asked as he entered the store via a curtained doorway leading from what Kakashi knew to be a backroom.

Riku turned with some surprise. 

“Oh, Boss! I didn’t know you were coming in today. This gentleman is uncertain if his lady friend will like the ring he has selected. He wanted to know if it’s exchangeable – you know if she doesn’t like it. Doesn’t look like it needs to be sized.”

The cheerful owner stepped closer and his already large smile managed to widen even further into a grin. 

“Ah! Mr. ANBU!” he cried upon seeing Kakashi. “Are you here to tell me how happy you are with your commissioned pieces?” he asked, momentarily forgetting that Riku had already told him the customer was there for a ring. “Some of my best detail work there I think!” He sighed. “It’s been quite some time since someone’s had clan jewelry made.”

Embarrassed, Kakashi found a hand going to the back of his neck and a faint tint of color rising to his cheeks – he’d forgotten all about it. Mr. Sato had been very accommodating the last time he’d been in to inquire as to where he could have a certain stone copied. So accommodating, in fact, that Kakashi had allowed himself to be talked into commissioning a few simple pieces in white and rose gold for Sakura. Kakashi had paid in advance and arranged for them to be sent directly to his safety deposit box. He intended for Sakura to find them there once he was gone. As he wasn’t certain how that mission would go, even with the support team it was a tough one, he’d arranged for the pieces to be finished while he was out of the village – just in case it turned out to be his last one.

“Ah, I hadn’t considered…” he trailed off as he realized he had accidentally already gotten Sakura a perfect anniversary gift, several actually, and any one of them would also go well with the ring he’d just chosen. Kakashi cleared his throat awkwardly. “I’m afraid I’ve had… a lot going on since I returned to the village and haven’t actually had a chance to check on them.” With everything that had happened, it was unsurprising that he’d forgotten about them entirely.

Mr. Sato nodded understandingly. His customer was ANBU so it was only to be expected for him to be busy with missions and the like. Besides, the customer had paid cash in advance – nothing for him to worry about regardless of the reaction to the completed pieces.

Kakashi silently resolved to check his safety deposit box before returning to the hospital. With Mr. Sato’s guidance, he’d designed stud earrings, a small pendant with a very delicate chain, and a hair clip. Per Mr. Sato’s sage advice, they were the least likely pieces of jewelry to interfere with her work as a medic – he had strongly advised against rings and bracelets. Well, that is, he advised against rings _unless_ it was a _special_ sort of ring. _Those_ , he was quite certain, were worth the risk.

All three pieces were done in white and rose gold and subtly featured sakura flowers and the Hatake clan symbol in some way. At the time, Kakashi belatedly realized that Sakura may want something tangible to show his approval of having her as a part of his clan – especially since he’d supposed it would be after he had died in action. That he’d thought enough of her to have the pieces made specifically for her – sakura flowers weren’t too commonly found in jewelry, and certainly not found at all in his family history – _before_ he died would quell a lot of negative rumors if they should start once everything came out into the open.

Kakashi shook his head slightly. He’d come about a ring. He could look into the other pieces later, on his way back to the hospital. Right now he needed to sort out a ring.

“Ah. About the ring?” Kakashi asked, trying to pull the conversation back on track.

Riku lifted the ring in question for his boss to see – flourishing it unnecessarily as he did so, clearly bringing attention to _which_ ring it was.

“Oh, yes, Riku said you needed a ring? I take it, it’s for your girlfriend?” Mr. Sato asked, raising an eyebrow, his smile shifting from a grin to something of a suggestive smirk. His customer had been evasive when pressed for what the woman he’d commissioned the pieces for had been to him. Now was his chance to finally find out.

“Ah, wife, actually,” Kakashi corrected him slightly sheepishly.

Mr. Sato’s eyebrows both shot up in surprise. 

“ _Wife?_ ” he asked, this new piece of information made his prior interactions with this customer even stranger – the man dismissed the necessity of having a ring made at the time. Mr. Sato couldn’t help but wonder, what had changed?

“Yeah… An old acquaintance reminded me that rings were generally wanted for a married couple.” Kakashi shrugged sheepishly. “Shinobi don’t usually wear rings – too easy for them to catch on things they shouldn’t.”

“Oh, well, that’s understandable then…” Mr. Sato conceded, still a little confused as his ANBU customer was there to buy a _ring_.

“But… After some thought, I realized she was right, rings are needed… at least, in this case, I think they are.”

“Ah, as you say. So… Ah, rings, _plural_ , then?” Mr. Sato asked shrewdly.

“Eh, yeah… I don’t really know anything about it – don’t have any preferences – so I thought I’d let my wife pick mine out.” Kakashi shrugged, there wasn’t much else for him to say.

“Oh, I see.” Mr. Sato thought for a moment before making a suggestion. “Why don’t you just bring her down? Make it a surprise destination. Then when she gets here, surprise! She can pick both yours _and_ hers out at the same time.”

“Ah, well, that would make the most sense but I’m afraid it will be some time before she’s able to – she’s… in the hospital at the moment. If all goes well, it will be a month at the very least before she’ll be cleared to leave, if not… more like two or possibly three.”

“Oh! I’m _so_ sorry to hear that!” Mr. Sato paused for a moment, looking for the right response before hastily adding, “I hope she gets well soon!”

“I hope so too.” Kakashi sighed. “In the meantime, I thought I’d get her a ring to take her mind off things a little. Would be a placeholder if she ends up not caring for it.” He smiled sheepishly. “People always say it’s the thought that counts… Let’s hope they’re right if she ends up not caring for it.”

“Oh, well then, in that case, the ring can be exchanged if turns out not to be to her taste.” Mr. Sato nodded decisively. Though Kakashi wasn’t wearing the uniform, he knew his customer was ANBU and therefore served the village. Rules could be bent for one of the village’s men or women in black and gray. Besides, the little ring he wanted just so happened to perfectly match the pieces he’d already had made. It would have been a shame for him not to at least try to present it to his wife.

Kakashi smiled with relief – none of the other presumably returnable rings seemed to suit her purposes nearly so well.

“Thanks. I’ll take it then.” 

Mr. Sato turned to address his employee. 

“Make a note in the book that this ring is to be returnable if necessary.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And, you’ll come back?” Mr. Sato asked Kakashi

“As soon as she’s well enough, we’ll _both_ be back,” Kakashi assured the shop owner. 

“Good, good… I’ll look forward to it.” The boss took a stack of papers from the sales counter and returned to the backroom.

Kakashi gratefully paid for the ring, his mind already on Sakura and what her reaction would be – a positive one, he hoped.

~*~*~*~

Sakura found herself slowly being pulled from the world of sleep. Her mind was fuzzy but it still almost immediately focused on the unbelievable events before her most recent surgery. Until she spoke with Tsunade, she wouldn’t know what had been done – what had _needed_ to be done. Consequently, she had no way of knowing if she would be able to have children once she was healed. At least, not until she had that conversation. But… in the light of what Kakashi had said just before she’d gone into surgery… and the fact that Tsunade herself had said she would put them at the top of the surrogate list… it was suddenly not nearly as important that she have the children herself. The _how_ was no longer important. One way or another, she’d get the children she wanted, and even better, _both_ she and Kakashi would be around to see them grow up. She couldn’t ask for anything more.

After a few moments of silent contemplation, she realized that she would achieve nothing aside from possibly falling back asleep if she kept on as she was going. With a slight sigh, she cracked her eyes open, knowing she would have to at some point. 

Disappointment flooded her as she observed that she was alone in the room. She distinctly remembered Tsunade ordering Kakashi away but… knowing Kakashi… she hadn’t really expected him to obey. Well, at least not for long. They had a lot to discuss and he wasn’t the best at following orders that did not suit him. One of the last things she remembered before going under for the surgery had been his expression, jaw clenched and eyebrows knit with obvious concern – it had been clear to her that he hadn’t wanted to leave.

With another sigh, Sakura lifted her left arm up and over her eyes, shielding them more from the disappointment at not finding Kakashi at her bedside than from the painfully bright light. Unwilling to move any further just yet she allowed her arm to stay that way as she tried to think of what would happen next. She and Kakashi had a lot to talk about and on top of that, she had no idea what her prognosis or her expected recovery was. At least from the quick glimpse she’d had of the room, she knew she was now in a proper hospital room rather than the converted file storage room. That alone was an improvement.

While she was contemplating the future she heard a slight noise. Curious, she removed her arm from her eyes, noticing something out of place as she did so.

“Kakashi…” she trailed off as she got a whiff of something delicious and she suspected against medic’s orders.

“Yes?” Kakashi responded, his hands full, as he turned to carefully close the door behind him before slowly making his way to Sakura’s bedside.

“What have you got there?” she asked. She couldn’t see what he had but since her mouth was already watering, she suspected he had something good behind a large sheaf of what appeared to be furniture advertisements.

“Couch catalogs,” he replied as he did a complicated maneuver to get a chair situated comfortably next to her bed with his hands full, inexplicably choosing not to set anything down on the little table positioned next to her bed.

She raised an eyebrow in surprise, momentarily forgetting the delicious scent coming from Kakashi’s vicinity.

“Couch catalogs?” she asked with some confusion.

Kakashi sighed theatrically.

“I regret to inform you that your couch didn’t make it,” he intoned seriously, though with a twinkle in his eyes.

“ _What?!_ ”

“You couch – the cleaning crew declared it totaled.”

“Cleaning crew? Totaled?” Sakura asked with some confusion, this was not a conversation she had been expecting to have with him.

“I had some people come to your apartment to clean up. They had a go at your couch, you’d have to ask the emergency response team just what they did since whatever it was, was enough to render your couch unusable and not worth the cost of trying to do a deep clean.”

“I see…” Eyes wide, Sakura nodded slowly. She’d have to ask what they’d done – not for a moment did she consider that Kakashi might be fibbing to get rid of the uncomfortable piece of furniture. He may not like how uncomfortable it was to sleep on but he would never try to scheme to get rid of it.

“I brought you these” he gestured awkwardly with the advertisements in his hands, “so you could scope out a new one – we can wait until you’re well enough to try it yourself before buying though – no rush. Just thought you might like something to do aside from reading the novels I brought.” He gestured again with the furniture fliers to a stack of novels on her bedside table.

Sakura found herself frowning slightly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, suddenly full of uncertain concern.

“I, I think I’m going to miss that couch,” she responded with a little surprise.

Startled, Kakashi chuckled.

She shot him a faintly irritated look.

“There are a lot of memories on that couch,” she justified defensively.

“Ah… I see what you mean…” he trailed off, remembering more than one steamy evening spent on the late sofa. “I’m sure we can make new ones. And, in the meantime, maybe this will make you feel a bit better?” He maneuvered the furniture catalogs onto the little table next to her novels, revealing the treat he’d been carefully concealing.

Sakura immediately brightened, he was right, new memories could be made. And, knowing him, he’d be more than eager to start once she was well enough.

“What have you got there?” she asked as the delicious things he had been hiding finally came into view.

“Tea and butter cookies,” he responded, carefully juggling a small to-go cup and a small bag of cookies as he set the fliers down.

“From the shop across the street?” she asked hopefully.

“Yup.”

Sakura sighed and replaced her arm across her eyes, the tea smelled heavenly. And, she knew there was no way she would be having some any time soon – definitely not on her approved foods list for sure. 

“That’s _cruel_ – no way _that_ will make me feel better, you know.” She tried and failed to keep a faintly bitter tone from her voice.

Kakashi grinned, sensing what she was thinking. 

“It’s for you, I’ve already had mine.”

Sakura removed her arm from her eyes again to glance at him hopefully.

He chuckled at her response. 

“I had to bribe the entire staff on this floor – they said it would be okay _just this once_. That tea shop isn’t likely to forget me any time soon though, that’s for sure. I finished my tea while I waited for them to fill the rest of the order.” 

“Oh… Thank you,” Sakura almost sighed as she started to shift herself into a more comfortable sitting position.

Carefully he extended a hand with a small to-go-cup of tea to her once she’d managed to cautiously situate herself into a better position. Sakura smiled and took the tea in both hands. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the thing that had felt out of place when she first awoke. Before addressing the new question at the front of her mind she took a sip and slowly savored the flavor of the tea. She knew it would be a _long_ time before she had another. Wordlessly she held a hand out and was pleased that he didn’t need to ask for what she wanted when he placed a small butter cookie in her hand. She sighed after taking a bite – it’d been _months_ since she’d last had tea and butter cookies. Funny, she hadn’t realized how much she’d taken it for granted since it had been something she’d been having at least once or twice a week before the hospital accident.

After a few moments of pure bliss, she sighed again and opened her eyes to focus on Kakashi who had been patiently waiting for her to return her attention to him.

“Kakashi…”

“Yes?” he asked with some amusement – seeing Sakura delight in something so simple as a cup of tea and a cookie had been far more enjoyable than he’d ever have thought it could be.

“What’s _this?_ ” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What’s what?”

“ _Kakashi._ ”

“Eh, heh, right. _That._ ”

“Well?”

“Someone very wise told me that I should make sure that you have some sort of solid proof of my commitment – poof I intend to do my best to be there for you…” he trailed off, unsure of how to further express himself properly… anxiety suddenly settling in as he felt her studying him intently. “If you don’t like it, it’s exchangeable…” Kakashi hastily added, color rising to his cheeks, as he remembered that he had no idea if Sakura would like the ring itself, never mind the message he was trying to convey with it. “It’s not the usual sort of ring, and the shop assistant said that they thought that it had been reworked a little so I can understand if you might want something… something different… something not previously broken...”

Sakura shifted her attention from him to admire the non-traditional ring he had stealthily slipped onto her finger while she was sleeping. She could see where the design suggested that something might be missing and where the sides had been smoothed over to make the new ring design complete as it was – a perfect physical representation of her relationship with Kakashi and of the man himself. She smiled softly, feeling somewhat overwhelmed – he couldn’t have found a more perfect ring if he had tried. 

“ _I love it. Thank you._ ” 

Sakura carefully shifted the tea to her right hand and reached her left hand out to him. He automatically moved his chair closer to him and took her hand in his.

Kakashi felt a smile spread across his face as the anxiety over the ring slowly evaporated. 

“Good, I’m glad.” He sighed in relief before adding, “When you’re feeling better we’ll go back and you can pick one out for me.”

“ _Me?_ For… _you?_ ” she asked incredulously, surprised that he would even consider getting one for himself. 

“I thought it would only be right – I picked yours out so you can pick mine out…” he trailed off uncertainly, his newfound confidence suddenly vanishing. “Unless you’d rather not?”

Sakura chuckled, feeling a light blush stain her cheeks. 

“No, no, I’d like that… I’m just… surprised.”

“Why?”

“I-I didn’t think you’d want a ring,” she replied a little sheepishly.

Kakashi glanced away for a moment to collect his thoughts, Madam Verushka’s advice from beyond the grave ringing once again through his mind, before returning her gaze. 

“That same wise person told me that I _also_ needed a ring. A physical reminder of just how much I have to live for – how much I have to lose.” He sighed and paused for a moment before continuing. “In short, a reminder of why I chose to live.” He squeezed her hand a little. “I don’t know how they could have thought that I could possibly forget.”

Sakura felt her eyes tear up at his admission. Before she could try to control the reaction, Kakashi placed the bag of butter cookies he had been unintentionally clutching on the little table next to the hospital bed and awkwardly, but gently did his best to brush the tears away. 

“I hope those are happy tears,” he commented, only just barely able to contain his concern that his statement might turn out to be false. He’d gone out on a rather tenuous limb following the advice from Madam Verushka and suddenly he was worried that the advice may not have been as good as he had thought.

Surprised at his comment and the anxiety she could sense rolling off of him, she chuckled through the tears. 

“Yes, you’re okay, they are. Very happy.”

Kakashi continued to eye her with some concern, uncertain as to what to say.

Sensing that he was going to get awkward again unless she kept him talking and also guessing that this might be her only chance, Sakura asked the question that had been bothering her for quite some time.

“Kakashi?” she asked tentatively.

“Hmm?” he responded absently, a little lost in the moment – just enjoying the fact that Sakura was alive and as far as he could tell, okay.

“What was in those envelopes?” she asked carefully keeping her intense curiosity under control.

He knit his eyebrows and shook his head slightly in confusion, were the drugs interfering with her memory? He didn’t remember any envelopes.

“The envelopes in your Bank file?” Sakura prompted him, curiosity really getting to her.

His eyes widened as understanding dawned. He’d totally forgotten about _those_.

“Ah… those.”

“Yes, _those._ ”

“Apologies.” His free hand rubbed the back of his neck as he closed his eyes in faint embarrassment.

Sakura tilted her head to the side as her mouth opened slightly in incredulity.

“Kakashi, we’ve come _all_ this way, and _this_ is where you’re drawing the line?” she asked with a hint of exasperation.

His eyes snapped open in surprise.

“What-“ he started before understanding came to him. “Oh, no, no! The envelopes – they _contain_ apologies.”

Sakura’s eyes widened in surprise. 

“What kind of apologies could you possibly put in your _Bank_ file?” she asked slowly, suddenly uncertain she wanted to know.

He sighed and shook his head – though it had only been a little less than two years ago, it now seemed like a lifetime had passed. 

“Well… I, I felt I owed you an apology for being such a coward – not living up to be the man you knew I could be.”

“ _Kakashi!_ ” she exclaimed in shocked horror – that had _never_ been her opinion of him. She’d accepted him as he was, inability to change enough to be there for her and all, _years ago_. He didn’t owe her _anything_. 

He shrugged. His world had been far simpler when he’d first written those letters.

“The second was an apology to any children we may have had – I wanted to make it clear that your choices were good ones. That the fault, if any, lay entirely on me. That I’d been too weak to change my life plans, to go against my family’s teachings – to choose the life I wanted to live.” He glanced away, unable to see her expression when he added the last thing he’d outlined in the letter to their children. “I also wanted to make it clear to them that I _absolutely_ cared for you – that it was _because_ I cared for you that I'd done what I’d done and that they should know that had things been different for me, I’d have been there for you, for them. But, as things were, I cared too much to let that happen.”

He waited a few moments before finally returning his attention to Sakura, almost afraid of the expression he’d see. He didn’t know if he could take pity, not from her.

Instead of pity he found an expression soft with concern and edged with sadness.

“Oh, Kakashi…” she paused, unable to continue, tears starting up once again.

Panicked he straightened in his seat – glancing around the room, uncertain what he needed aside from possibly a box of tissues, there were too many tears for him to brush away as he had earlier.

His genuine reaction caused Sakura to laugh a little through her tears.

Startled at the sound, Kakashi returned his attention to her.

“It’s okay. Really. I’m fine.”

“You’re _sure?_ ” he asked warily, still concerned.

“Yes. It’s fine. _I’m_ fine.”

Kakashi heaved a sigh of relief. 

“You’re doing fine Kakashi.”

Startled at her insight, he managed a weak chuckle. 

“This is going to take some getting used to.”

She squeezed his hand. 

“Don’t worry. We have plenty of time.”


End file.
